24. Rhodes
24
Rhodes
I ’m sure he’ll like anything you wear.” The Friends t-shirt and sweatpants she’s got on now would be perfect. But she needed something special, hence the loud whir of her sewing machine eating up all other sounds, drowning my thoughts.
I’m lying back on Paige’s micro couch, my entire calves hanging off the armrest, while I fling Cleocatra’s favorite feather toy attached to a stick back and forth. She’s chasing it as if her life depends on it, giving her those refined hunting skills of a killer.
The plush toy attached to the feathers reading cattuccinno and shaped like a coffee mug is not helping.
Unlike Paige, I already know what I’ll be wearing tonight. It’s the same thing I wore to my first pitch meeting, under my suit for prom, and every time I have to go to the DMV.
It’s my comfort outfit, and it feels necessary since this might just be the most important moment of my life: the day I finally tell Paige how I feel.
Reaching the end, she lifts and dips, clicking and snipping before holding the boxy shirt up to inspect. “I want to be comfortable—we’re going out for burgers after all—but I also want to wow him. We’ve never seen each other before, so I want to look like someone he’d approach.”
I sink further into the couch, hoping it’ll swallow me up or at least mask the particular shade of red I’m sure my face is turning. I’m starting to sweat at the reality that in just a few hours, I’ll be on a date with Paige. It’s either going to be the best thing I’ve ever done or the worst.
“So you thought sewing a new shirt would be the best option?” Really, I have no complaints. The particular shade of green highlights the color of her hair and makes her skin look like silk. Plus, it’s short enough to ride the top of her jeans, baring some skin. I like every surface area of Paige’s skin, but I might be partial to this one.
“Yes, obviously.” She picks off a few stray threads and shakes it out before holding it in front of her. “This could work. What do you think?”
“He’ll love it.” What I really mean is I’ll love it.
I can’t believe I’m going to tell her tonight. This somehow feels incredibly wrong to be here, watching her sew the outfit she’ll wear for the date I’m taking her on.
But then again, I want her to know I’ll be there for her as a friend and…more. In all the ways you can offer someone you love.
Love .
Dancing around the word in my head is no longer necessary. It’s the only word that can accurately describe this feeling in my chest. Like someone lit a firecracker inside me and the only way out is my mouth. It sounds like I’m describing heartburn, but truly, it’s love that’s ready to burst out of me.
I’m going to tell her.
Tonight .
“But what do you think?” she asks.
Paige has been acting weird since we went to Twilight Tonic. I thought it was because she had an inkling of what was going on, how I’ve been lying. But really, she just seems…uncomfortable around me. Maybe? I don’t know. I’m uncomfortable around me these days.
“I love it, too.” And her.
She stands stock-still. “I need to try it on.”
“Okay,” I say, but she doesn’t move.
“Can you cover your eyes, or turn around maybe?”
I furrow my brows at the change. She’s never asked me to do this before. In fact, I rarely have any warning to react at all when she whips off her shirt.
What is happening ?
I feel like I should sit up right now. “Uh, yeah, sure.” I slowly cover my eyes with my hand, and tip my chin to my chest, dropping the feather toy.
“Thanks.”
Soft grunts leave her as she removes her shirt, which would normally be too quiet to hear, but it’s completely silent, so I notice. I notice everything. The rustling sound of her shirt being tossed to the ground. How her arms slide through the sleeves one after the other, and the neckline snags on her glasses as she tugs it over her head. Maybe this is why I drop my hand, because I know the second she’s done changing her shirt.
“Rhodes!”
Just kidding, I was wrong. Her bare thighs were directly in my line of sight. “Sorry, I thought you were done.”
“I can’t wear sweatpants tonight.”
“That makes sense.” Was that lace I saw, too?
I swallow hard and try to think about how tonight will go. She’ll either punch me in the jaw, or show me if she really is wearing lace—
NO, no, NO !
I need to stop thinking. Period.
“Done,” she states, but I’m afraid to open my eyes.
I slowly peek through the space between my fingers and see her smoothing out the new top that deserves its own trophy in the Hall of Perfection.
But then it gets better.
She goes to tuck her hair behind her ears and straighten her glasses, and from my seated position, the skin of her stomach is visible. I’m so curious what color her bra is now since she made me close my eyes. Red or green, maybe the blue one with the bows on the straps. The fact I know this is only further proof I need to stop ogling my best friend and do something about it.
