Chapter 34
It was Friday afternoon. Rune shut her laptop and rubbed the bridge of her nose. The office was half-empty, the glow from the setting sun turning the dust motes in lazy gold.
"Don't forget our plans tonight!" Eleri called from across the corridor, coat slung over one arm.
Rune smiled. "Wouldn't dream of it."
When she stepped into the reception, Dorian was already waiting, leaning against the wall with his usual buttoned-up calm that didn't quite hide how tightly his hands were clasped in front of him.
It was like every day peeled a layer off him and he let her see more and more of his vulnerable side.
He looked too put-together for a casual pickup, but his restless drumming fingers gave him away.
"You look like a man with a question stuck in his throat," Rune said, arching an eyebrow.
"Maybe I'm just happy to see you." He tried for lightness, but his voice petered off slightly at the end.
Before she could answer, Eli appeared behind him, grinning like he had won the lottery.
"Rune! Finally free of this lot?"
She laughed and stepped into his hug. "Barely. How's your little diva?"
"Ruling the household, obviously," Eli said. "Yesterday she staged a coup and refused to sing for the school drama unless she was Juliet. She has a crush on the lad playing Romeo and she does not mess around. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
Rune chuckled as they walked toward the car. Dorian followed silently, jaw ticking and his eyes focused on the space between them while he was trying valiantly not to scowl. In a move that did not give his jealousy away at all, he slid between them, making for an awkward trio walking side by side.
Once inside, Eli kept the chatter going - stories about his daughter's tantrums, his mom's bemused exhaustion, the new kitten that had scratched up the curtains and had chewed holes into his socks.
Rune was laughing as she relaxed, and Dorian was definitely not.
Why did she never relax with him like that?
She never laughed with him. His hand drummed once against his thigh before he leaned forward and pressed the button.
The partition slid up between them and Eli.
"Dorian," Rune said trying not to laugh at his antics. "That was rude. We were talking."
He exhaled through his nose. "You look tired. Rest your eyes. "
She folded her arms under her breast which immediately drew his eyes there. "Eyes up here, Dory. You planning to explain why you're acting like a mob boss?"
"I just..." He glanced at her, then away again. "I need to ask you something."
Rune tilted her head. "Then ask."
"What are your plans for tonight?"
"Did Eleri say something? “She frowned. "It’s just a get-together. Some old friends, barbecue and a bonfire."
His tone was too careful when he asked, "The smoke is not good for the baby. I should come."
He seemed to hesitate, “Is that Kai going to be there?"
Rune looked out the window, deliberately unbothered. "Maybe."
He gave a low, annoyed huff.
She side-eyed him. "You realise you sound jealous."
He mumbled a grumpy 'maybe'.
"I get it now," he said abruptly, his voice edged with frustration. "This is how you must've felt when I went out with Eve. And with all the others." He paused, swallowed. "And Margo."
Rune blinked, surprised he was bringing this up. "Dorian..."
He gave a soft, bitter laugh. "Yeah. I got a taste of it with Eli, back in London. You smile at him like that -it just makes me want to punch him and keep punching. I hate it. And then Tom and Finn were all over you. I guess I am the obsessed jealous type."
She didn't know what to say to that, so she turned back toward the passing lights. Secretly, she couldn't help feel a little bit pleased with that.
Recently she did not know what came over her, but she had been bent on testing Dorian’s control. And every time, they both knew exactly what she was doing.
It had started as an experiment. A way of mapping the edges of Dorian’s self-control.
She’d traded her sensible cottons for silk so thin it barely qualified as clothing, the fabric whispering against her skin as she moved through the house.
Lingerie, she had decided, was chosen not for comfort but for effect.
She’d brushed past him in doorways that were suddenly too narrow.
Strategically bent over to pick up papers she hadn’t dropped by accident, fully aware of the way her pyjama bottoms clung and moulded to the curve of her buttocks.
She remembered the sharp, involuntary indrawn breath, remembered how he’d gone utterly still behind her, like a man gripping the edge of a cliff.
She had pretended not to notice how his eyes lingered on the shadow of her nipples through think cotton or the fact that his showers lasted a long time.
