Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
FERN
T he weekend isn’t bad.
Okay, I have to admit that spending a few days with Elliot is the highlight of my week, maybe even the month.
Probably the year. He’s almost perfect inside and outside the bedroom.
We explore his house in ways I never thought possible.
I conclude that either sex stops motion sickness or he’s so good at it that I forget I’m sick.
On Monday night, he takes me home. I act like it doesn’t matter, that I’m not going to miss him. Though, I think I will.
I’m addicted to the orgasms he gives me. They’re the closest thing to heaven. A portal to paradise. He unsettles me and grounds me when we’re together. The desire in me is relentless. A craving that grows with every kiss we share.
Not seeing him is going to be like a cleansing. He’ll be out of my life, my mind, and my heart. My dumb, stupid heart. It’s falling for the impossible, and I’m not surprised by its ridiculous choice.
Elliot McPhee is perfect, except… well, he’s never going to fall for me, or anyone. Thoughts of our weekend, our lovemaking, and the orgasms haunt me as much as the sickness that is back once again.
As nosy Dr. Ruth suggested, on Wednesday I make an appointment to see my doctor.
I hate that I’m just a building away from North Bay Construction.
Even more when I get a message from the new guy who’s in charge of the Brentwood project telling me that he’d like me to approve the second phase.
They have to submit them to get the permits.
We don’t start until next year, but they want to make sure that we don’t have any problems.
I promise to swing by after my appointment. Which is a terrible mistake. When I get out of the doctor’s office, I’m numb.
The prognosis wasn’t what I expected—the irony. If he had said something like heart failure or cancer, I wouldn’t be shocked. I’m almost shaking as I reach the elevator bank. I don’t think I’m ready to head to North Bay, but I have to do it.
“Fuck,” I mumble when the doors slide open.
“Are you okay?” Elliot McPhee is right in front of me.
I almost laugh. Because why the fuck is he here? He’s the last person I want to see right now. Maybe I can talk to him in twenty years… or thirty.
Though, I’ve been good at pretending that nothing affects me. I’m fine.
I.
Am.
Fine.
“Fern, are you okay?” he asks again, pointing at the panel. “What floor?”
“I’m here to approve the new blueprints,” I say, instead of something like, I can’t remember why I’m here and can this be a dream?
“It’s good to see you too.” He dares to kiss me after pushing the button for the twenty-third floor.
Stay away from me, I yell inside my head. And why did he have to wear a suit and look so hot today?
He checks his watch and looks at me. “I can go with you.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine,” I say between clenched teeth.
“If you have any questions?—”
“I’ll ask the new guy,” I say, trying to sound dismissive.
“Well, since I drew them, I might be the best candidate to walk you through them.”
I almost groan but I don’t. I want to rip his head off. I now understand the praying mantis. It all makes sense.Nature is fascinating and wise.
“Are you still feeling sick?” This small talk is painful, more so when I can’t do any physical damage to him. Can the elevator go any faster?
I’m not that lucky. It stops a couple of times.
“How’s your sister?” I try to act like nothing is bothering me.
“Doing well. I spoke with her at three in the morning, while she fed Tony.”
“The baby finally has a name?”
“Yes, Anthony,” he confirms.
“Anthony Maxwell. I like it. It’s strong.”
“Yes. I promised to go this weekend, do you want to join me?”
Never. I don’t want to do anything with him or his family, ever. It’s because of him that I’m in a mess bigger than I can handle. I have no idea what I’m going to do. I almost huff but I don’t. I keep my cool. “No, but thank you for the offer. I don’t love being the excuse to leave your family.”
“I’m staying the whole weekend. They need me to pitch in.”
This contradicts what he told me the other day about not having children. “You like babies?”
“I’m good with them, but I don’t see myself committing to having children?—”
And there it is, the stab through my chest. “Not at all?” My voice quivers a little, but I try not to show any emotion.
“No. I’m too old to wake up five times a night to help the wife or deal with the wailing of children.
I raised too many in my lifetime. As I mentioned, I helped Mom with my siblings and then Dahlia with her girls, and Devin and…
Cassy is the only one who doesn’t need me much.
Thank God, because if not, I wouldn’t have the freedom to fly around the world. ”
Freedom, of course. He needs that to stay away from family and commitments. A woman and children would confine him to a life he detests.
Oh, Fern, you’re so stupid. History repeats itself, even when you think you learned your lesson, you do something just as idiotic as the last time. I don’t want to cry, but I feel like I’m about to roll into a human ball and weep.
Just a few more minutes. You can do it. The doors slide open, and he holds the door. “After you.”
“When are you leaving?” I ask.
“In a couple of weeks. Everything is set with Carter Kid’s Foundation. It’s a two-year project.”
It’s good to know that he’s working for a friend of mine. “You work for Blaire?”
“You know her?”
I don’t explain how I know her… he doesn’t have to know much, so I just say, “She’s part of my network.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You seem…” He studies me. “What’s bothering you?”
“Something came up. An issue I need to fix, but it’s nothing important.”
“Anything I can help with?”
I release a humorless chuckle. “I’m sure you don’t want to be involved.”
“Two heads are better than one. If you need someone to brainstorm with, I’m here. I’ll be around another week.”
I nod and smile.
I wouldn’t tell him. There’s no way I’ll ever mention this to him. He’ll do something stupid in the name of responsibility and then resent me because I tried to change the direction of his life. I refuse to be that woman.