Chapter Nineteen
Shep
A T ELEVEN THE next morning, my doorbell pealed in the silence, and I nabbed my cell phone off the nightstand. Checking the screen, I dropped my head and sighed.
Evangeline glanced around, then leaned into the camera. “Shep? Are you home? Please open the door.”
I stood next to my bed for a few seconds debating whether or not I was gonna do that when she rang the doorbell again.
“Please, Shep. I just need one minute.”
I let out a series of curses as I headed to the door and pulled it open, my arm high on the door to keep it cracked. “You were pretty fuckin’ clear about where—”
“I know,” she said, interrupting me by ducking under my arm and forcing her way in. “I’m an idiot, remember?”
“Lina, you’re not an idiot.” I swung the door shut and crossed my arms facing her. “What are you doing here?”
“I miss you,” she whispered, setting her purse on my floor and heading toward my bedroom.
“Where the fuck are you going?” I bit out in frustration.
She didn’t answer me as she dropped her T-shirt on the floor and kept walking. Her shoes were next, then her socks.
“Lina.”
She continued to ignore me and disappeared into my bedroom.
Jesus, fuck.
I didn’t follow for several minutes, mostly because I knew that the second I walked in there, I’d be lost. No, I stood in the hallway and warred with my emotions like a coward. Jesus, fucking Christ, this woman. This woman would be my undoing.
“Evangeline, you need to go.”
“Well, I’m not doing that, Shep,” she called out.
I dropped my head and studied my feet.
Jesus, fuck.
I forced my legs to move and made my way into the bedroom, stalling to find Evangeline naked on my bed.
Fuck.
“Baby, you really need to—”
“Go. I know,” she sassed. “I heard you. But I’m not going to, so let that go, handsome.”
“What do you want?” I rasped.
“Well, first, I want to apologize. Then, I want you to fuck me, and then I want to apologize some more. Maybe after that I’ll have a look at what’s in your fridge and cook for you for a change.”
I dropped my head back and stared at my ceiling.
“Please?” she begged.
At that plea, I could no longer keep my resolve, removing my clothes and settling myself between her legs, burying my face in her pussy. Jesus, honey. Absolute paradise. She wrapped her legs around my head, drawing me deeper and I ate her, sucking her clit hard, fucking her with my tongue, then my fingers.
She panted and bucked under my mouth, and it didn’t take her long before she was writhing, gasping, her fingers gripping my hair, her moans breaking the silence as she started to come. I didn’t wait for her to fully enjoy that climax, flipping her over and smacking her ass. “Get on your knees, Evangeline.”
She let out a quiet mew and her body broke out in goosebumps, but she complied immediately.
Fuck.
Yes.
This woman.
She settled her cheek to the bed, raising her hips, baring her pussy and I swallowed, recalling a few hockey stats in order to keep from completely losing my load as I grabbed my cock with one hand and her hip with the other. “Spread your goddamn legs, Lina.”
She shivered but I didn’t miss her smile as she spread her legs and then I drove in, watching her pussy take me, burying myself to the hilt. I closed my eyes, the ecstasy of her warm, wet heat nearly my undoing.
“Fuck me, Shep,” she begged, and I lost my resolve.
I set a hand on the bed beside her and curled my body around her, grasping her hip for leverage and did just that.
I fucked her fast and deep, harder and harder, my face in her hair, giving her one more orgasm before I bit out, “Touch yourself, Lina.”
Fucking hell, her hair smelled like mint.
I buried myself deeper (if that was possible), moving my hand to her breast, twisting her nipple, hard, as she worked her clit.
“Jesus, you have the best tits,” I breathed out as I watched them bounce as she slammed herself back onto my dick.
“Well, I’m kind of a fan of your dick,” she said, then cried out as another orgasm hit. “Oh my god, that’s three.”
“I’m aware,” I grunted out.
“Your turn, Shep.”
“You gonna keep takin’ it, Lina?”
“Hell yes.”
“How do you want it?”
