Paralyzed

Chapter 6

“ D o you want to walk, or we can take my truck?” Erik gestured toward a nice dark blue F150 Ford pickup truck sitting at the curb.

Nathan imagined being enclosed in the very intimate cab and surrounded by the earthy smell of Erik’s cologne. “I, um… think we can walk. It’s a nice enough night.”

Erik shrugged. “Okay.”

They started toward CJ’s Diner in companionable silence, one Erik didn’t leave for long. “So, how long have you worked at the music store?”

“About three years now.”

“You like music?”

Nathan nodded. “I love it. It’s helped me through some rough patches in my life.”

“Any specific genre or are your tastes eclectic?”

Nathan stopped at the corner, watching the cars go by and wishing the walk sign would appear faster. He felt very exposed now, though he couldn’t have explained why for the life of him. Maybe because of the limp in his gait. He knew Erik had shortened his own strides to match his and wondered if he should have just taken the two-minute ride in the truck.

“I prefer soft rock, but I listen to everything. What kind of musician would I be if I didn’t?”

“So, you play then?” Erik asked.

“Guitar, drums, and piano. Although I prefer guitar.” The little white man appeared on the crosswalk sign and Nathan went to step off the curb, only to be jerked backwards into Erik’s chest abruptly. A car swerved a bit and took the corner at a fast clip, narrowly missing Nathan. He trembled at the reminder of the accident which had claimed his parents’ lives and scarred his own.

“Are you all right?” Erik questioned, his deep voice rumbling in his chest beneath Nathan’s ear.

“I’m fine.”

“Crazy idiot. He could have seriously hurt you, or worse.”

Nathan peered from beneath his lashes at Erik, watching him glare toward the already long-gone vehicle. It wasn’t until Erik looked down at him that he realized Erik still held him against his very muscular chest. Nathan blushed and jerked away, stumbling a bit from his bad leg. Erik caught his arm to steady him. “Thanks,” Nathan mumbled.

“No problem,” Erik replied.

They crossed the street and continued to the diner in silence. Nathan felt awkward. This was one of the main reasons he avoided people. He didn’t know how to act around them. Especially super hot ones, the voice inside his head taunted. Shut up, Nathan growled.

There were only a handful of people in the all-night diner when they entered, and Nathan made a beeline for his and Troy’s favorite booth. Erik followed at a slower pace. A sigh almost slipped free when Nathan removed his bag and slid across the cracked vinyl into the far corner. He pulled one leg up onto the bench and braced his back against the wall. He frowned when he saw Erik smile, wondering what the older man was thinking.

“How often do you come here?” Erik asked after he’d settled into the seat across from him. More elegantly, of course.

“We’re here pretty often,” Nathan said.

“We?”

“My best friend Troy and me.” Nathan glanced over at Erik in time to see an odd expression cross his face. He may have asked about it if they hadn’t been interrupted by their server.

“Nate!” a bubbly voice cried. “When did you get here? Where’s Troy?”

Smiling slightly, Nathan looked at Harriet. She was around the same age as his mother would be if she’d been alive today. “Hey, Harriet. Troy’s at a party tonight.”

“He didn’t take you with him? I’m going to have to knock some sense into that boy,” she threatened.

Nathan couldn’t help but chuckle. “It’s okay. I didn’t really want to go, anyway.”

“Who’s your gorgeous friend here?” Harriet asked, batting her lashes at Erik.

Nathan bit back jealousy at her actions. Erik was gay, so even if she did flirt with him, it wasn’t like she would get anywhere. Shit! What was he thinking? “This is Erik, a customer at the store.”

Harriet raised a brow but didn’t ask the obvious question Nathan could see on her face. “Nice to meet you, Erik. Now, what can I get you two?”

“Just coffee for me, thanks,” Erik said.

“Cream and sugar?”

“Black.”

Harriet turned to Nathan. “Usual for you, sweetie?”

Nathan had skipped dinner but didn’t feel right eating in front of Erik. He was nervous enough! “Just coffee for me, too.”

She eyed him and shook her head. “Did you eat lunch or dinner today?”

“Not hungry.”

“I’ll bring you your usual plate of fries.”

