Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
ADDIE
I’m going to throw up. In two minutes, I have to head to the locker room. Okay, the hallway outside the locker room. It’s night one of the NHL season.
As I pace, shallow breaths are all I can manage. Stopping in the middle of the room, I blow out a long breath and will my heart and my muscles to relax. This is absurd. I’m not even playing.
Still, thousands of eyes will be on me. The first female goalie coach in the NHL. A Langfield. Boston—hell, North America—is waiting to see if I have the chops or have been given a handout.
Regardless of what the talking heads say, not a goddamn thing has been handed to me in my entire life.
I’ve worked hard and bled for every accomplishment, every win.
Even Beckett’s affection. While he absolutely gave it freely, I never could fight the need to make him proud.
Didn’t ever want him to regret all he’d given to us.
Without him our lives would be very different.
And despite knowing better, I’ve never been able to silence that little voice in my head.
The one that often said If my own father didn’t want me, why would Beckett? There’s nothing in it for him.
Yet he’s never let me down. He’s the only man to never let me down. Okay, my uncles too. The Langfield family really is incredible. Not one of them has ever made me question their love for me.
I squeeze my eyes shut and suck in another deep breath. They didn’t give this to you. You did this all on your own. You deserve to be here.
Straightening my shoulders, I give myself one last look in the mirror, confirming that the red stain on my lips hasn’t bled onto my skin or my teeth. Then I adjust my Bolts blue suit and smooth back the flyaway or two that has escaped my low ponytail.
Then, head down and hands clenched at my sides, I head for the door.
I’m reaching for the handle when there’s a knock.
I inhale sharply, startled. Please, for the love of God, don’t let it be JJ.
He’s respected my wishes and given me space for the last sixteen-ish hours, and now is not the time to change that.
I open the door, and when I come face to face with Uncle Aiden, my stomach drops.
He’s wearing a blue suit as well, though his is a bit brighter. His brown eyes warm when he sets his sights on me, and he hums. “Big day, kiddo.”
Though affection runs through me, I roll my eyes. “Please don’t call me that in front of the press.”
Laughing, he points inside my office. “Can I come in for a second?”
“A second? Yeah. That’s about all we have.”
“I know. And I’ll be quick, promise.” He saunters in, his hands in his pockets.
I examine him, my pulse thumping with nerves. I know why he’s here, and I’d like to avoid getting into it, if possible. “Did you enjoy your dinner last night?”
He shuts the door behind him and leans against it. “The lobster mac and cheese was incredible. Did you have it?”
I shake my head, giving him an annoyed look. “Scott and I decided to grab a burger instead. When I pointed out the table of bodyguards, he paid for our drinks and took me to a dive bar. The food was great.”
Aiden smiles. “Good. I’m glad.”
What I don’t mention is how I forced a smile and made conversation, feeling like shit the entire time.
Because I fucked another man while on a date with him.
Who does that? I never would have believed I could be capable of that, and I don’t want to be that kind of person.
It’s not sexy, it’s not kind. It’s just… awful.
“I know what you’re going to say,” I start. I can’t just stand here smiling and making fake conversation.
He arches a brow. “Do you?”
I nod, my jaw clamped shut. “He’s a player, and I’m his coach.”
His response is a simple shrug. “Yeah.”
“So, I’m aware of that and…nothing will happen between us.”
The smile he gives me is sympathetic. “Okay. Like I said last night, I know nothing.”
Relief washes over me. He’s letting me off the hook.
And it’s true. Nothing is going on. JJ and I may have a past, and at one time I thought he might be my future, but that isn’t possible anymore.
Life doesn’t always turn out the way we thought it would.
Hell, for a long time I even thought I’d be on this team, not coaching it.
But here I am. And this isn’t a bad alternative.
And Scott isn’t a bad alternative either. Not that he deserves an asshole like me.
“But Addie?”
His serious tone instantly has my attention. He’s the fun-loving uncle, the goofy one, so this is out of character. I brace myself, waiting for him to impart wisdom I might not be ready to hear.
“If your Aunt Lennox had been my coach or my boss. If she’d held any position that made her unavailable to me, I would have moved heaven and earth to figure it out. Because there was no way in hell I wasn’t getting my second chance with her.”