“I want to ride you,” she panted out.
I kissed her shoulder, and pulled out, dropping onto my back. “Climb on, beautiful.”
She licked her lips and straddled me, reaching between her legs and gripping my cock, guiding me to her entrance.
“Fuck.”
“Shit, did I hurt you?” she asked.
“No.” I slid my hands to her ass. “Just holdin’ on by a thread here.”
She settled her hands on my chest and smiled. “Let it go, honey.”
“When you come again, I’ll come.”
“So I’m forgiven, then?” she asked, hopefully.
“This is your goodbye fuck, Evangeline.”
“No,” she snapped, rising up, then impaling herself, her eyes meeting mine.
“Lina—”
“Don’t,” she bossed, narrowing her eyes, but not looking away. “If you speak, I’ll lose my nerve.”
“Jesus, we don’t have to do this.”
“Shut. Up,” she hissed, grinding down on me, still looking at me.
“Baby,” I breathed out, and her eyes filled with tears.
She still did not look away.
“Enough,” I demanded, flipping her onto her back.
“Shep!” she admonished.
“We’re not ending it this way.”
“I don’t want to end it at all.”
“That’s not what you said yesterday.”
She closed her eyes, tears sliding down her temples. “Like I said, I’m an idiot.”
“You call yourself an idiot one more time, Evangeline, I’m gonna lose my shit.”
“When it comes to you, I turn into one.” She settled her fingers over my mouth before I could say anything and sighed. “Just let me get this out, honey, please.”
I raised an eyebrow but nodded.
“You scare me. Not because I’m afraid of you but because you treat me with respect, and I can’t get around you. When men, or anyone for that matter, find out what I’ve been through, they treat me like a delicate China doll. You treat me like a peer. And you’re amazing in bed.”
I wiped the tears from her temples. “You are too, Lina.”
“I’m not angling for compliments here, Shep. I’m trying to tell you why I freaked out on you.”
“I already know why.”
She flapped her arms around me. “Why?”
“Because you’re trying to push me away before you let me in more. If you do that, you might get hurt. So, if you act the fool with all your nonsense and shenanigans and push me away, then you’re the one making all the decisions, ergo, you’re the one doing the hurting. No one gets to hurt you anymore. You made that decision the day you walked out of that life, sweetheart, consciously or not. So when you met me, and I being awesome in every way, and exactly who you need, totally fucked up your plan to keep your defenses up.”
“You being awesome in every way?”
“Yep.”
“Your dick is still buried inside of me and you’re saying that to me?” she demanded.
“Hell, yeah. You want me to pull out?”
Wrinkling her nose, she grumbled, “Well, no.”
“Didn’t think so.” I grinned. “Want me to finish what you started?”
“Are you going to let me cook for you?”
“No.”
She gasped. “Are you going to make me leave?”
“No, honey.” I ran my nose against hers, then kissed her. “Gonna fuck you again, then I’m gonna cook for you .”
She smiled slowly. “Oh, okay.”
I kissed her again, then did exactly as I promised.
* * *
Evangeline
L ater that night, we were curled up in bed after another momentous fuck session and Shep stroked my thigh. “Tell me about your butterflies.”
I nodded. Allowing his hand to gently trace my tattoos. I still couldn’t believe how safe I felt when I was in his arms. It was a feeling I could get used to, which of course freaked me out.
“Do you know much about the Monarch butterfly?” I asked.
He shifted slightly and smiled. “I remember doing a class report on them in the sixth grade. Everyone in the class made butterfly cutouts out of orange and black construction paper and paste, then the next day, we came into class to find that our teacher, Miss Bartley, had hung them up from the ceiling. It seemed like there were a thousand of them.”
“What a sweet memory,” I said. “I wasn’t allowed to go to school. At least, not until after I escaped and by then I didn’t really see the need. At least until college.”
He ran a finger down my cheek. “I’m sorry you never got to experience things like that.”
I shrugged.
“For what it’s worth, school was mostly made up of monotonous, boring, days of shoveling bullshit with a spoon.”
