3. Gus
Chapter 3
Gus
E arly mornings in Maine were hard to beat. The air was still crisp and cool, but it wouldn’t be long before that changed. July in Maine was defined by two things: humidity and mosquitoes. And lately, I’d found myself rising earlier and earlier, desperate for the tranquil quiet of the early morning.
Usually, I did chores, read, or walked Clem, but today, I was plagued by the overwhelming need to go for a run. I wasn’t much of a runner, but I was full of anxious energy, and a good run was the best way to get it out of my system.
She was here.
I hated it.
Also, I loved it.
See? I was fucked up.
I’d spent years trying to extinguish every memory of Chloe and our brief marriage. But despite my best efforts, they’d never completely gone away.
Seeing her here, in my hometown? I liked it. I was a masochist, because as much as her proximity made me feel alive, the ensuing crash hurt even more.
When I’d run until my lungs gave out, I headed home. Inside, my dog, who didn’t bother to get off my couch to greet me, lifted her head and eyed me with suspicion.
“Morning, Clem.” My heart was still pounding as I headed to the pantry to get her breakfast.
Why was I drawn to women who hated me? Why hadn’t this wound ever fully healed? After decades, the sting of it was still acute.
She was here.
She’d purchased our company.
So many times over the years, I’d thought about her. I ran into her family pretty regularly. I saw her dad at quarterly meetings, and her siblings all lived in the area.
Here and there, I overheard news of her. She was always traveling and working, and she didn’t come back much, which was perfectly fine by me.
I’d always hoped she had found happiness. That she’d dealt with the grief that had almost drowned her after her mom passed away. And I’d hoped she’d found a way to move forward. She deserved that.
But that was before she’d become my boss.
I’d signed the contract. I was obligated to serve as operations manager for one year. During that meeting, it had seemed like a small price to pay in return for financial security for my family. I’d suck it up, grit my teeth, and push through, like I always did.
After my yearlong sentence was up, I’d head west. A new job, a new coast, and a fresh start.
If this was what having her in my orbit again did to me, how the hell was I going to survive the next year?
My central nervous system was in disarray.
All those years ago, when I was young and dumb? I could understand how she’d so easily gotten under my skin. Now, though, I was a grown man. I had my shit together.
For years, I thought I’d moved on. I was sure I’d buried all the hurt. But if one look at Chloe LeBlanc had sent me so close to cardiac arrest, then I obviously had a lot more work to do.
She was brimming with maturity and confidence. She certainly carried herself with the composure of a person who could drop tens of millions of dollars on a lumber company.
The set of her jaw, the way she squared her shoulders as she spoke to me? Damn. She was more beautiful than I’d imagined possible. And I had no idea how to handle it.
As I turned, Clem click-clacked her way into the kitchen. She gave me the stink-eye as I placed her bowl on the floor.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take you to work yesterday,” I said. “We have a new boss lady.”
She continued watching me, clearly unimpressed with my reasoning. But the attitude wasn’t new. She wasn’t a big fan of mine. We co-existed well, but it would be a cold day in hell before she was happy to see me.
I had always planned on getting a dog. I lived a solitary life, and I spent a lot of time in the woods. Jude’s dog was his best friend. Most of the time, my brother would rather hang out with her than humans. The idea of having my own bond like that had been tempting.
But I put it off. Always held back by work or the shitshow my dad had put us through or plans to move across the country.
Or maybe it was because I’d been stuck. The autopilot never switched off.
I’d been alone for so long. And after a while, I’d gotten used to it.
But recently, it had hit me. It was time.
When I visited the Lovewell animal shelter a few months ago, I went in with every intention of adopting a dog. I envisioned leaving with a loving and goofy lab I could throw a ball to and take for hikes.
Instead, I’d gone and fallen in love with a skittish, traumatized pit bull mix.
Did I mention she hated men?
She assessed me with a palpable wariness. Then she ignored me. Instead of moving along and finding another dog, one who was excited to see me, who’d let me pet them, I dug in. For weeks, I visited, working to earn her trust.
Clearly, I was a masochist.
She was perfect. I knew it the instant I set eyes on her. Her fur was a reddish brown, and she had the wide nose of a pit bull and the fluffy ears of a spaniel.
But it was her attitude that reeled me in. She wasn’t aggressive. Not at all. But she was cold, standoffish.
Unlike the other dogs that barked when I came in and begged for attention, she made me work for it.
I’d go every few days and sit on the floor outside her enclosure and offer her treats. The Milk Bones I’d brought at first didn’t cut it.
A few weeks in, I realized she liked grass-fed beef jerky, so I stocked up.
Eventually, she warmed up to me, taking food out of my hand and letting me take her for walks. But she was still wary.