“She was your wedding planner,” I rasp, words suddenly hard to find.
Expression softening, he squeezes my hand.
“And I dumped my fiancée the moment I found out.” He holds eye contact, letting that sink in.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say I’m proud of you.
I know how hard it is to give up those skates and be on this side of the boards during games, but we’re damn lucky to have you.
So enjoy tonight. You’ve fucking earned it. ”
Emotion clogs my throat, but I can’t help but snort. “Don’t you mean ducking?”
He wraps an arm around my shoulder, guiding me out of my office. “You’re in the NHL now, Addie. It’s fucking.”
I was very clear with my family before my first game.
I made sure they understood that I did not want any type of ceremony or party to celebrate after.
While they’ve assured me they have nothing planned, the entire crew is here, seated right behind the players’ bench, screaming their heads off when I come out.
At the ridiculous hooting and hollering, I turn and glare at them, holding up a finger to quiet them.
Naturally, that only makes Aunt Lennox and Aunt Sara scream even louder.
Winnie and Hope are laughing hysterically at my distress. I’d be annoyed, if not for the little girl holding up a sign and wearing the biggest smile. “Kick some hockey player butt, Coach Addie. I love you.”
I point to my chest, make a heart sign and point to Avery. “I love you too,” I mouth.
She dances on Vivi’s lap, and when she spots JJ on the ice, she perks up and screams, “Hi, Daddy. You kick hockey butt too.”
JJ skates over to the bench and waves at her. When he turns, he’s grinning. “She’s proud of you,” he says, voice low so only I can hear him.
“Thank you for letting her be here tonight,” I say, internally reminding myself not to stare into those blue eyes of his. Trying to hold back memories of last night, of the way he made me feel when they were fixed on me, telling me how beautiful I was as I came.
“She wouldn’t have been anywhere else.”
“All right, enough emotional stuff.” I take a step back and scan the ice. “Go warm up.”
His eyes warm and he smirks. “Okay, Coach.”
And there goes my stomach flipping over again.
After the game, Bobby insists that I join the team for a drink to celebrate our 3-0 victory.
Fortunately, the bar they frequent is not only owned by my family, but it’s also on site, located underground beneath Langfield Corp.
It sits between the hockey arena and the baseball stadium in an area that can’t be accessed without a code.
I give in easily when Josie and Vivi agree to join in too. One drink to celebrate is warranted.
I assumed since Vivi was off duty tonight, JJ would go straight home. It’s rare that he goes out. I’ve learned that over the last few months. Maybe I knew that even before then. He’s always put Avery first. But tonight, he walks into the bar with Brayden and Sidney a few minutes after we arrive.
Beside me, Josie asks a question, but I only catch the tail end of it.
“What?” I ask, still watching JJ.
How is it possible for a man to look that pretty after playing three periods of rough hockey? After games, I’d braid my hair and swipe on a little lip gloss. He’s in a navy suit, the top of his dusty blue shirt undone, exposing a gorgeous neck that I’d really like to rest my head against.
Fucking him was such a bad idea.
It’s awakened a beast inside me. That feral part of me is desperate for him and I can’t go there again.
He laughs at Sidney, and then his gaze is on me, making my heart thump wildly.
The laughter dies and his smile falls into a warmer one.
He gives me a small nod, then his focus returns to the guys.
As it should. Just like I should be paying attention to Josie, who is now waving her hand in front of my face dramatically.
“Huh, I really thought you’d have made it until at least a home game.” With a shake of her head, she glares at Vivi.
My cousin laughs, tossing her head back. “Told you it was only a matter of time.”
“But she was on a date with someone else last night. When was there time?” Josie sighs.
Blinking, I force myself to turn so JJ is out of sight. “What are you guys talking about?”
Vivi bites on her bottom lip, eyes dancing. “How long it would take you and JJ to finally bang.”
Lunging forward, I cover her mouth. “Shut up.” I dart a look around, confirming no one was close enough to hear her.
Shit. Fortunately, we’re at the end of the bar and most of the guys have ordered their drinks and moved over to the pool tables.
Because apparently they haven’t experienced enough competition yet tonight.
Josie groans. “I am just…” She shakes her head. “I have no words. No words, Adeline Marie Langfield.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s not my middle name.”
