CHAPTER 21
Lane County Circuit Court
Eugene, Oregon
I’ve been here for hours, but I’ve been waiting for eight months.
He avoided trial.
The charge? Vehicular homicide; second degree.
The plea? No contest.
The court room is full, but this man isn’t special. He’s just the seventeenth loser on the docket waiting for judgement.
I swear the criminal justice system is designed to break you down slowly, but I’m already as low as I can get.
It should be simple.
His time is up.
He said, “Yes, Ma’am,” and “No, Ma’am,” like being polite would negate the pain he caused.
The judge confirmed everything, making sure he understood exactly what he was agreeing to.
My parents didn’t come, but I’m flanked by support. Eden on one side, Anaise on the other. We’re here for the same show, I’ve just paid more for the privilege.
Everyone did their best to convince me not to be here, but I wouldn’t miss it for anything. I need to see the bastard with my own eyes and measure his suffering like it’s my birthright.
Her parents are here; two rows in front. They haven’t looked at me once, but I feel their presence in the room like a black hole. Their sorrow, the only one that weighs more than mine. Her mother is so folded in on herself I’m surprised she hasn’t collapsed on the floor.
Eden’s leg is bouncing so hard the whole bench is vibrating. He hasn’t spoken since we came in—hasn’t even looked at me, just spent the entire time staring at the back of that cunt’s head with laser focus like he’s judging exactly how much force it would take to cave his skull in. It’s comforting.
Anaise has had my left hand sandwiched between hers since we sat down. Thank Christ for the sterile coldness of the courtroom.
The Defense speaks for him and every new word is another slap in the face. “He deeply regrets his actions.” Like we’re meant to forgive his substance abuse problems because he’s had no previous arrests.
The DA reads out two letters; one from her parents and one from me. He mentions her by name; Miri Valance… Daughter… Girlfriend… Expectant mother…
What my life could have been flashes before my eyes. It’s always different. A new year. A new place. A new name.
With all the legal jargon out of the way the judge clears her throat.
None of her words have meant anything until now, just syllables strung together, passing into one of my ears then out the other until this very second.
“Mr. Davis-Alvarez. Taking into account that this is your first offense, the lack of intent, and your cooperation with the authorities…”
Her words crash over me like static until—
“I sentence you to…”
And that’s when my spirit leaves my body.
It happens fast, faster than when that asshole crashed into us, destroying my life and taking hers.
I’m on my feet. "What the fuck?” My voice booms through the pompous air in the court room like we’re meant to have any respect for the process when it dishes out verdicts this horse shit.
Every head pivots towards me. All but Davis-Alvarez, the forty-three year old pile of gutter trash, who just keeps staring straight ahead, serene in his fuck-you I’m getting off virtually scott free, reality.
I can feel the smugness radiating off of him.
So much for his remorse.
Eden grabs my wrist, trying to pull me back down.
I yank out of his grip. “That’s all?” I shout, because someone has to. “He killed her. He killed them both!”
Having forgiven my initial outburst, the Judge bangs her gavel. “I will have order in my courtroom.”
“But what about justice? How can you say that’s all her life is worth?”
The judge looks at me with disdain, and when it’s clear that I don’t plan on sitting down, she eyes the bailiffs by the door and jerks her head in my direction. “Remove him.”
Eden stands with me, blocking the first officer’s approach.
“We’re going,” he says, his voice calmer than I’ve ever heard it.
But my muscles are shivering from the amount of adrenaline surging through me.
I don’t want to go—I want to break every bench and smash the judges face in with her damn gavel—but Eden’s grip on my upper arm is iron clad.
As he drags me towards the door, I spit over my shoulder, “You’re a fucking coward!” at the reckless bastard. “If this bitch won’t hold you accountable, I sure as hell will.”
Another guard at the door tries to block us, but Eden leans in so close the guy takes half a step back. “We’re leaving,” he says again, and the bailiff looks right at me. It’s the eye contact I’ve been craving. I need to be seen. I need my agony to be validated.
Deciding not to detain me, the officer steps aside and lets Eden and Anaise guide me out.
The doors closing sounds just like the crash, and I feel the pain in my head, hand, and thigh, like it just happened all over again.
Eden doesn’t loosen up until we’re at the end of the hall.
I pull free, but my legs are jelly.
I nearly eat shit, but Eden steadies me.
His hands are shaking almost as much as mine.
“Let’s go,” he says.
I feel Anaise’s hand on my back, and I tense, refusing to move.
I stare at the soulless tile, my breath loud and useless.
“I’m going to kill him,” I tell them, but my voice cracks, and my vision blurs with the tears I've been holding in.
Eden wraps his arms around me. I try to push away, but he holds me tighter.
Anaise presses herself against me from behind, her arms reaching for Eden.
Giving in, I let my head fall to Eden’s shoulder, and I weep.
My body shudders in their embrace, and they just hold me without complaint.
“I’m sorry,” I stutter, and they know it’s not for them.
They squeeze me tighter, and I hate them for it. Anaise lost her too, so how can she be whole enough to give comfort when she needs it as well?
I hate them both for being alive when she isn’t.
I hate every human with a pulse and a future, but I lean into them anyway because they are my entire world and all that I have left.
They are my real family.