Nathan tried to protest, but she hurried off before he could. Shaking his head, he looked at Erik to see him with a grin on his face. “What?” Nathan asked self-consciously.

Before Erik could respond, the bell over the door tinkled and Nathan saw Troy walk in. Troy zeroed in on Nathan, and he could see the pissed expression on Troy’s face. Nathan winced and gave a weak smile at his best friend stomping their way. Erik turned in his seat to see what Nathan was looking at.

“Nathan Bryant, what the hell is it with you and someone doing something for you?” Troy demanded, waving the sticky note. “I may have been a few minutes late, but that doesn’t mean you can just leave. What the hell did we talk about earlier?”

Nathan flushed at being chastised in front of Erik. “I’m fine, Troy. Really.”

Troy still hadn’t noticed the man sitting across from him. “You got mugged the other night! That’s not fine! I told you to wait for me, you stubborn idiot!”

“I don’t think he really had much to worry about tonight,” Erik said, interrupting Troy’s tirade.

Troy immediately focused on Erik. “Who are you?” Troy demanded.

“Troy!” Nathan admonished his friend for being so rude.

Erik slid from the booth to stand in front of Troy, holding his hand out. “Erik Moore.”

Troy sized Erik up for a moment before reluctantly accepting the handshake. “Troy Davis.”

Nathan saw the power struggle between the two of them. They tightened their grips on each other, and Nathan wanted to groan in sheer embarrassment. What the hell was Troy doing? He didn’t need a knight in shining armor for cripes’ sake.

“Troy,” Nathan snapped.

Troy finally loosened his grip and Nathan felt a bit of triumph when Troy gave a barely noticeable wince. He knew Troy only wanted to protect him, but sometimes it got to be too much. When Nathan had been released from the hospital, Troy hadn’t left him alone for over a month. Finally, Nathan had to ask him to leave. It had triggered an argument, but eventually they’d stopped shouting at one another, and Troy had finally understood Nathan felt smothered. Sometimes, Troy forgot. Like tonight.

“Would you care to join us?” Erik invited, retaking a seat. Only this time, to Nathan’s surprise, Erik sat next to him.

Nathan’s breath caught in his throat, and he pulled his knee tighter to his chest, back still against the wall and his bag between his legs. A strong, muscular thigh rippled beneath jeans, scant inches from the end of his shoe. Nathan didn’t even realize how long he stared at said limb until Troy plopped down across from them. He shook his head and dragged his gaze to his best friend, willing the heat in his cheeks to dissipate.

Troy gave him a strange look but merely said, “I’m getting you a cell phone, Nate. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the note you left. You should have known I would never have gone to the party without making sure you got home okay if you really didn’t want to go.”

“I can take care of myself, Troy,” Nathan said, embarrassed at being made to seem weak in front of Erik.

“I know you can, but even someone like me or your friend here couldn’t stand up to a knife or gun.”

“You’re referring to him being mugged?” Erik asked.

Nathan glanced at Erik to find a tense expression on his face. Nathan frowned, uncertain what caused the look.

Troy nodded. “Nate can be extremely stubborn. He takes the deposit to the bank at night by himself, and the guy came from behind him. The bastard demanded the money and Nate refused.”

Erik turned his head to give Nathan a hard stare. “You did what?”

“Hey!” Nathan protested at being ganged up on. “I need my job and my boss almost fired me as it was! I wasn’t gonna let some jackass steal the day’s deposit.”

“Next time, just give it to him,” Erik growled. “It’s not worth your life.”

Sorely tempted to shove Erik out of the booth with his foot and slap Troy for mentioning the mugging in front of Erik, he glared at both of them. “I’m not five years old and I’m not made of glass. So, I got a few bumps and bruises. Besides, if it wasn’t for…”

He trailed off in horror. He’d almost revealed his secret to Erik.

“Weren’t for what?” Erik demanded.

“Nothing.”

Erik didn’t ask again. “If you’d have told me about meeting your friend, we could have waited.”

“I thought the note would be enough!” Nathan exclaimed.

“You said nothing about someone being with you,” Troy accused. “I wouldn’t have gotten so upset.”

What the hell was happening? Suddenly, Troy and a man he’d just met were berating him. A sexy, gorgeous man, but that had nothing to do with it. Nathan shook his head. “Just go to the party, Troy,” he begged.

