27. Chloe
Chapter 27
Chloe
I was warm, so warm, and comfortable. My limbs were languid and my brain was blissfully empty. In that blissful place between sleep and waking, I luxuriated.
“Thank you.” I felt the words before I heard them. Was I dreaming?
“You are our little miracle. Changed my life. I’ve made so many mistakes, but I promise that I will spend every single minute I’ve got left taking care of you and your mother. Because I’m damn lucky to have you both.”
I slowly opened one eye, trying to figure out what was happening. Finding Gus gently stroking and talking to my stomach. There wasn’t much there. According to my app, the baby was the size of a grape, but that didn’t stop him.
It was so damn sweet my heart clenched. I closed my eyes again, letting the warmth of this moment spread through me.
“I’m so lucky to be your dad. Speaking of luck, you hit the jackpot, kid, because you’ve got one hell of a mom. She’s smart and tough, but she loves so deeply. I cannot wait to see her holding you for the first time.”
I couldn’t keep this up any longer. I opened my eyes, which were now full of tears—thanks hormones—and cupped his cheek. He gently kissed my belly before wordlessly gathering me up in his arms.
The storm still raged outside, rain pounding on the roof and lightning arcing across the sky. I didn’t want to leave this bed. I was so comfortable and content here, while my life outside this protective bubble was a dumpster fire. Here, it was just Gus and me and the little bean. Snuggles and orgasms and kind words.
We held each other for hours, dozing as the storm raged. Until I craved him again.
“Can I get you anything?”
I shook my head, my cheek grazing his chest. “I’m amazing. In fact, I’m not even nauseous. I think sex might be the cure for morning sickness.”
He rolled onto his side, adjusting me gently, and propped his head up in his hand. “Then I should probably move in. That way we can manage your symptoms twenty-four seven.”
“You are very good at your job,” I replied flippantly, unwilling to consider how tempting that suggestion was.
He kissed me gently, and when he pulled back, his blue eyes were full of adoration. “You are so beautiful.”
His words hit me like a punch to the solar plexus. “Thank you, but my body isn’t what it used to be.” My whole life, I’d focused on the positive. I’d taken good care of myself, and I’d rejected society’s bullshit about aging and beauty. Still, I was lying in bed with this amazing man who’d explored every inch of my body twenty years ago. Back when my stomach was totally flat and my forehead was unlined.
“I’m crazy about you.” He frowned. “Not the idea of you from twenty years ago, but this version.”
With my heart in my throat, I laughed it off.
Gripping my chin firmly, he forced me to look at him. “I took one look at you in that conference room in Boston and knew that you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”
He kissed me again, fiercer this time.
“This body is sinfully sexy. But also strong, fierce, and capable.”
“Yeah, yeah, but my boobs were way perkier back in the day.”
“They’re fucking mouth-watering now. Every inch of you is. And don’t fish for compliments. It’s beneath you. I don’t play games. I’m a grown man who knows what I want.”
My stomach twisted, and nerves skittered down my spine. “What do you want, Gus?”
“Everything, Dragonfly. I want it all. But most of all, I want you to be happy. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. But I need you to trust me, to let me in.”
I rolled onto my back, suddenly struggling to breathe and needing space. This conversation had gotten heavy fast. Couldn’t we just have a few more minutes in the bubble?
But his severe expression made it clear he needed a conversation. He wanted to understand. So, while it was the last thing I wanted, I owed him the truth.
I got up, grabbed my robe, and tossed his boxers at him. I needed clothing for this conversation.
“I’m not sure what I can give you,” I said honestly, hating the way his face fell. “This is a complicated situation, and I can’t put myself in a position to get hurt again.”
He sat up. “I appreciate that, but we’re grown adults now, and we’re having a child. At some point, we need to move on from the past.”
Anger bubbled up inside me. Move on? I had moved on. But it didn’t mean I would make the same mistake twice. And it sure as hell didn’t mean I’d allow this man to disappoint our child.
“You misunderstand me,” I said, garnering all the patience I could find within myself. “It’s not about being stuck in the past. It’s about accepting the present and being careful.”
“Careful?” He scoffed. “We’re already pregnant and trying to save a business caught between the FBI and a criminal drug cartel. I’d say we’re past being careful.”
I climbed out of bed again and paced from one side of the dark bedroom to the other. How could he not understand my point? Yes, we were getting along and had explosive sexual chemistry, but that did not mean that we could just live happily ever after.
“I’m not sure I can trust you again,” I said softly, my eyes stinging with tears.
The defeat etched in every line on his face almost broke my heart. I was hurting him. But it had to be said. We’d been dancing around our past for weeks, and it was time to lay it all out.
He lowered his head and balled his fists on his lap. “You weren’t the only one who got their heart broken.”
“After what you did?” I let out a humorless laugh. “Do you know what kind of damage that did to me? How long it took me to rebuild my sense of self? I can’t risk you doing that to our child.”
He jumped up, his eyes flashing with anger. “How could you even think that was possible? And what I did?” He shook his head and propped his fists on his hips. “I’ll own up to my part in this, but there were two signatures on the divorce papers, Chloe. You got on the plane.”
My heart cracked, along with my voice. “Because I had no choice. You traded me for some trees. You abandoned me and our marriage.”
“What the fuck are you even talking about?” With both hands in his hair, he tugged. “You stopped talking to me. You moved out of our apartment and wouldn’t see me. Your dad said you were going to get a restraining order if I didn’t stop trying to contact you.”
I brought my hands to my chest to ease the ache. “We got married, and you just left me. First emotionally and then physically. I had nothing and no one. You chose your company over me.”
“I did not.” He stomped two steps closer. “Why do you keep saying that? I loved my family business, that’s true, but that didn’t mean I’d choose it over you.”
