Epilogue
One month later
My fingers flew across the keys as I returned Ash’s text. Yes, I was still on my groveling tour a month later, but I was okay with that. Ash seemed to be too. Expensive dinners, races, movies, outings, letting him renovate the house to erase my ex, and even more dreaded driving lessons; I was doing it all. For him. If risking my life didn’t prove I was sorry and that I loved him, I didn’t know what would.
“Tex says there’s money in your backyard. A lot of it,” Enzo said. “You want it in the house?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
Benito raised a brow. “Why not?”
I groaned. “It’s a whole thing. We got into a fight, money was involved, he tossed it out the window.” Benito’s brow shot up even more. “Don’t ask,” I begged. “The short story is neither of us is going to pick it up. He’s too stubborn to ever touch it again, and I refuse to collect it up like an idiot after what I did. So it’s going to stay there.”
My brothers both looked at me like I was insane, but I was used to that expression. I shrugged. Ash and I were both stubborn as hell, digging our heels in on the issue. The truth was I was sure neither of us wanted to relive that night. We’d almost lost each other forever. My chest ached just thinking about it, feeling as if it would cave in from the weight. I couldn’t be without Ash, not for a single day. He was as bad as me, needing to be close every second of every day until we melted into each other. Until there was no space between us to even breathe.
“Earth to Giancarlo,” Benito grunted. “We doing this or not? I have a meeting.”
“Right.” I texted Ash back.
Gin: I have to do this thing, and then I’ll be right back. Have fun with Tex and Pen. Love you. I’ll be radio silent for a bit.
Ash: How long is a bit?
Gin: A bit.
Ash: I don’t like that!
Gin: Sorry. Give me at least three hours? Watch a movie and play with the pretty kitty. I know you like him.
Ash: Fine. I miss you.
Gin: I miss you too, baby.
There was so much more I wanted to say. I could write paragraphs about how much I wanted to pull him onto my lap, shove my hand between his thighs, and jerk him off while we watched anime and he asked me a million goddamn questions. At least the jerking off might stop them for a while.
“Focus,” Benito said as he put his foot on top of the panting man on the ground. “Are we doing this?” he asked again.
“Yeah.”
I put my phone away and took out the red leather gloves. The tag displayed Puppy!,and I laughed as I slipped them on. Flexing my fingers, I made sure they were on securely before I glanced down at the man.
“Take the gag out. I want to hear him.”
“What the fuck!” Roger shouted as soon as Benito ripped it free. “Let go of me!”
I clicked my tongue. “You’re still as loud and annoying as always, I see. All that bravado when you’re practically pissing your pants is hilarious.” I crouched down over him. There were already a torrent of bruises on his face from the three of us having to get his ass on the ground and talk with our fists since he didn’t want to cooperate. “I would tell you to stay away from Ash, but I doubt you’d listen.”
“He’s my son,” he bit out. “I have a right to him.”
“Wrong.”
I swung Silvy hard, bringing her down on his right arm. He bellowed. Benito shoved a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. We were in a run-down, shitty little hovel in a derelict part of town, but any witness was a bad witness.
“Stop screaming,” Benito said calmly. “Or I’ll crush your larynx.”
My brother removed his hand, and Roger simply hissed under his breath, letting out a string of curses. I moved off of him and tilted my head. It wasn’t nearly enough. Ash had told me about every sick threat, every beating, every fucked up thing the man had ever done. I was sure there was more to tell, things that I would be there to listen to when he was ready to confront any of the bullshit that plagued his past. For now, I had more than enough ammo to keep me interested in hurting this prick.
“You don’t have any right to what’s mine,” I informed him. “Didn’t he already tell you he didn’t want to see you again? And what do you do? You try to contact him. You didn’t think he was going to tell me immediately?”
Roger looked up at me, but he kept his mouth shut. I grinned. He liked to talk so much, but now he was quiet as a morgue. It was really goddamn fitting, but I wanted to hear more of his cries and pleas. Silvy crashed into his knee. The delicious sound of cracking echoed through the room. Satisfaction rippled through me, along with vibrations up my arm. Roger kept his teeth snapped together, muffling his own scream. I was sure his teeth would break out of his head from the pressure, but no such luck.
“I can’t kill you,” I said, cracking my head left and right. “Ash made me promise I wouldn’t do it.”
“What?” Enzo asked. “Seriously?”
I shrugged. “He doesn’t want to think about the old man being killed even though he knows he deserves it. I promised I wouldn’t do it after saying I would.”
“So, what are we doing here?” Benito asked.
“I said I wouldn’t kill him. Never said anything about an unfortunate accident happening, like him disappearing.”
