Chapter 19
Being able to talk to Dawson had changed things, and Ul wasn’t sure they were all good changes.
Things were different before the rock pool.
There’d been a tension and a longing between them, and while the need to touch Dawson still flowed through his body, it was in part because they were compatible; the rest was simply lust and loneliness.
He would not make the first move again. Dawson needed to come to him, but at the moment, he was still thinking, and Ul had no idea what he was thinking about.
The healer unwrapped the bandage and checked the healing wound. It looked much better than it had even a few days ago. He turned the stump, examining the puckered scar. “Is it good enough to go swimming?”
“No. A little longer. You do not want to risk infection,” the ogre said. She came first thing in the morning, without Katrina, to check. At the start, she had come several times a day. “And how are you sleeping?”
It wasn’t his arm keeping him awake, now.
It was thoughts of Dawson and imaginations of the future.
One he had stopped allowing himself to dream of and wasn’t sure he wanted.
He couldn’t share that with anyone because having heirs was his duty.
It was expected, even though he had given up on having a family years ago.
After his husband’s death, it had been easy to throw himself into ruling and to push everything else aside. Now, a new chance had been thrust toward him, and he wasn’t sure he should refuse such a gift.
“Better. I have not needed the sleeping draft.”
“And the pain?”
“It is occasionally forgettable. When I do notice, it is more of a dull ache than a sharp loss.” Much like the loss of his husband. It had hurt sharply and wounded him greatly, but now it was a thing that had happened, and he’d learned to continue living.
And when Dawson left with his people?
How big would that wound be?
Perhaps it was for the best that Dawson had wanted some space to think things through, as if he’d realized that being with the king was political. Was he wondering what the others on the platform might think, while he worried what his people would think?
“I heard you have found a compatible mate.”
Ul winced and tried to pull his arm away before she finished bandaging the stump.
She held his arm firmly. “It is a rumor…though taking baths with him will not help it dissolve.”
He was silent for several heartbeats before sighing. “It is not a rumor. But he knows nothing of my kind…and I do not know if I want to chance the endless disappointments again.”
After several years, he’d stopped wanting to try. He could have ended the relationship, but by then, there had been a familiarity, and he had not wanted to go through the process of seeking a compatible partner again.
“You are not too old. You are not even middle-aged for your kind.”
“My heart is tired.” And now he needed to tell his island that they were no longer on Tariko. That everything they knew and the people they’d traded with were gone.
“Your heart is alone and aches for company to heal.”
Ul laughed. “He will not stay. He will return to his people.”
“And will your life be worse for the experience?”
“It will make my heart echo with another loss, and I will need to remember how to be alone again.”
She tied off the bandage. “Or are you worried he will stay, and give you a family, and you need to learn how to be more than king?”
Annoyance surged, but he bit back on it. Her barb had struck too close. If it had glanced off him, he wouldn’t have felt a thing. “Perhaps. In which case it doesn’t matter what I do, there will still be pain.”
He lifted his arm. How much more could he handle before it became too much?