Chapter 31
Silence stretched for a moment, filled only by the clatter of plates from the bar.
Then he leaned forward, lowering his voice.
"There's... something I've been meaning to ask.
" She raised a brow, wary. Conversations that started like that never ended well.
He looked around the room like he was checking for spies, then back at her.
"You said... some of the things we did made you uncomfortable.
I know what I did in the office-" he grimaced and then swallowed, "and I wish I could take that back, not be such an arsehole.
But before that, you said you didn't use our safe word.
" He hesitated, frowning. "Why? What was it?
I thought you enjoyed... what we did together. "
Rune felt her face flame. Her spoon clinked against the bowl as she looked down, guilt twisting low in her stomach. She risked a glance around. Gareth was at the far end of the bar, Lowri busy with a tray of pints.
“Not this again, “she mumbled with pink cheeks.
“I want to know, Rune. I have to know. What did I do…I can’t sleep thinking about it.” he said with tight control punctuating the words.
"I was fine with it," she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper. "Most of it."
Dorian studied her carefully, too carefully.
Then he looked around furtively before asking in a low voice, "Was it..."
"Don't," she warned, but he bulldozed on.
"Was it that butt plug..."
"Dorian."
"Or when I..."
"Stop talking." Her voice cracked, half mortified, half amused. Dorian sounded confused. She imagined he was taking notes in that head of his. He blinked, then the corners of his mouth curved up in a sensual smile. "Right. Not the place."
"Not the right continent," she muttered, sinking into her seat.
A beat of silence passed, then they both started laughing.
.. Soft, helpless, the tension dissolving between them like sugar in coffee.
Dorian nodded solemnly, then raised a hand for the bill.
When it came, he paid without a word and left a tip generous enough to make Gareth's eyebrows climb.
A moment later, they stepped out into the cold night air, their breath misting between them.
For a while, they just walked with the car trailing behind them.
The quiet felt oddly comfortable. Then Dorian broke it by carefully slipping his hand into her smaller one. "So... what was it, then?"
Rune blinked. "What was what?"
"That day in the office," he said carefully. "You said it wasn't good. That you spaced out sometimes. I just need to understand."
Rune groaned, pressing a hand over her face. "Dorian, why are we talking about this on a public street?"
"Because I want to know what I did wrong," he muttered like a toddler.
She sighed, her voice low and strangled. "You didn't do anything wrong. Everything was fine. Everything, Dorian."
He looked unconvinced. "Then what was it?"
"I was hurting," she admitted quietly. "And I just wanted to hurt you back. I wanted to hit where it would actually sting. I know men worry about their performance. Even guys with an ego as big as yours."
The lines on his face seemed less prominent as the tension drained a little. "I couldn't stop thinking about it," he said after a moment. "Wondering what I'd done to hurt you."
"It was okay," she said, shaking her head. "The sex was... phenomenal."
A faint smile tugged at his mouth. "Phenomenal, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Even the..." He hesitated.
Rune cut him a look. "Don't say it."
He ignored her. "Even the anal?"
"Yes," she said quickly, rolling her eyes. "Even that."
He grinned, unrepentant. "Even the..."
"Yes, Dorian!" she snapped, then added dryly, "And next time, you're the one trying it."
Dorian actually took a startled step back, as though she might be hiding butt plug in her handbag.
Rune burst out laughing, clutching her sides. "Relax," she managed between giggles. "You're safe for now."
He stared at her for a moment, an unfamiliar tenderness in his eyes as he gazed down at her beloved face.
Under the low streetlight, her complexion seemed to glow, her long dark hair swayed gently in the cold breeze.
Almost without meaning to, his hand lifted, brushing a loose strand behind her ear.
She stilled, eyes flicking up to his, and for a moment, neither of them spoke.
She was still so slender, her pregnancy barely visible yet, but a thought struck him hard; Maybe this didn't have to be something to fear.
He hadn't wanted children because his childhood had been a warzone of terror.
He still didn't believe he should bring children into this world to suffer.
But even when he was in denial, he knew Rune was special to him.
With her... maybe it would be all right.
Her parents were together. Her grandparents, too.
They were close, a family that actually functioned and loved.
Watching them was like glimpsing the life of another species entirely, one that had somehow understood something beyond toxic love and abuse.
Maybe their children would be all right in a world like this.
The touch seemed to break an invisible spell that kept her still.
Rune's laughter faded, her expression sobering as reality slid back into place.
What was she doing? Standing here, laughing and talking about sex with him, the very man who had made her feel small for years.
The one who had hurt her, humiliated her, broken her in ways she still hadn't fully pieced back together.
Anger surging up to fill the space the warmth had left behind.
She stepped back abruptly from his touch, her eyes cooling to ice.
"It's all fine talking about marriage and houses," she said, her voice cutting through the space between them, "but that doesn't change the fact that you were awful to me for years.
I understand now that I had an unrealistic image of you and that's on me, but. .."
Rune took a shaky breath, forcing herself to steady the tremor in her voice. "I need to be sensible about this," she said finally.
Dorian's eyes searched her face, but she pressed on before he could speak. "You knew I was in love with you for so long," she said, her words soft but laced with accusation. "You knew and you used that. You used me."
He looked down at her with a strange expression on his face. Not quite regret, but...
"Now suddenly you've grown a conscience and think you can make it all unicorns farting sparkly rainbows. You can’t rewrite our history. You can’t deny you kept me a dirty secret for five years."
She looked down at the pavement, then back up at him. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, but her voice was like a blade. "It's just not good enough."
"Rune..."
"No." She shook her head, her voice rising dangerously high.
"I don't want to marry you. I don't want to live with you.
And as much as I'd like to, I can't deny my children their father.
" They'd reached the quiet lane that led to her parents' house.
The glow of the porch light shimmered faintly in the distance.
Rune looked toward it, the outline of safety, of everything steady and ordinary-everything she wanted for her children.
She turned back to him. "You need to think carefully about what you really want, Dorian. My babies deserve more than a part-time." Her lips thinned as the tears threatened. " I'll be watching you. I won’t let you hurt them like you hurt me. Over and over again."
Dorian nodded slowly, his face smoothing back into that familiar, expressionless mask. He shoved his hands deep into his coat pockets. "Fair enough," he said quietly. "I'm on probation, then. As long as you give me a chance. You won’t regret it. "
Rune's chin lifted, her composure brittle but intact. "Good night, Dorian."
He watched her walk away, her figure a slim shadow against the pale light of her parents' doorway, until she disappeared inside. Then he turned toward the dark street, exhaling into the cold night, alone with the quiet knowledge that he was in for the fight of his life. And he never started a war he wasn’t guaranteed to win.