Chapter 11
Parker
For the next few weeks, I barely see anyone but Quinn.
We stay at his place in town for a few nights in a row and then back at mine. Neither of us has a lot of work to do during these dark, short days of winter, so spending them in bed together is perfect. We sleep in and read books. We watch TV and cuddle and talk about anything and everything. We play Trivial Pursuit and backgammon and chess. We fuck like rabbits in every position known to man. We can’t get enough of each other.
Sometimes we leave the bed, whichever we happen to be in, and go cross-country skiing or snowmobiling. We take hikes in the snow and lie in the bed of Quinn’s truck to watch the aurora borealis light up the sky.
We’ve had dinner with his parents, Skip and Myrna, more than once and joined Sawyer and Ivy for drinks and dinner in town on several occasions. We haven’t had many dinners with my family, owing to the fact that my father still looks at me with grim disapproval, and Reeve has hardly said two words to me since I returned from Vegas. When she runs into me and Quinn coming out of my cabin, Quinn always gives her a cheerful hello, but she sticks her nose in the air like the brat she is and keeps walking. I mean, really. If I can forgive Quinn, why can’t she ?
February tenth marks Gran’s 78 th birthday which is always a big occasion at the lodge, and the perfect way to break up the coldest months of winter. Gran and Paw-Paw invite all of our friends for a big, old-fashioned birthday party with gifts and dancing, a buffet dinner, and a massive birthday cake. It doesn’t matter if my father and sister are still angry at me. I’ll be there for Gran, and that’s that.
Quinn knocks on my cabin door holding a huge, wrapped box.
“What in the world did you get my gran?” I ask him, shaking my head as he steps into my cabin.
He places the box on the sofa, then turns around, pulling me into his arms and kissing me. And when I say he kisses me, I mean he hasn’t let up on the sort of toe-curling, spine-shivering, fingers-fisting kisses we shared in Vegas. I breathe him in, this man who has transformed himself from my enemy to my lover in the span of a month. I’m in love with him. Madly. Wildly. And, I think, forever.
When he draws away, he grins down at me, his dimples caving in his cheeks. I told him I like seeing them, and he keeps his beard short and neatly trimmed now, so they’re always on display.
“Remember when your gran was complaining a couple weeks ago about her lower back? And you said she should use Tanner and McKenna’s hot tub?”
“Yeah. And she said she didn’t want to risk interrupting the honeymooners.”
“Which is why I got her one!”
“Quinn…you got my gran a hot tub?”
He smiles wide, nodding his head. “Yep! A Coleman, four-person, inflatable Saluspa with 120 bubble jets. Takes about twenty minutes to set up. Less if Tan and Sawyer give me a hand.”
“You’re something, you know that?”
“Something good?” he asks me.
“Something wonderful,” I tell him, laying my forehead on his shoulder. I love you . The words hover on the tip of my tongue, dancing a minute, and begging me to sing.
Not yet , I tell them. Be patient. Your day will come. I promise.
“I love you, baby,” he says close to my ear. “I love your gran, too. I want her to be comfortable.”
“I never thought I’d say this in a million years, but you’re the best, Quinn Morgan.”
“Is it me?” he asks. “Or is it getting hot in here? Should we take off some clothes?”
I laugh at him. “As much as I’d like to get naked and fuck your brains out, I think we need to get over there. Party started ten minutes ago, and I’ll be missed if I’m not on time.”
“Raincheck on fucking my brains out?”
“Absolutely,” I tell him over my shoulder, all saucy as I pull on my parka and slip my feet into boots. “Just give me a few hours.”
“Dear God,” he mutters, hefting that enormous box onto his shoulder and following me out the door, “let this party fly by!”
I feel happy as I walk beside him from my cabin to the lodge, which is lit up like the Fourth of July with lanterns and twinkle lights. Music from Gran’s birth year, 1948, drifts from the lodge on a chilly February breeze, the hum of jovial conversation a fitting baseline. A good two hundred people will be here tonight to wish her well, many of them lifelong friends.
Snowmobiles, two Sno-Cats, and a vast array of four-wheel-drive vehicles are parked haphazardly between the campground’s entrance and the lodge. Snow makes it hard to have well-defined spaces. We weave around them like an obstacle course before hopping up the lodge steps together.
Quinn places his gift on the floor beneath an overflowing table of wrapped presents, and we throw our coats on an ever-growing pile in the corner of the room. At least a dozen folks will go home with their neighbor’s coat at the end of the night. It makes for a fun game of “Return the Coat to the Proper Owner” in the week ahead.
