Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
ADDIE
“Daddy.” The tiny voice sounds awfully loud this morning. But not as loud as the knock that follows.
“Shit,” I hiss, ducking under the covers.
JJ pulls me back up and presses a kiss to my shoulder.
Then he bounces out of bed with far too much energy.
I’m sore from the game and exhausted from staying up far too late after we ate pizza with Avery—it was fun including her in on our tradition even if it was way past her bedtime—and plain worn out after lots of delicious sex.
I should have snuck back to my bedroom. I still could.
I eye the door, gauging how long it would take me to get to the bathroom before—
“Addie,” Avery squeals, darting for the bed.
Looks like it’s too late to escape now.
“Did you sleep with Daddy so he wasn’t lonely?”
“Nah, she was the lonely one,” JJ teases, plopping down beside her.
Her pajamas are light blue with yellow ducks on them and her blond curls are a beautiful mess.
Her little face scrunches in concern. “Do you have to go to skate soon?”
JJ pulls her onto his lap, snuggling her tightly, and a wave of envy hits me. Not because he’s holding her but because they’re right in front of me, and yet they still feel so far away.
But that’s my doing. It’s time to remember that. And I don’t have to do it anymore.
So I hold out my arms. “No skate this morning. Come give me snuggles too. Your daddy’s right. I was super lonely this morning, and I came looking for you to snuggle, but all I found was stinky Daddy.”
“Daddy’s not stinky.” Laughing, she leaps out of his lap and runs across the bed toward me, stepping on my legs in the process.
Pain shoots through me, but I bite back a wince as she pulls back the covers and snuggles into my side. Thank god I put clothes on after we cleaned up last night.
Sighing, I run my fingers through her silky curls. “Maybe not, but he doesn’t smell as good as you.” I press my nose to her head and inhale her. “Why do you smell like sugar?”
Her giggles light me up inside. “You’re silly. I’m no sugar. I’m Avery.”
On the other side of the bed, JJ wears a soft smile, watching us.
God, I love him so much. This moment is everything we’ve been missing. Everything we could have had. Everything we still could.
I’m trying not to get ahead of myself. We can’t go public with our relationship, so it’s best if we keep it a secret, but it’s impossible to do that around his little girl. I need her in this little bubble with us.
This isn’t just sex. This isn’t a fling. JJ and I are building a life together, and Avery is an integral part of that life, so while we lay the foundation, it’s important that she’s right there with us.
But our girl has a big mouth, so I have to be careful. I can’t have her telling my father or any of my uncles that I’ve been sleeping with her daddy again.
“Adeline and I have to go to the arena this afternoon for a meeting, but maybe we can make pancakes and bacon before we go,” JJ says.
Avery peers up at me. “Do you like pancakes? I love pancakes, and Daddy always lets me put all the things in mine.”
My lips curl up at the sweetness in her voice. “And what are all the things?”
She flattens her lips, giving me a serious look. “Can you keep a secret?”
I peer over at JJ, who nods, so I do the same.
“Good, because this is really special. No one knows but Daddy and me because we’re the dream team. If we tell you this, you’ll be on the dream team too. Do you want to be on our dream team?”
The way she says it, like it’s a revered position, is so damn special.
And yeah, I’ve wanted to be on a few teams in my life, but never have I wanted to be part of one as much as I do now.
Voice cracking, I say, “I’d like that very much.”
Avery bounces up and jumps on the bed. “You hear that, Daddy? She wants to be on our team.” She throws herself into his chest.
He hugs her tight. “Of course she does, Aves. We’re the best team.” Though he’s smiling for his daughter, his eyes are flooded with emotion.
He never hides the way he feels. I don’t think he even tries. If I’d allowed myself to believe that years ago, then maybe I would have seen that it was all right there in front of me from the beginning. He’s been looking at me the same way for the last ten or so years.
Standing in his lap, Avery spins, drapes an arm around his shoulder, and tips her head against his shoulder. “So first we use chocolate chips—”
She rattles off the secret ingredients, which I discover quickly are necessities for a basic chocolate chip pancake recipe.
But the belief she has that there’s something magical about them fills me with affection. Of course she believes it. Because that’s what JJ does. He makes even the simplest things feel magical.
“God, I could eat pancakes like that every morning.” Finn tilts back in his chair, rubbing his abs. He makes sure to lift his shirt so we all have to see them. Idiot.
The twins ate their weight in pancakes and then ran outside. It’s freezing, but not one of us stopped them. After all that sugar, they need the movement.
Winnie left for work before we made it downstairs, and Vivi is suspiciously quiet in the corner of the room, picking at her pancakes.
I don’t think Hope has gotten a bite in yet. As quickly as she cuts into one, the baby beside her in the highchair devours it.
Finn, to my surprise, cut up pancakes for Gracie and Mari before anyone else had gotten settled, allowing Hope to focus on Emmy Lou.
“I still don’t understand why you’re always here.” I peer over at Hope, who’s focused on the baby, then zero in on my brother.
He drops his shirt with a sigh and heaves himself forward.
JJ chuckles under his breath. He’s probably been watching the idiot make a fool of himself as well.
“Don’t you have to meet Savannah at the arena soon?” Finn snaps.
Frowning, JJ sets his fork down. “Why are you meeting her there?”
“She’s taking pretty pictures today.” Avery tilts her head up and grins at me, a smear of chocolate across her chin. “Right, Addie?”
I cringe, picking up my water glass. Shit. I’d totally forgotten about that. “Oh yeah. I guess I am.”
