Chapter 19 - Ilana
His hands were everywhere. I remember the way his breath stuttered against my skin, like even he hadn’t expected this. He continued kissing me with wild abandon as if nothing in the world mattered except for his hands on my skin, and that was all I needed.
Avgust.
“I wish I could tell you how much I need you,” I whispered against his mouth, and he stopped moving, suddenly looking into my green eyes.
“Tell me.”
“What?” I was stunned for a few seconds.
“Tell me how much you need me.”
“Avgust Chernykh, I have never known what needing a man meant before I met you. When I am in the house, knowing you are not in here with me, my chest aches with the need to touch you and hold you and be in your presence. Since the day you started sleeping beside me, I have started sleeping better. When you trail kisses on my neck, I come alive. When you talk to me, I feel like myself again. When you touch me, I feel like life is worth living.”
“Is that so?”
“I promise.”
My words ignited something primal inside Avgust because he held me in the grasp of his arms and turned around to push me onto the bed.
Coming on top of me, he continued to kiss me until he had taken off my dress, leaving me in nothing but my panties.
I took off his suit blazer and unbuttoned his shirt with hungry fingers. My eyes craved to see him.
They always did. He was so beautiful.
“Take it off,” I said once all buttons were open, and he immediately complied. In one swift motion, he took off my panties, followed quickly by his pants and underwear, until both of us were fully naked, skin against skin. He was glorious, and everything about him made me feel the same way.
He covered me entirely with his length, careful not to crush me with his weight on top of me.
I held his face so he could kiss me again, but instead, he began trailing kisses down my neck, all over my chest, and finally took my nipples in his mouth.
They were already swollen and waiting for him.
His fingers trailed downwards until he found my slick opening, and without wasting another second, he thrust himself inside me in one go.
Our bodies immediately connected, and Avgust rubbed my clitoris with his thumb while I neared my climax.
“Avgust, I will come if you… keep doing that.”
“Come for me, my love,” he whispered, his voice feeling like a silent command.
I burst all over him completely, my pussy tightening around his cock. He moaned but kept on thrusting, making me near yet another climax. He kept going until both of us were finally on the brink, and without any further waiting, we orgasmed at the same time, our bodies melting into one another’s.
If there was one thing I knew with quiet certainty, it was that I loved this man.
I loved him more than life itself.
But I couldn’t tell that to him right now.
So I kissed him instead, pressed my forehead to his as he held me in the tremors that overtook our bodies with the intensity of our orgasms, and let the moment swallow itself whole.
***
Two days later, I stood in the hallway of the safe house with my jacket halfway on and my heart beating a little too fast for my liking.
I wasn’t sure if I should do this, but it would be the first step toward feeling normal again.
Avgust wanted me to feel that I wasn’t trapped, which meant I needed to stop being scared of going out alone.
“Going somewhere, my dear?”
Marta stood near the kitchen doorway, a dish towel slung over her shoulder, watching me with mild curiosity rather than suspicion.
“Just for a walk,” I said. “I need some air.”
She nodded immediately, too easily, as if going out all alone was the most natural thing for me to do. “You have been rather pale lately. A little sun will do you a world of good.”
I hesitated. “Avgust—”
“Is out,” she finished gently. “He said we should not be expecting him back until evening.”
Of course, he had. I had forgotten all about it in my own contemplation, even though he had told me before he was leaving. He was going out to meet his brothers for some work and had asked me if I wanted to come along, but I had been painting.
I forced a smile, finally coming to a decision. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Take your time,” she said, already turning back to her work.
That was the entire problem. I did not want time. I wanted distance. I wanted to feel like myself again, but did not know how.
Outside, the air felt different. It was sharper, louder, and real in a way the safe house wasn’t.
The safe house had become a home for me, but wherever I turned, I saw Avgust. Avgust taking care of me, helping me feel better, being there for me, or holding me.
Avgust bringing me food or asking me if I needed anything.
His care for me was becoming all-consuming rather quickly, and I did not know what to do about it.
It was overwhelming in the best way possible, but I needed to breathe.
I walked with no direction in mind, letting my feet decide.
The landscape was starkly different during the day, especially when I stuck to the main roads instead of running into the forest. I walked past quiet streets and a woman watering her plants.