She pushes her strawberry blond hair behind her shoulder, her chin lifted. “Whatever. You get the point.”
In one quick move, I down my drink. Then I hold up a hand, ordering another. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, then how was the date last night?” she asks, her words snippy. “Did you kiss? Do you plan to see each other again? At approximately what time did you fuck JJ Hanson?” The questions roll off her tongue like she thinks I’ll answer them rapid-fire.
“I didn’t,” I lie.
She examines him where he’s still standing by the pool tables.
Shit. I’m beginning to wonder if there’s any chance of getting Josie out of here before she corners him and blows up my career.
“Please.” I settle my hand on hers and squeeze, hoping she can understand the severity of the situation. “I wouldn’t jeopardize my career.” Again. I definitely won’t do it again.
No matter how good he looks. Or how good he is at doling out orgasms. And sex. And all the things that involve orgasms and sex.
My best friend studies me, then shakes her head. “It’s a bad idea, Adeline.”
“I think it’s a great idea,” Vivi argues.
I sigh. “It’s a bad idea.”
Josie takes a deep breath and dips her chin, like she’s satisfied with my response. Like she believes I won’t totally fuck up my life.
She may have more confidence than I do, but relief rushes over me when she finally drops it.
And the timing couldn’t be better, because not even five seconds later, Bobby Dean pops up out of nowhere, yelling about a celebratory shot.
In less than a minute, the entire team is congregated at the bar.
One shot turns into three, and they don’t let me skip out.
When I set that third shot glass down, I’m feeling mighty buzzed and beyond tired.
Between the emotional Olympics I was subject to last night, the excitement of today, and the late hour, I’m done.
“I’m going to head out,” I tell Josie. “You ready?”
She’s deep in conversation with Sidney and Vivi has disappeared.
She shakes her head. “I’m going to hang for a bit longer. I’ll make sure Vivi gets home.”
“You sure?”
She grins. “Yup. Congrats, babe. As always, you’re a total inspiration and a knockout while doing it.” She scoops me into a hug. When her chin hits my shoulder, she adds, “Don’t fuck it all up. He’s pretty, but you’re a badass, and badasses deserve to be loved out loud, not in secret.”
I squeeze her tighter. She’s right, even if it’s hard to hear.
I’m headed toward the door when JJ steps into my path. “Leaving?”
I nod.
“Any chance you have one more in you?”
“One more drink?” I frown, my knees wobbling.
JJ smirks. “Nah, I was thinking a different kind of celebration.”
A smile tugs at my lips. “Antonio’s?”
He breaks into a matching expression. “It’s tradition.”
My damn traitorous heart flutters. “Yeah, it is.”
An hour later, we sneak into the house, a pie between us, and tiptoe up to the roof. Still tipsy, moving through the house silently is not an easy feat. The moment we hit the cool October night, we burst into laughter.
“Made it.” I rush to the couch, ravenous, the smell of the greasy pizza making my stomach rumble.
JJ snags a blanket from the bench seat and hands it to me, then he settles at my side, and when I open the box, we both lean in, inhaling.
“God,” I groan. “Why does it smell so good?”
Chuckling, he picks up a slice and takes a huge bite.
I snag my own piece and close my eyes, letting the taste really hit me.
Suddenly we’re sixteen again, celebrating after our first win on the same team.
Or eighteen, when JJ was drafted to the Bolts and rather than going out with his friends or celebrating with a puck bunny, he wrapped an arm around me and said we had plans.
Or the night of his twenty-first birthday when he ditched everyone at midnight so the two of us could spend it together.
So many memories, so many moments I’ve tried so hard to forget.
I swipe a finger against my lip, wiping at the grease, and set the pizza back in the box. “Thank you.”
He arches a brow. “For what?”
“For letting it go. I would have been sad if we couldn’t celebrate like this tonight.”
He drops his slice next to mine and shifts so he’s angled my way. “No matter what happens between us, I never want to go back to the way things were. I can’t miss another four years of your life.”
I nod, my throat thick. “Then let’s make a deal. No more icing each other out.”
“I never wanted that,” he says. “I never wanted to lose you.”
I know. Unfortunately, neither of us could have anticipated what happened the morning after Team USA won gold.