Troy folded his arms across his chest and sat back in the booth. “No.”

Nathan had the sudden urge to bang his head on the table. This entire night hadn’t turned out like he’d imagined. Of course, he really didn’t know what he’d thought, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected this.

“Here we are,” Harriet interrupted as she set down the coffee and fries. “Troy! You beautiful man! Nate here said you’d gone to a party.”

Troy smiled at her and stood to give her a quick hug. “I’d never leave Nate behind, Harriet. You look gorgeous as ever.”

She flushed and waved her hand at him. “Enough flirting. You know I’m married.”

Troy winked at her. “You wouldn’t consider leaving him for me?”

Harriet chuckled. “If I were twenty years younger, in a heartbeat. Now, you want the usual?”

Nathan couldn’t help but laugh. This was their typical ritual—Troy flirted with her every time. Although Troy hit on any woman practically.

“Of course, Harriet. Although I’d rather have a cup of coffee instead of the shake.”

“Coming right out.”

Troy sat back down, and Harriet bustled off, a bounce in her step. Nathan laughed again. A smile crossed Troy’s face, and he reached out to flick a strand of hair from Nathan’s cheek. “Gets her every time.”

Nathan looked at Erik to find a strange expression on his face. “You okay?” he asked.

“Fine,” Erik grunted, picking up the mug Harriet had set down on the table moments ago.

Nathan furrowed his brow but kept silent. He took a sip of his own coffee, sighing at the taste. His stomach growled loudly immediately after, and Troy gave him an exasperated glare. “You didn’t eat today, did you?”

Troy was out to make him look completely bad in front of Erik. “I wasn’t hungry.”

Shoving the plate of fries toward him, Troy demanded, “Eat.”

Nathan protested when Erik turned and called for Harriet. “Can you please have the cook prepare a cheeseburger?”

“Sure thing, gorgeous. How’d you like that cooked?”

“Medium.”

“Won’t take but a few minutes.”

Nathan mumbled under his breath and grabbed the ketchup bottle, dowsing the fries in it. He popped one in his mouth and chewed furiously.

“So, Erik Moore, how did you meet Nate?”

“I came into the store looking for a specific CD. He helped me out.”

“You two haven’t known each other for long?”

Erik shook his head and took another sip of his coffee. “A few days.”

“Your name sounds familiar,” Troy said. “Are you the Erik Moore who owns the construction company?”

“I am.”

“Nice,” Troy replied. “My dad worked there for a couple of years before he retired and moved to Florida a few years back. Of course, it was before the company became so successful.”

“Davis, you said?” Erik queried. “I remember him! Great worker. I was sad to see him leave.”

“He said you were the best boss he’d ever worked for.”

Surprise raced through Nathan. He hadn’t known Troy’s dad had worked for Moore Construction. Oh, he knew what Troy’s dad had done for a living before his retirement, but he’d never really questioned where. “Your dad worked there?” he asked abruptly, even though they’d already confirmed the answer.

Troy nodded. “I think it was back when you were in the—”

Nathan interrupted him. “So, you started your company pretty young then, huh?” he asked Erik.

“I knew what I wanted from an early age and started saving and planning by the time I was sixteen. There weren’t many men who would come work for a green newbie like me, but Bill was one of the few who gave me a chance.”

“I’ll have to tell Dad I ran into you.”

“How is he doing?” Erik asked.

“Pretty good. He’s enjoying the sun and beaches. He found a retirement place that you don’t even have to leave to get groceries. The place has a built-in grocery store, movie theater, and everything. He’s happy and living his best life.”

“What about your parents?” Erik asked Nathan.

Nathan tensed, his cheerful mood disappearing in a flash. “They’re dead,” he said flatly.

“I’m sorry,” Erik murmured. He reached out and laid his hand on top of Nathan’s knee.

Nathan almost jumped out of his skin. He stared at Erik’s tan skin against his dark jeans. “It happened a long time ago,” he replied, his voice rough.

“I didn’t mean to dredge up painful memories.”

Shrugging, Nathan said nothing. Troy changed the subject then, to Nathan’s relief. “Are you married, Mr. Moore?”