“He’ll never forgive you!” Roger sputtered out. “L-let me go, and I’ll disappear.”
I shook my head. “You’ve been a pain in my ass for way too long. Between the money you owe, the bullshit, and the bruises you put on my fucking property—” I sucked in a deep breath, forcing myself not to shout. The rage that pumped through my veins was getting out of hand. Slowly, I opened my eyes again and jammed my fist into his face. Blood flew from his lip, and I felt a little better. “You don’t deserve shit but to die screaming in agony. That’s exactly what you’re going to get.”
Standing up, I held out Silvy. “Benito, wanna do the honors?”
“I don”t get to help?” Enzo asked.
I shrugged. “Carve away, but the final blow goes to Silvy. I want this death etched into my hammer. No one else deserves to kill him but me.”
Benito squeezed my shoulder. ”It’s okay,” he said quietly. “We’ve got you.”
I glanced at my brother, my heart pounding against my chest. Slowly, I sucked in a long, slow breath. I counted backward from ten, feeling my feet connect to the Earth as I exhaled. Ash had put me on all kinds of plans for my panic and temper. Yoga, meditation, jogging. Whatever he could do to help me, he did. I thought some of it was stupid as fuck, but when he looked at me with those doe eyes, I gave in. Anything for him.
“Thanks,” I told Benito and nodded at Enzo. “You two are saving me here.”
“What are brothers for?” Enzo asked. “Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve carved into someone. Let’s take opposite ends, Benito.” He ripped the man’s pants down his thighs. “I’d like to try out some new designs, watch how the blood flows and how much slips out.”
I grinned. “There’s my creepy little brother.” I glanced around. “Don’t you wanna do the tarp thing first?” I asked Enzo.
His eyes lit up. “I thought you’d never ask. You two move him, and I’ll prepare the floor.”
“No, no.” Roger shook his head as he was lifted, twisting in our holds and the ropes that kept his wrists and ankles bound together. “Don’t do this. I-I’ll do anything. What do you need? I can get it for you. Don’t kill me!”
“Beg more,” I groaned. “That shit is going right to my dick, and I get to take this hard-on to your son, where he’ll wrap his lips around it.” I sighed. “And then maybe he’ll bend me over and go to town.”
Roger’s eyes widened. “What?”
“Oh, yeah. He told me about all your pansy bullshit. Roger, your son fucks me. You never thought he was a man, but he proves it to me every single night. Usually more than once.” I grinned. “See? You have nothing to worry about. He’s not a sissy like you used to call him. Moron.”
“I-I...”
“Shut the fuck up.”
My fist smashed into his face again. No matter how many times I did it, the satisfaction didn’t end. I’d never met anyone who deserved to be punched in the face as much as this bastard did. The bruising around his eyes was only growing, but soon it wouldn’t matter. No one would find Roger’s body. It didn’t matter what I did to him.
Enzo set to work slicing into Roger’s thighs once he was on the plastic that had been laid down. Carefully and thoroughly, Enzo cut and observed before doing it all over again. I had to admire his dedication, even if what he was doing was nerdy as hell. Benito, on the other hand, tested Silvy in his hands before he brought it up and slammed it into Roger’s jaw. The man’s half scream, half gargle, made me laugh.
“Gag him,” Benito said. I moved to do just that. When I looked up, he was rotating Silvy. “You know, this is actually pretty good. I can see why you like her so much.”
I beamed with pride. “Isn’t she amazing?”
He nodded, swinging her up in an arc. “Good weight, great follow through. It’s like this thing is perfectly balanced.”
I held up a finger. “She is perfectly balanced. Not ‘this thing,’ though, okay? Respect her pronouns.”
Benito blinked at me before a grin spread over his face. As soon as it appeared, he tried to push it down, but it was too late. I’d already seen it. My brother hadn’t laughed in so long. A smile was even pushing it. It felt damn good to be the reason he did it. No one should be so fucking tormented and uptight.
Maybe that was all my honeymoon bliss talking because of the new relationship. I’d been a miserable bastard for a long time, shoving it behind a mask of levity and whores. Now? I was actually happy for the first time in ages. I had Ash to thank for that.
I lit up a smoke and watched my brothers as they took turns with Roger. Smoke curled in the air as I relaxed. I wanted to be the one to swing the death blow, but I’d promised Ash I wouldn’t do it, and I kept my fucking word. Roger’s face drained, that white, ashen look of his telling me he was close to the end.
“Enough, Enzo,” I said. “Do it, Benito.”
