Adam
It has never been so difficult to keep my damn hands to myself.
The Kappa Kappa Beta Date Auction will always remind me of Cassie, no matter what, because I can’t help but think back to her first year when she was auctioned off.
She was so shy and timid, so scared, so completely oblivious to the fact that she is seriously sexy and adorable and way too intelligent for any of the poor suckers here at PSU.
And now, watching her from the crowd while she scurries around Ralph’s, helping Erin and the MC, Chelsea, with whatever they need, I practically have to sit on my hands to keep from rushing to her.
All I want to do is shove her behind the stage curtains, hike one leg up, and slide my fingers under the tiny skirt she’s wearing to find out what kind of panties are underneath it.
Are they lace? Cotton? A thong or boy shorts?
Is she even wearing any at all?
I groan out loud at that possibility, which has Jeremy’s eyes following mine to where Cassie is looking over a clipboard with her Grand Big.
He whistles, nudging my elbow with his. “Damn. Cassie’s looking good tonight.” He takes a tentative sip of his beer, watching me out of the corner of his eye. “Don’t you think?”
“Shut up, Jeremy.”
He chuckles. “Come on, man. You’re watching her like you’re something between a lovesick puppy and a possessive, ravenous bear that hasn’t eaten since it went into hibernation.”
I sigh, eyebrows lifting at the surprising accurateness of his assessment.
“Are you guys dating now or what?”
“Or what,” I answer, taking a drink from my own bottle.
“What the hell is stopping you now? She’s single, you’re single, you both want to bang each other or eat the other’s face off, depending on how you decipher those weird looks you give each other across the room. What’s the issue?”
“There’s no issue,” I defend. “We’re not together, but we’re not not together either.”
“Then what the fuck are you?”
“Complicated,” I murmur, taking another drink.
Jeremy watches with me as Cassie scans the room, looking for something.
She glances past us before doubling back, and when our eyes lock, a slow, dazzling smile spreads on her strawberry-pink lips.
She waves, tucking a strand of her curly hair behind one ear, and I tip my bottle toward her in greeting with the same stupid grin on my face.
“She wants to fuck,” Jeremy says, and I punch him hard in the chest. He bends with an oof, but just laughs it off. “I mean seriously, dude. Did you see her all playing with her hair and eye-fucking you from across the room? What is so complicated about that?”
“Look,” I say with a sigh, pointing my bottle in his face.
“Every single guy at PSU who has gone after Cassie has had one thing on their mind — getting in her pants. Clay took her virginity, and then embarrassed her in front of the entire Greek system by showing up to the end of the semester party with her roommate. Then,” I say hurriedly, cutting off Jeremy’s attempt to argue with me.
“She falls in love with our closest thing to a campus rock star, and he swoons her out of her panties with his bullshit sensitivity and acoustic guitar, and she finds out he was cheating on her with some groupie the entire time.”
Jeremy opens his mouth again, but I shake my head.
“I have wanted Cassie longer than I was even able to admit to myself, and yes, while all the doors are open right now, I also don’t want to be just another guy on the long list of ones who have disappointed her.
So, while I desperately want to sleep with her, I respect her more than that, and I know she needs some time to figure shit out after what happened last semester. ”
I swallow, thinking back to how hard Cassie cried in my arms that night she crawled through my window. I’ll be damned if I’m ever the reason for tears like that.
“She’s the most incredible girl I’ve ever known, Jeremy.
I’ve fucked up in the past, lost her when I had the chance to have her, hurt her when all I wanted was to heal her.
Now that we’re both single, I have the chance to do this right.
So, I’m moving slow, and I’m giving her space to find herself again before she finds who she is with me. ”
Jeremy half-smiles, his expression something between pity and understanding. “I get it, dude. And it’s admirable. I don’t envy you or your blue balls,” he adds quickly. “But, I get it.”
I nod, taking a longer pull from my beer before Chelsea takes the stage again, ready to auction off the next KKB sister.
She starts by talking about the philanthropy again, and as she reads off statistics of the past few years with how much their fundraising has helped the local chapter, I think over what I just said to Jeremy, memories of my talk with my aunt over the break still loud in my head.
“A good woman is worth waiting for,” she’d told me after I’d spilled out my heart. My aunt was like a mother to me, just like my grandfather had been like a dad. Now that he was gone, she was all I had, and she’d listened patiently as I’d told her everything about Cassie.
It made sense, what she said, about Cassie needing to find herself again.
I knew what it was like to emerge on the other end of a break up wondering who you even were without the person who’d been the other half of your life for so long.