The opening guitar chords of “The Twelfth Street Rag” lure four of five older couples onto a makeshift dance floor. The night is still young. Right around midnight, Gran will play Bing Crosby’s version of “Now Is The Hour,” for a final slow dance, and everyone will know that the first day of her 78 th year has come to an end, and it’s time to go home. That said? There are a fun five hours ahead.
“Parker! You’re here! Hey, Quinn!”
Harper, whom I’ve long forgiven for setting up me and Quinn on a surprise babysitting date several weeks ago, kisses my cheek first, then Quinn’s.
“You two look so good together! I love it!”
“Thanks, Harp,” says Quinn, smiling at my sister.
Over the last few weeks, since our surprise setup, in fact, I’ve noticed a warm and loving rapport building between my big sister and my boyfriend. She’s been our biggest ally and supporter, and I’m so grateful to her for seeing our potential even before I did. But her kindness to me highlights how much I miss Reeve, and how increasingly angry I am that my little sister won’t come around to accepting my relationship with Quinn. Maybe I’ll try to mend fences with her tonight.
“Is Reeve here?”
“Of course,” says Harper, pointing to the back of the dance floor. “She’s dancing with Wren.”
Sure enough, there’s Reeve in jeans and a wool sweater, holding Wren on her hip, and swaying to the sounds of ’40s jazz.
“Think she’ll stop being mad at me anytime soon?”
Sensing a sister-to-sister conversation he doesn’t need to attend, Quinn unlocks his arm from around my waist.
“There’s Sawyer,” he says. “I’m gonna go grab a beer and say ‘hey’ to him, okay? Come find me later for a dance.” He kisses my temple. “I love you, baby.” Then he adds, “Love ya, Harp.”
“Love ya, Quinn,” she says before turning back to me. “He’s a good egg.”
“Wasn’t always.”
“Is now.”
“Yeah,” I say, tracking his progress to the bar, then to Sawyer. My heart swells with love for him, and it feels so right, so good, and so warm, I want to feel it for the rest of my life. “Yeah, he is.”
“As for Reeve?” Harper says. “I don’t know. It’s not as simple as her not accepting Quinn. She’s mad at you for changing your feelings so fast, yes, but it’s more than that. She’s the last one single. The dynamics of her whole family are changing. She’s struggling, and yeah, because you’re the last one, she’s extra mad at you. Give her time. She’ll come around.”
I roll my eyes, but Harper’s words make sense, and they’re a balm to my anxiety over Reeve. I won’t bother her tonight. I’ll give her time and space.
She’ll come around. She’ll come around.
“The Twelfth Street Rag” winds down, and someone pauses the music.
Tanner and McKenna climb up on a coffee table together, Tanner banging a wooden spoon against a frying pan to get everyone’s attention. This will be commonplace throughout the night—at least ten more people will pick up the spoon and the frying pan to get everyone’s attention and make a toast or tell a little story about Gran.
“Gran!” calls Tanner from his perch over everyone’s head. “You know I love you!”
Gran waves at him, grinning from ear to ear.
The crowd roars with approval.
“I love you, too, Gran!” echoes McKenna.
“And next year,” says Tanner, putting his arm around his wife’s tiny shoulders, “there’ll be one more Stewart at this party. We don’t know if it’s a boy or girl yet, but we do know they’re gonna love you just as much as we do!”
McKenna beams at Gran, placing her hands lovingly over her still-flat tummy and nodding to everyone with tears in her eyes.
“Are you giving me another great-grandchild?” demands Gran.
“We sure are!” confirms Tanner.
The entire room erupts with applause as Tanner helps McKenna off the coffee table so Gran can cover both of their faces in kisses. As Art Mooney sings “Baby Face,” a bunch of eager hoofers take to the dance floor.
“No surprise there,” says Harper, throwing back a glass of champagne. “They’ve been trying for a while.”
“There sure was a lot of canoodling going on,” I say. “You know, I thought you might be expecting.”
“Me?” She holds up her empty glass. “No way. Not yet. We want to have a few years with Wren before we try again. And we’re still hoping to meet Moriah Raven one day.”
“How’s she doing?”
“Real good. We love getting updates from the Calvins. Makes us feel more connected. And someday, if she wants to meet us, we won’t have missed so much of her life, you know?”
“Yeah,” I say, putting my arm around my sister’s shoulders. “You’re amazing, Harp.”
