1. Chloe
Chapter 1
Chloe
P anic. I was overwhelmed with panic.
In a new house, in a new state, and gearing up to run my new company.
I had built my life around change. Always chasing it, always seeking new and novel experiences—new ways to challenge myself. But this morning? I was exhausted.
This was my victory lap. My triumph. I wasn’t only here for business. It was personal, too.
And after two decades of growing, fighting, and becoming this hard-ass version of myself, I had been ready for my big moment.
So now that I’d confronted Gus, why didn’t I feel better?
“Boss, it’s time to go,” JJ hollered from the kitchen.
“Ten more minutes.” I’d applied my strip lashes too hastily, and now they were crooked. Usually, I was meticulous about my makeup, but with the rush I was in today, I probably looked like a toddler let loose with a palette of face paint.
I fumbled around for my highlighter and was applying a light dusting when the sound of loons calling from the lake tempted me to step out onto my little patio and sit on my wicker chair.
No . I’d come here to work. When I’d found the listing for this house, I couldn’t pass it up. But I hadn’t accounted for how difficult it would be to actually make it to work every day.
I wasn’t the kind of woman who sat still. I liked to be on my feet, creating and fixing and making things happen. Movement was my medicine, in every sense.
But something about being here made me want to be still. The scenery, the serenity, made me want to sit back and just breathe for a moment.
Was this burnout?
Hell no. In fact, I was pretty certain that burnout didn’t exist. It was a condition experienced by people with far less to accomplish than me. Yes, I got tired sometimes, but when I did, I’d double down and muscle through.
There was no reason to be alarmed by this odd feeling. The poor sleep, dry skin, and constant headaches were normal too. I was almost forty, worked nonstop, and was frequently jumping from one time zone to another. I’d order more of that criminally expensive moisturizer and get back to work.
I started on my hair, though, despite my efforts to push it away, the uneasy sensation remained.
Was this my body’s response to avoiding the difficult feelings I’d been grappling with?
About my family, the business, my life, turning forty.
And a certain someone in particular.
A tall, strong, bearded someone.
Fuck. Had this all been a huge mistake?
In my head, it had all made perfect sense. And no one loved to plan as much as I did.
My boardroom moment in Boston had been a triumph.
Too bad the bastard had looked so damn good.
Like himself. An older, wiser, sexier version of himself.
He had always been thick and strong, barrel-chested with broad shoulders. Though his hair was longer and his beard thicker.
The days of patchy stubble and the dream of a beard more than the fully realized version had long since passed.
He’d been a boy then, but now he was a man. A little unkempt and with a glare that could stop traffic, but all man.
Was he happy? Did he have a nice life? Was he married? Kids?
Why did I care?
Did he have fulfilling hobbies?
I hoped not.
Just thinking about it highlighted my lack of all of the above. Especially kids. I was supposed to be content with my career and money and being an awesome aunt. But as my fortieth birthday crept closer, it was my one big regret.
Ugh, he better not have kids. Not only would that make me a horrible person for buying his company and demoting him, but then I’d have to process the fact that the man I always thought would be the father of my children was the father of someone else’s. And I had too much emotional baggage at the moment to take that on.
I took no pleasure in the demise of his family’s company. It had been his one dream—to run the company just like his father, his grandfather, and his great-grandfather had done.
There was no doubt that his father’s misdeeds would have gutted him. Gus was fair and honest, and all the court documents my lawyers had dug up confirmed what I’d already known. He had no role in or knowledge of the illegal dealings.
I sympathized with the man.
But not enough to keep me from striking like a king cobra when I had the chance to buy it. It wasn’t just a good business investment. It was vindication my twenty-year-old self desperately needed.
I climbed into the massive SUV, where Karl had already claimed the passenger seat. Back in Seattle, I had a zippy Beemer, but I’d rented a car here since I wasn’t sure how long I’d be staying. And they’d given me a gigantic Suburban. It was black and boxy and massive, and I still hadn’t gotten used to driving it.
“We need to stop at the Caffeinated Moose. It’s awesome. Almost makes this podunk town bearable,” Karl observed, pointing out his window, signaling that I should turn right and head toward town.
“Yes. The blueberry scones alone are worth the trip,” JJ added. “I’m borderline hangry right now.” Jennifer Johnson, known as JJ, was a tiny but fierce forest scientist. I’d recruited her out of the Yale graduate program after she’d struck out with several global timber companies on account of her gender.
Her hair was short and her cheekbones were as sharp as her attitude. She was brilliant and understood trees better than anyone I’d ever met. She would be whipping Hebert Timber into shape in no time.
For the most part, I managed to stay on her good side, but only because I understood that she should be fed at regular intervals and needed plenty of time in the woods.
