Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
MAIA
S ex.
Conference.
Sex.
Lather, rinse, and repeat.
That’s how Gatsby and I spend our week. I’m sure there’s some sleep in between. Oh, and presentations too.
We work on them together, exchanging ideas, and even coming up with new apps that might revolutionize the future. It’s almost like it used to be when we were in college.
Everything is the same but completely different.
We’re adults who already made it to the top but can’t see their way into the future.
The time I spend with him is incredible, but I don’t know if I can see myself with him—or if he sees himself with me.
Yes, the sex between us is amazing, and we can talk about anything or nothing all night long, but there’s something that doesn’t click.
I’m afraid we’ll force a relationship between us and then break up just because—once again—we aren’t ready. It’ll be just as it happened fourteen years ago. We had so much love, passion, and dreams. Neither one of us was ready for it or life.
If we had been prepared, the death of his father, his new responsibilities, and my mental health wouldn’t have torn us apart.
Of course, we keep everything shallow during the week. We’re just two people who can’t get enough of each other. On Friday, during the closing events, Suzie finally catches up to me. Unfortunately, I’m with Gatsby, and he’s holding my hand. There’s no way to argue that we’re not together.
“There you are, still alive,” she says, glancing at Gatsby. “And cozying up with the enemy. Interesting .”
The way she says the last word, anyone would think she caught us having sex in the middle of the hallway. She didn’t. “Suzie, meet Gatsby. Gatz, this is Suzie, my best friend.”
He extends his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Suzie. I’ve heard a lot about you this week.”
“And I for the past few years—nothing good in case you’re wondering.”
He chuckles and glances at me. “You’re right. I like her.”
Suzie points to our linked hands. “Not to cloud this magical moment, but what’s going on between you two?”
Gatsby and I look at each other for a moment before I say, “I’m figuring it out.”
“Why don’t you join us for dinner?” Gatz suggests.
She presses her lips together, moving them from one side to the other.
“Raphy and Raphael can join,” I add.
“I’d love to get to meet you and make sure you’re not a con man who’s trying to get a few new ideas from my girl, but my husband scored us some reservations at River Café.
” She looks around and lowers her voice.
“We’re going to a restaurant without the child.
No children’s menus or crayons on the table. ”
“The highlight is the lack of crayons.” Gatsby and I snort at my comment, and then, I ask, “Who’s babysitting Raphy?”
“I’m hiring someone the concierge recommended.”
I share a glance with Gatsby that says, can we babysit. He shrugs as if answering, sure. “We’ll take him,” I offer.
Suzie cocks an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
“You can go to dinner. We’ll take Raphy to Gatsby’s place. You can pick him up tomorrow.”
“Blink if he’s holding you against your will,” she whispers.
“Would I let him take me hostage?” Her eyes are a pair of slits. “Well, except for that one time, but it was because I had refused to meet with him?—”
“Forty-four times. You rejected me forty-four times,” he interrupts me, the muscle in his cheek flickering.
“And he’s still bitter about it,” I add, almost chuckling.
“He’s the enemy,” Suzie reminds me. “The last time we talked about him, you were planning on cutting off his manhood and feeding it to the sharks.”
I look at him, shaking my head. “No, I didn’t. It’s my favorite part of you.”
Suzie pokes him on the chest. “Okay, where is my best friend, and what did you do to her?”
He raises his hands in surrender. “I’m innocent.”
“Uh-huh. This is so strange, but I’ll ignore it if you take my child and get us a table at Saveur. It’s two steps up from River Café. Everyone is talking about it.”
“You got it,” Gatsby answers, pulling out his phone and walking away.
Suzie eyes me suspiciously. “What is going on with you two?”
Sex?
“I plan on figuring it out tomorrow—or next week.”
“You’re just fucking like rabbits, aren’t you?”
“Probably.” I grin wickedly.
“Are you sure you can take Raphy? I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s fine. By the way, did you know Mom thought you and I were a couple?”
She bursts into laughter. “That’s…is that why she treats my son like a grandchild? Please keep up the charade until he’s eighteen. Then you can just tell her you’re jaded because of that man.” She points at Gatsby, who’s walking back to us.
Gatsby looks at her. “You got it. Owen, my driver, will pick you up at seven. You can only order the chicken and no dessert.” He delivers his line with uncharacteristic seriousness, but I can see the smile lingering in his eyes. “They’ll only accommodate you for thirty minutes.”
“Umm…” She’s speechless.
I burst into laughter.
“Is he toying with me?”
I nod.
“Thank you for doing that, and…are you sure about Raphy?” she insists.
“Yep.”
“We’ll pick him up around five if that’s okay with you,” Gatsby offers, sliding his arm around my waist and pressing me against him. “For now, we have to go. There are things we need to prepare before we come back to the hotel for the child.”
“What things?” I ask, cupping his face with both hands.
“Fucking, of course,” he mumbles in my ear.
Raphy is a very active kid. I don’t think Gatsby understood why Suzie asked so many times if we were sure we’d take him until he had the ball of energy bouncing off the walls in his penthouse.
The good thing about this child—other than being loving—is that he’s out like a broken toy by eight o’clock.