"I keep thinking about that day in the office," he said bringing her back to earth, his voice was a low rumble stripped of pretence.
"I've always been about protecting myself.
Controlling what I can, keeping things neat.
So, cutting you out of my life seemed to be the best way to protect myself.
But after you walked out, everything felt wrong. Everything I did felt…useless."
Rune's lips parted, but no words came out.
He went on quietly, almost to himself. "It took me forever to figure it out.
I'm... a bit emotionally stunted, you know?
It's like watching everyone else live life on another planet.
Hurting you..." He gave a short, breathless laugh.
"Hurting you only hurt me in the end. Losing you was like losing something I couldn't live without.
A part of myself I didn't even realise was missing until you were gone. "
The car fell silent except for the hum of the tyres. Rune stared out at the dusky horizon, her reflection overlapping his in the glass. She didn't speak-because if she did, she wasn't sure her voice would hold steady.
The rest of the trip passed in silence. She made for the stairs as soon as the front door opened. Thoughts roiled in her head as she took a quick shower. She was still distracted by the time she was dressed.
She came down the stairs, one hand lightly grazing the banister.
The black sequined dress clung to her curves and shimmered with each step, the low neckline catching the light like liquid midnight.
Her bump was just beginning to show-sixteen weeks-and somehow, it made her look even more beautiful.
She'd paired the dress with a swipe of bright red lipstick.
Dorian looked up from his laptop at the dining table and completely lost the plot. His cashmere sweater suddenly felt too warm, the air too thin.
"I should come with you," he said finally, his voice rougher than intended.
"You don't have to," she replied, reaching for her clutch. "Eleri's picking me up."
"I insist," he said, already standing.
Rune arched a brow. "Your insisting usually means trouble."
He gave a faint, lopsided smile. "That's my middle name."
***
The knock came just as Rune slipped her hoop earrings on.
"Ready?" Eleri called, stepping in, wrapped in a forest-green coat.
Before Rune could answer, Dorian appeared from the kitchen. "Actually, I'm coming as well."
Eleri blinked. "Oh, you don't have to..."
"I insist," he said smoothly, already taking wallet from the bowl by the door.
Eli was outside with the car, chatting idly with a neighbour. When he spotted them, he grinned. "Look at that...two chauffeurs for the price of one."
Eleri laughed and linked arms with Rune. "That’s because we are worth it."
The drive was filled with chatter-mostly Eleri and Eli trading jokes, the easy warmth between them drawing smiles from Rune despite Dorian's silence.
When they pulled up to the house where the get-together was being held, the air buzzed with laughter and music.
Dorian let Eli take off because they didn't know how long the party would go on.
Fairy lights tangled through the trees; someone had lit a bonfire out back.
Dorian's expression implied attending a funeral would be more pleasurable as he followed Rune inside.
Then, he slipped effortlessly into his charming persona-the practiced smile, the polite handshake, the tone that made people lean in and listen. Rune's friends gravitated towards him, moths to the flame. All except Kai.
Kai's gaze flicked between Rune and Dorian, as if measuring the distance between them. He was good-looking in a lanky, boyish way, but standing next to Dorian, he looked like a washed-out photograph.
Rune made the introductions. "This is Dorian."
Kai nodded stiffly. "We've heard a lot about you."
"I hope not too much," Dorian replied, all polite humour, his arm resting just a little too easily along the back of Rune's chair.
He stuck to her like glue. A hand at the small of her back when she moved, a thumb brushing her wrist when he passed her a drink, his laughter overlapping hers as though staking a claim with every casual gesture.
He draped his thick woollen coat over her shoulders when she shivered in the cold.
She had to stop him from buttoning it up to the neck.
But it also took everything in her not to snuggle and breathe in his familiar citrusy scent.
It was only when Eleri and Hanna dragged Rune off toward the bonfire that she finally broke free of his orbit. She settled onto a log, warmth licking at her shins, the crackle of fire filling the air.
Kai dropped down beside her, offering a coffee. "I thought your boyfriend was history," he said, half-smiling.
Rune gave a soft laugh as she let the cup warm her hands. "Dorian is not my boyfriend."
