Chapter 17 #2
“The drinking turned to drugs”—she hesitated—“and then I got arrested.”
“You got arrested?” The question exploded from my lips. “For what?”
“Possession with the intent to sell,” she confessed.
My expression must have said it all, because Rose was quick to add, “It was only a little weed, and it belonged to my friend Jimmy, not me. He got pulled over on our way home from a party. We’d been smoking, and the cop could smell it, so he searched the car and found bags, a scale, and Jimmy’s stash in the trunk.
I didn’t know it was back there. We both got hauled in, but Jimmy admitted it was his, so I didn’t get charged with anything. ”
“When was this?” I asked. Melted ice cream was running down the side of my milk shake glass, but I pushed the drink aside, untouched.
“The week before I left.” Rose let out a humorless laugh.
“Mom had to pick me up from the precinct. When we got home, she snapped. Kept going on about how my arrest was the final straw, and how I had to get my act together because she wouldn’t be bailing me out of jail anymore.
‘Rosalyn, once you turn eighteen,’” she said, mimicking Stern Mom’s voice, “‘I expect you to act like a responsible adult. And if you’re adamant about not going to school, then you need to get a job and contribute to household expenses. There will be no freeloading under this roof.’”
As livid as I was with my mother, her demand wasn’t as unreasonable as Rose was making it out to be. “And?” I asked, still waiting for an explanation.
Rose lifted both hands and shook her head. “She wanted me to pay rent and follow all her rules. Why would I ever agree to that? If I have to be fiscally responsible for myself, I sure as hell am not going put up with her tyranny.”
“So…you ran away,” I said, repeating what seemed to be the most logical interpretation of what had happened.
“No, I already told you that,” she replied through a taut jaw. “When I refused to sign her ultimatum—seriously, Mom drew up a freaking contract—she kicked me out of the house. Told me to stay out of your life until you’d graduated from high school and got into college.”
Mom did what? I pressed my palms flat against the table and tried to remain calm. “What does any of this have to do with me?”
“She was worried about you.”
I blinked. “Why?”
“Beats me,” Rose said, shrugging. “Maybe she was afraid that my mistakes and rebellion would rub off on you. How she ever thought we’d turn out the same is beyond me…”
“Because I blindly listen to every lie she tells?” I snapped, unable to keep the venom from my voice. I wasn’t mad at Rose as much as I was at myself. I’d trusted my mom so fully and in every aspect of my life. It never occurred to me that she was purposely keeping me in the dark.
“No, because you’re driven and dedicated and hardworking… My opposite.”
Okay, I’d give her that. We were the inverse of each other: her unruly and me docile. And that major difference made me pause.
If Mom asked something of me, I did what I was told, no questions asked.
But Rose didn’t have an obedient bone in her body.
When Mom told her to do something, whether it was as simple as coming home before curfew or taking out the garbage, she’d made a point of doing the opposite.
So why, of all times, did Rose choose to obey her when she wanted to separate us?
Sure, she sent the letters, but that seemed inconsequential considering she’d been cut out of my life. There were no phone calls. No emails. Why didn’t she decide to hell with Mom and show up for a surprise visit on the holidays?
“Rose, I’m still confused,” I said. “If you cared so little for Mom’s rules, why did you stay away?”
She swallowed, gaze fixed on the ground, and I couldn’t place her expression. Was she embarrassed about something?
“Felicity, you have to understand. When I left, I had no job, no way to support myself.” She bit her lip, and the look on her face finally resonated with me. Rose looked guilty. “I needed the money to get back on my feet.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, eyes narrowing. “What money?”
There was a second or two of silence as she hesitated, but then she said, “The educational trust that Mom and Dad set up for me. I was never going to use it for school, so Mom gave me access on the condition that I keep out of your life.”
I stared at her, trying to process the enormity of what she’d said. “Mom paid you to stay away?”
“Hey, listen to me,” Rose said, stretching across the table for my hand. “Leaving you behind was one of the toughest things I’ve ever done, okay? But I needed to figure out me, and I couldn’t do that at home. Not with Mom. Things were too toxic between us.”
I pulled my hand away from hers.
No one needed to remind me of how unhealthy my sister and mother’s relationship had been. So I understood why Rose had to make a clean break from her—and consequently, me. But that didn’t mean the truth didn’t hurt like hell.
