Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
JAYSON
I hate the stillness of the condo. I’m used to noise. With Jules and Ry gone, the place feels too empty.
Jules is away until Saturday, and Ryder…
Ry is living with my girl. He’s living the life I was supposed to have. Fuck . It hurts. It hurts so goddamn much. Is this how he felt all those years? Did it hurt him this much to watch every time I kissed Liz, every time I touched her, every laugh and smile she gave me and not him?
Raindrops hit the window, and I walk out onto the balcony. Back home, Liz and I used to sit out on her patio and watch the rain fall. She loved thunderstorms the best. She said they reminded her of the fireworks from that Fourth of July when I took her behind the dunes. The first time my fingers gave her an orgasm. My mind keeps playing back all those first times. All those next times. Ryder is me now, and I am him, our roles reversed.
I go back inside but keep the balcony door open. The cool autumn breeze blows in, bringing the smell of wet earth that clings to the air. The rain is quiet. The breeze is quiet. Everything is so damn quiet. Fuck it.
Deciding to head to Liz’s place, I close the balcony door. I can’t stay cooped up in the condo any longer; the walls are closing in on me. If she sends me away, fine—I just need to get out of here.
I jam my feet into my shoes, grab my wallet and keys, and yank open the front door—only to skid to a stop. Liz is standing there.
“Liz?”
She’s drenched, rainwater streaming from her hair, her clothes plastered to her like a second skin. Every breath she takes is ragged, her chest heaving as if she sprinted the entire way here. But it’s her eyes that make my blood run cold. I’ve never seen them like this, glowing with an unnatural, electric green. They burn with a mix of fury and something I can’t place. And they’re unnervingly locked on me.
“Liz? What’s wrong?”
Concern and dread tighten my throat, and I’m afraid to touch her. In the library, I witnessed what happens to her during one of her memory blackouts. But this feels different.
“You’re scaring me. Why are you standing out here in the rain?”
Those bright, verdant green eyes flash.
“Everything,” she says, her voice cutting through the sound of the downpour.
“What?”
“Everything!” she yells, fists clenched at her sides.
I’m officially freaked out now. I reach for her, so I can pull her inside and out of the rain.
“I remember everything! ”
Her words slam into me like a tidal wave. My heart stutters, then pounds so fiercely against my ribcage, I think it might break free.
I don’t see the slap coming, but I definitely feel it. Her hand lashes out and connects with my cheek.
“I remember everything, Jayson!” she screams, her voice cracking, a mix of heartbreak and rage. Her fists come at me again, pounding against my chest, my shoulders. “You threw me out! You hurt me! I loved you, and you broke my heart!”
All I can do is stand there, feeling every blow, every word, relentless and unforgiving.
“I remember everything!” she cries.
It’s as if time slows down, then speeds back up. I don’t know who moves first. I think we both do.
I smash my mouth to hers, so starved for her, I may never have the strength to stop. We come together in the most brutal, desperate, and ugly way. She shoves me back into the apartment, but I grab her forcefully, spinning us around and slamming her against the entryway wall. She cries out at the impact, then bites my lip, sucking it into her mouth. Her fingernails become claws as she rakes them down my back and rips my shirt off before coming back to attack my mouth. Our tongues slash and tangle, our teeth collide. We go at each other until our lips are bruised and swollen. It’s not enough. It will never be enough.
Liz came back to me. Her memories returned, and she came back.
I lift her in my arms and take her to my bed.
I don’t know how long we’ve been asleep, but I’m suddenly awakened by pounding on my front door. I turn over to wake Liz, but she’s not there. The pounding gets louder, then I hear Ryder.
“Jay, you here?”
He still has a key. Shit.
My bedroom door is cracked open, and I panic. Liz is probably in the kitchen making coffee or sitting out on the balcony. I rush to pull on some sweatpants.
“Jay?” Ryder shouts again, the sound of his voice closer.
I quickly step out into the hallway. “What?”
“Jesus, you scared the crap out of me.”
“Being woken by someone pounding your door down isn’t much better,” I reply.
“Have you heard from Elizabeth?”
I peek down the hallway, half expecting to see her.
“Why?” I close the door to my bedroom. It smells like sex.
He hits the wall with both hands. “Fuck!”
“Ryder, what the hell is going on?”
“Why haven’t you answered your fucking phone?”
“I was asleep.”
“Elizabeth is gone. She wasn’t at home when I got back from Fallon’s. I’ve been driving all over town. She’s not answering her phone. I don’t know how to get in touch with Meredith or Trevor. I drove around campus and searched every place I thought she might be. I even called the police, but they said she had to be gone for twenty-four hours before I could file a report. Jay, where the hell is she?”
I walk around the condo, looking for Liz. Ryder follows me, wondering what I’m doing. Where is she? Did she sneak out?
“Jay, I’m worried.”
“Ry, she’s fine,” I assure him.
Liz was with me all night…I think.
“How can you be so sure? Weren’t you the one who pointed out what could happen to her if she had another memory blackout? She could be hurt, for fuck’s sake!” he yells. “Her location tracking is turned off. Why the hell would she do that? She promised to keep it on so we could find her in emergencies.”
That’s a good question. Where the hell are you, Liz?
It’s then I see the piece of paper with my name on it sitting on top of the coffee maker. The paper is folded in half, my name written on the front in large block letters.
Ryder sees it at the same time I do and gets to it first.
His face morphs into furious anger, and I rip the paper from his hand.
Jayson, I’m sorry.
Tonight should never have happened.
– Elizabeth
“What happened, Jay?” Ry’s voice is hard and threatening.
I think he already knows.
“Liz’s memory returned,” is all I get to say before Ryder punches me in the face.