"I don’t think he got the memo,” Kai grumbled under his breath, just loud enough for her to hear.
An uncomfortable moment ticked by.
“If he is not, then would you...maybe...want to grab coffee sometime? Just us?" asked Kai with a hopeful half-smile.
Before she could respond, a familiar low voice interrupted from behind them. "No."
They both turned at once. Dorian stood there, arms crossed, eyes glinting in the firelight.
Rune stiffened. "Excuse me?"
"That's for Rune to decide," Kai said, his tone trying for firm but sounding unsure.
"She's not going," Dorian said flatly.
Rune stood. "You don't get to decide that."
"Apparently I do," he countered. "Because I'm the only one here who seems to remember you're pregnant and exhausted and shouldn't be..."
"Oh, don't you dare pull that card again," she snapped.
"...drinking coffee."
Her voice shook with rage as she started to walk away "I'm leaving."
She stalked off down the drive, Dorian right behind her. "Rune, wait..."
"I'll take a taxi."
He caught her by the waist before she could move farther. "The hell you will."
"Let me go..."
Instead, he swept her up-furious and muttering curses at his parentage-and dumped her carefully into the passenger seat of the car which had magically appeared.
"Dorian!" she hissed, half in outrage, half disbelief.
He shut the door, quickly got in, and child locked it with a decisive click. "Seatbelt."
"No."
"I'm not starting the car until you do."
Rune glared. The silence stretched until she gave an angry huff and yanked the belt across her chest, clicking it into place with violent precision.
"Happy now?"
"Ecstatic."
They drove in silence. Rain had started to fall, turning the roads slick and the wipers rhythmically swiping against glass. Rune stared out at the streetlights while Dorian white-knuckled the wheel.
By the time they reached home, both were vibrating with barely contained emotion. She shoved the gate open and stormed up the path, but he caught her hand.
"The steps are slippery," he said tightly.
"Then let me fall."
"Not a chance." He didn't let go until he'd unlocked the door.
Inside, she tried to brush past him, but he moved in front of her, blocking the way to the stairs.
"Move," she said in a tightly controlled hiss.
"No."
Her chest rose and fell sharply. "I'm not doing this right now."
"Well, I am," he snapped. "This is it, Rune. We're having this out now."
She froze. His voice was rough, frayed at the edges.
"What do you want?" he demanded. "Tell me. I'll do anything. You have been driving me crazy. If you want sex-use me. If you want money-take mine. I'll be the best father I can be; I swear it. Just tell me what I need to do, because I can't take this anymore."
Rune's breath hitched. "You want to know what I want?"
"Yes!"
"I want to go back in time and never have met you," she said, each word seemed to be wrenched from the bottom of her heart.
“I just want to meet a nice man who loves me and takes care of me.
We'd get married, have two kids, a normal life.
I wouldn't spend six years of my life hopelessly in love with someone without a heart.
I wouldn't fool myself into thinking you would feel a fraction of what I feel for you. "
She was screaming by the end.
Dorian's eyes were dark with sorrow. "Rune..." His voice was rough. "I'm never going to be a nice man."
He took a step closer. "Love? I don't even know what that is.
But you're the first person I think of in the morning and the last before I fall asleep.
And in between, I dream of you. I remember stupid things like the smell of your hair, the way your skin feels under my hands.
I know when you're close. And when you're not.
.. it's like I'm missing something vital.
Have I disappointed you? Yes... but as much as I want to go back in time and set it right, I can never regret having met you.
.. or the time I've had with you. If I can't be with you, I don't want to be with anybody else. You are it for me. Noone else will do."
She looked at him, eyes shining with unshed tears.
He ran a hand through his hair, voice shaking.
"I don't think I can ever be normal. This.
.." he gestured helplessly between them ".
..this is as normal as it gets for me. I want to see you happy…
because it makes me feel everything is right in my world.
But you need to decide, Rune. Can you put up with me.
.. or do you want me gone? Because I can't read your mind, and I need you to tell me. "
There was only sound of rain, whispering against the windows, as Rune stood trembling - somewhere between fury, heartbreak, and the impossible ache of realizing that she still loved him.