“Erik, please. Mr. Moore makes me feel like my father.” Erik chuckled. “And to answer your question, no, I am not. I was engaged, but he passed away.”

“Open mouth insert foot,” Troy muttered. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. He was in a car accident two years ago.”

“So that means you’re gay?” Troy asked.

Nathan whipped his head toward his friend. “Troy!”

Erik laughed out loud and patted Nathan’s knee. “It’s fine, Nathan. Yes, I am gay.”

“Is that why you’re interested in Nathan?” Troy asked, horrifying Nathan.

Nathan groaned and covered his face with both hands.

“Yes.”

“For sex?”

Nathan’s stomach dropped, and he choked, coughing several times to clear his windpipe.

Erik squeezed Nathan’s knee and then removed his hand. “Not just for sex. I want to get to know him.”

“Why?” Troy asked.

“Oh my God, Troy!” Nathan finally broke in. “Stop it! Right now.”

Erik ignored him. “Because he’s funny, smart, and downright gorgeous.”

Nathan wanted to crawl under the table. He was none of those things. Where the hell had the man gotten that idea? Had he really looked at Nathan at all? Gorgeous? Him? Not even a little!

Troy studied Erik for several minutes and then nodded. “Okay.”

Nathan gaped at Troy. He couldn’t believe the conversation they’d just had about him. Anger built, and he glared at them both. “I’m sitting right here, you know, and who says I want to get to know you?” he demanded of Erik. “Just because I accepted your offer of coffee doesn’t mean I’m going to jump into bed with you.”

“I didn’t expect you to,” Erik said. “Like I told your friend, I want to get to know you.”

He stared at Erik. “Why?”

Erik gave him a patient look. “I just told you.”

Once more Nathan opened his mouth to shout at Erik when Harriet came back with the cheeseburger Erik had ordered. “There we are, baby cakes. If you need anything else, just holler.”

She bustled off and Erik pushed the plate in front of Nathan. “Eat.”

“I’m not hungry!” Nathan protested.

Erik raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not leaving until you eat at least half the burger.”

Nathan huffed and folded his arms on the table. Erik shrugged and resumed talking to Troy. They chatted easily about Troy’s major, Erik’s business, and eventually Erik’s fiancé. Nathan cocked his head a little to listen, hoping for some clue as to Alan’s death. The only thing Erik seemed to know was that Alan had died in a car accident when the vehicle went over the edge of the ravine. Something about the situation nagged at Nathan. It didn’t feel right. Usually when someone was in an accident like that, the ghost didn’t linger, even with a sexy fiancé back home. “How did he go over the guardrail?” Nathan asked, forgetting his stubborn attempt to ignore the two of them.

“The police said he was driving pretty fast. He wasn’t a reckless driver, but that night we were having our rehearsal dinner and he had been running late.”

Nathan hadn’t realized just how close to being married Alan and Erik had been. “You really believe that’s what happened?”

Erik frowned. “The police investigated. Why wouldn’t I believe what they found? You sound like you think there was something more.”

Nathan furiously shook his head. “No. I’m just curious.”

Troy gave him a look and then his eyes widened as what Nathan was doing hit him. He’d connected the dots and realized Erik had to be tied to the spirit haunting him. Troy gave Nathan a stern look but kept quiet, thankfully.

“You still haven’t touched your food,” Erik said.

Nathan sighed, moved to sit normally, and picked up the cheeseburger, taking a bite while rolling his eyes at them. “Happy?” he mumbled around the mouthful.

Erik smiled. “For now.”

Glancing at Troy, Nathan said, “You should go to the party, Troy. I’m fine.”

Troy shook his head. “Not in the mood anymore.”

“Quinn’s going to be disappointed if at least one of us doesn’t show.”

Troy lifted one shoulder in a half shrug. “He’ll get over it.”

“How long have you two known each other?” Erik asked.

“About twelve years,” Troy said.

“Long time. Did you grow up here?”

Troy nodded. “I did anyway. Nate’s parents moved here when his father started a job at a really prestigious firm.”

“Your dad was a lawyer?” Erik looked at Nathan.

Nathan stuffed the last bite of cheeseburger in his mouth, surprised he’d finished the whole thing. “Uh huh,” he garbled.

