19. Gus
Chapter 19
Gus
I woke up to a strange, heavy sensation. I’d fallen asleep on the couch after spending the evening working in my woodshop. I’d been so restless that I needed to create something. Cole had been asking me to create a few original pieces to auction at RiverFest, so it seemed like as good a time as any to get started.
This morning, though, I was paying for it. My neck was already screaming. I opened my eyes to investigate the weight on my legs, my heart instantly leaping.
Clementine was on the end of the couch, curled up next to me, with her head resting on my shin.
Remaining as still and relaxed as I could so as not to disturb this adorable scene, I took her in. My neck was killing me, but this moment was worth the pain.
Slowly, I reached for my phone on the coffee table so I could document this monumental occasion. It had finally happened.
My heart was so full.
Time and trust. That’s what the director of the shelter had said. And she was right.
Before I could snap the pic, Clem lifted her head and gave me an unamused look. Almost as if she’d seen how overjoyed I was at the small gesture of trust and was embarrassed for me.
With a scratch behind her ears, I smiled.
“I know your secret, girl,” I told her. “You’re starting to like me. I’ll grow on you, and eventually, we’re gonna be best friends.”
At the office, I checked in with Sam and played phone tag with the mill to coordinate the delivery of a load of remaining timber. In an hour, I was due to meet with JJ.
The sheer number of changes made me uneasy, but I liked her, and I respected the hell out of her.
We’d been busy, zipping all over the place, taking photos and samples. We’d even gotten Finn to take us up for some aerial footage. Between the excitement of seeing Chloe and feeling challenged at work, I felt more energized than I had in years.
As hard as it was to accept, I was beginning to think that Hebert Timber was better off now. That these big changes were necessary for growth and survival. It had been drilled into me since birth that this was my role, my place. That no one could do the job like a Hebert could. But that no longer felt like the case.
I rolled my shoulders and tipped my head to one side, then the other, still sore from sleeping on the couch, and noticed a text on my phone.
It was Chloe.
Could you stop by today? I’m working from home, and there’s something I’d like to discuss with you in person.
Chloe’s preferred method of communication was usually email. She’d been keeping her distance since our night together, but I’d wear her down eventually.
And if she wanted to meet, I’d go happily. She could summon me to Chloe Castle whenever she liked.
Clementine jumped into the truck and stuck her head out the window. She panted into the wind as we cruised along in the early August sunshine.
On the way, I stopped at the Caffeinated Moose for a latte and a box of molasses cookies, which I’d heard were her favorites.
I was floating on air when I approached her front door, but when Chloe appeared, my heart dropped.
She was wearing sweats, and her feet were bare. She was as gorgeous as ever, but weary.
“Everything okay?” I asked immediately, wanting to touch her but thinking better of it.
Clem pushed by me, heading right for her, and Chloe immediately knelt and gave my girl a hug.
“Come in,” she murmured.
“Brought you treats, Dragonfly,” I said, walking through the foyer. I hadn’t been inside since her birthday party a couple of weeks back, and it was even more impressive in the daylight.
In the kitchen, she opened the box of cookies. Instead of lighting up like I’d expected, she gagged and dropped it onto the counter, then walked to the other side of the room.
“Are you sick? Can I get you anything?” I grabbed a glass from the cabinet next to the sink and filled it with water.
She shook her head and wordlessly took the glass from me.
My heart was racing. Something was wrong. She hadn’t insulted me once, and she didn’t like her cookies. My mind jumped from one terrible possibility to another. God, I just wanted her to be okay.
“Sit,” she said, gesturing to a seat.
I refused. “Dragonfly, you’re scaring me,” I said softly.
She assessed me with wide, misty eyes.
“I’m here for you,” I pressed. “Whatever you need.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, and a tear rolled down her cheek.
That small reaction had the ground shifting beneath me.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
The words hovered in the air between us for a moment before they registered.
“Pregnant?” I asked, my heart in my throat.
She nodded.
Confusion, shock, and joy flooded my senses, rendering me mute. Pregnant?
My entire world narrowed at that moment. And this woman was at the center of it. A baby. With Chloe. Us. Parenting together. A little person.
I dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around her, my tears staining her old T-shirt. I couldn’t help but cry. Stoicism only went so far, and there were far too many emotions whirling inside me.
And a baby?
I clung to her, terrified and overjoyed. Fuck, this felt like the first day of the rest of my life.