I’d felt it when I broke up with Skyler, and even more so when I’d split from my long-time high school girlfriend before coming to PSU.
It’s tricky, navigating the waters post-relationship, and while I want nothing more than for Cassie to dive straight into me, I know she needs some space, some time to remember how to swim again. I don’t want her to drown in me — I want her to thrive with me.
A loud roar from the crowd snaps me back to the present moment, and when my eyes find Skyler in a bright pink dress on stage, I can’t help but laugh and cheer with them.
She looks wildly uncomfortable in that dress, but her confident I’m Skyler Fucking Thorne face is firmly in place, and more cat calls and whistles ring out as she does a little spin for the crowd.
I’m surprised they convinced her to even participate in the auction, but it was a good call on their part — Skyler would easily be their biggest moneymaker.
After she lists off some of Skyler’s “selling points,” Chelsea starts the bidding at fifty bucks.
The first paddle belongs to Josh, Clinton’s Little in Omega Chi Beta, and I roll my eyes. That kid has had a crush on Skyler since the beginning of time. He’s also had absolutely zero chance of ever getting her on a date.
When Chelsea calls for one-hundred dollars, I put my own paddle up.
Skyler’s eyes widen, but when she realizes it’s me, she shakes her head, pointing at me with a smile. I just shrug. Hey, the least I can do is try to save her from the literal last person she would want to win her.
When he bids two-hundred, I shove my paddle up one more time to outbid him, someone in the back outbidding me next, and then it’s back to Josh at four-hundred.
Too rich for my blood.
I bow out, throwing my hands up in surrender.
Though Skyler and I discovered very quickly that we’re much better as friends than anything else, I still love her — more like a sister, I suppose.
I did my best to save her from having to go on a date with Clinton’s beefhead little brother, but she might be screwed.
Suddenly, someone calls out from the back, and I turn to find one of our new pledges — Kip Jackson — holding up his beer as he becomes the new highest bidder at five-hundred dollars.
“Damn it, Kip,” I murmur under my breath.
Jeremy turns, laughing when he sees Kip climbing up onto the bar. Josh bid it up to six-hundred dollars, but Kip swiftly defeats him when he thrusts his arm up again and bids one-thousand.
“Why do you look so upset?” Jeremy asks, cheersing Kip from afar as the bar erupts into cheers. “That’s a lot of money to charity.”
“He’s a pledge,” I remind Jeremy. “He should be laying low, learning the ropes before he’s thrusting himself into the spotlight like that.”
“Oh, come on.” Jeremy scoffs. “He’s a junior, not a freshmen like most pledges. And I like him. He’s got guts. Reminds me of you when you first joined.”
I grimace at the comparison, though I can’t figure out exactly why. I’m the one who recruited Kip, who wanted him to rush Alpha Sigma. But along the way, I learned he’s a little pretentious, and while Jeremy might see his attitude as enthusiasm, I saw it as him not knowing his place.
Ugh. I sound like Clay.
Thinking back to the douchebag who was president when I was trying to make strides for Alpha Sigma makes my lip curl even more, especially after what he did to Cassie.
I don’t want to be anything like him, and yet here I am, hating on a pledge who just did a pretty awesome thing not only for KKB and their charity, but for our organization, too.
“Going once? Going twice?” Chelsea bangs the gavel against the podium. “Sold! To the Alpha Sig pledge in the glasses!”
Everyone laughs a little as I sigh, shoving down my pride and clapping along with the rest of the bar. I frown a little at the sigh of Skyler fleeing the stage so quickly. She’s smiling, waving at the crowd like she should, but something in her eyes says she’s not happy about something.
Probably the fact that her Big made her do the auction at all.
She’s never been the kind of girl to get all dolled up and stand on stage to be bid on. She’s more of the ripped-up jeans and t-shirt kind of gal.
I’m still watching as Kip chases Skyler out the front doors, and if anything, I can at least be happy for her — even if I am annoyed at Kip.
She made it clear he was her new target for the semester, and this is a sure way to make sure she gets more time with him.
Skyler deserves to be happy, and if a new transfer with glasses is going to do it for her, then I wish her the best.
My eyes find Cassie’s in the crowd again, and she’s right back to work now that the auction is over, helping Erin collect the winning bids and organize clean-up.
Even though she seems a bit overwhelmed, her smile is genuine, and I can feel her happiness from across the room.
She’s getting back to the old her, finding herself, and as much as I want to drag her back to my bedroom tonight, I don’t mind watching that happiness from afar for a while.
When the time is right, we’ll be together — but there’s no need to rush.
I’m not going anywhere.