18. CHAPTER 18
“ F uck right off!”
I throw my cell phone against the slanted roof of my loft and watch it bounce onto my mattress.
This is why I have a protective case.
Sometimes I just need to break things.
The phone stops vibrating and I get up to stand by the window. As I stare at the snow outside I hear the shower turn off below me, and just like every time now, I automatically think of Jin naked and bang the side of my head with the heel of my palm.
I hear my phone again.
I swear to god she better not be calling for the fifth time in ten minutes.
Looking over my shoulder, I see the traitorous cunt’s picture lit up on the screen.
Without thinking, I swear, and kick it through the space in the banisters for it to crash land on the living area rug.
“What was that?” Jin comes running out of the bathroom in just a towel with wet hair dripping down his bare chest.
It’s so much longer when the water weighs down the waves. But I don’t like it when it covers this much of his face.
Goddamn it, Eden!
I dig my fingernails into my palm. “Shawn’s been calling again.”
“How many days in a row is that now?”
“I don’t want to think about it. But it’s been five times since you got in the shower.”
“You think she’s realized she had the better guy to begin with?” he asks, looking up at me with one eye closed and a cheeky smile.
I move to scraping the skin of my lower back beneath my shirt because nails in my palm just aren't cutting it anymore. “Misses the better dick, more like.”
He rolls his eyes; "Aren’t you bold?” and runs his hand through his hair, smoothing it back off his face.
I scratch harder. “It’s true.”
“I couldn't see much in the dark,” he snickers, and I want to slap that smug grin all the way back to Broadrock.
“Fuck you.” I force a smile. “The honeymoon period will be over. She’ll have realized that Reeze was never gonna be able to keep up with her.”
“What makes you so certain?”
“Shawn’s a freak.”
Jin rolls his hand, gesturing for me to elaborate.
“She gets off on danger. The more likely it is that she’ll get caught, the more she’ll want it. And Reeze isn’t an anything, anywhere kind of guy.”
“But you were, or… are?”
“Yeah… I guess… maybe… You know, looking back, I think I was turned on by her being turned on. The more she was gagging for it, the more I wanted to give it to her… I don’t buy into the whole, women are sluts, thing either, by the way.”
Jin gives me a slow nod with a thumbs up and sarcastic wide eyes. “Your phone’s ringing again.”
“Answer it and tell her to fuck off.”
Jin steps towards the phone—
“No, don’t!”
“I wasn’t going to, jeez. I was gonna pass it back. But screw you, come down and get it yourself.” He flips me the bird, then walks back towards the bathroom.
“What are you cooking for dinner?”
“Can I get one job finished at a time?” he calls out.
“I’m hungry.”
“Then the caveman can take his half of the food and shove it up his ass.”
I grip the flesh between my hips so tight I’m sure my nails will break the skin any second, because, fuck him for making me like it when he uses that tone. “Don’t make me mad."
“How is that different from every other day!?”
“Calm down, Jin.”
“You’re the one who threw your only connection to civilization across the cabin.”
“I kicked it, actually.”
“You’re a child, throwing another tantrum.”
“Then, fuck you! I’m drinking tonight.”
“Well, so am I.”
“No you’re not.”
“Why? Cause I have to take care of your sloppy-drunk ass… master? ”
We’re yelling at each other through the loft floor at this point. “I’m not a sloppy drunk.”
“How would you know, if you’re drunk?! ”
“Because someone would have told me.”
“I feel sorry for them.”
“Just shut up… I’d like eggs and toast.”
“Fine.”
“Can you put some gochujang in them?”
“Only if you say please.”
“ A t least I can say I’ve accomplished one thing while being here.”
“And what’s that?” I ask Jin as I take his plate from where it sits in front of him on the coffee table.
“I’ve trained your weak palette to take flavor.”
“Fuck you,” I grin down at him and shake my head.
“No thanks. You’d come too quickly.” Jin gasps, and when I whip my head back around to him, his hand is clamped over his mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“Why? Because you can’t hold your liquor?”
“Hey!” His face sparks back to life. “You’re the one who brought out the soju.”
“And you’re the one who said you could handle it.”
“It’s my people’s national drink. How could I call myself Korean if I backed down?”
Putting our plates in the sink, I take two glasses from the cupboard.
“You’re American, little man,” I tell him while filling the cups with water from the filter. “You should be drinking Bud Light.”
“Screw you.”
“No thanks, I’d probably break you.”
“Screw you.” There’s a twinge of hostility in Jin’s voice as he repeats his response.
