Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
JJ
“I don’t care what you have to do. I want this done by the end of the month.”
Annoyed, I hit the End button on my cell. It’s not nearly as satisfying as slamming down a phone, but it’s something. At least I’m headed to work out next.
We’ve made it through two weeks of preseason games and we’re set for our season opener in five days. Though there’s no practice on the schedule today, I never take a day off in season.
Working out is as important for me mentally as it is physically, and right now my mental state is a fucking disaster.
When I pull into the garage beneath the arena and spot my dad’s car, I frown. What’s he doing here?
Gavin’s car is here too, which isn’t all that strange, but so is Beckett’s. Hell, I think all of Addie’s uncles are here.
What are all the old guys doing at the arena?
My phone lights up with a text as I shift into park.
Finn: I think it’s awesome.
He thinks it’s awesome?
His message is in response to the one I sent just before leaving the house. The one that read Addie is going on her first date tonight with those weirdos from the magazine thing.
Annoyed again, I type out a quick reply.
Me: What do you mean it’s awesome? They could be complete freaks.
Bray: First of all, Josie has worked really hard to vet these guys. Savannah too. So let’s give her best friends a little credit.
Bray: Second, it’s none of your goddamn business.
Finn: Sorry, JJ. I’m with Bray on this one.
I scowl. Seriously? Has everyone lost their goddamn minds?
Theo: Catch me up to speed. What dating app is she using? I can check out the matches if ya want.
Me: It’s not a dating app. It’s some magazine article that Savannah is writing for Jolie. They had her fill out this ridiculously long questionnaire, and they’re going to set her up on dates, then document them all in the magazine over the next few months.
Theo: Oh, that sounds pretty cool. Go, Addie.
Growling, I slam the back of my head against the seat. What the fuck is wrong with my friends?
I turn off my phone, irritated by their nonchalance, and head for the door. Inside, the familiar sound of sticks clacking against the ice is like a siren’s song, calling me to the rink rather than the gym.
When the group of old guys comes into view, I chuckle. The whole lot is on the ice, playing their version of beer league hockey.
Brooks is in one goal, and my Uncle Hayden is in the other.
Gavin, Beckett, and Aiden are on one team, and Uncle Garreth, Uncle Cash, and my father are on the other.
The Langfields versus the James/Hanson crew. There was a time when my dad and uncle were arch enemies. But then my mom married my dad, and by some miracle, the guys figured their shit out, and now they’re best friends.
Every man on the ice is over the age of fifty. Hell, most of them are in their sixties. Yet they’re skating around like guys half their age.
When my dad pushes Cash into the net, knocking Brooks over in the process and scoring, Beckett grouses, “That was a cheap shot.”
A bark of a laugh bursts out of me. They should take all the cheap shots they can get when they’re up against Brooks fucking Langfield. I’m actually pretty impressed with my dad’s moves.
The sound of my laughter echoes in the empty arena, and all heads snap my way.
“JJ,” my dad calls.
The group of them skate toward the bench, and I wander that way too. By the time I get there, they’re pulling their helmets off.
“I didn’t know you guys still did this.” When I was a kid, my dad would meet up with the guys, but I guess I stopped paying attention somewhere along the way.
He never stopped taking me out on the ice.
It’s where he told me my mom had cancer.
It’s where he brought me to share that she was in remission.
It’s where I told him about Avery and where the two of us had our biggest blowout.
The day I informed him that I was getting married.
And it’s where he helped me figure out how my life was going to work after I became a father.
Honestly, I could really use a shift on the ice with him right about now.
I could use his input about what the hell happens next.
I know what I want. Fuck, I don’t remember a time in my life when I haven’t wanted this—her—but she’s right.
It’s not fair of me to ask her to pause her life while I figure out my own.
And in our current situations, yeah, we can’t be together.
She’s barely spoken to me since she gave me that hard truth on the roof.
While we’re at the arena, she keeps things professional; she doesn’t ice me out.
But she hasn’t joined us for a single family dinner since that night.
She’s always conveniently busy with Savannah or Josie.
I’m pretty sure she’s even been sleeping at Savannah’s.
But she makes sure to say good night to my girl every evening.
She texts, letting me know she’s ready for Avery’s call, and the two of them talk on the phone while I strain to listen to her side of the conversation.
I’m on the outside, but I’m nothing but grateful, because if I can’t have Adeline in the way I want her, at least my daughter can have her in the way she needs her.
But Adeline has always been good at showing up for those who need her, me included.
“Thirty years and counting,” Gavin says with a laugh. “It’s good for these old guys.”
He smacks Uncle Garreth on the back.
Garreth, who’s quiet and a little broody most of the time, glares in response. “I’m two years older than you.”
“And we”—Aiden points to himself, then Brooks—“definitely weren’t playing with you thirty years ago.”
“Jesus,” Gavin mutters. “Everyone’s so fucking sensitive.”
“Ducking,” Beckett grumbles.
“There’s not a fucking child in a mile radius.” My dad pins me with a look. “Please tell me you aren’t using that stupid word now that you’re living in the brownstone.”
Beckett nudges him in the ribs, and he bends at the waist dramatically, groaning.
“What are you doing here?” Brooks asks me, ignoring their antics.
“Just working off some steam.”
“Wanna join us?” Beckett asks.
