Chapter 28
Tori
The night had been a whirlwind of emotions, and I’d tossed and turned, running everything Gabe had said through my mind repeatedly.
I didn’t doubt him, but I’d been caught up in the moment, in his kisses, in having him close to me again, in his strength.
Too caught up to be rational. We’d agreed to start in the middle, but even that seemed too fast, even though my body craved more.
I didn’t know how I was going to take this slow because it felt so right with Gabe. It always had. But picking up where we left off when he left seemed impossible. The divide was still there, as were the memories and the pain.
His knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts.
Reid let out an excited sound, clapping his hands where he sat at the table, coloring.
He had stayed glued to Gabe from the moment we picked him up, and when Gabe left us on our floor so he could go change, Reid had been devastated.
Until he found out Gabe was coming back.
He had already formed an attachment, and that made this even harder.
I opened the door, catching the drop of my mouth. God, he was sexy. He had on a charcoal gray T-shirt and a pair of jeans. His hazel eyes looked over the pizza box, and I remembered the confident, sexy man who had taken a seat next to me and stolen my heart within minutes.
He held up his other hand to show me the six-pack of IPAs in it.
“No scotch?” I asked, letting him in.
“Eh, my tastes are changing.”
“Gabe!” Reid rushed from his chair and tackled Gabe’s legs, almost knocking him over.
“Hey buddy. Ready for some pizza?”
“Pepperoni?”
Gabe threw his head back and chuckled. “Just like your mom. Wouldn’t be a good slice if it didn’t have pepperoni.”
I freed his legs from Reid’s hold and motioned to the coffee table.
“What’s the movie pick?” he asked, setting the pizza down while I handed Reid napkins and grabbed him a juice box.
“Cars,” Reid said, his excitement spilling over. “Have you seen it?”
He jumped onto the middle of the couch and patted the spot next to him for Gabe to sit. Glancing at me, Gabe’s eyes questioned me about the seating order. I gave him a smile and a nod, mouthing, “Go ahead.”
I stood there, listening to them as Reid told him all about the movie and Gabe asked questions as if they were best friends. Tears pushed at the back of my eyes. Possibility. That’s what this was, and I wouldn’t let it go because the outcome was too important to lose.
Taking a seat on the other side of Reid, I turned the movie on.
We settled in, the three of us, Reid munching on his pizza, picking his pepperonis off and dropping them into his mouth just like Gabe did.
As the movie progressed, I felt Gabe’s hand on my shoulder.
I glanced over at him, meeting amber irises that shone with satisfaction.
Leaning my head on his hand, I let myself relax into the comfort of his touch and the idea of possibility.
By the time the movie ended, Reid was sound asleep, his head resting on Gabe’s chest.
“He’s a lightweight,” Gabe teased, dropping his arm from me and tentatively brushing a lock of hair from Reid’s forehead.
I moved to lift him, but Gabe stopped me. “Leave him, please. Just a few more minutes.”
Sitting back down, I watched him, seeing the expression of wonder on his face. The same I’d had since I’d given birth to our son. He was a miracle, a light that had come from the darkness Gabe had left.
“He’s so beautiful, Tori.” His voice held a reverence that shone in his features.
“I know. He was the only good thing you left me.”
His eyes shot up, the hurt clear until he covered it. “I’m sorry. I can never take it back, but I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
Swallowing back the emotion, I nodded, knowing that to speak would send the tears rushing from me. I was tired of crying. I’d spent years doing it.
He sat there for a few more minutes, just looking at Reid as if he was memorizing him.
As he stood, he scooped Reid up like he weighed no more than a feather, and I followed him into Reid’s room, pulling the sheets back and letting Gabe tuck him in.
It was such a small act, but it had pressure building in my chest. And I suddenly wanted to be past this, to have my happily ever after and to have it with Gabe.
To have him there every night, tucking Reid in with me.
“I should go,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaving the room.
Closing Reid’s door, I trailed Gabe. “Thank you.”
“For?” He stopped in front of the door. There was so much sadness in his expression that my breath hitched.
“For tonight. For sharing it with Reid. It meant the world to him.”
“It meant the same for me,” he admitted, his vision on the floor.
“This is hard, Tori.” His throat bobbed as he looked back up at me.
