Chapter 22 #2
I avoided everyone the next day. With no meetings, I worked from my suite. It was really an apartment on the top floor of the hotel, but to me it had never been home. The only time I’d felt like I was home was when I’d been with Tori. Anyplace else was just a place to live.
I poured myself another glass of scotch and looked out at the skyline.
Night had fallen, but my thoughts had me too wired to sit.
I’d been that way since the previous day.
Making good on my promise to Tori about childcare, I had talked to the director at the employee center, authorizing the hiring of two more teachers to accommodate more children.
They had the space, but my father was stingy on employee benefits, something I was planning to change and had discussed in our meeting the prior day.
A knock at my door had me crossing the room, opening it to find Tori there. She pushed me aside and walked in.
“Come on in?” I said, scratching my head as I closed the door behind me.
I raised my glass to take another drink, and she grabbed it from me. “Since when do you drink this stuff?” she asked, wrinkling her nose at it.
Since my life went to hell.
She plunked it onto the coffee table and turned to face me, crossing her arms. I fought the tug of my grin at how adorable she looked. She had changed into a pair of leggings and a UConn sweatshirt. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and it reminded me of our days together. Natural and so Tori.
“So, you barge into my place to complain about my drink of choice. Was there anything else you’d like to complain about while you’re here?”
“I won’t bore you with my list. I’m not sorry, you know.”
“What would you have to be sorry about? I’m the asshole who left you.”
Plunging my hands into my pockets, I waited for whatever barrage of accusations she was planning to send my way.
“Your sister talked to me today.” She freed her arms and rubbed her hand up one.
My eyes shot to hers. “What did she say?” I didn’t want Tori to know the truth, how I’d been protecting her. Not yet.
“That she answered the phone that day.” She took a few steps toward me. “Did you tell her to say that? Tell her to lie to me, or was she being honest?”
I let out the breath that had gotten stuck in my airway. “It was the truth. I didn’t know she had answered. She never told me until yesterday when I confronted her.”
The pain that accentuated her blue irises nearly broke me, and I looked away.
“Then why?” A whispered question I couldn’t answer. “Why did you leave me, Gabe?” A crack in her voice that I couldn’t ignore. “At least the thought that you were cheating or wanted another woman offered me a reason. Is that still the reason? You wanted someone else? You grew bored with me?”
“Damn it, Tori. I didn’t want another woman.
There has never been anyone but you.” The words were out before I could catch them, and she stared at me, tears glistening in her eyes.
I dropped my gaze to the floor, tired of fighting with her, tired of having her hate me.
“I’ve never even looked at another woman. ”
I heard the huff and looked up to see her roll her eyes. “It’s been over five years. You can’t reasonably expect me to think you haven’t dated someone else.”
My gaze wavered. “Have you?” I didn’t want the answer, but I deserved the hurt it would cause me. I had given her up. To expect that she would stay faithful to me like I had to her was a ridiculous notion.
A defeated sigh preceded her answer. “A handful of first dates.” And the knife plunged a few more times.
“But no one wants to date a woman with a child and baggage from an ex she can’t get over.
” And the knife receded, leaving only minor wounds.
“You’re a hard act to follow, even if your departure tainted those times. ”
I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet, letting her words sink in.
“Did you leave me so you could have someone else, Gabe? Have you been living the bachelor life here with all your money and playboy looks?”
“Playboy looks?” I asked quirking my brow.
“Shut up. I’m serious.”
I dared to take two steps closer, letting the scent of vanilla and cherry blossoms tickle my nose. “I didn’t leave you to live that life, Tori. And no, there has been no one since because there is no other you. I barely look at other women because when I do, all I see is that they aren’t you.”
Graceful brows knitted, and I watched the myriad of emotions pass through her face.
“Then why did you do it? If you needed space, I would have understood.” She rubbed her nose with the back of her wrist. “If we were moving too fast, we could have pushed the wedding back.” She went stiff, her eyes growing wide. “Was that it? You regretted proposing and didn’t know how to get out?”
I clawed my hand through my hair and eclipsed the remaining distance between us, grasping her arms with my hands. The contact sent a flurry of currents charging through me.
“If it’s one thing I have never regretted, it’s proposing to you. Don’t ever think I didn’t want to marry you, Tori.”
She jerked her arms free, anger etched in her features. “You are the most confounding man. If you didn’t leave me for any of those reasons, then why put me through that hell? Why cause me so much pain?”
The strength leached from my body, and my shoulders sagged.
I couldn’t give her the reason yet. The ink had just dried on the contracts, and my father was vindictive.
While he could no longer destroy her career since she worked for me, he still had the means to go after her family business.
Until I knew he wouldn’t, I wouldn’t risk it.
Hands plunging into my pockets again, I looked away from her. “Because I’m an ass, just like you thought I was. You have every right to hate me, Tori. I hurt you, and nothing you did warranted my actions. Now you know the truth. I’m the selfish bastard you thought I was all those years.”
Her head tipped as she studied me. Walking to the bar, I poured myself another glass of scotch before turning back to her.
“Anything else you needed to discuss?” I asked, taking a drink.
“Secrets,” she said. “It was always secrets with you, and it still is.” She threw her hands in the air and headed to the door. “Your secrets got us where we are today, Gabe. Maybe it’s time for honesty.”
She swung the door open and glanced back at me.
“I’d like to get to know Reid,” I said, expecting the reaction I got.
Her eyes narrowed, and she stormed back over to me, the door slamming behind her.
“You have no right to see him. Not until I have some answers. I can’t trust you, Gabe.
I don’t even know who you are anymore.” And the pain lanced through me again because she was the only one who truly knew me.
“Until you earn my trust, you’ll have no contact with my son.
I don’t need you doing to him what you did to me.
I already have to face the questions about why he doesn’t have a father.
Why the other kids at the daycare have dads and he doesn’t.
Why his cousin has a mother and a father but he only has me.
I don’t need to explain why you left him when you decide you’ve had enough and disappear on me again. ”
Her steps were quick and angry as she crossed the room and didn’t stop this time.
The door closed behind her with a loud thud, and I lowered my glass.
Her words stung like a hive of aggravated bees attacking me from the inside.
The guilt hammered me until I slid down the bar and pulled my knees to my chest. I’d done this.
Left her alone. Left my son without a father.
Nothing I could ever do would make that better, nor could it ever alleviate the guilt that had festered for over five years and continued to compound with every day Tori was back in my life.