Jess #2
Jarrett sighs, deep and heavy, like all the hope he was holding onto left him with that breath. He holds his tumbler in his hand lightly, giving it a toss with his wrist, and then downs what whiskey is left before turning to face me.
“I hope my brother knows how lucky he is.”
I try to smile, but it falls flat. Instead, the tears I’ve been holding at bay slip free, the realization that Jarrett and I will never be sinking in and tearing my soul to shreds.
“And if he ever fucks up,” Jarrett warns.
“I know,” I say before he can finish, reaching for his hand. He turns his palm up, letting me hold him, and I squeeze his hand tightly. “I know.”
He nods, his eyes searching mine, and tears well in his eyes before he sniffs and jumps up without warning. His hand pulls from mine, digging into his pocket for his wallet. He slaps down a twenty to cover our drinks, and I slowly stand to mirror him.
“So, I guess this is it,” he says.
“I guess so.”
He bites the inside of his cheek, and then opens his arms, and without hesitation, I slip into them, both of us sighing when he wraps me in a tight embrace.
“You’re wrong about one thing,” he says against the shell of my ear. “I do love you.”
I nod against his neck, squeezing him tight, and we hold that hug for just a second, or was it a lifetime, before finally letting go.
And we do.
We let go.
In that moment, with that final embrace, I feel the last bit of Jarrett that has always stuck to my heart washing away, the waves taking him out to the Sea of the Past. And when I look into his eyes, I know he feels it, too.
The cleanse.
“Goodbye, Jarrett,” I whisper.
And then I leave him behind.
***
Later that night, Kade draws lines on my skin with his fingertips, my back to his chest, his chin on my shoulder as he holds me.
“So,” I say after a while, rolling in his arms to face him. Every limb is sore from how much we’ve made up lately, but it’s the delicious kind that I don’t mind at all. “What now?”
“What now?” he repeats, kissing my nose before he looks up at the ceiling, thinking. “Hmm… well, I’m thinking we might need a little food, maybe a shower, and then I have this position I want to try where—”
I flick his forehead, laughing when he pins me down into the sheets and kisses me breathless. I finally push him away and hold my hands to his chest where he balances over me.
“I’m serious,” I say. “With all this behind us… now what?”
Kade smiles, smoothing my hair out of my face. “Well, I’ve got a semester left of school,” he says. “You’ve got a busy wedding season coming up in the spring. And then…” He shrugs. “The world is our oyster.”
“What does that mean?”
He laughs, leaning down to press a brief kiss to the frown line between my brows. “It means we don’t have to have it all figured out right now. We’re young, Jess. Young and madly in love. I’m finishing up school, you’re starting a new career, and we’re building a future… together.”
The corner of my mouth lifts. “We are, aren’t we?”
“I don’t know that I’m ready to dive in as head-first as your bestie has but…”
I snort laugh. “Oh no, I’m not ready for babies either. Although, I do plan to spoil the shit out of hers.”
“Oh! Can we be the cool aunt and uncle who gives the kid ungodly amounts of sugar and loud toys and then send them home again at the end of the day?”
“Obviously. I also plan to buy them any and everything they want so that they know when they’re old enough to need beer for a high school party, Aunt Jess has their back.”
“That’s illegal.”
I snort. “Like that ever stops anyone.”
Kade chuckles, settling more in-between my thighs, and when he nestles into my warmth, I feel him start growing hard again.
“Insatiable,” I whisper against his lips as he kisses me.
“Only when it comes to you.” He nibbles my lip before pushing up to balance on his elbows again.
His eyes search mine, his smile warm and just…
happy. So, so happy. “I don’t have a ten-year plan for you, Jess.
Or a five-year one or hell, even one for the next three-hundred-and-sixty-five days.
But I can tell you this. One day, I will get on my knee, and I will ask you to spend your life with me — officially, because to be clear, you’ve already agreed to that whether you know it or not. ”
I laugh, but it’s against the tears building at his words.
“And one day, I’ll cry like a fucking baby when you walk down the aisle to me. And one day, I’ll hold your hand when you give birth to the first of our twelve babies.”
“Twelve?!” I laugh. “And what if I don’t want any of those things? What if I said I never want to get married or have kids?”
Kade shrugs. “Then I would say whatever you want in this life, wherever it may take you — count me in. Traveling the world, joining the circus, partying until we’re too old to take drugs,” he says as I laugh. “Whatever you choose — I’m your co-pilot.” He swallows. “For as long as you’ll have me.”
I curl my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, reaching up to press a kiss to his lips. “What if I want you longer than you want me?”
“Impossible.”
“What if I drive you insane?”
“Oh, you absolutely will,” he says, and I pinch his side. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
I bite my lip when he rolls his hips against me, doing his best to distract me from this conversation — and it’s working.
“So, no matter what comes next, it’s me and you.”
“Me and you,” he echoes, kissing me deeply.
“I love the sound of that,” I whisper, wrapping my ankles around his hips.
“And I love you.”
With that promise, he captures my mouth with his, effectively silencing the conversation as he rolls against me once more.
And finally — finally — every jagged little piece of me falls into place.