“You’re so close, but the distance is still there.
I want to hold you, to make love to you, to have you look at me like you used to.
Without the shadow of distrust, without the hesitation.
” He scraped his hands through his hair.
“And I don’t know how to get back to that.
And Reid…I want to claim him as mine. To declare it to the world that he’s my son.
” His voice fractured, and with it, my heart.
“If I could take it all back, erase it all from both of you, I would. But I never can.”
I bridged the gap between us and pulled his head down, kissing him as his agony merged with mine. We were both scarred, damaged by the circumstances that had shaped our relationship, and neither of us knew how to proceed because we’d carried those wounds for so long.
His hands encompassed me, bringing my body into his, and I let myself revel in the safety of his arms. Home.
That’s what it felt like with Gabe. Like returning home after trudging blindly through a storm.
He was warmth and security, a cozy blanket and a raging fire.
He had been my everything until he wasn’t, and now he was back, and I didn’t want to go through that storm again.
“I can’t do it again, Gabe.”
He halted our kiss and gazed at me, devastation resting in his eyes.
“You can’t leave me in the storm again,” I rambled as my tears rushed free. “I don’t think I’ll survive this time. I barely survived the last time.”
“Storm?” he asked, creases lining his eyes.
“The storm you left me in, to find my way out, to clear away the damage. I can’t do it again because this time it will kill me.” He wiped my tears away as I continued. “I loved you too much, and…I still do, so please don’t let me go into the storm again.”
His hold on me tightened, and I turned my face into his chest, smelling his scent and letting it strengthen me.
“I will never let you go again, luna mia. Never until the day you tell me to go.”
I buried my face further into him. “I won’t tell you to go because I can’t survive without you, not now that you’re back.” Raw and honest, the admission stung because I prided myself on being a strong, confident woman.
He pushed me away so that he could see my face. “You survived all those years. Raised our son, built a career. You can survive whatever comes at you.”
“But I don’t want to if you’re not by my side.”
He kissed my cheek, kissing every tear until they were dry.
“I’ll be here, and I’m not going anywhere ever again.
Where you go, I go. If you want to leave this life and live in the country, I’m there.
Return to Florida, I’m there. Move to Europe, I’ll follow.
Because I lived my life without you for too long, and every day was like a knife tearing through my flesh. I won’t live it without you again.”
His declaration soared through me, fortifying the crumbling structures that were only now repairing. Brushing his lips over mine, he said, “Goodnight, Tori.”
“Goodnight.” I watched him walk to the elevator, casting a glance back at me before it opened and took him from me.
Sleep was a struggle, my mind on Gabe and his words, the emotions gripping my chest, the possibilities and the fear.
I rolled to my side, staring at his side of the bed, the side I’d left empty no matter where I slept.
I wanted him there, taking up that space again, but fear had me in its grip.
As much as his words assured me, they were ones he’d told me before.
And even though I knew the truth, the hesitation was still there, the sting of loss still fresh.
I’d spent years trying to erase Gabe’s hold on me, and I had failed.
I rolled back over and looked at my phone. It was midnight, and I was too awake to sleep. I dialed Cindy’s number, knowing she’d be awake since it was only nine in California.
“Tor? Why are you calling me so late? What’s wrong? Did that asshole do something else to you? I told you not to take that job.” I’d made the mistake of telling her Gabe was my new boss. It was too hard to keep things from her.
“No, he didn’t do anything. I’m just…I can’t sleep.”
“Why can’t you sleep?”
I heard her boyfriend’s voice then a quick, “It’s Tori.”
“Noah says hi,” she told me. I could hear her walking through their house.
“Tell him hi back.” I pulled myself into a sitting position, the light from the phone flickering on the engagement ring I’d been unable to take off. It was on the other hand, but the weight of it was a reminder of the future that seemed so close that it was almost unreal.
“What’s wrong, Tor?”
“I…he…” I dropped my head back on the wall.
“No, don’t tell me…damn it, Tori, you did not go back to him!”
I scrunched my brows at the ferocity of her voice.
“I still love him. He told me the truth.”
“Truth? About what? How he left you pregnant and alone. Ghosted you and never bothered to explain why he left? Never bothered to come back?”
“It’s complicated.”