Chapter 21 #2
I flush a little. I might have started it, but I’m still not used to the whole boyfriend thing. Hell, I wonder if I ever will be. It makes me fucking giddy.
‘I’m not stalking you. I just had a question.’ I wave my hand in the air as though I’m erasing my previous signs. ‘No. Actually, I need help.’
Her brows fly up. ‘Help? You? From what Dex said, you two are doing just fine.’
My ears are burning now, along with my cheeks. What the fuck has he been saying about me?
That must show on my face because she laughs and says, ‘He’s been obsessed with you since before you left.’
Oh. Well, shit. I mean, I kind of figured. It’s not like he waited for me—not technically, since he dated Lexi—but he was around when I got back. He was always in my space, orbiting me. Every time I turned, he was looking at me like he was waiting for something.
I just wish it hadn’t taken me so long to get my head out of my ass to figure out what.
‘How can I help?’ she adds when it’s obvious I’m not rising to that bait.
Licking my lips, I lift my hands, pause, drag one down my face, and sigh. How do I say this without sounding like a complete jackass?
She sips her coffee, her eyes twinkling in amusement. I see why he was taken with her.
‘We’ve been going on dates,’ I start. ‘Dex has been giving me grades.’
Her smile widens. ‘I know.’
Wonderful. That’s just fucking wonderful. ‘I want to get an A+.’
Her eyes widen, and her mouth drops open. ‘Hold. You mean he’s still grading you? The two of you are boyfriends!’
My jaw ticks almost painfully. ‘Yes. But I’m a B+ boyfriend.’
She laughs again, but I know she’s not mocking me. There’s something kind about her face. The way she looks at me is softer than most people do.
‘I understand. I was the same. I was always the teacher’s pet. Brown-noser,’ she says, the B hand shape moving up and down the side of her nose. Then she pulls them away and wiggles her fingers in thought. ‘How many dates have you gone on?’
‘Three.’ Fuck, is it really only three? True, Dex and I skipped a few steps, so there’s that, but it feels like more.
Sometimes, it feels like I’ve known him forever.
‘Well, we went to a restaurant,’ I tell her. ‘Cat café. Street market.’
Her face falls. ‘I heard about the last one. I’m sorry you had such a bad experience. Sometimes hearing people suck.’
I wave her off. I was pissed at the time, but as an interpreter, Lexi knows that shit happens everywhere. More often than not. ‘It’s fine. Doesn’t matter. But I need something better. I need A+.’
She tilts her head to the side. ‘Why do you keep choosing hearing places?’
‘Because he’s hearing.’
‘You’re not,’ she points out, like I’ve somehow forgotten I’ve been Deaf my whole life. She laughs at the expression I give her. ‘I mean, he signs. You don’t hear. Why prioritize him?’
‘Because I didn’t for a long time, so I want to be fair. At the start, I was mean, and I want to show him I’m not always so angry.’
Was it really anger?
Some of it, yes.
Some of it was exhaustion. And trauma. And a little heartache.
Lexi bites her lip, then nods. ‘Aquarium.’
I blink at her.
‘They have a nighttime walk-through event. Self-guided tour. My brother works there. Marine biologist. He works in the lab. He’s Deaf,’ she adds.
‘That why you went into Deaf studies and interpreting?’
She nods, then pulls out her phone, showing me her screen. ‘You have to make a reservation, but I can probably get you tickets,’ she goes on. ‘They have dinner after the tour. Also, they have some people from the astronomy lab at the university outside on the lawn to do stargazing. Very romantic.’
The way she signs that, two I Love You hand shapes rubbing together, is very apropos.
Do I love him? I don’t know if I do just yet, but fuck…all of this is very romantic.
The date she suggested sounds potentially very intimate. Stargazing would require some tactile signing, which would give me even more excuses to put my hands all over Dex.
‘When?’
She wiggles her fingers. ‘Wait.’ Then she pulls out her phone and scrolls for a minute while I gulp down a little more coffee. It’s tepid now, and even more unpleasant than it was at the start. ‘Eight days,’ she tells me.
That is so far away, but also, I don’t hate that. In the meantime, maybe Dex and I can do other things. Domestic things. Maybe I can get his horrible cat to like me a little, or at least stop chewing on me every chance it gets.
Maybe we can go shopping together or cook dinner at home.
Those thoughts make my heart pitter-patter in excitement. Fuck, when did that happen?
My mind turns to the way he felt inside of me earlier, the way my ass still aches a little from his cock.
I don’t need the A+ to fuck him anymore.
That train has gone, and I’m not upset about it.
But I want the A to prove to both him and myself that I can do it.
That I can be the boyfriend I was never willing to be for anyone else in my past.
That he’s worth it. He’s important. Even if I suck at showing it sometimes.
I’ve given Dex more than I’ve given anyone before. Even Robbie, and sitting in front of his ex right now, watching her watch me, I realize that I want this with every fiber of my being.
‘Let me give you my email,’ I tell her. ‘I can pay for the tickets.’
She waves me off. ‘My gift to you both.’ She drags her eyes up and down me one more time. ‘I like you.’
‘Even after everything Dex has told you?’
She laughs again. ‘I always knew there was someone else. You were the third person, the ghost in our relationship. You were the reason I was okay getting back together with my ex. Because Dex was never going to love me. Not the way he’s going to love you.’
My hands shake as I sign, ‘He doesn’t love me.’
‘Maybe not yet,’ she answers. ‘But he will.’
I don’t know how to respond to that, so I curl my fingers into my palms and tuck my thoughts away with all the other feelings I’ve hidden behind the beat of my heart.
Eight days until this A+ date, and I can show Dex I mean fucking business. Eight days, and then maybe I will find the courage to tell him exactly—honestly, brutally—how I feel.