I wrinkled my nose. “That doesn’t sound like fun at all.”
“It wasn’t and I was a shit student, which is why I don’t remember anything useful about Monarch butterflies.”
I rolled onto my side, facing him. “They are amazing.”
He flashed his boyish grin. “Tell me everything.”
I cleared my throat and did my best impression of a college professor. “Danaus Plexippus, also known as the Monarch butterfly, named by King William III of England, is a migratory pollinator of the Milk Weed—”
Shep laughed. “Just tell me why they are amazing and why you love them so much.”
“Right.” I blushed. “They don’t start off as anything special. The lifecycle of the Monarch is the same as any other lepidopteran species.”
Shep waved his hand casually. “But of course.”
“It moves from egg, to larva, to pupa, and then finally the adult stage. But Monarchs are different. Tougher, more resilient.”
“Why?”
“Because the planet is filled with predators and parasites. But, the Monarch, as beautiful as she may be, has learned how to evade and defeat them over time.”
He ran his finger gently down my cheek. “Just like you.”
I blushed. “And just like me, the Monarch migrates. Hatching from her cocoon on the east coast of the United States, a month or less from her beginnings as an egg, she flaps her wings and flies off headed west. Guided only by instinct and intuition.”
“How far will she go?”
“As far as the west coast of California and Mexico, and then all the way back again in the spring, but there’s a catch. It won’t be her who makes it all the way there and back. It will be her descendants. The migration path of the Monarch is multi-generational. They stop and breed along the way, often pursued my several potential suitors at any given time. Some making their approach from the sky, while others spring from the ground below.”
“Which suitor wins?”
“Whichever one can pin her down long enough to copulate.”
“Is that so?” He raised an eyebrow. “And how does she evade capture?”
“Through mimicry. Birds, mice, and other predatory insects all find the Monarch quite delicious. In fact, fewer than ten percent of Monarchs even survive past the egg stage. The survival odds of the Monarch are low, but she doesn’t give a single fuck. As beautiful as she may be, she’s learned how to blend in when necessary. In fact, over time she’s even learned how to mimic the far less tasty Viceroy butterfly, who predators know to avoid.”
“Sounds like your spirit animal.”
I smiled. “Spirit insect, but point taken.”
Shep perched up on his elbow. “How do you know all this? I mean, you’re legitimately brilliant, but you were never allowed to go to school.”
“From as far back as I can remember, I’ve read just about anything I could get my hands on. As if there was something inside of me compelling me to educate myself. I think I always knew I’d be alone and would have to fend for myself and have tried my best to prepare. Most of the other girls never even tried to escape. At best they’d hope and pray that someone would come and rescue them, but I’ve never been one for hopes and prayers. I stole, smuggled and hid books every chance I got. Sometimes Sugar’s crew would find my stash and I’d get slapped around, but expanding my mind was worth the beating.”
“And once you escaped?”
“I already had an excellent fake ID, supplied by Sugar in case I was ever hauled in by the cops, and the first thing I did with it was get a library card. The next thing I got was a gun.”
“With a fake ID?”
“The guy I bought the gun from wasn’t exactly the type to run a background check, ya know?”
Shep nodded. “So, then what?”
“I knew where the bus station was because Sugar would troll for new girls there. So, I ran all the way there and bought a ticket for the next bus out of town. Twenty three hours later I was in Boston. I got a job in housekeeping at a shitty motel. The kind of place men had taken me all my life. One of the perks being the owner let me stay in the room at the far end of the complex. He never rented that room because it was right next to the dumpsters and guests would complain about the smell and noise. I didn’t give a shit. It was free rent, and I knew no one would bother me in a place like this. In fact, it was there at the Sunlight Motor Inn that I realized what my purpose was.”
“And what is that?”
“To stop as many men as possible from taking children into places like that any way I could. I would write books, I would give speeches, I would start a home to provide shelter, counseling and legal aid to as many trafficking victims as possible. And, most of all, I would remove as many predators as I possibly could from the face of the earth. I would become vengeance herself. I would strike fear into the hearts of evil men. I would get bloody. I would become death.”