“Fine,” I said, running a hand down her back. “You can come with me.”
She lifted her head and let me gently scratch her ear before tucking into her kibble. Taking that as acceptance, I stepped away to let her eat in peace.
With a roll of my shoulders, I turned on the coffee maker. While it brewed, I ran through all the tasks I needed to accomplish today.
I was bringing my mug to my lips, anticipating that first hit of caffeine, when I heard an engine outside.
A moment later, my mother was at the door, and before I made it halfway across the room, Clementine was hiding behind the couch. She hated visitors even more than I did.
“Morning, Mom.” I angled in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
Her arms were loaded with Tupperware, like she’d gone on a baking spree. She strode past me with a smile and set it all on the counter, then produced a new squeaky toy.
“Where’s my sweet grandbaby?” she asked, squeaking the toy.
Clem poked her head around the arm of the couch, curious, but quickly pulled back again.
I poured Mom a cup of black coffee, knowing precisely why she was here at such an early hour.
“Are you gonna talk, or do I have to torture it out of you?” she asked, lifting her mug.
I said nothing.
“Okay.” She set the coffee down and clapped. “Torture it is.”
She took the lid off one container, shifted it on the counter, and cocked a brow at me.
“I made these peanut butter cookies last night.”
The smell hit me hard. My absolute favorite treat. Instantly, I was transported back to childhood. To days when a good report card meant my mom would make these for me as a reward.
Perhaps it was my love of cookies that made me, in the loving words of my mom, “the husky one.” But at 40, I’d long ago made peace with the fact that a six-pack would continue to elude me, so there was no sense in stopping now.
As I reached for one, she pulled the container back hard.
“I heard your new boss tried to hit you with her SUV yesterday.”
Keeping my expression flat, I shrugged. “Shocked you waited this long to ask me about it.”
“I thought you’d reach out after it happened,” she said. “I heard yesterday morning, obviously, but when I found out who the woman was, I thought I’d give you time to process.” She patted my cheek, then, miraculously, held a cookie out to me. “So I did some baking while I waited.”
My heart lifted as I took it from her. As I took a bite, savoring the soft and crumbly texture and the sprinkling of sugar on top, I had to fight back a moan. Shit, this was good.
“So start talking.”
Instantly, the lightness that had snuck in dissipated. “There’s nothing to say.”
“Your ex-wife bought your company. You’re working for her now. And she almost ran you over. I knew she was a passionate girl, but I didn’t take her for a homicidal maniac.”
“It was an accident.”
She huffed in amusement. “Sure.”
“It was.” I swiped at the crumbs that had scattered on the counter in front of me. “And it’s all fine.”
My mother put several containers of cookies in my freezer. Those wouldn’t last the weekend, but it was cute that she wanted to leave my house fully stocked.
Once they were put away and she’d reorganized some of the food in the freezer, she took her mug and headed over to the couch. She sat calmly, watching me with curiosity. I wasn’t sure whether she was waiting for me or Clementine to open up, but neither of us were particularly social.
She cooed softly at my dog, who’d come out from her hiding spot. “Hello, sweet girl. I came to see you again.”
Clementine lifted her head up off the floor. I’d purchased her a very expensive dog bed, but rather than enjoy it, she lay on the floor beside it, just to make it clear she didn’t want anything I had to give her.
“Skittish,” my mother observed. She gently put her coffee on the end table and sat on the ground a respectful distance away from Clem.
“Yes. My dog hates everyone.”
Mom shook her head. “Nonsense. You’ve just got to give her time and build trust. The best relationships take work.”
She patted the floor, gesturing for me to sit down with her. So I did. As I settled, Clementine watched us with curiosity.
Smiling softly, Mom patted my cheek. “You always want to rush. To do the thing, check the box, get the accomplishment and the gold star.”
I opened my mouth to protest but shut it quickly. She wasn’t wrong.
She shook her head and went back to offering Clementine the back of her hand. Slowly, my dog pushed forward on her belly, working her way closer to my mom. Inch by inch, she grew curious about the humans sitting on the floor.
“Patience is so hard,” she said, still cooing at the dog. “Do you think it was easy for me to accept when you took off to live with your dad?”
A pang of guilt hit me square in the gut. Though she did her best to keep her expression neutral, she couldn’t hide the flash of pain in her eyes. I loved my mom. But our relationship had not always been great. We’d drifted when I was a teenager. Back when I’d been so enamored with Dad and his money and his power and the business. I didn’t see it at the time, but he’d driven a wedge between us. It wasn’t until years later that I’d been able to identify his behavior. The manipulation, a term I’d learned called triangulation, had been effective back when I was young and stupid.
To this day, shame ate at me when I thought about how I’d pulled away, leaving her and my brothers behind while I chased my father’s approval.