“Fel?” Rose whispered, and I’d never heard her sound so small before. “Please don’t hate me.”
I dropped my chin to my chest so she couldn’t see my expression. “It’s her I hate, not you.”
“Don’t say that, Felicity.”
My head snapped up so fast I smacked it on the cabinet behind me, but I was too surprised by her response to feel any of the pain. “Why not?”
“Because she loves you and—”
“Whoa, hold up.” I lifted a hand to stop her. “Are you seriously defending her right now?”
“I’m not saying what she did was right, because it definitely wasn’t.” Rose said, backtracking. “But take it from someone who spent years loathing her. It’s not worth it.”
“So you’ve forgiven her?” I asked, incredulous. “After everything she’s done?”
“Not entirely, but I’m trying, because I want to be happy,” she said. “Hatred takes up more space in your heart than you realize, and it doesn’t leave room for things like love and joy. Trust me.”
“You don’t understand, Rose. Everything I’ve done since you left has been for Mom.
Everyone who loved her abandoned her, and I felt this responsibility to make up for that.
” I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “Stupid thirteen-year-old me figured if I study law at Stanford, become a lawyer, and am successful, then maybe she’d be happy again. ”
“You don’t need a fancy diploma or a job at a law firm to do that, Fel. You make her happy.”
“That’s not the point. All the choices I’ve made over the past four years have been based on a lie!” I exclaimed.
“Are you saying that you wouldn’t have studied as hard if you’d known the truth about me leaving, or if I’d never left at all?” Rose asked, shooting me a disbelieving look. “Because if that’s the case, maybe Mom made the right decision.”
“How can you say that? I’ve spent all this time focusing on becoming the person I thought would make her happy instead of the person I want to be, and now I feel like I don’t know who I am.”
“You’re only seventeen,” Rose said with a laugh. “Nobody knows exactly who they are at that age. Shit, I’m twenty-two and I’m still figuring out who I am.”
I couldn’t think of a response—at least, not one that would help Rose see my perspective. Learning the truth about what’d happened four years ago was exhausting and more emotionally draining than I’d anticipated.
“Look,” Rose said when our silence grew too tense to bear. “I’ve been where you are. When Mom kicked me out, I felt so betrayed. I know you’re hurting, but I haven’t seen you in so long. I don’t want to waste another minute arguing about her.”
She was right. Mom had already stolen so much time from us. Why was I letting her take even more?
“Okay,” I said, taking a calming breath and trying—at least for the time being—to put Mom out of mind. “Tell me all about Nicoli.”
***
“…and here’s one of us with his nonna,” Rose said, pointing to a picture of her, Nicoli, and an older woman.
We’d moved from the kitchen to the living room couch, and Rose was showing me a photo album of the month she’d stayed with Nicoli’s family in Naples.
So far, I’d learned that her boyfriend was twenty-four, the sous-chef at one of the highest-rated restaurants in Seattle, and that his dream was to open his own bistro.
I ran my finger over the album’s plastic page, tracing my sister’s grin.
Cheeks bunched up high, mouth thrown open in laughter.
I’d never seen her look so happy. “You must’ve had an amazing time,” I said wistfully.
I wasn’t sad exactly…but knowing Rose had to leave home to find that kind of happiness sent a pang through my heart.
She nodded. “It was the best trip of my life.”
“You never said… How did you guys meet?”
“On my first cruise,” she answered, eyes sparkling.
“There’s this tea party where guests can meet the Disney princesses, and he worked it.
Obviously not as a princess. He was a waiter, saving for culinary school.
Anyway, about halfway through the event, he tripped and dumped an entire pitcher of juice down my dress. ”
“That must’ve gone over well.” I’d never known my sister to be the cool, calm, collected type.
“I was livid,” she said, talking with her hands. “But Disney has this rule that we can’t break character while in costume, so I had to smile and laugh and pretend the OJ running down my cleavage was no big deal. In reality, all I wanted to do was wring his neck.”
I stifled a laugh as I tried to imagine Rose restraining her temper.
It was easier to picture her in a Cinderella costume, swearing like a sailor as steam poured from her ears.
Little girls crying, teacups shattering as they fell to the floor, while Rose lunged across the table to throttle poor Nicoli.
“I take it he got an earful later?”