My brother walked up to Roger’s head. The man’s eyelids fluttered, but he couldn’t even keep his eyes open anymore. Benito cracked the hammer against the side of his head. The first few cracks broke the skull, but every one thereafter threw up a spray of blood and brain matter that stained his perfect clothing. I grinned. Love when he plays along and gets dirty. Benito liked to act like he was the calm, sane one out of us, but the truth was that his temper was the worst. His impulses were well tamed, but only for so long. He needed this release as much as Enzo needed to slice, and I needed to fight.
I put my smoke out on the bottom of my shoe, slipping the butt into the pocket of my jacket as I walked over. Gone. Roger was a fucked up mass of bruised, swollen flesh and blood. He wasn’t going to be a problem for my Ash any longer. The man deserves a break, no more trauma.
“Let’s wrap him, load him, and we can cut him up at the other place,” I muttered.
Benito squeezed my shoulder. “You’re growing up, Gin. I’m proud of you.”
“Only took me thirty-five years,” I laughed.
“I didn’t think you’d live this long,” he pointed out, a laugh falling from his lips at my shocked expression. “Let’s get going.”
“What does that mean? Hey, Benito!”
Enzo shook his head. “I have to agree with Benito. Thought you’d be dead by now.”
I scoffed. “You fuckers have no faith in me!”
”Not even a little,” Enzo countered. “Lift that corner. You’re gonna let the blood drip out if you’re not careful.”
I rolled my eyes. Of course, that was what worried him. I was surrounded by insanity.
* * *
“Gin!”
Ash bounced off the couch the minute I was through the door. He threw himself at me, wrapping his arms around my neck as I picked him up, and his legs wound around my waist. I turned, slamming him against the wall before my lips met his in a desperate kiss. He moaned, tongue sliding into my mouth to meet mine as my fingers gripped his shirt, lifting it. I needed to feel his skin with nothing in between us. My nails scraped down his side. Ash moaned, rolling his hips forward like he couldn’t get enough of me.
“God,” Tex groaned. “There are other people still here.”
“We can’t even get in the door. Good,” Enzo growled.
I ignored them, kissing Ash a little longer before I pulled away. When I put him down, his cheeks were flushed a delicious shade of pink. He grinned, keeping his eyes off of anyone else but me. I loved that he got so embarrassed over the smallest things. It was fucking cute. I pushed my fingers through his hair.
“You okay?” I asked.
He nodded. “Better now that you’re here. Tex and I played with Penelope. He’s way more fun than I thought.”
“Don’t talk shit about my cat,” Tex said defensively, cradling him in his massive arms. “Hey, if you two aren’t going to grab that money, I’ll take it off your hands.”
Ash and I exchanged a look. “That would be helpful, actually,” I said, already feeling the weight of the issue lift from my shoulders.
“No.” Enzo moved over to his boyfriend, picking up the cat carrier. “Why do you need money from another man? You have your job working as a bartender, and I take care of you, do I not?”
Tex shook his head. “It’s not for me. I thought with it sitting there, I could take it and spread it around a few food pantries and shelters in the area. Come on, if they’re just going to leave it to rot in the backyard, it might as well go to good use.”
Ash smiled. “I like that idea. Please, take it. We don’t want it here.”
“Bad fucking mojo on that shit,” I muttered. “We don’t even want it in the house.”
Enzo sighed. “It’s going to be all dirty.”
“I promise you don’t have to touch it.” Tex put Pen in the crate and kissed Enzo quickly. “Let’s go home.”
“We’re heading out,” Enzo announced.
I nodded. As soon as they were gone, I dragged Ash against my body once more. He fit perfectly against me as if he was always meant to be pinned against my body. We pulled away, and I scraped my nails against his scalp.
“Let’s go out back.”
Ash tilted his head. “Why?”
I shrugged. “Just cause.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I swear to god, if it’s something crazy...”
I laughed. “When have I ever done anything crazy?”
“There was that time—”
“Okay, don’t start,” I said as he had his fingers poised and ready to tick off the ways in which I’d been insane. “Just come on.”
“Wait,” he said, digging in his heels as I took his hand and tried to lead him away. “I saw this picture yesterday, and I’ve been meaning to ask you about it.”
I tilted my head. “What picture?”
Ash let go of my hand. I flexed my fingers, already wanting to feel his hand in mine again. Even a second away was a second too long without him. I knew deep down Ash would be the death of me. Not physically, but mentally. I’d always been okay with being independent, or at least that was what I said. With him, it felt like an inferno was raging whenever he was away for too long. I needed to be around him every moment of every day, or I would lose my mind.
“Gin?”
“Yeah.” I shook my head. “Show me this picture.”
I took the folded-up thing from his hand. Opening it carefully, I looked at it and barked out a laugh. My father, mother, me, and Gianpaolo. We were all one big happy family once upon a time. Sitting in front of me was my gorgeous, loving Milo. All golden brown, beautiful with big eyes. Back then, he was the best puppy in the world.