“Sorry about that. I guess at some point you should probably not see me topless all the time.” She pauses. “Topless like without a shirt…not a—”
“Bra?” I fill in, even though I’d like to argue this point to an early grave.
“Right. A…bra. Your future girlfriend probably wouldn’t like it.”
I always dread talking about my make-believe future girlfriend . She’s a mythical creature I don’t believe exists unless her name is Paige.
“But, I guess I’m curious…” She rounds the back of the couch and looks at me through the mirror, adjusting the squared neckline. “You’ve seen…women?”
“Yes!” My response comes hard and fast as I lift my knee and angle toward her. “I’ve been with…seen women.”
“Who?”
I’m fumbling over words, scratching the back of my head. “There was that one girl…”
Her eyes still hold a questioning look .
“You know, the one with the…hair and…eyes.” I’m floundering here. There were girls, women, but not the woman. And there’s a difference.
“Rhodes! That tells me nothing. You’re going to need to be more specific.” She snags a lint roller and starts using it on the stray threads still attached to her shirt. “Was it that one girl you dated in college?”
“Yeah…her. And others, but it’s not important.” We don’t normally talk in depth about our relationships—okay, my relationships—and I’m not sure how to say I’ve been with plenty of women, but none of them were you .
“And you…slept with them?”
I’ve fooled around with other women, but the truth is that no one can match Paige. They would have done it already.
“I mean…” I don’t know what to say.
“You don’t have to tell me,” she adds quickly, freeing her pants of any lint, too.
My eyes widen. I have nothing to hide here. It’s not like she hasn’t been with anyone. And right now, I’m Rhodes to her.
“No, I...yes, I did. But it wasn’t like I loved them.”
“Wait a minute.” She tosses the roller onto the couch and gets a tube of gloss from her purse, walking back to the small mirror. “Have you been in love before?”
Shit .
This is not going well for me.
“Yes.” Fewer words the better.
She gasps and looks at me through the mirror. “Who?”
“Someone, okay. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore because it didn’t…hasn’t…it’s frag ile.”
A soft smile plays on her lips as she caps the gloss. “Alright. I won’t press for more information about your top secret crush right now, but just tell me you’ll eventually tell her.”
My heart falls into my shoes. “Why?”
“Because…I care about you, Rhodes, and I want good things for you. And love isn’t something to pass up when you have the chance at it.” She spins to face me but doesn’t meet my eyes. “Anyway, I should really get going.”
I glance at the cat clock on the wall with a tail that moves side to side with each passing second. “You still have an hour.”
She opens her mouth and closes it. “I know, but I want to be there early, scope out the place beforehand. Constance is driving me, too, since you have that work thing and she gave me a window of time she was available, which was essentially now or never.”
I nod and stand. “Okay, I’ll see you later then. Good luck.”
“Rhodes?”
My heads snaps up. “Yeah?”
“Thank you for always being here for me,” she says in a quiet tone. “I’m glad I didn’t pass up the chance of having a best friend.”
It feels like someone is clenching my throat, and I can’t get a full breath in. I’m convinced there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for this woman. Not one.
“Of course.”
Paige walks toward me, wrapping her arms around my middle. She’s too short to reach my neck, but I still haul her as close as I can. My fingers graze the warm skin at her waist as I cradle her body to mine.
A knot forms in my gut and my spine is in a perfect C shape, curling around her to try and get as close as possible. I want to say something more, something I shouldn’t. What do I have to lose ?
“Paige, I—”
“I know,” she says in a direct tone.
What does she know ?
“I know,” she repeats, pulling away and holding eye contact while grabbing her purse.
I try to guess what exactly she knows , her feet already closing in on the door. Does she know how I feel because she feels the same way? Does she know I’ll always be there for her? Does she know how flipping hard it is for me to keep this moment platonic when all I want to do is toss her on the bed, couch, or geometric rug and devour every part of her?
I don’t know what she knows, but it still puts my mind at ease.
“I know you care about me. I’ll be safe, promise.”
She just gave me the perfect segue to tell her, come clean about all of the hidden wants I have floating around my body. My mouth opens and closes. “Paige.”
“I’ll see you later,” she says, pushing up on tip-toes and pulling me down to her level to press a quick kiss to my cheek.
I hold up my hand in a wave, but she’s already out the door. Cleocatra and I are left to look at each other. Cleo meows and blinks slowly.
“Paige doesn’t know anything.”