“But you did.” My breath stuttered out of me. “My dad told me everything.”
Scowling, he narrowed those piercing blue eyes. “Doesn’t sound like it.”
I pulled my shoulders back and lifted my chin. “Your father bought one hundred acres from my dad. The eastern slope of Mt. Wilton. Sound familiar?”
“Lumber companies buy and sell land all the time.”
“Yes,” I said with a sharp breath in. “But your father bought it from mine at a steep discount. Said you’d be willing to walk away from me and our silly little marriage and go through with the divorce if he agreed.”
He shook his head. “No. Not possible.”
“It is,” I spit out through gritted teeth. “He forced my father’s hand. Not that my father was blameless. He wanted me to go to school, to get out of this town and away from you. My mother had always wanted me to get an education, and he worried that if I stayed married to you, I’d get stuck like she did.”
“No.” He shook his head, tugging at his hair again. “I tried to contact you so many times. You ignored me. You shut me out, because your family hated me and mine. I didn’t stop loving you. You stopped loving me.”
The panic flashing across his face made my resolve stumble a bit. My stomach flipped.
“My father begged me to leave and start the new semester,” I said, my voice a little softer. “He’d already paid the tuition. Gave me the letter you wrote. Said he wouldn’t let me give up my life for a man who didn’t truly love me.”
Gus snapped his head up and blinked. “What letter? Every letter I wrote was some variation of I can ’ t live without you and I ’ ll love you forever .”
“I only ever got one letter, and in that one, you told me we were too young and had rushed into something we couldn’t handle. You said you needed to focus on your career and the family business. You said our fathers had agreed to the sale of land in exchange for our divorce.”
He turned and slammed his hand into the wall, and my heart cracked open wider. “No. Chloe, no. I would never have written that.”
At the utter devastation rolling off him, the ground shifted beneath my feet. Every hurt, every slight that I’d held on to for two decades was slipping away. What the hell was he saying? It contradicted everything I knew to be true. He had pulled away when his parents disapproved. He’d been desperate to impress his father.
“You were the love of my life. Even then, I’d have died for you. I didn’t give two shits about trees. I was getting ready to leave everything behind to be with you in Vancouver.”
“No.” I shook my head hard. “You said you could never leave Maine. That the family business needed you.”
“That was before we got married.” He took another step closer, his chest heaving. “That was before I realized that you were the one. That nothing else mattered. I wrote it all in my letters. I begged for another chance. I told you I’d shred the divorce papers.”
We stood several feet apart, assessing one another, hearts pounding.
My head was so muddy, and my every cell was brimming with hurt and anger and confusion.
“I should have chased you,” he said, his voice nothing but a whisper. “I bought a plane ticket. But I felt so stupid. Your father was so convincing. Said you deserved a fresh start. He said you loved school and that I would just hold you back.”
My stomach dropped. “You talked to my dad?”
A succinct nod. “I went to see him. Begged to get your address.”
Nausea swirled in my stomach. My dad? He’d never told me any of this. I’d always believed Gus had signed the divorce papers and forgotten I existed, while I’d spent months crying myself to sleep every night.
Recognition dawned in his expression at the same moment it swept over me.
My father and I were not close. He’d pushed me away. He’d forced me to go. I knew that. He’d never wanted me near the family business, and he’d always favored my brothers.
But I’d always assumed that, deep down, it was because he wanted what he thought was best for me. That he shut down after Mom’s death and couldn’t express himself.
Was he really capable of lying to me like this? Manipulating me and destroying my heart and self-confidence in the process?
He grunted. “My dad…”
“And my dad?” My chest squeezed so tight it was hard to breathe.
“They lied,” he said. “To both of us and maybe each other. But I tried. I swear it. Not hard enough, and I’ll never forgive myself for that, but I tried. I loved you so purely and deeply, Chloe. Part of me died when you left.”
The nausea hit me like a tidal wave, and bile rose in my throat. I ran to the bathroom, holding out my hands to keep from falling in the darkened house.
I almost slipped on the tile in the large en suite as I struggled to hold back what was trying to come out of me.
As I retched, he appeared behind me, gathering up my hair.
I heaved over and over again, until there was nothing left inside me.
The whole time, he stood there, holding my hair with one hand and rubbing soothing circles on my back with the other, telling me it would be okay.
When I was done, he picked me up and carried me to the couch. He shuffled to the kitchen, returned with a glass of water, then sat down and put his arm around me.
I was spent, empty. I’d been carrying around this hurt and anger for years. Heavy suitcases that I shuffled along with throughout my entire adult life. They’d become such a big part of me, I wasn’t sure I could ever put them down.
His face was drawn and weary. “Where does this leave us?” he asked, stroking Clem’s ears.
“I need to think. Nothing makes sense right now. For so long, I thought I loved you more than you loved me.”
He stiffened. “That’s not true.”
“We shouldn’t have gotten married. I was grieving the loss of my mom and clinging to you. You could never have lived up to the ideal in my mind. But I was hurting so badly and worried that I’d never be happy again.”
He shifted and pulled me close. “For what it’s worth, I was thrilled to marry you. And I think the only way we can raise this baby is if we forgive each other and ourselves for the past.”
Tears stung my eyes. Goddamn pregnancy hormones. He was right. So fucking right. Yet I couldn’t speak.
“You need to go to bed.” He stood and offered me his hand. “I’ll sleep on the couch. Clem and I will stay until the power comes back on. Just drink a little more water and get some rest.”
He walked me to bed and set my water glass on the nightstand. Crouching beside the bed, he kissed my forehead. “I am so sorry for everything I’ve done. This baby is a precious gift, and there is nothing I won’t do to make you both happy.”