Adam
The last two weeks have been hell.
After seeing Cassie with Grayson, I completely lost it. I found myself in one of my old habits — numbing. And I knew it was wrong. I knew it wasn’t healthy. But there was literally nothing I could do to stop it.
I still can’t.
For the last couple of weeks, I’ve thrown myself into everything Alpha Sigma. I’ve spent more time with my brothers, worked on our plans for the semester and next, and more than anything, dedicated time and effort to getting everything in order for tonight’s event.
The Alpha Sigma Karaoke Showdown.
Jeremy had me worried, after our conversation a couple weeks ago, that I’d made a terrible decision in changing up the event.
After all, he was right — the concert had been successful for two years.
It was part of what got our fraternity on the map again.
And as soon as it had a reputation, I get the big idea to go and change it up.
But now, halfway through the event and having already raised more than double what we did with the concert funds last year, I know I’ve made the right choice.
And still, I feel numb.
It doesn’t matter that the event has gone over without a hitch, that every fraternity and sorority showed up to participate and compete, that the crowd is packed with students from all over campus, here for the entertainment and the opportunity to help determine the winners.
It’s exactly as I imagined it.
Except that in my mind, I always saw Cassie right by my side through it all.
And since that day, I’ve been avoiding her.
It’s not that I don’t want to be with her.
It’s the exact opposite, really. But, the first few times we hung out after I saw her with Grayson, I tried several different ways to get her to bring up that she’d talked to him.
I asked about her classes, asked if anything strange had happened, asked if there was anything going on that she needed to talk about.
I literally asked her in every single way I could without coming right out with it.
And she hadn’t said a word.
She still hasn’t told me that she spoke to him. For all she knows, I’m still oblivious to the fact that she’s talked to him at all since she found out he cheated on her at her semi-formal last year.
I’ve tried to understand, tried to give her space, tried to put my anger at bay by throwing myself into other things.
But one thing remains ominously true.
She’s hiding something from me, and now, I no longer trust her.
Every day, when that thought crosses my mind, a sharp pain like a knife to the gut passes through me.
It happens again as I make my way across the large lawn where we’re hosting the concert during intermission.
She’s standing with some of her sisters and my brothers, smiling and blushing and watching me walk toward her.
And I feel nothing but betrayal.
“There he is!” Kade says from where he’s standing in the crowd.
He rushes over to me, launching himself high into the air and forcing me to catch him whether I want to or not.
When he’s cradled in my arms — the beast of a guy — he rubs his knuckles against my skull.
“El Presidente, putting on the best damn show this school has seen.”
I chuckle, dropping him to the ground to the tune of light applause and other brothers joining in on his sentiments.
It’s a moment that should fill me with pride, but instead, I only feel dread. Because the moment Kade is out of my arms, Cassie’s in them.
“You’re doing amazing!” she squeals, hugging me hard before she presses up on her toes to give me a kiss.
Her soft green eyes are bright and wide under the hanging lights spanning the massive length of the yard — a last-minute touch I’d added to make it feel like a backyard barbecue — and her hair is smooth and straight, angling at her chin in a way that makes me stare at her lips.
“Thanks, babe,” I say, but I immediately release her.
I don’t miss the way she frowns up at me, but luckily I don’t have to answer for my actions. Jess is next in line to congratulate me.
“Not bad for an Alpha Sigma shindig,” she says, cocking one brow.
“Is there a compliment hidden somewhere in there?”
Kade shakes his head, clapping me on the shoulder. “Trust me, coming from this one?” He points a thumb at Jess. “That is a compliment. A high one.”
She narrows her gaze at him, but then smiles, poking him hard in the ribs until he releases his hand on my shoulder and throws his arm around hers, instead. She crosses her arms like she’s annoyed, but I don’t miss the way she leans into him.
I have no idea what the fuck those two are.
They’ve been doing something close to seeing each other, and something equally as close to being mortal enemies, ever since the end of spring semester. But I’ve given up on trying to figure them out — especially since I have my own fish to fry.
After a few more notes of congrats, conversation moves away from me, everyone falling back into what they were discussing before I showed up.
One of the students we hired to walk around with red plastic cups of beer on fancy serving platters walks past us, and I snag a beer from them, draining half of it in one swallow.
“Need some booze for those nerves, huh?” Cassie teases, threading her arms around me and looking up at me with her gorgeous eyes again. I usually love them, the way they always seem to find me, to light me on fire, to fill me up from the inside.
Now, I just wonder what else they’re hiding.
“Something like that,” I murmur.
“Everything is perfect,” she says, looking around at the packed yard.
It’s the same place we had the concert in prior years, but we’ve completely transformed it this time around.
The lights strung high above us, criss-crossing the space between the fake plants on either side, make it feel like a private, exclusive event.
We found clever ways to weave the casual in with the fancy, the backyard family feels with the black-tie event vibes.
Music plays from the stage, where the next groups of karaoke singers are getting set up, and without a doubt, I know that everyone is having a blast. “It’s everything you wanted it to be and more. ”
She’s right.
And yet, I’m counting down the minutes until it’s over, until I can be alone again.
I sigh, chugging the last of my beer before trading it in for another. Cassie takes it away before I can drink too much.
“Hey,” she says on a giggle, raising one eyebrow. “Maybe save the celebrating for after the event? You still have to get up there and emcee.”
“I’m fine,” I say, snatching the beer back from her. I don’t mean to, but in the attempt, half of it splashes onto her shirt.
She gasps, stepping back from me, shocked at first, but then laughing. “Jerk,” she says, shoving me playfully as she flicks the liquid off her hands. She even pegs me with a few droplets. “You’re lucky you’re cute. And that I happen to loooove you.”
Cassie drags out the word love, long and sweet and adorable, coming in to cuddle me again regardless of the wetness of her shirt.
My jaw clenches, heart stopping altogether when I look down at her. “Do you?”
Her smile falls, brows tugging together. “Of course I do.” Then, her eyes search mine, her arms tightening where they hold me. “Adam, what’s going on? Are you okay?”
I can’t help the smile that unleashes itself on my face, and it’s an evil one — one accented by a chesty, one-syllable laugh before I drain my beer again. I toss the red cup in the nearby trashcan, shaking my head as I peel Cassie off me.
“I better get back up there.”
She grabs my hand and pulls me back. “Adam,” she pleads. She doesn’t say anything else, but her eyes say everything her mouth isn’t.
Talk to me.
Don’t push me away.
I love you.
What’s wrong?
I swallow, ripping my hand free from her grasp and shaking off the bad mood as I make my way back to the stage. Then, I finish the show, announce a final donation to our philanthropy that blows everyone out of the water, and high-five my brothers after an event well-done.
And I text Cassie, telling her I need to stay back to clean up and to head out without me.
I feel like shit, like an absolute fucking asshole.
But I also feel validated.
I don’t want to hurt her. It’s the last thing I want. But the truth is, she’s hurting me. She’s had her chance to tell me about Grayson — multiple times — and she hasn’t. And maybe I should just ask her about it, but if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think I should have to.
If we’re together, if she’s my person and I’m hers… shouldn’t we be honest with each other, always? No matter what?
That’s what’s on repeat in my mind as I help my brothers wrap up the event, as we celebrate well into the next morning, as I lie in bed hungover the next afternoon, with my eyes on the ceiling and the girl who’s driven me crazy for years the only thing on my mind.
And the truth of what I’m feeling kills me.
Cassie can say she loves me all she wants to.
But until her actions line up with those words, I’m not sure I can believe them anymore.