Erik gave a satisfied smirk when he saw Nathan had consumed the entire burger. “What kind of law did he practice?”

“Criminal prosecution.”

“Did he have any televised cases?”

Nathan didn’t answer right away. His father had been very successful as a lawyer. When they’d first moved here, Nathan had been angry at his dad for making him leave behind his friends. Over the course of the six years before his parents’ deaths, Nathan had spent a lot of time resenting his father, especially during the Espinoza case, the only one his father had ever been on television for. “Only one I remember,” he murmured. “Victor Espinoza, a bastard who raped and murdered a twelve-year-old little girl.”

“I remember that case,” Erik said. “It took several months to convict him because they could only find circumstantial evidence until the prosecuting attorney located a scrapbook Espinoza had stashed somewhere. That was your father?”

Nathan nodded. He hadn’t cared about any of it back then. All he’d seen was his father breaking promise after promise and never being home. The case had concluded about a year before the car accident. Nathan had already felt as though the damage had been done though, and he’d either ignored his father or bickered with him, which led to their argument the night of the car accident.

Troy glanced at his watch. “We should go, Nate. We have to be at your aunts’ house early in the morning to help them with the repainting like we promised.”

With everything that had happened in the last few days, he’d completely forgotten about his aunts asking them to help move the furniture in their living room to paint the walls. They had to do it super early because of his shift at the music store. “Shit, I forgot.”

“I can drive you home,” Erik offered.

Troy jumped in instantly. “No, that’s okay. I’ll be staying at his place tonight, so I can take him.”

Nathan gave Erik an apologetic look. “Sorry. We can take you back to your truck, though.”

“No, that’s okay. I’d rather walk. Nice night out.”

“If you’re sure,” Nathan said hesitantly.

Erik smiled and bumped his shoulder against Nathan’s. “I’m sure.”

Nathan hadn’t noticed, but Harriet had dropped the bill on the table at some point. Erik took out his wallet and set down a couple of twenties, way over what the bill was. Nathan tried to protest him paying the entire amount, but Erik waved his worries away with one hand. “I’m the one who offered to buy you coffee, and I ordered the cheeseburger. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you,” Nathan said uncomfortably, sliding out of the booth after Erik and putting his backpack on once more.

“You’re welcome,” Erik replied. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

Nathan glanced around for Troy, but he had gone ahead of them to the front door, where he stood waiting for them to follow. “I don’t have a cell phone or a house phone.”

“Are you working tomorrow?”

“During the day.”

“Then I’ll call you at work.”

Nathan fidgeted. “Okay.”

Erik grinned and placed his hand on Nathan’s lower back, guiding him toward the front of the diner. Harriet called out a good night, which both Nathan and Troy returned. The hand on his back felt as if it was burning a hole straight through to Nathan’s skin. He struggled to put one foot in front of the other, confused and excited at the same time while fighting off the guilt of wanting Alan’s fiancé.

Troy walked to his car and unlocked the doors, sliding into the front seat. Nathan shifted from foot to foot in discomfort. “Uh, thanks again for the coffee and food. I… Uh…”

Erik leaned in closer, and for a minute Nathan thought the man intended to kiss him, but all Erik did was pull Nathan’s jacket closed in the front and straighten out the edges of the hood. “I’d kiss you, but I’m getting the evil eye from your friend.”

A thrill slid through Nathan at Erik’s words before he glanced over to see Troy practically drilling a hole into them. “I gotta go,” he squeaked and scurried over to the passenger side, almost wrenching the door off its hinges.

Nathan saw Erik laughing as Troy backed out of the parking space and pulled into traffic. He couldn’t quite control his breathing and his chest hurt. He’d never felt this way around anyone, ever. Shame also mixed in with excitement and giddiness. Alan still loved his fiancé. Nathan knew it made no sense to worry about a ghost, but he couldn’t help it. None of the spirits in the past had caused this much turmoil in Nathan’s life, and he didn’t know how to proceed. He didn’t know if he could stand watching the smile on Erik’s face turn to disgust when he told him the truth about what he could do.

“Nate!” Troy’s sharp tone pulled him out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“Don’t what me!” Troy snapped. “He’s the reason that bastard spirit is still here, isn’t he?”

