17. Chapter Seventeen
chapter seventeen
. . .
Olivia
Carter grabbed my hand, and we fought our way through the heaving crowd. I couldn't believe he was here, couldn't believe this was happening.
I caught Meghan's eye across the club and waved at her with my free hand. She lifted her glass and shot me a wink.
We burst through a side door into the night air. The sudden quiet was almost deafening. Carter’s eyes searched mine.
“Olivia, I—” he began, then stopped, one hand clutching at the back of his neck. “I'm not good at this.”
For a moment, we stood there with only the taut sizzling tension for company. Then he cupped my face and kissed me.
His lips crashed into mine as if he'd had been holding back for ages. I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. His answering grip on my waist was tight and demanding.
We broke apart, both breathless, and I searched his face. His eyes were a maelstrom of desire and mounting panic. “I shouldn't have done that,” he said, but he didn't let go of me .
“Why not?”
He sighed, his forehead coming to rest against mine. I could almost see the internal battle raging behind his furrowed brow. “I should get you home,” he groaned, his breath warm on my skin.
The words hit me like a bucket of ice water. My mind flew into overdrive, replaying every second of our kiss, searching for where I'd gone wrong.
Of course he regretted it. How could I have been so stupid? I was his employee, damaged goods with more baggage than a luggage carousel. Carter was successful, brilliant, gorgeous—he could have anyone he wanted. Why would he ever choose me?
I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly aware of how revealing my dress was. “It's okay,” I mumbled, unable to meet his eyes. “I get it. It was a mistake.”
Hope. That was the mistake. I'd let myself believe for one fleeting moment that someone like Carter could want me. But reality has a way of crashing back in.
“Olivia.” Carter reached for me, but I stepped back.
“Please don't,” I whispered, hating how small my voice sounded. “I know I'm not... I'm not what you want. It's fine.” My forced smile was more of a grimace. “I should go back inside.”
I turned to leave, my face burning with humiliation. How was I supposed to face him at work tomorrow? Maybe it was time to should start looking for a new job. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him every day, knowing he'd kissed me out of some misplaced sense of obligation or worse, pity.
I was about to reach for the door handle when Carter's hand closed around my wrist. “Wait,” he said, his grip gentle but firm. “You misunderstand. I should get you home before I kiss you again, right here in this alley for anyone who walks by to see. Now let's get in the car so I can take you home where Pete is undoubtedly waiting for you. And then I can kiss you everywhere .”
“Oh.” Oh!
“ Yeah, 'oh.' So, are you ready to go, Sunny?”
“Sunny?” I echoed, wrinkling my forehead.
“Yeah. Sunny,” he said, his thumb tracing circles on my wrist. “You're my bright spot.”
As we pulled up to my house, I felt a twinge of embarrassment. My little bungalow looked so modest compared to Carter's grand mansion in German Village.
“This is me,” I said, gesturing to the yellow house with a small porch. “It's not much, but?—”
“It's perfect. It suits you.”
I smiled, and my anxiety eased a little. We got out of the car and walked up the short path to my front door. As I fumbled with my keys, I heard the familiar sound of paws scrabbling against the hardwood floor.
“Fair warning, Pete's going to be very excited to see us.”
I opened the door, and Pete burst out, his whole body wriggling with joy. To my surprise, Carter immediately kneeled down, letting Pete lick his face and hands.
“Hey, buddy!” he said in a gooey voice I’d never heard. “Did you miss us? Yeah, I bet you did.”
I watched in amazement as he scratched behind Pete's ears, completely at ease with my furry companion. My heart was at serious risk of bursting.
“Come on in,” I said, ushering them both inside. “Make yourself at home.”
Carter picked Pete up and followed me into the living room. His eyes roamed over my cozy space, taking in the mismatched furniture and the walls covered in framed photos and artwork.
“I love it,” he said, turning to me with a tender smile. “It's warm and inviting, just like you.”
He sat on my worn couch, Pete curled up contentedly in his lap. He looked relaxed, gentle, almost vulnerable. This new version of my demanding boss was almost surreal, and I was utterly captivated.
“You know,” I said, settling into the armchair across from him, “I never would have figured you for a dog person.”
Carter smiled smugly as he stroked Pete's head. “There's a lot you don't know about me, Sunny.”
The nickname made my stomach warm and fluttery. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. “Why is that? Why don't you let more people see this side of you?”
His hand stilled on Pete's fur, and a flicker of something crossed his face. He was quiet for a few moments, eyes fixed on some distant point.
“It's not easy for me,” he finally said. “Letting people in, I mean.”
I waited, giving him space to continue if he wanted to. After a few seconds, he met my gaze.
“I lost my mother when I was young. She was sick for a long time. I watched her suffer, watched how it tore my father apart. After she died, he... changed. Became cold, distant. I learned pretty quickly that caring too much only leads to pain.”
