25. Chloe
Chapter 25
Chloe
H eart pounding and mind racing, I paced around my house. Why was it so big? It was strange and empty and eerie. Outside, rain had begun to fall. The storm was going to be a big one. They were predicting supercells, and a good part of the state was under a tornado warning. Thunderstorms were no big deal, but I was alone in my house on the side of a lake. JJ and Karl had flown down to New York for the weekend to meet up with friends, so I was on my own. For the last few days, I’d been dealing with the fallout from the fire and had barely slept.
At this rate, we’d never get our forecasts and plans set for the winter harvesting season. The more time I spent here, the clearer it became that I wasn’t leaving anytime soon. The issues this company was facing were more complex than I had anticipated, and my usual hands-off approach to investments didn’t work when I was the one in charge.
I should have been working today, but instead, I ordered furniture and housewares online. When I moved in, I’d had the bare minimum delivered. I usually didn’t need much, but suddenly, I was feeling the need to nest.
A big desk for my home office, a few rugs, a hammock for Celine’s kids, and throw pillows. Nothing major. I was growing attached to this house. Like Hebert Timber, it was a good investment. That’s why I’d purchased it. But now, I couldn’t stop thinking of paint colors and building a bunk room for Celine’s kids and all kinds of other improvements.
The rain was hitting the lake hard, and thunder shook the house.
My stomach churned as I scanned the shoreline. I was alone here.
It ’ s fine, Chloe. Pull yourself together . It was just weather, and I needed to buckle down and get some more work done. I’d have to fight the nesting instincts. Otherwise, they would only cause more trouble.
Work . I should be singularly focused on my job. Once I’d gotten through today’s to-do list, I could deal with everything else. I needed to whip it into shape so I could get back to Seattle and then have this baby.
But every time I thought about my place in Seattle, I was swamped with sadness. It didn’t feel like home. It didn’t have the big yard or the dining room for holiday meals or the claw-foot tub that I had fallen in love with.
Logic. It was how I lived my life. I strategized, carefully analyzing every possible outcome, and then I made a plan. For the last two decades, I’d been successful at not letting feelings get in the way.
So why was I so lost right now?
In need of a snack, I headed to the kitchen. Cheese would help. I’d had a moment of panic when I thought I couldn’t eat cheese during pregnancy. Turned out it was only the fancy unpasteurized stuff, and there wasn’t much of that up here anyway.
The local supermarket had plenty of options, so I pulled down a box of Triscuits and shuffled to the fridge for the cheddar.
I was bent over, cheese in hand, when the lights flickered.
Holding my breath, I scanned the room and peered out the windows across the living area. Shit. That was scary.
A large crack of thunder sounded in the distance, the boom so loud I jumped a foot in the air.
With a hand to my chest, I shook my head. What was wrong with me? I was getting all worked up over some rain.
But then the lights went out.
I closed the refrigerator, reached for my phone, and flipped on the flashlight. Panic swirled in my belly. I should be tough. I had flashlights and candles, and this was just a storm. I’d be okay. But with every second that ticked by, my fear grew until it was a dark cloud hovering over me.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I was dialing Gus.
“Dragonfly. You okay?”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Shit. I hated how weak I was being. I wasn’t a damsel in distress. I didn’t need to be rescued. “My power went out,” I said, working hard to keep from sounding too hysterical.
“Do you have a generator?”
Shit. I had no idea. The house had come with a damn boat, but I’d never even thought to check for a generator.
My face heated with shame. Thank God he wasn’t here to see me. Admitting to someone like Gus that I wasn’t prepared was beyond embarrassing.
“I don’t know,” I squeaked, frustrated with myself for sounding so meek. “And I’m alone here—”
“I’m on my way.”
My heart squeezed, half-elated and half-afraid. “You don’t have to.”
“Clem and I are already walking out the door. I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Just sit tight.”
True to his word, his truck rumbled up the driveway a short time later.
The moment I pulled the door open, Clem ran straight in, and Gus wasn’t far behind her.
He had a big duffel slung over one shoulder and a bag of groceries in his other arm.