“Ah, man, I miss this dog,” I muttered. “Milo was awesome. I was never lonely when I was with him.”
“What happened?”
I shrugged. “I had him when I was a boy. Eventually, dogs get old. They pass away.” I shrugged again despite the pain that spread in my chest. “I was with him the whole time. Had him for twelve years. Never got another dog after that, though.”
“Why not?”
“For a while, I didn’t want to replace him. Then I got sent away, and when I came back, Benito didn’t think I could handle it. He was kind of right. Back then, I was all over the place. And then I met you. Who needs a puppy when you are a puppy?”
Ash”s eyes narrowed. “What?”
“Yeah! I mean, you act just like Milo. Don’t like to be left alone, eager, happy, ready to please. You always get sassy and bark, and you love lying next to me.” I grinned. “And let’s not forget how you wag your tail.”
Ash punched me in the stomach. “You bastard!”
I chuckled, holding in a grunt. “Why do you think I liked you so much from the start? You reminded me of him I think. Best puppy in the world.” I leaned down, kissing his cheek. “Don’t be mad.”
He looked like he was ready to slug me again. “Asshole.”
I took his hand, stuffing the photo in my pocket. “Let’s talk about this later, okay?”
“Yeah.” He blew out a breath. “Wait, that other kid looked just like you. Who was that? Benito? Enzo?”
I scratched my cheek. “Something like that. Now, come on. You”re driving me crazy.”
Ash gave up and let me drag him through the house. We stepped outside. The sun hit my skin, warming me all over as it started its descent. I led Ash over to a picnic blanket. A basket and a bottle of champagne were sitting beside it.
“What’s this?” Ash asked.
“Sit down.”
He sat, holding my hand until the very last second. Ash opened the basket and started taking out the food I’d packed. Chelsea had helped me with it, telling me what to add because I’d never done anything this fucking ridiculous before. A picnic. Who would have thought?
Ash glanced up at me, the sun lighting up his brown eyes until they were liquid pools of chocolate I could swim in. He smiled, and my heart nearly popped out of my chest.
“Why are you still standing up?” he asked. “Come on. I want to try some of this. Can you open the champagne? I hate the pop.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “One minute.”
Ash continued to lay everything out on the blanket while I dug into my pocket and retrieved what I was looking for. The box felt huge in my hand, some massive thing when it was only a little one. Slowly, I slipped it out and sank to one knee. Ash continued to push through the basket, talking happily about what he was grabbing before he glanced up at me. He froze, his eyes widening to the size of saucers.
“What? What are you...”
“Marry me,” I blurted out. “I don’t want to spend my time with anyone else ever again. I know without a doubt that you’re mine.” My teeth sank into my bottom lip. “And I’m yours.” I cleared my throat as Ash’s eyes clouded. “Okay, yeah, you still got shit you need to work through, I get that too. I can wait if that’s what you need me to do, but I want to marry you someday. Soon.” I groaned. I probably sound crazy. “I’ve already got a place picked out where we could do it. You like the beach, so I was thinking California, get married while the waves are crashing or something. I don’t know,” I muttered, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “You know what—”
Ash grabbed my wrist. “Show me the ring.”
I opened the box. The band was all gold, with diamonds wrapping around the entire center of the thing. I’d picked it out, knowing it was a little too flashy for Ash’s liking, but I wanted him to know how important he was to me. That he was the only man, no, the only person, period, I would ever love this way.
Ash held out his hand. “Put it on me,” he whispered.
“You haven’t said yes yet,” I pointed out.
He grinned. “Yes, I’ll marry you. Of course, I will. Did you even doubt that for a second?”
My stomach was still pitching and rolling, but I grinned all the same. “Nah, not at all,” I said, lying as I slid the ring onto his finger. “After all, I’ve got the best ass you’ve ever been in.”
“The only ass I’ve ever been in,” he said, rolling his eyes. “But saying yes has nothing to do with that.”
Ash hopped to his feet and yanked me down by my tie once I stood. His lips crashed into mine, sending shocks of electricity tingling through my body. My hands went to his back, pressing him against me more tightly as I kissed him so hard my lips started to ache. Our tongues danced together, our pants growing louder. I couldn’t fucking take it anymore.
“Screw the dinner and champagne. We’ll come back to it.”
I picked Ash up, tossing him over my shoulder. He yelled. “Hey! There’s going to be ants all over everything.”
“I don’t give a fuck!”
Ash laughed as I carried him into the house. I never wanted the sound of his laughter to fade. No matter how much longer I had to grovel, I would forever work toward being the kind of man who deserved his love. Even after he said I do.