Gavin glares at his older brother. “He’s got a game tomorrow.”
Taking a step back, I hold up my hands. “I’m not trying to play with you old men.”
My dad laughs. “Why you working off steam? Something you want to talk about?”
I glance at Beckett, then each of his brothers, then huff. What the fuck do I have to lose? Brayden tells me I’m out of my mind. Finn thinks I’m being absurd. But there’s no way Beckett isn’t concerned about Adeline going on dates with a bunch of strange men.
I run my hands through my hair, grimacing. “I’m nervous about Adeline’s date tonight.”
Every single eye widens. Not one of them expected that. I guarantee it. Maybe I’ve danced around my feelings with my dad, and I all but told Beckett about them years ago, but the rest of these men haven’t pushed me into admitting something I never could.
That Adeline Langfield has always been the only woman I want.
Even when I married someone else.
Admitting that to myself is a step in the right direction. For so long I was so goddamn mad at her that I refused to admit my marriage was a reaction to my anger.
Even if I’ve always sworn I did it for Avery. So I wouldn’t have to split custody, so I could always be with my little girl.
That was a perk, sure, but I never would have married Tabitha if Adeline hadn’t hurt me so deeply.
Fuck, I’m an idiot.
“Why are you nervous about it?” Dad is the first to risk asking the question.
My gaze goes to Beckett. “Because she’s going out with a complete stranger. What if he’s a serial killer?”
My dad laughs. “He’s not a serial killer.”
“No, he definitely isn’t,” Beckett says, eyes wary.
“So you’re okay with this? And you,” I look at Gavin, “You don’t think it looks bad to have our coach traipsing around town with different men—”
“Watch it.” Beckett’s voice is cold, his tone sharp.
My face heats. “You know what I’m saying. I care about Adeline just as much as you do—”
He arches his brows. “Do you? Would you give up everything for that girl? Because I would. Don’t play a game of chicken with me.”
Frowning, my dad scrutinizes me, probably trying to figure out how I’m going to handle this.
That’s a good question.
Eventually I let out a long breath, willing my anger to settle. Beckett doesn’t deserve my wrath. Neither does Adeline. I do. I’m the idiot who fucked up. “I just want to know she’s safe,” I say, not bothering to hide the desperation in my voice.
“Addie’s got a good head on her shoulders.” Aiden dips his chin. “She’ll be good.”
“And I already looked into every man on the list,” Beckett adds, throwing me a bone.
Dad scowls. “You what?”
“Like you wouldn’t do anything to keep Chloe from getting hurt,” he throws back.
Lips tugged down thoughtfully, my dad nods. “You’re right.”
“Anyway,” Beckett says, eyeing me again. “Everyone on the list seems legit. No problematic men.”
“Okay, but what if you missed something?” I point out.
“What would you like us to do?” Brooks asks, always the calmest man in the room.
I throw my arms out wide. “I don’t know. Maybe we should follow her? Just be nearby in case something goes wrong?”
Uncle Hayden laughs, then lets out an oof when my dad hits him in the stomach.
“No, maybe he’s onto something,” Beckett muses, scratching at his jaw. “What would it hurt if we all went out to dinner and just happened to be in the same restaurant? If anything goes wrong—”
“Which it won’t,” my father says, looking from Beckett to me. “This is your mother’s magazine. She’d never risk Addie’s safety. She loves her like her own.”
“Still,” I grumble, squeezing my hands into fists.
Beckett nods. “Yeah, still.”
Gavin laughs. He’s much more relaxed when he’s hanging out with his brothers than when he’s playing the role of coach. “You’re just agreeing with him because you think it’ll let you work around Liv’s no meddling in your children’s dating lives rule. You realize we see right through you, right?”
Beckett shrugs, unbothered. “I’m just watching out for my little girl.”
“Yeah, he’s just watching out for his little girl,” I agree.
“So what time’s dinner?” Uncle Garreth asks.
The stress has already begun to fade when I start my workout, and by the time I’m done, I feel lighter than I have in days. This will be good. I can watch out for Adeline, and once all my bullshit is settled, I’ll finally make my move.
When the door to the gym opens and Beckett strolls in, I smile, wiping sweat from my forehead. “Enjoy your game?”
“Yeah, we beat your family, so I’m feeling better about myself.”
I laugh. “You did have two professional hockey players on your team, so I wouldn’t get too excited.”
He lifts both shoulders, scanning the facility. When he looks at me again, his expression is stony. “Listen, I’m only going to say this once and then I’ll drop it.”
My insides twist into knots, but I nod and give him my full attention.
“Five years ago, I explained what to do when it came to Adeline. I told you what regret feels like. Watching the person I wanted most start a family with someone else? I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
And JJ, you did that to my daughter.” He lets those words hang between us, and all the lightness I’d found only moments ago is gone in an instant.
I did do that to Adeline. And I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like for her.
Probably a little like I’m feeling now. Beckett steps closer.
“So be very sure that your concern is real and not just jealousy. Because Adeline deserves to be loved. Maybe it won’t be this guy, but it will be someone, and you’re going to have to get on board with that. ”
My heart thrashes wildly at the thought of anyone else with her. At the idea that any other man could love her the way I could. But somehow I remain completely calm as I say, “I just want her to be safe.”
Beckett nods. “Then we’re good.”