I tamped down on the wave of comfort that hit me at the sight of him. He should not make me feel so good, dammit. “You came prepared.”
He ran one hand through his wet hair and hefted the duffel higher on his shoulder. “You could just say you missed me.”
I crossed my arms and attempted a sneer. “I didn’t. I was just trying to work, but there’s no power.”
“Sure. Give me a few minutes.”
He set the grocery bag on the counter, then removed a headlamp from his bag and went down to the basement.
While I waited, I grabbed a towel and dried off Clementine, who wagged her tail wildly.
I put my arms around her, burying my face in her neck. “I’m happy to see you too, girl,” I said, already feeling less alone.
Gus returned a few minutes later. “You do have a generator. But there is no gas.”
My face fell. I was such an idiot.
“Don’t despair. I brought some. I’ll run out to the truck and get it. It may take me some time to get things running. I checked out the circuit breaker in the basement. Everything is clearly labeled, so we can prioritize what gets power.”
I nodded, half-overwhelmed with gratitude and half-embarrassed about how ill-prepared I was.
This was not the Chloe LeBlanc I’d become over the last twenty years. I was not the woman who asked a man for help. Who needed a man to fix things for her.
I sat on the couch with a huff and petted Clementine, hating myself. But before I could fall too deep down the self-loathing rabbit hole, the lights came back on.
The way my fear fled made it impossible to deny that I did need this man. Granted, if I told him that, he’d never let me live it down.
A moment later, he came back through the door and headed to the basement.
Some lights went off while the living room and kitchen lights stayed on.
“I kept the kitchen circuits on, so you’ve got lights in here. The refrigerator will work, and you can use the stove, but we’ll keep everything else off to save on gas.”
“Thank you,” I said, choking up.
Hovering above me, he stroked my chin gently. “Dragonfly, I’ll always be here to help. You only have to ask. Clem and I aren’t going anywhere. We’ll stay with you until the storm is over, okay?”
I nodded, so damn close to bursting into tears. Goddamn these pregnancy hormones.
“Now, how about a snack?”
Without waiting for a response, he strutted away. When he returned, he brought a bowl of Chex Mix, another of green grapes—which had recently become my pregnancy craving obsession—and two bottles of water. As well as a deck of Uno cards.
“Where did you get grapes?”
“You mentioned you’d been craving them.” He shrugged as he dropped onto the couch next to me. “So I bought a whole bunch just in case.”
With one brow lifted, I scrutinized him with a frown. “Just in case I came over to your house.”
“Yes. It’s my job to keep you and the little bean fed.”
“It’s not,” I argued, though I was already shoving them into my mouth.
He just shook his head, as if he was humoring me. “Want to play Uno?”
I grabbed the entire bowl of grapes and clutched it to my chest. They tasted so damn good. “I have a better idea. How about truth or dare?”
Smirking, he clapped his hands and rubbed them together. “Game on, Dragonfly. I’ll go first. Truth or dare?”
“Truth,” I said, holding my head high, even as I was hit with a wave of instant regret. Why the hell had I suggested this?
“Why’d you buy this giant house?”
Ooh. The question wasn’t nearly as loaded as I’d expected. I figured he’d immediately start off with one that would force me to sort through my conflicted feelings about Gus and his involvement in my pregnancy.
“Officially?” I asked. “As an investment. I wanted to own something in Maine, and it was so pretty.”
I loved the idea of hosting family holidays with my nieces and nephew. And this house, with the lake and the docks and the boathouse, was the perfect place to do it. I’d missed so much of their lives, and I wanted to make memories.
“It’s a lot of house.”
I shrugged. “There weren’t many options.”
“So what’s the unofficial reason?”
Lips pressed together, I ducked my head. “My sister.”
He went stiff beside me. “Is Celine okay?”
“Sort of.” I inhaled deeply, then let it out slowly. “One day, she’s going to leave the sentient lump of dogshit she married, and when she does, I want her to have a place to go. A gorgeous, luxurious place where she and the kids can be safe.”