“What about Emory? Does she know about all of this?”
I shook my head. “I met Mouse six months after arriving in Boston. She taught me how to use a computer and I taught her how to use people. We became close quickly, but I’ve never said a word to her about my projects.”
“How come?”
“To protect her. If I’m ever caught, I don’t want her connected to my work in any way. The best way for me to keep her safe is to keep her in the dark. That goes for everyone.”
“Everyone except me,” Shep challenged.
“I never wanted you to know. There was never supposed to be a you in the first place.”
“You sure know how to make a guy feel special,” Shep teased.
“I’m used to being alone. It’s where I feel safest. At least it was until I met you.”
“I was just giving you a hard time, you don’t have to—”
I turned to face him. “I mean it, Shep. You’re the only person who’s ever made me feel safe. You put me at ease the second I met you. I don’t know how or why, but something inside me knew that I could trust you. How do you explain that?”
“I can’t and I’m not sure I’d even want to try. How do you explain love?”
“Love?”
“Sure. Trust is what love is built out of. To fall in love with someone is to take a trust fall. Blindly falling backwards into the unknown. Hoping the ones we trust will be there to catch us before we hit the ground.”
“Shepard Waller, poet chef,” I said.
“Is that what I should have the printer put on my next business card?”
I laughed. “Most definitely.”
“What about you? What’s gonna be on your next card?”
I thought for a moment, then said, “Evangeline Monroe, Exterminator.”
“How long do you plan on doing this?” Shep asked.
“Careful.”
“What? I think it’s a fair question.”
“One I wouldn’t have to answer if I were alone.”
“And I thought we were having a moment.”
I sat up. “This is exactly what I was afraid of. I knew the moment I dropped my guard and let you in that the clock would start ticking.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re telling me to stop doing my projects.”
“I don’t remember telling you to do anything. All I did was ask how long you planned on continuing?”
“Which is the first clock chime. Next time you ask, there will be a big fight. Then the asking will turn to demands, and then we’re doomed.”
“I can’t tell the future, but I can say with one hundred percent certainty that you will never write a script for a Hallmark romance movie.”
“I’m being serious, Shep.”
“So am I. I love you and I’m scared of losing you. Anything could happen to you out there, from being killed by one of these men to being caught by the police. I mean, think about it. What am I supposed to do while you’re out hunting at night? Wait alone at home with my phone in hand?”
“Honestly, I haven’t thought much about what a future with you would look like.”
He grimaced. “Ouch, more brutal truth.”
“This is coming out all wrong. What I’m saying is that I’ve never thought of a future with anyone, ever . For exactly these reasons. The only people I’m responsible for are the kids at Papillion House and I want to keep it that way.”
“What do you think will happen to them if you go to prison?”
“They are in the best hands with Emory. She’d take my position and would likely do a better job than me in the end.”
“If Papillion House survived the scandal,” Shep said, his words piercing my heart.
I’d never thought about my actions tarnishing the reputation of our foundation.
“It doesn’t matter, because I’m not going to get caught.”
Shep sighed, cupping my face. “Baby, everyone gets caught eventually.”
“Well, I won’t.” I met his eyes. “Unless someone I love and trust narcs.”
“I’m not gonna tell anyone shit,” he avowed. “But I would like you to seriously consider being done with all of this.”
“I’ll give your words some thought.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “That sounds vague.”
“That’s the best I can give you.” I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Is that enough?”
“No. But you’re enough.” He gave me a squeeze. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”
“Yes, there is,” I whispered. “I love you and I’m going to figure out how to get us both out of this situation, but I need you to trust me.”
“Lina, I don’t know how any of this ends without both of us in jail, but if there’s a snowball’s chance in hell, we make it, I’ll try. But there can’t be any more secrets and lies.”
“I promise,” I said.
“Alright, what’s the plan?”