But my mom, always wise and loving, had let me go so I could figure things out for myself.
Head bowed, I shook it. “I’m so sorry.” I’d apologized long ago, but the weight of the guilt was unbearable sometimes. I’d been so lost, and yet she’d never given up on me.
She put her arm around me and squeezed. “I knew you’d find your way back. You were growing into a man, and you needed your father. Whether he could give you what you needed is another story.” She pulled back and raised an eyebrow.
That was the truth. My father had not provided a solid example of manhood, or personhood, for that matter. If only I hadn’t wasted so much time desperate to learn from him.
“But kids are a lot like this sweet puppy.” Her voice got all gooey as Clementine, who’d crept even closer, sniffed her hand. “They come around eventually. They have to stretch their wings and stumble. That’s how they discover who they’re meant to be.” She beamed at me. “It might have been a rocky journey, but look at the man you’ve become.”
My cheeks heated. “Mom, don’t talk like that.”
She was always so effusive and affectionate, but the kindness felt unearned. I wasn’t wealthy and educated like Owen or a military hero like Finn. Hell, Noah was out saving lives and fighting deadly wildfires every day. Jude was working to conquer his shyness by playing with his band, and Cole, although in a bad spot at the moment, had been a hockey star. He’d bounce back eventually.
“Let’s not pretend I’ve amounted to much.”
She elbowed me in the ribs. “August Gabriel Hebert, don’t you dare speak like that about my son.”
Tilting away from her, I rubbed at my side. Shit, that hurt. “I’m trying.” But with all the recent changes in my life, I was barely keeping my head above water. “I’m trying to get unstuck, push myself, and figure out who I’m supposed to be.”
“From where I sit, you’re attacking it like you do everything else. Head on straight and with total commitment. Just like this puppy. That’s what makes you so special. Once you commit, you’re all-in. You go big, and you love completely.”
Wow, this visit had really taken a turn toward the emotional. With a deep breath in, I reined in the ache that had blossomed in my chest. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Did you watch the TED talk I sent you?”
I bit back a chuckle. “Not yet.”
She gave me a disapproving frown. My mother had recently become a devotee of Brene Brown and was pushing my brothers and me to read her work. I didn’t have the time, nor the desire to unpack all the things that were wrong with me. The preliminary list I had was already pretty long. The last thing I needed was to find more shit to feel terrible about.
“Look at the incredible art you create. The home you built.” She pointedly scanned the room, her chest lifting with pride. “Your commitment to your brothers and this town. You are a helper. It’s who you are at your core. And I’m so proud of you.”
She gently scratched Clementine’s ears, her steady, calm presence settling the pooch. Settling me too, if I was being honest.
With one last pat to the dog’s head, Mom stood and brushed off her pants. “I need to run. We’ve got a fall festival volunteer meeting this morning, and then I’m delivering meals for the food pantry.”
She leaned down and kissed the top of my head. “Don’t get up. She wants some love.” Mom dipped her chin at Clem.
Sure enough, Clementine’s nose was a few inches from my fingertips. I froze, being sure to keep my breathing steady so as not to startle her, and let her sniff me. Holy shit, she was getting more comfortable.
Mom headed toward the door.
“And about Chloe LeBlanc.”
My heart sank at the sound of her name. Dammit. I was hoping she’d forgotten.
“Don’t let her push you around. You’re smart, and no one knows that business better. If she can’t appreciate the incredible man you’ve become, then she can fuck right off.”
“Mom,” I snapped, causing Clementine to recoil. I couldn’t help the reaction. My mother never, ever cursed.
“Eh. I’m human.” She shuffled to the door and turned back to me. “I can throw around a fuck now and again.”
The sound of that word leaving her mouth a second time made me laugh.
“I mean it,” she said. “I raised you not to take any shit.” She blew me a kiss as she stepped outside. “Don’t forget it.” With that, she shut the door, leaving Clem and me alone in the silent room.
Being in the office made me restless and anxious. Too much time without fresh air and trees would trigger my nervous system to shut down. But I was here, ready to assist my new boss in whatever crunchy-munchy bullshit she might need. I was operations manager now, whatever the fuck that meant.
I’d never really had a formal title, though I’d acted as both COO and CEO at one time or another. But I’d been working for this company since I was twelve years old and had done every single job at least once.
I’d scrubbed toilets and stuffed envelopes and driven for hours back and forth to the sawmill. I’d camped out in blizzards, and I’d dug out stuck tires. Through it all, I’d had dozens of injuries.
And I’d done it all for love. For the love of my family, our business, and our land.
Today, I was nothing more than an employee.
Chloe would make changes, sell off assets, probably reorganize. And all I could do was watch it happen.
Pure torture.