Gus covered my hand with his and squeezed. “Is he abusive?” he asked, his voice low and grave. “Tell me.”
I shook my head. “I have no hard evidence,” I explained. “But based on my observations, I believe he is. He’s definitely emotionally abusive. He treats my sister like shit, takes minimal interest in his kids, and spends most of his time playing golf or hanging out at strip clubs.”
“Wow,” Gus deadpanned. “What a winner.”
“Celine has been through a lot of shit. But I believe in my heart that she’ll leave him one day. She’s not the type to do it for herself, but for the kids, she’ll make it happen. And I’m ready to help when it does.”
What I didn’t say out loud was that I felt guilty. She was so young when I left for college. Only a freshman. No mother, no older sister, no one to help her manage the challenges of womanhood.
“She was the good daughter,” I explained. “Did whatever my dad told her to. So she married the son of one of my dad’s oldest friends, who happened to own the lumber mill where he did all his business.”
“She stayed close, had babies, and never stepped a toe out of line. But she’s miserable. Though she’s good at holding herself together and putting on a happy face for her kids.”
Gus sat quietly for a moment, a thumb pressed to his lips, considering.
“Don’t blame yourself,” he finally said, his voice soft. “You take on too much already. If you love her and support her and those awesome kids, then things will work out.”
I reflexively put my hand on my stomach. I wasn’t even close to showing, but I found myself doing it more and more.
“My turn,” I said. “Truth or dare?”
“Truth.”
“Okay. Why aren’t you married with a ton of kids?”
“Just didn’t happen,” he said, avoiding my eye.
“Bullshit. Look at you.” I waved a hand up and down. “You’re the most eligible bachelor in Northern Maine. You’re responsible and protective and stupidly handsome. How has no woman locked you down?”
“Handsome?” His face lit up.
“I said, stupidly handsome,” I replied. “And answer my damn question.”
“Can I take a dare?” he asked, shifting my way.
I crossed my arms. “No. Start talking.”
He bit his lip, his focus wandering around the room, clearly debating what to say.
After a long pause, he looked up at me, his face completely serious. “Because I was waiting for you.”
Even as my heart lurched, I pretended to vomit obnoxiously. “Please, you expect me to believe that?”
He hung his head and gave it a shake. “It’s true. It wasn’t even conscious. After we signed the divorce papers, I was sure you’d come back. Waited for you, spinning out elaborate theories about when and how you’d return. Eventually, that faded, and I forced myself to move on.”
That hurt. I’d been with other men, so logically, I knew he’d been with other women. But the thought still enraged me. The feeling that he was mine, that he belonged to me, persisted, despite the decades and distance. I had to keep correcting myself. He’d once belonged to me, yes, but he hadn’t for a long time.
Now, though, it felt like we were back, exactly where we were supposed to be. The ease of our connection, the lack of angst plaguing me, was irritating. I’d spent a lot of time and expended a lot of energy hating him. It had taken far too long, but I’d finally convinced myself he was a youthful mistake. That I’d imagined our chemistry. That we weren’t compatible and that I was grieving and clung to him as if he were a human emotional life raft instead of an actual partner.
None of the stories I told myself were accurate, and right now, I was being smacked in the face by the cold, hard truth. There was something here. A different kind of connection. One that was more adult and more evolved than what we had shared a long time ago.
And I’d have to manage the connection, the magnetic draw between us, no matter how badly I didn’t want to.
“I could say it’s because I worked too much. Spent all my time in the woods or building my house and not enough time dating, but that would be a lie. In therapy, I’m learning to acknowledge my feelings. And one of the biggest truths I’ve found is that I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
I gasped. Not ready for this level of honesty. Not ready for the emotions his words were unlocking inside me.
He scooted closer to me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I had you. And for a split second, it was perfect. But I was too young and too dumb to figure out how to hold on to you forever. Now, if given the chance, I promise I won’t make that mistake again.”
Maybe it was the stress of the storm or the pregnancy hormones, or maybe it was the vulnerability in his eyes. But I believed him.
And then, before I could think better of it. I was kissing him.