“At the arena?” JJ asks, his words measured. He’s trying to keep his cool, trying to hide his annoyance about the article, and he’s failing spectacularly.
“They want to get some shots of you on the ice, right?” Hope asks, finally looking up.
I shrug, going for nonchalant.
“She also mentioned girls’ night,” she says, lips twisting.
“You should come.” I snatch my phone off the table and check my calendar.
The pink notation on the 20th of November tells me that I don’t have a game and we’re apparently going pole dancing again.
Lips pressed together, I survey her. “But I have to warn you, it was Savannah’s choice this month and she always picks the same thing. ”
Laughing, Hope peers over at Finn quickly before looking back my way. “I heard.”
“Why did you say it like that?” Finn asks, squinting at her.
JJ shakes his head. He knows exactly what Savannah always picks. I’ve told him before. “Little ears,” he reminds Finn.
He throws visual daggers my way. “What could you possibly do on girls’ night that little ears can’t hear about?”
I make a twirling motion with my fingers to signify spinning on a pole.
“Magical snow?” he guesses.
JJ scowls. “Why would you guess magical snow?”
“Isn’t that what Elsa does to summon the snow?”
“Elsa! I love Elsa. Can we watch her?” Gracie says.
“Elsa,” Mari squeals.
Vivi picks up her plate and stands. “Come on, girls. I’ll put the movie on for you.”
All three big girls jump up and rush toward the back room where my dad set up a movie screen. The place is brimming with all the toys he’s bought for his grandkids.
Before Vivi passes me, I reach for her wrist. “You okay?”
She nods. “Just feel a little off.”
“You weren’t feeling good yesterday morning either,” Hope points out. “Maybe you should go to the doctor. It is flu season.”
Vivi shakes her head, her face a sickly pale color.
“I agree.”
“If I still don’t feel good this afternoon, I’ll call,” she promises.
I sigh, studying her, looking for clues about what could be wrong. “Okay.”
The moment she’s gone, Finn starts in again. “So what’s this spinny thing you do?”
Hope giggles. “It’s pole dancing, Finn.”
My brother stares at her. It’s like she’s put him in a damn trance by saying his name. Or maybe it’s that she’s finally looked his way. Or maybe he’s imagining his best friend pole dancing.
I shudder. Shit. I don’t want to think about what that would do to him. With a shake of my head, I focus on Hope. “Anyway, you should come.”
She shrugs, her fairy-tale red hair dancing around her shoulders. “I’ll see if my mom can watch the kids—”
“I’ll watch them,” Finn blurts out.
She gives him a soft smile. “You already do so much. I’m sure you have better things to do.”
“Yeah, Finn. You really do a lot here,” I agree, smirking. “When was the last time you did something for yourself? Like go on a date?”
He glowers at me. “Not all of us are Boston’s Bachelorette, you know. How are things with Scott, by the way? Didn’t see him at the game last night.”
I kick out beneath the table, aiming for him, but hit nothing but air. “I ended it with him. Wasn’t feeling it.”
My brother chuckles. “Right. So who’s next?”
“What do you mean who’s next?” JJ’s brows pull low as he looks from Finn to me.
“I think I’m going to get the baby cleaned up,” Hope says, her eyes darting around the room.
“I’ll help you,” Finn says, apparently ready to walk away from the fire he just started.
JJ stares me down from across the table while I start stacking plates. “We should get this cleaned up. I have to go soon.”
“Right.” He stands, his chair scraping harshly against the floor. “For your bachelorette spread.”
“JJ.” I huff, glowering at him.
His scoff is laced with disgust. “Excuse me if I’m not thrilled that my girlfriend is going on dates with other guys.”
I cough out a laugh. “Girlfriend?” With a shake of my head, I stride for the kitchen. “Unbelievable.”
He storms in a moment later and drops the plates onto the counter beside the sink. “What the hell did I say wrong now?”
I spin to face him, scrub brush in hand. “You didn’t even ask. You just assume I’m your girlfriend.”
“We love each other and we’re sleeping together. Hell, we even live together. What else would I call you?”
A sardonic laugh bursts out of me. “Oh, JJ, don’t be this dumb, please.”
He balls his hands into fists at his sides. “I don’t see how I’m being the dumb one here.”
“My brother was baiting you,” I say with a sigh, suddenly exhausted. “And you walked right into it. You know we need to keep this a secret for the time being. I can’t be your girlfriend when you still have a wife.”
Eyes darting between mine, he grits his teeth.
I press my lips together to stop myself from smiling and grasp his wrist. “I love you,” I remind him.
“This dating thing is just for the magazine. I agreed to the series. You know this. But I’m not your girlfriend.
Not yet. We may not like the situation, but until you’re officially divorced, we have to keep it to ourselves. You get that, right?”
His chest rises and falls rapidly, his breathing labored, as if he’s been on the ice all morning. But when I rub my finger gently across his wrist, he sighs. “Yeah, I get it.” He pulls me into his arms. “I don’t have to like it, though, right?” He presses a kiss to the top of my head.
Sighing, I tip my head back and rest my chin on his chest. “No, I guess you don’t.
And for the record, you are someone else’s husband.
That is far more annoying than any fake dating dog and pony show could ever be.
Just like you have no interest in that title, I’m not too fond of being the Boston Bachelorette or whatever it is their calling me.
It means nothing. We know what we are to one another.
And we know what we want. We’re the ones with a real future here. Okay?”
Angling in, he presses his lips to mine. “Fine. I love you.”
I smile up at him. “I love you too. And I hate to do this since you cooked, but I’ve got a photoshoot to get to, so you’ll have to do the cleaning too.”