Chapter 41
Chapter Forty-One
ELIZABETH
“How is he?” Julien asks as we amble down the dirt path.
After mile two, we decided to cut the run short and walk back so we could talk about what went down last night between Jayson and Ryder.
A blanket of clouds hangs low, a precursor to the rain that is forecasted for later tomorrow. A few other joggers who are out give us small waves as they run by.
“How about you tell me what Jayson said to Ryder last night?”
Ryder was still asleep on the couch when I left this morning, so I wrote him a cute note and put it on the coffee table. I wrote several more and placed them strategically around the apartment where he would find them. Well, the notes weren’t exactly cute. They were filled with filthy promises of what I wanted to do to his body and what I wanted him to do to mine. I expect to be pounced on as soon as I walk through the door.
“Honestly? I don’t want to tell you because you’re going to get pissed. But it was pretty brutal.”
“Did Ryder fight back?”
Julien stops and reties his shoe. “He didn’t lift a finger. He didn’t even say a word. He just stood there and took everything Jay threw at him.”
Oh, Jayson. You and I are definitely going to have a talk later .
“Ryder didn’t tell me much, so I need you to fill in the blanks.”
Julien lifts his shirt and wipes his face. “I really don’t want to.”
“But you’re going to,” I insist.
“Christ, Liz.” He blows out a defeated puff of air. “Fine. Jay threw a punch as soon as Ry walked in. He told him once your memory came back that you would leave him. E and I had to break it up. He defended Jay. I defended Ry. That didn’t go over too well. We argued.”
“What? Julien, no. I don’t want that. I don’t want the issues in my life to mess up yours.”
“I chose to stand by Ry, and he chose Jay. Couples fight all the time. We got over it.” He side-eyes me, opens his mouth, closes it. Side-eyes me again. “Daniel has tried to call me a few times.”
I scuff the toe of my running shoe through the dirt. “Oh?”
“Have you talked to him yet?”
Guilt and hurt mix together when it comes to Daniel and Drew. Mentally, I’m not in a good place yet to deal with them and the secret they kept from me about Elizabeth Ann.
“No. And I lovingly ask that you drop it.”
We’re almost back to where I parked my car. I met up with Julien at the park this morning for our run. He jogged there. I drove.
Unlocking the doors, I ask, “Want a lift back to your place?”
“Not going to turn that offer down.”
“Just to warn you, I’m coming up and talking to Jayson.”
Julien opens the driver’s side door for me but stops me before I get in.
“Tread carefully. I know this situation is all sorts of fucked up, but Jay is hurting. I don’t agree with what he said, but I understand where it’s coming from.”
“I get it, Julien. I really do. I know that Jayson and I will forever be tied together through our past and through our daughter. But right now, I need to fight for my future. The one I see with Ryder.”
As soon as we enter the condo, Julien kisses my cheek and heads off to shower. I’m all kinds of sweaty, but I don’t care. On the drive there, I worked myself up into a frenzy of anger. One that’s about to get unleashed on the man I’m staring at in the kitchen.
Jayson is eating a bowl of cereal, shirtless, and wearing loose cotton sweatpants. His hair is wet and slicked back.
I grit my teeth. “You promised.”
He looks up, not at all surprised to see me. “You knew last night would happen eventually. Now, it’s over with.”
In a weird sort of way, that makes sense. I won’t have to wait around anymore, worrying over when the two of them will come to blows.
He gets up and sets the bowl in the sink, and I get distracted by the tattoo on his chest. It’s similar to Ryder’s. I see my name in bright red carved into the trunk of a tree, stars hanging from its branches. It’s the tree from my dream.
The anger I felt moments ago ebbs away, and my furious expression deflates.
Jayson laughs. The sound does something to me, like a feeling of childhood trying to resurface.
“Sorry to ruin your moment. You look gorgeous when you’re angry. I may have to piss you off more often.”
“You’ve done an excellent job of that ever since you barged into my apartment.” I slap exasperated hands to my hips. “Dammit, Jayson. You’re making it hard to stay angry at you, but I really am mad about what you said to Ryder.”
“He told you?”
“No. Julien did.”
Jayson releases an annoyed grunt. “Jules and his white hat complex.”
“You need to apologize for what you said.”
“I’m sorry, Liz.”
“Not to me, you frustrating idiot! To Ryder.”
“I’ll apologize to Ry. I promise,” he relents.
He walks over and gives me a hug.
“I’m gross,” I protest, but I return his embrace.
“I don’t care.” The hug is brief. “Stay here. I have something for you.”
While I wait for Jayson to return, I pour myself some coffee. It’s lukewarm, but beggars can’t be choosers.
“Here, I got this for you.”