She smiled at me like I belonged there. A little boy rode past me on a bike, nearly ran into me, and laughed instead of apologizing.
“Sorry!” he called.
“It’s okay!” I said, surprised by how steady my voice sounded.
I kept walking, every step feeling like a rebellion and betrayal.
I loved him.
The realization sat in my chest like a weight and a spark all at once.
I loved a man who lived in shadows and killed without hesitation.
A man who wrapped violence around himself like armor and yet managed to look at me like I was something worth protecting, even from himself.
I didn’t know how to reconcile this with the knowledge of my betrayal of him.
I didn’t know how to love him without destroying everything that had happened between us.
It felt as if anything I might do would crumble the foundation we stood on.
I wanted to tell him the truth. But how?
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I fetched it out.
It was Avgust.
For a moment, I considered ignoring it and letting it ring into silence, the distance between us stretching even further. But I decided against it. I did not want to worry him only to have him come looking for me. That would ruin things. I picked up the call.
“Hey.”
“Where are you, Ilana?” His voice was perfectly calm, with no hint of suspicion or panic.
“I came out for a walk. I am in the marketplace right now. I needed to get out of the house and have some time with myself.”
“Are you having a good time?” he asked. I could hear the smile in his voice. It felt like a small win to know he trusted me enough to let me get out of his sight without any guards or security. After everything that had happened, his concern was natural, but he was still being casual about it.
“I am.”
“I am glad, my love.”
In that moment, I finally came to a decision.
This man, who had spent half his life not trusting anyone, trusted me.
He trusted me enough to tell me everything of consequence, and he gave me a phone and let me go out alone.
He trusted me enough to figure things out all by myself and was not hovering over me or suffocating me.
All of it meant that it was about time I trusted him, too. I had to.
He deserved to know the truth.
“Are you coming home yourself, or should I come get you?”
“Can you come here? I want to talk to you somewhere outside the house.”
“Is everything okay?” A hint of concern emerged in his voice.
“Everything is perfect. I just want to sit down and have a conversation with you.”
“I’ll come right now. Where are you exactly?”
“I am right outside this café called Croissant and Coffee. I will take a table and sit here. And I am waiting for you.”
“I am on my way.”
The line disconnected before I could say anything at all, and a smile appeared on my face.
I could picture him already getting into his car, putting it in drive to come see me.
I walked towards the café and chose a table outside.
It was a cozy setup, and everyone around seemed at ease.
A waiter came and took my coffee order, and I noticed a man staring at me across the street.
Something shifted in my posture, and I grew serious, my blood turning to ice.
I did not recognize the man, but the way he was looking at me was rather pointed.
As if he knew who I was. My best bet was staying in the middle of people until Avgust came because this man could be linked to the kidnappers who auctioned me.
I was not going to take any chances. In staring at the man, I did not notice the second car pulling in.
“Ilana.” Someone said my name, the familiarity of it making me freeze.
I turned around slowly and saw Kliment standing a few feet away, taller than I remembered, his face harder. Fyodor was right beside him, his eyes dark with worry and fury tangled together.
“You shouldn’t have come here,” I whispered.
“We have been looking all over the city for you,” Fyodor said, walking towards me. “Thank god we found you.”
“I explicitly told you not to come looking for me.”
Kliment’s gaze flicked over me, my clothes, my posture, my ring.
“Looks like our sister has found herself someone or something,” he said coolly, his expression impossible to decipher.
“You had me followed,” I accused them, growing angrier with every passing minute.
“We had to find you one way or the other,” Fyodor replied.
“This is dangerous. You shouldn’t be here. Please leave.”
My heart slammed against my ribs. Avgust would be here any second.
“And you can?” Kliment snapped. “You disappeared for months, Ilana. Months.”
Footsteps sounded behind me, making me turn around just as Avgust stepped into view. The air around us changed at once with Avgust’s eyes locking with Kliment’s. Kliment’s hand twitched, and Fyodor too seemed on edge. Avgust hardened, anything soft about him fading away at once.
His voice was calm when he spoke. “Get away from her.”
Kliment smiled.
And I realized that I had brought them all together, even if it was the one thing I had definitely not wanted.