“Is the little man a pain whore?”
“Stop calling me that!” he yells, but I hand him the water like I didn’t hear a thing.
In spite of his irritation, he downs several mouthfuls, then scoots forward from where he's leaning against the couch to place it on the coffee table.
Following suit, I take a drink, then walk backwards to take a seat on the floor in front of my side of the couch.
“More,” Jin says, banging his empty glass tumbler on the coffee table.
“Did you purposefully wait till I sat down?”
He reaches to grab the unopened soju bottle. “You’re not the only one who wants to get drunk and forget about something.”
“Uh, uh, uh.” I snatch it out of his hand and place it on my side of the coffee table. “You’re underage, and I’m the responsible adult.”
A full belly laugh explodes out of Jin, and he collapses backward onto the rug. “You’ve never been responsible a day in your life.”
“And you have, little man?”
“I told you to stop it,” he snaps again, this time kicking me in the thigh.
I shrug flippantly. “You look pretty small from where I am.”
“And you look like a dickhead from here.” Rolling onto his stomach, he pushes up onto all fours and crawls around to the other side of the table.
After pouring us both the drink he demanded, he leans forward on the wood with his elbows and casually shoots half the clear liquid in one go. “I'm not a fan of lemongrass.”
“Take it up with your mother. I assume she’s who you stole it from.”
Like a bratty kid, he pokes his tongue out at me and downs the second half. “I’m bored. Put a movie on.”
“When the fuck did you become so demanding?”
“When you stopped hitting me.”
I was part way through standing up when he started talking, and now I’m sitting on the edge of the couch, looking at him as he lays spread eagle on the rug while staring straight up into the rafters.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t believe anything you say.”
“You believed me when I said dinner was good.”
He rolls onto his side and props his head up on his hand. “That’s different.”
I slide back down to the rug. “How d’you figure?”
“Well, the greatest indication of future behaviour is past behaviour.”
“And where did you hear that?”
“Dr. Phil.”
Credit to him, he manages to hold serious for at least ten seconds before smacking the rug like he’s patting himself on the back for a job well done.
“Ahhh.” He flops onto his back again but spins forty-five degrees so he can poke at my arm with his toes. “I’m bored. Do something.”
“So pick a movie.”
He lets his feet fall into my lap and says, "Don’t wanna,” then starts digging his heels into my thighs. It’s rough, and unexpected.
“Well I’m not moving.”
“How did you ever live like this?”
“Like what?”
“Like having to actually move when you wanted to put something on the TV.”
“The dark ages were hard, but we struggled through.”
Elbows holding himself up, he looks at me, then looks at his feet. My first instinct is to hold onto his crossed ankles so he can’t move them. But I leave my left arm resting on the couch instead, and watch as he slides them off my lap because he thinks I think it’s weird.
“Will you give me a tattoo?”
“Do you have one already?” Jin shakes his head. “Then I don’t think I’m the right man for the job.”
“Why? Because I should have my brother do it?”
“No. Because I don’t think having your body permanently marked by someone you hate is a good idea.”
Jin looks at his feet again then moves further away from me. “I don’t hate you.”
“It feels like you do.”
“Would you blame me if I did?”
I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my arms on them. “No… But I don’t understand how you don’t.”
“I guess,” he shrugs. “Because I don’t hate anyone…
I hate what they do. What they believe… I hate the pressure my parents have always put on me.
I hate how you’ve always looked at me like I’m worthless.
But I can’t hate you . You’ve been by Tek’s side through everything.
And it's the same with my parents. I know they love me, but—fuck! Love doesn’t mean ignoring the other person’s happiness. ”
We sit in silence for maybe a minute. At first I thought I should fill the void, but the longer it stretches, the more profound his words become.
“You were right about me, you know?”
“In what way?”
“I was jealous of you.” Jin nods slowly, like he’s giving my confession room to breathe.
“And I guess I still am… It’s always been there with Tek, too.
But it's different with him. When I was at my lowest points; when Mom replaced me with Carey then forced me to raise him. When Brian moved everyone to San Diego and Mom never fought for me to move with them. All I could see at the time was that Tek had what I wanted. But also, when I was with him—when I was at your house—I could fill that hole just a little bit. Then, once we bought the shop and everything fell into place, you were the same age I was when shit was at its worst. But you had it all. Family, girls, popularity… Holy hell, how do you keep doing this to me?” I swallow the last of my soju and move quickly to the coffee table.
“What have I done?” Jin asks, meeting me with his water glass.