Nathan didn’t want to tell him, but he couldn’t lie to the one person who’d always been there for him. He gave a small nod.

“Damn it, Nate!” Troy swore. “You haven’t told him yet, have you?”

“No.”

Troy slammed on the brakes at a red light, tires squealing a bit. He turned to look at Nathan. “I am happy you’re finally showing some interest in someone, but why him? What do you think he’d say if he knew about your secret and the only reason you spent time with him was because of his dead fiancé?”

Nathan winced. A part of his friend’s words was true, yet Nathan knew even if Alan wasn’t in the picture, he’d have found himself attracted to Erik. Something about Erik made his body feel alive and made him see a future beyond the present day. It was stupid for him to think that way about someone he’d only just met, but Nathan sensed a connection between them and not just because of Alan.

“I know,” he muttered. “You think I don’t? I know it’s not possible for anything to happen. He wouldn’t want someone like me. Someone who has so much baggage and a terrible gift. I’m not an idiot, Troy.”

“First, stop it! You’re a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have you. But if that’s how you feel, why put yourself through that kind of situation then, Nate?”

He was silent for a few breaths and then whispered, “Because it feels good to hope for once. To see a future for me that doesn’t include horrible things. I know I don’t deserve it and it’s impossible for anyone to really want me, but it’s nice to think it is possible. I’m being selfish, but I can’t help it.”

“You aren’t being selfish! If anyone deserves a future, it’s you. I’ve never understood why you think you aren’t worthy to be loved, Nate. I love you. Your aunts love you. It’s obvious Erik is into you. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you as we were leaving.”

Nathan flushed. “That’s not true.”

“Of course, it is. Have you looked in the mirror lately? I’m not into guys, but if I was, you’d totally be my type. You’re hot, Nate.” A horn honking behind them forced Troy to resume driving. “I’m just saying it’s better if you tell him sooner than later. Don’t wait because it’s only going to hurt more if you let yourself get close to him and he finds out.”

“I won’t get closer to him, Troy,” Nathan said. “It’s a dumb idea, anyway. I’m a freak of nature and no one as successful and good-looking as him is going to want that in his life. This supposed gift of mine isn’t going away, and I am always going to have other Alans who come along.”

“You’ve done so well, though, Nate. This is the first time in over a year since one figured out you can see them.”

Nathan gave a hoarse laugh. “No, it isn’t. I didn’t tell you about the last two because I knew you’d get upset.”

“What?” Understanding dawned on Troy’s face. “Last year, Christmas, you seemed withdrawn and preoccupied. That was one of them, wasn’t it? And a few months back, you were distant, and I didn’t see you for a couple of days. Damn it, Nate. We’re friends! Why didn’t you tell me? I can help you!”

“No one can help me, Troy. I don’t want you to have to deal with this. It’s my burden, my punishment for my parents’ deaths.”

Troy pulled to a stop in front of Nathan’s building, roughly putting the car in Park. He turned in his seat and reached out to grab Nathan’s arm. “You are not responsible for what happened to your parents, Nate. Some idiot ran a red light! You didn’t put the asshole behind the wheel, and you couldn’t have known the engine would catch on fire. None of it is your fault!”

Nathan winced as Troy’s hand tightened the longer he spoke. “It is my fault, Troy! If I hadn’t been such a brat about leaving the party, we never would have been at the red light! I should have died that night, too!”

Troy loosened his grip and sat back to stare out of the windshield, his hands on the steering wheel. “Now you’re being selfish, Nate. It would have devastated your aunts to lose you along with your parents. And me… I’d be lost without you. You’re my best friend.”

Nathan covered his face with his hands and only then realized he’d started crying. He didn’t want to hurt Troy, but he knew in his heart his parents were dead because of him. It wasn’t right that he got to live a long life while they lay in a coffin. “I’m sorry, Troy,” he whispered. “I really am.”

Troy sighed. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It kills me to hear you talk like that.”

“I know,” Nathan said.

“Let’s just go inside and get some sleep.”

Nathan nodded, and they got out of the car and took the stairs to his apartment. He knew with certainty his dreams tonight would be worse than ever. If he could even sleep.