I wanted to reach out, to offer some comfort, but I held back, sensing he needed to get this out.
“So I built walls. Focused on my work, on being the best. It was safer that way. Easier.”
“But lonely,” I said softly.
Carter gave a pained smile and resumed stroking Pete’s head. “Yeah. Lonely.”
I took a chance then, moving to sit beside him on the couch. “Thank you for being so open with me,” I said, placing my hand on his arm. “I'm glad that you trust me enough to let me see this side of you.”
Carter's eyes met mine, he looked more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him. My skin buzzed as I realized how close we were sitting.
“You make it easy,” he said.
I fought to ignore the heat where our bodies touched. “I want you to feel comfortable with me.”
His hand found mine, his thumb tracing circles on my palm. The simple touch set my entire body on fire.
“I've never felt this way about anyone before. It scares the hell out of me.”
Instead of answering with words, I closed the distance between us, pressing my lips to his. The kiss was soft and tentative at first, but Carter quickly deepened it. When I pulled back, I saw his eyes were open and warm in a way they’d never been before. But doubt crept in, whispering old insecurities.
“Are you sure you want to do this? With me? ”
He cupped my face, his thumb tracing my cheekbone. “I've never been more sure of anything in my life.”
I wanted to believe him so badly. I inhaled slowly and forced my hands to unclench. He’d been vulnerable with me, he deserved the same in return.
“I need to tell you something. About my marriage. About why it failed.”
Carter's frowned, but he nodded, encouraging me to continue.
“Ethan and I,”—my throat constricted, and I struggled to force out the words—”we were high school sweethearts. Everyone thought we were perfect together. And we were, at first.”
Carter wordlessly took my hand and held it in both of his.
I paused, gnawing at my lip. What if he looked at me differently once he knew the truth?
“We always talked about having kids. After we got married, he was ready to start trying right away. But it just wasn't happening. We saw doctors, ran tests. They didn’t find anything wrong, but still, no baby. So, I started fertility treatments.” I closed my eyes, remembering the endless doctor's appointments, the hormones, the needles, the endless cycle of hope and disappointed. “It was grueling, but finally, I got pregnant.”
I pressed my lips into a thin line and blinked rapidly. This wouldn’t get any easier if I put it off. I just needed to get it out and get it over with. “I lost the baby at ten weeks. We were devastated, but the doctors said it was common. So we tried again.”
Carter's thumb kept tracing soothing circles on my palm as I continued.
“The second time, I made it to fourteen weeks. We thought we were in the clear. We'd even started telling people.” I stared at our joined hands. “When I lost that baby too, something in me broke.”
I looked up at Carter, expecting to see pity or disgust in his eyes. Instead, I found only sympathy and understanding.
“After the second miscarriage, I started having the pain. At first, I thought it was just part of the healing process. But it didn't go away. It made everything hurt—sitting, standing, and especially sex.”
The lines on Carter’s brow deepened, but he remained silent, letting me finish.
“Ethan tried to be understanding at first. But as time went on and the pain didn't get better, he got frustrated. We stopped being intimate. And then he just pulled away. Started working late, avoiding me. Eventually, I found out he was cheating.”
Carter's jaw tightened.
“I tried to fix things, to be the perfect wife. But in the end, it wasn't enough. He left me. Said he couldn't handle the pressure of my health issues and the grief.” I wiped away a tear, fighting the impulse to curl up and hide from the memory. “I don't blame him, not really. I couldn't give him what he wanted—a family, a normal sex life. I'm damaged goods. I come with a lot of baggage. Are you sure you want to take that on?”
Carter's eyes blazed with an intensity that was almost alarming. His hand tightened on mine, and he used his other hand to tilt my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “You are not damaged. You're a survivor. And your strength, your resilience, it only makes me want you more.” He pulled me close, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I have my own baggage, my own fears. But I think you’re worth facing them for.”
By this point, tears were trickling down my face. “But I can't give you what you want. I don't know if I'll be able to have s?—”
“I'm going to stop you right there.” He cradled my face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away my tears. “I'm not interested in you just for sex. I'm interested in you —your grace, your compassion, your ability to see the good in everyone, even a grumpy asshole like me.”
I choked out a watery laugh, and Carter smiled.
Determined to shift the mood, I pitched my voice a little lower. “You know, there are plenty of things we can do besides sex.”
“Oh, yeah?” Carter raised his brows, and I shifted on the couch, moving to straddle his lap.
“Mhm.”
He settled his hands on my hips and his hard length pressed against my aching core. I knew sex might be painful, but God, I wanted this man so much I was ready to combust.
“Oh, fuck,” he gasped. “Okay. Hi.”
I giggled, loving that I could ruffle him. “Hi.”