“Calm down. We’ll feed you,” Karl hollered as we made our way down the winding country road toward town. “Jeez, you two are so cranky this morning.”
And Karl, my sweet Karl. My assistant and honorary third little brother. Although he was over six feet tall and had filled out, in my mind, he would always be the awkward kid who showed up at my apartment in Seattle a decade ago.
We’d been friends since, and we’d worked together for the last five years. I could barely function without him. Some days he had to remind me to eat, sleep, and take off my makeup.
I could, however, function without his nonstop commentary.
“Are you wearing Spanx?” he asked, raising one eyebrow. “I thought we decided Spanx made you stabby and it was in the best interest of humanity to let your ass breathe.”
“I’m seeing my ex-husband today,” I huffed, lifting my chin as I navigated the vehicle into town. “I need the Spanx.”
“If the way he looked when you walked into that room is any indication, you can skip ’em. The man’s jaw dropped, and his tongue rolled out of his mouth like a cartoon character when you crossed that threshold.”
“He’d probably like to tear those Spanx off with his teeth.” JJ giggled in the back seat.
I had a momentary flashback to the days and nights we’d spent together. How beautiful and extraordinary he’d made me feel. The warmth of his touch, the heat of his breath on my neck, how safe I felt in his arms. When we were together, the big, scary world ceased to exist.
But the girl I was back then was long gone. That girl who was afraid of the world. That girl who needed protecting.
I’d left this place and faced the world head-on. Made it my bitch. Now, I was battle-hardened. Though it was necessary to put on this armor and lock it into place, I couldn’t deny I missed the girl I used to be.
“Can we focus on work, please?” I begged, scanning Main Street for a parking spot.
Jaw clenched tight, I pulled into a spot in front of an adorable rustic coffee shop.
Karl and JJ were bickering in surround sound, but their chatter disappeared when I caught sight of the man on the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop.
Panic shot through me, my body jolting, and when I slammed on the brakes, my heel got caught in the floor mat. The truck lurched forward and hopped the curb. I yanked my foot loose and stomped the brake pedal, finally pulling the behemoth of a vehicle to a stop.
“Fuck,” I yelled, gasping for breath as I turned the engine off. “Is everyone okay?”
Karl clutched my arm, wide-eyed. “What just happened?”
“My heel got stuck,” I explained, looking down at my broken shoe. “I couldn’t brake.”
“Um,” JJ hedged, her head stuck between my seat and Karl’s. “I think you almost killed that guy.”
I opened my eyes, afraid of what I might see.
And there he was. Standing on the sidewalk. A thick wall of lumberjack. Several people had crowded around him, making sure he was okay.
And there I was, in my giant-ass car, up on the sidewalk, looking like a homicidal idiot.
Hands shaking, I jumped out and hobbled over on my one heel.
“You trying to kill me?” he asked, his voice gruff and his brows pulled low.
“No. My shoe.” I lifted my foot and pointed at the broken heel. “It got stuck, so I couldn’t brake in time. I’m so sorry.”
He eyed me warily, that cruel glare he wore so well on full display.
“Should I call the police?” an older woman with a gray bob asked Gus.
He shook his head. “Nothing to worry about, Mrs. Spencer. Sounds like it was just a shoe mishap.”
He regarded my feet, looking down his nose at them. In that moment, I felt two feet tall. Not just because he was so massive, but because it was really sinking in that this was his town. His turf. It didn’t matter that I’d bought the biggest house in town and his family’s lumber company. This place would never be for me. I was the outsider here.
“I’m truly sorry,” I said, ducking my head and studying my hands. And I was. I wanted him to suffer, to lose his company and regret the way he’d treated me. And he couldn’t do all that if he was dead.
JJ and Karl had flanked me at some point, clearly in a show of solidarity. God, I loved them.
“It was an accident,” JJ deadpanned. “She wasn’t trying to kill you.”
“Yeah,” Karl added, taking a single step closer. “She’s ruthless and very organized. Hit and run is not her murder style. She’d lie in wait.”
“Karl,” I hissed, elbowing him hard and almost falling over on my broken shoe.
Gus nodded, his scowl still firmly in place. He was clearly not remotely intimidated by me or my giant car. “You should wear more practical shoes. This is Maine.”
Scoffing, I gave him a once-over, ignoring how good he looked. “Thanks for the unsolicited fashion advice.”
We stood like that for what seemed like an hour but was likely just one or two excruciating minutes.
“I should go,” he finally said, “before the entire town hears about this and shows up wanting a crime scene re-creation.” With a nod, he gave me a parting frown. “See you at the office, boss.”