When I see the small black jewelry box in the outstretched palm of his hand, I freeze, eyes wide, coffee mug poised in front of my face. My eyes flick from the box to him.
“Jewelry?”
“It’s not what you think. Just open it.”
He places the box on the counter in front of me. I eye it as if it’s full of snakes waiting to jump out.
“Liz, open the damn box.”
“Okay. Fine,” I snap, but don’t move to touch it.
“Liz.”
“Okay!” I slam my mug down and grab the box.
I lift the lid just a fraction. No snakes. I pop it open the rest of the way. Inside is a large heart-shaped locket like the ones you put pictures in. It’s gold and has intricate filigree designs.
“Turn it over.”
I do. Inscribed on the back is our daughter’s name, Elizabeth Ann . But there’s something added to the end. Jameson .
“ Elizabeth Ann Jameson. Our beloved daughter. You will forever be in our hearts. ”
I lose it. Right there. Just sink down onto the floor and cry. Jayson sits down beside me and lifts me into his lap, holding me like I’ve imagined holding my little girl a million times this past week.
“It’s beautiful, Jayson,” I cry.
He takes the box out of my clenched fist and removes the necklace, placing it around my neck. I touch the heart. Our precious girl.
“You can decide later if you want to put a picture in it. But I wanted you to have something so it wouldn’t be empty.”
He opens it, and inside the locket is a picture of the two of us as children. We have our arms slung over each other’s shoulders.
“I always imagined our daughter would have your hair and green eyes,” he whispers.
I close my eyes and picture her. There’s a memory there, and I grab it, forcing it forward. I’m opening a silver star. The same as the ones from my dreams. The same as the ones he gave me. Inside is written: “ A daughter who has your eyes and your smile .”
I don’t know what comes over me. I don’t know why I do it. But I kiss him. I kiss him right there on the kitchen floor. My mouth on his. His breath becoming mine. Jayson moans, and I feel that too. I feel it like a bucket of cold water.
What am I doing? What the hell am I doing?
I shove him back and scramble up from the floor. My chest is heaving so hard, I feel like I may pass out from the exertion.
“Liz, wait.”
But I don’t. I run out of the kitchen and out of the condo. I run until I get to my car.
Why did I do that?
I turn the ignition on and drive. I drive for an hour, navigating unfamiliar streets, until I find myself sitting in my car, looking up at my apartment window.
I check my phone and notice the time when I unlock the screen. Shit! I only have a half hour before I have to be in class.
A text message comes in.
ScaryGuy: It’s not over between us. It will never be over between us. When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.
My heart is beating a mile a minute. I take a few deep breaths. I love Ryder. I want Ryder. I get angry at my memories. The secret I told Fallon was the truth. I’m afraid of remembering. I’m terrified that what Jayson told Ryder last night might be true. I won’t allow it. I’ll fight it. I’m a fighter. I’ve proven this past year that I am. And I will fight for Ryder.
My fingers fly across my screen without thought.
Me: Another secret.
Fallon: I’m afraid of bunnies.
I fall back against my seat, weary laughter bubbling up.
Me: Thanks. I needed that.
Fallon: You and my boy. My frat. Tonight. House party.
Me: You know Ryder hates your frat house.
Fallon: Eight p.m. Party. Be there. Ry needs to let loose and have some fun.
Me: All right.
I exit my car and walk up the two flights of stairs to my apartment.
“Ryder?” I call out, placing my keys on the entryway table.
“Back here.”
I find him in the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, lather on his face. He swipes up his chin with a razor, then taps it and rinses it under the faucet. So goddamn sexy.
“They have electric ones, you know.”
“I like it the old-fashioned way. How was your run?”
So much damn guilt.
“Julien and I talked for most of it. I also spoke to Jayson.”
He finishes shaving and puts the razor down. Taking a hand towel, he wipes the remaining lather off his face. Turning, he rests his hip against the bathroom vanity, arms crossed in front of his chest.
“I really wish you wouldn’t have.”
I reach for his face, wanting to feel its clean-shaven smoothness and breathe in the lingering scent of his shaving foam. It doesn’t surprise me that he sees the necklace almost immediately. His long, masculine fingers trace down the chain to finger the locket.
“He give this to you?” Ryder turns it over and reads the inscription.
“Yes.”
“It’s beautiful.”
This man. This considerate, wonderful man. And I just betrayed him in the worst possible way.
“I love you so fucking much, Ryder Cutton.”
I know I must appear a mess right now. My skin is itchy with dried sweat. My face is blotchy from crying. My hair is a frizzy mess. But Ryder is looking at me with nothing but love and desire.
“I love you, Elizabeth Fairchild.” He kisses me sweetly. “And you’re going to be in so much trouble later tonight.”
“Why?”
“I found your notes.”