“That was…interesting,” Gatsby says as we pick up all the toys scattered in the living room. He had Sharon babyproof his apartment, buy a small bed, and get toys to entertain him.
“He makes you rethink your future,” I say out loud.
I refer to having children. Who wouldn’t want at least one after watching Gatsby interact with the kid?
My ovaries exploded several times during the evening.
I wanted to ask Gatz for some swimmers or just to knock me up—now.
He’s so good with children. His cousins from his father’s side have a lot of children.
His cousin Alex and his wife, Hannah, just had a little girl, Jyn Sadie Rey. He showed me pictures of her, and I texted myself the one where he’s cradling her. They look adorable, making me want to have kids with him.
Also, I realize that we’re not ready for a relationship.
“Is that why you told your mom that you might not get married or have children? He’s so loud that you think you won’t be able to handle children.”
“No. I told her that because I’m thirty-two, single, and undatable.”
He shakes his head, closing the toy container. “What makes you undatable ?”
“I avoid intimacy. Men feel emasculated by a woman who earns more than they do. I don’t know…every date I’ve had is a disaster. Since I dropped Tiggy at the center, I’ve been wondering if maybe my current therapist isn’t helping me, and I need to do the same and work on myself.”
He stops picking up toys and stares at me. “What’s the goal of going through months of isolation?”
“They say that love starts with yourself. Do I have a journal? Yes. I meditate, but I don’t think I believe in myself. Actually, I base my value on how others see me.”
“So, what are you planning on doing?”
“I’m still thinking about it.”
“We haven’t talked about us.”
I hold on to the back of the couch and say, “There’s no us.”
It feels as if I dropped a bomb in the middle of the living room and I should take cover. My heart doesn’t break, but his face tenses.
“I’m sure a lot has happened between us in the past five days. Would you like to see the tape?” Gatsby tries to add humor to his voice, but it’s awkward.
I gasp. “You taped us?”
“I told you there are cameras on the terrace before you rode me—beautifully—and you didn’t care. I already retrieved them, and in case you’re wondering, no one has access to them but me.”
Oh, right. It was impossible to stop. He ate my pussy, and I was feverish with need. I couldn’t just quit because of the cameras. “Erase them, please.”
He gives me a look. I don’t understand it.
“The last thing either one of us needs is a sex tape.”
“It’s secured.”
“Famous last words.”
“Fine, I’ll delete them once you answer my question.”
“What was it?”
“Us.”
I shake my head. Clearly, he’s just thinking about the sex. It’s good—so good I can’t get enough. But what’s going to happen if we base our relationship on memories and good sex? “Did I tell you I had a five-step plan to destroy you?”
“So, the whole you’re getting cozy with your enemy is true.”
“Yes. The whole point of setting up my company was to take you down and show you I am better.” I snort, and go to my purse, pulling out the wallet-size version of my stupid plan. “How stupid is that?”
He grabs it and grins. “It’s laminated.”
“And I have a few copies of that.”
“You found a good motivator, and now you’re a successful businesswoman with a bright future.”
“That I did, which brings me to this moment. I don’t know what I want, who I am, and I can’t possibly think about my future with you or anyone. Not until I find myself and decide what I want to do with my life.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “I feel like you’re breaking up with me.”
“Maybe we’re closing the cycle you couldn’t because you were dealing with a loss.”
He sighs. “But I love you.”
“No, you don’t. You love your Little Blue.
I don’t know where she is, and I don’t even know if I want to look for her.
If someone is going to be with you, it has to be because they’re madly in love with you.
Not because they planned on making you fall, ripping out your heart, and destroying your company. ”
He scoffs and gives me a humorous glance. “That’s an ambitious plan.”
“It was, and not to sound like a cartoon villain, but it could’ve worked if it wasn’t for the meddling feelings.” I sigh after my admission.
“So, you love me, but you want to leave me.”
“No. I have feelings for you. The last thing I want to do is destroy you, and I want to make sure that if I fall for you, it’s for the right reasons.”
He makes his way to where I stand, lifts my chin with his thumb, and stares at me with his penetrating, loving eyes. I want to take everything I say back, but I don’t.
“So, technically, tonight is our last night?” he asks, leaning closer.
“Yes.” My breath hitches. Is he going to convince me to stay with sex?
“What am I supposed to do after that?”
“Find yourself, your passion,” I whisper. “That thing that makes your heart soar when you’re not in front of the computer, programming. You said it two nights ago. For your dad, it was wine. What is it that you need to feel complete?”
He takes me into his arms. “I’m going to miss you.”
“Or—” I smile and wink at him. “Maybe this time we stay in touch, because above everything, I want to keep my friend.”
He kisses the top of my nose. “I.” Then one eyelid. “Like.” Then the other. “That.”
Finally, he takes my mouth and kisses me, opening the doorways of my lungs and taking all the air out of them, replacing it with the warmth of his breath.
This is the goodbye those kids deserved fourteen years ago.
And maybe, maybe if we’re lucky, when we’re ready, we’ll find each other again, but if not…
We’ll have New York and many memories that we’ll carry in our hearts.