I looked up at her tearstained face. At some point, she’d begun to cry, too. “This is the best day of my life,” I said softly. I put my head against her stomach. “The best day,” I whispered. “Should we call Father Renee now? It’s early, but if I text Nancy at town hall, she’ll get us a license.”
“License?” she asked, trying to pull back, but I wouldn’t let her go. “For what?”
“So we can get married. Remarried. Whatever.”
There was so much to do, to learn, to plan. My mind was spinning around and around and around.
“Gus,” she said, her tone firm. “Stand up.”
Gripping my arms and yanking them away, she took a step back and frowned down at me, so I stood.
“We need to establish some ground rules here. We are not getting married.”
“Yet,” I said, wiping a tear from my cheek.
“Sit down.” She pointed to the table. “I need you to understand something.”
I obeyed, sitting, and she sat across from me, her hands folded neatly.
“You can choose what you’d like to do. You do not have to be involved. I am prepared to do this on my own.”
Her words were sharp. Like a knife to the chest. On her own? Like I wouldn’t be there? What was she even saying?
“But if you do want to be in our child’s life, then we will be co-parents. Nothing more.”
My heart sank. No. This was our second chance. It was so clearly fate. A little person, half me and half her, joining this world and changing our lives in the process.
Yet she was acting like this was no big deal.
“I welcome your involvement. I really do. I know this feels very exciting right now, but take some time to really consider this. Whether this is something you want for your life. Forever.”
“I will not miss a single minute,” I said cooly, angry that she would imply I wouldn’t want to know my child. “I’ve waited forty years to become a dad. You’ve lost your mind if you think I’m going to take even a second for granted.”
Her shoulders lowered a fraction, and the crease between her brow eased, as if she believed me.
Good. But despite the excitement, my feelings were deeply hurt. How could she make assumptions like this about me?
I reached across the table and took her hand, cradling it in mine. “This is destiny, Dragonfly. Written in the stars. We will make it work.”
She pulled her hand away. “Please stop with that crap. Stars and fate do not make birth control fail.”
“Then it must be my powerful lumberjack sperm,” I joked.
She rolled her eyes. “Of course your ego loves this.”
“I’m not hating it,” I said, sitting straighter. “But it’s not about ego. This is great news. And if you need me to prove that I’m all-in, then get ready.”
Clasping her hands in front of her, she gave me a succinct nod. It looked like that was the best I’d get at the moment.
I roughed a hand down my face. “So what do we do now?”
“I make an appointment with an ob-gyn. Confirm everything is good. And then I do what I always do, figure things out.”
“Together,” I said firmly. “In fact, I should probably move in, keep an eye on you. Be on call for midnight pickle runs and to rub your swollen feet.”
She threw her head back in what I can only describe as a full-body eye roll. “No fucking way.”
“Why not? Clem and I are great roommates. Aren’t we, girl?”
Clem gave me a bored look.
“I’m only six weeks. Slow down.” She splayed her hands flat on the table. “Please think about what I’ve said. Let the shock of this wear off, and we can talk more in a couple of days.”
With that, she stood and headed for the door, clearly eager to get me out of her house.
“I don’t need to think about it, Chloe. I’m all-in. Every minute of every day for the rest of my life.” But even as I said it, fear and doubt began to creep in. I hadn’t had the best example of a father, and I’d already lost Chloe once. Could I really be what they needed?
“I’m glad you feel that way,” she said, chin lifted. “But I need you to be sure. I will not allow you to abandon this child. You will not leave them behind or withdraw your affections.”
Bile rose in my throat. Abandon? Never. How could she say that? I wanted to rip open my shirt and show her my tattoo. Show her that when I loved, I loved for life.
Anger rolled through me, along with shame and disgust. I had caused this reaction. My own stupidity and hesitation so many years ago. This was the damage I’d done to her.
“Chloe—” I held out my hand.
She shook her head, looking at the door. “I believe that you’re happy. But I will never fully trust you again.”
Those words hit me like an arrow to the chest.
“This baby is the most precious thing in my life,” she said. “And I’ll be damned if I let you disappoint it in any way.”
I was chastened. She wanted me gone, and I wasn’t sure I blamed her. “I will do anything to earn your trust back,” I said softly, stung by a sense of defeat. “And there is nothing I will not do for this child.”
“Please stop.” She sniffled.
She was crying now. Great, I had made things worse.
With an audible swallow, she opened the front door. “I need to be alone.”
Like I told her, I’d do everything I could. And right now, she needed me to leave. So I left, with Clem following me. Once I was in my truck, I dropped my head back and closed my eyes. Shit. How had the best day of my life so quickly turned into one of the worst?