Desperate for fresh air, I’d escaped to the shop earlier to see Sam. He was one of my oldest friends. Long ago, we’d started out running machines together, and we’d bonded. He was quiet, thoughtful, and didn’t take any bullshit.
Now he was our chief mechanic. He ran the shop, oversaw our fleet of vehicles, and kept all our equipment in top shape. He was the older brother I’d never had, willing to talk and listen and sometimes just take a silent hike in the woods.
When I popped in, he was swamped with work. Chloe was demanding maintenance records and had some guy from Vermont coming in to inspect equipment. So rather than distract him, I wandered back to the office, feeling useless and unmoored.
I’d just settled in to read my emails—fuck, there were way more emails now than ever before—when a knock sounded on my office door.
My heart rate spiked. Jude didn’t knock, and neither did Sam or Mike or any of the crew.
So that left one possibility.
“August.”
When I forced my attention away from my computer screen, she was standing in the nearly empty office, wearing a black skirt that hugged her hips and accentuated her small waist. Her hair was pulled back into a messy knot on her head with a scrunchie, showing off the smattering of freckles on her collarbone. Like a punch to the gut, I was hit with a memory of kissing and licking every single one.
She cleared her throat.
“Can I help you?”
“I’m calling an all-staff meeting for this afternoon. I’d like to give a brief presentation to the field crews, and I need you to review it for me first. Add details specific to your operation and let me know if anything is unclear.”
I nodded. Sweet. There was nothing like a PowerPoint to inspire a bunch of wilderness-hardened lumberjacks.
She shifted from foot to foot, the movement drawing my attention to her shoes. They were purple today. And massive. She was tiny in stature, but the way she held herself and the calm confidence in her expression exuded power and authority. Even so, beneath the business suit and the cold, professional exterior, she was still my Chloe, the steely, sad girl with the fiery hair who had completely captivated me.
No matter how many decades had passed, the spark inside me came alive only when I was with her.
If the way she regarded me from across the room was any indication—brown eyes darkening and full of curiosity and heat—she felt that spark too.
She crossed her arms and lifted her chin, challenging me. In return, I watched her, waiting for her to speak. She could push me all she wanted, but I wouldn’t budge. I didn’t mind silence.
“The FBI called,” she said after an excruciating amount of time.
I nodded, ignoring the sharp pain that lanced my chest. “Those fuckers never go away.”
She rolled her eyes. “Thanks for your commentary. They’re coming next week to meet with us.”
“Us?”
“Yes, August. Since I’ve only been here for two days, we’ll need you there in order to answer questions and provide them with the information they need. Our lawyers will be present, of course, but we’ve been assured that this is a friendly visit.”
Fuck . We’d had more than our fair share of run-ins with law enforcement, not to mention hours upon hours of questioning. Late nights searching for documents and early mornings filled with despair became routine around here after my dad was arrested for drug trafficking. For years, I’d been dealing with the brunt of it.
I grunted. “No such thing as a friendly visit when it comes to the feds.”
The sigh she let out was filled with exasperation. “This company has nothing to hide.” She said nothing further, but she arched her brows and homed in on me. The subtext was clear. She wanted my confirmation that her statement was true.
“I do not, and have never had any involvement in illegal activity,” I said. “I understand the full extent of my father’s crimes, but let me be clear: I had no idea.”
She nodded. “I believe you.”
Those three words made my heart twist. Was she being kind? Doubtful. She’d made it clear the moment she arrived in town that we were not friends.
“We both know you’re not smart enough to run an international drug trafficking operation.”
There it was. Of course she had to wedge in some bitchy insult. To underscore that I was the help here and remind me of how deep her disdain for me ran.
Clem took that moment to poke her head out from under my desk. Of course my dog, who avoided anyone and everyone, would be curious about the woman who’d just ruthlessly insulted me. She probably wanted some tips on how best to break my spirit.
Eyes widening, Chloe slowly knelt.
Clem trotted over to her and sniffed her hand while Chloe spoke softly to her. It only took a moment for her to move in close and nudge Chloe’s hand. As Chloe pet her, Clem lifted her head, looking like she was in heaven, and damn if I wasn’t irrationally jealous that my dog preferred her over me.
“What a beautiful doggie,” she said, nuzzling Clem’s nose. “What’s her name?”
“Clementine.”
Chloe lifted her head and froze, staring at me. Recognition dawned in her eyes, and I could almost see the memory play through her mind. Our first real date. Sharing stale popcorn in a cramped movie theater in Orono. The crisp fall air as we wandered along the river after.
Our eyes locked, and the air in the room shifted.
She stood up quickly, smoothing down her skirt.
“Cute dog,” she said, turning to leave. “Don’t let her pee in my office.”