Chapter 18 #2
“You’re ridiculous.” But I do. Winnie and the boys do too. Eventually Hope comes down with Mari in her arms—the baby presumably asleep—and dances too.
When the song switches to “Yellow,” my eyes dart to JJ without my permission and my heart jumps.
“This is my Mimi and Pops’s song,” Avery, who’s now dancing on her own towel, tells everyone. She grasps Gracie’s hand. “Come on. We dance like this to this song.” She wraps her arms around Gracie’s neck, and the two of them sway adorably.
After a few bars, she looks up at me. “Why aren’t you dancing?”
I cough out laugh. “I like watching you.”
“Daddy,” she says, using the tone that means she’s annoyed. Avery never hides her disappointment.
JJ shrugs and holds out a hand, like this is an everyday thing. Like the last time we danced to this song doesn’t even register to him. Like it didn’t mean a thing.
Of course it didn’t. Why would it have? I was one of many girls that he’s danced with. It’s not his fault that I’ve only ever danced with him.
Still, it’d be weird if I said no. And I can feel eyes on me. If I refuse, everyone will think I care or something, which I totally don’t.
So I take his hand. When he pulls me flush to his body, I can’t hide my surprised intake of breath. And when he presses one hand to my back and holds the other to his heart, it takes effort to keep my knees from wobbling.
Head bowed, focused on me, he murmurs in French, “Right back where you belong.”
My heart flutters in my chest. Does he mean it? Is it possible he feels this? The pull that’s always existed between us? That even after all this time, just like me, he realizes we just somehow fit?
He’s got a wife, Adeline. A wife.
Reminder in place, I smirk and in French, I reply, “Sweeping up the floor with you? Yeah, I’d agree.”
His mouth falls open. “You speak French?”
With a pfft, I say, “Oh, I wasn’t taking a chance on not knowing what you were saying ever again.”
I only wish I could remember what he said all those years ago so I could translate it properly. Because I’m starting to believe that I had things all wrong back then.
JJ smiles down at me while Chris Martin sings about the stars.
Mouth at my ear, he murmurs, again in French. “Oh what a thing to do…You’re never not taking me by surprise, Adeline.”
Hours later, while I’m lying in bed still thinking about tonight, a knock sounds on my door, then a tiny voice calls, “Addie.”
I jump out of bed and throw the door open, finding Avery standing in the hall in her pink pjs, carrying her teddy bear, her face stained with tears. “I c-can’t sleep,” she hiccups. “I h-had a bad dream.”
I scoop her up, squeezing her tight. “I’m sorry, Avey girl. Do you want to tell me about it?”
She shakes her head. “N-no. I want my daddy.”
I frown. She knows where her dad’s room is, so why did she come here?
Now is not the time to ask, so I head for the door to the bathroom. “Okay, want me to take you to him?”
She nods, sniffling against my chest.
I knock on the door connecting the bathroom to JJ’s room, quietly calling out, “It’s Avery. She’s upset.”
The door swings open seconds later, and he appears, blinking rapidly, his face scrunched in confusion and concern.
And he’s in nothing but a pair of shorts.
There’s ink covering his chest. So much ink. And muscles. And the shorts hang so low, I can see the divots in his abdomen and where a trail of dark hair follows the deep V.
When I come dangerously close to choking on my own saliva, I decide to avert my eyes. Quickly. Shit.
“What’s wrong, Avey girl?” he asks as he reaches for her.
She digs her fingers into my pajamas and buries her face again. “No, I want Addie.”
My heart thumps off beat, and JJ steps back. “Okay.”
“Can you lay with us?” Avery asks me, voice pleading.
“Lay with you and your dad?” I croak. No. She can’t mean that.
“Yes please. I’m scared. I want you both.”
JJ eyes me, a pleading look on his face, like he actually believes I could say no to his little girl.
“Of course,” I say quickly, shuffling for the bed. When my knees bump the mattress, I inhale deeply. This isn’t a big deal. We’ve lain in a bed together plenty of times and nothing’s happened. And his daughter is here. This is about Avery.
The covers on the side closest to the wall are pulled down, but JJ pads to the other side.
“What are you doing? Isn’t this your pillow?” I say as I lay Avery in the middle of the bed. She curls up with her bear and turns to face JJ.
“I’ll sleep by the door. Ya know, in case someone breaks in.” He winks, then he pulls down the covers on that side and slides in.
My traitorous heart skips a beat. He remembers.
I try not to make a big deal of this moment.
So what if I’m getting into bed with a man I once loved? So what if he remembers that I’m a big baby when it comes to my sleeping arrangements and I always sleep farthest from the door? So what if his daughter is looking at me like I belong in their little world? With their little family.
This isn’t a big deal.
I climb into bed, and immediately, I know it’s a mistake.
The spot is warm, the sheets creased, evidence that only moments ago, JJ was lying here.
And the second my head hits his pillow, I wish I could go back in time thirty seconds.
He’s everywhere. I can’t even close my eyes to avoid him because his scent clings to the bedding, and it’s heavenly.
“Can you hold me?” Avery sniffles.
JJ drapes an arm over her, ready to pull her close, but she throws out a hand and shakes her head. “Addie.”
He lets out a huff, and I can’t be sure in the dark, but I think he rolls his eyes.
Holding in a little laugh, I place my hand on her back, rubbing gently.
“I love you, Addie,” Avery says. “Love you, Daddy. Good night.”
JJ’s eyes fall shut, a look that’s half pain, half affection on his face. Like it physically breaks him when his daughter is that sweet.
It does the same to me.
He leans forward and pushes her hair back, stroking gently.
“I love you too, Avey girl.” He presses a kiss to her forehead and snuggles a little closer, stroking her hair.
The third or fourth time he does it, I’m moving my hand up as he’s moving his down, and when our fingers accidentally brush against one another, I suck in a breath.
Over Avery’s head, he stares at me. Then he twists his pinky around my own.
My heart beats like a drum, warning me that this is a terrible idea. But I don’t look away. Even when Avery’s breaths even out and my eyes start to droop.
And when I wake up, the sun not yet peeking over the horizon, Avery is snuggled between us and he’s still holding my hand.
I pull away, flexing my fingers to get blood flowing again. But I don’t think that’s what’s caused the tingling.
Tossing the covers off, I suck in a shaky breath.
I can’t do this with him. No matter how much I want to, I can’t play house. I’m not Avery’s mother and I’m not JJ’s wife.
With those words replaying like a mantra in my mind, I rush out of the bedroom and snag my phone from the charger on my nightstand.
Then I type out a quick message to Savannah.
Me: Fine. I’ll be your New Romantics girl. Just tell me what to do.