“Love you, Park. And as long as I’m not knocked up yet, I need a refill. Catch you later?” “For sure!” I say. I have to go to the bathroom anyway. Lately, I always have to go to the bathroom. I probably have a yeast infection or something. I remember reading somewhere that lots of sex can cause them.
Sitting on the toilet in the second-floor bathroom of the lodge, I think about the fact that my brother’s having a baby. McKenna must have been so excited when she missed her period and took the pregnancy test—
My thoughts about McKenna slide away.
Missed her period.
MISSED. HER. PERIOD.
Oh my god.
Wait. No.
My adrenaline surges. I start shaking.
When did I last get my period?
Not in February. Not in January. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. I haven’t had it since…before Christmas.
But every time Quinn and I have had sex we’ve used a condom. Every time.
Except… the first time.
In Vegas.
And yes, he pulled out when I realized we didn’t have a goalie, but could some of his swimmers have gotten away?
Absolutely.
I’ve been peeing a lot. And sleeping a lot. And emotional. Like, over-the-moon happy about being with Quinn.
Holy shit.
“I’m pregnant,” I whisper aloud.
I pull out my phone and text Harper.
PARKER:
There’s a pregnancy test in my bathroom at the cabin. Will you get it for me and meet me upstairs in the hallway bathroom? Please?
HARPER:
On it. brB!
Still sitting on the toilet ( I may as well, I’m going to pee on a stick in a second… ) I think about the reality of my situation. Now, there’s no guarantee that I’m pregnant, of course, but it feels like a strong possibility. So here are two questions that need to be answered and fast.
Do I want a baby?
And…
Do I want a baby with Quinn?
I try to take a deep breath, but it’s choppy and shallow, probably because my heart is beating so fast. Calm down. Calm down. I close my eyes and breathe normally. In and out. In and out.
Do I want a baby?
The answer comes quickly. Yes.
As for having one with Quinn?
My lips wobble into a smile at the same time my eyes fill with tears.
I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about Quinn. He was sewn into the fabric of my life before I was five years old, and he’s been a steady, albeit often reviled, part of that life ever since. I know he loves me. I feel it. And what’s more, I trust it. And what’s even more than that? I know I love him, too.
To be clear, I would’ve waited. A hundred percent, I would’ve wanted.
But if I’m pregnant? If this is happening?
I whisper out loud. “We’ll be okay.”
Knock, knock, knock.
“Park? I’m coming in!”
The door opens, and Harper slides into the tiny powder room. Handing me a First Response box with wide eyes, she’s literally panting from running through the snow to my cabin, back to the lodge, and up the stairs.
“You didn’t have to run.”
“Are you kidding?” she asks, leaning against the sink. “Of course I did!” She grimaces. “By the way, I think that was one of my old ones. I checked the box. It expired three months ago.”
“Think it’s still good?”
I take it out of its packaging, pull off the plastic cover and pee on it before handing it to my sister.
“It’s all we’ve got. You can always get another in town tomorrow…” she says, covering the tip. She stares at the windows, her eyes growing wider and wider. “But I don’t think you’ll need to.”
She holds out the wand, showing me the results. It hasn’t even been thirty seconds since I handed it to her, but two dark pink lines have already appeared in the window.
It’s definitive. I’m pregnant.
“Holy shit,” I murmur, taking it from her to stare at the twin lines. “I’m…I’m…”
“Congrats, Park!” Harper throws her arms around me. When I don’t hug her back, she drops her arms and draws away. Her eyes scan my face for clues. “Or…not.”
“I’m keeping it,” I whisper, like I’m daring her to challenge me.
“Yeah? Okay. I wasn’t sure for a second there,” she says, her voice super soft and gentle. Her lips tilt up in a smile. “Congrats, honey.”
“Yeah,” I say, gulping in a deep breath before sitting back down on the toilet seat cover. I look up at my sister. My voice squeaks when I ask, “ Should I keep it?”
“Do you want this baby, Park?”
“I want this baby,” I tell her, no hint of indecision in my voice.
“Then you should keep it.”
“But what about…what about…”
“Quinn?”
I nod.
Her smile widens. “He loves you so much, Parker. He’s going to be over the moon.”
“But we just got together. I mean, we’ve been together for, like, a month, Harper!”
“Yeah, but it’s not the same as meeting someone four or five weeks ago. You’ve known Quinn your whole life.”
“And hated him for most of it.”
“And love him madly now.”
My face jerks up to look at hers. “I never said that!”
“I know you, babycakes.”
“Harper, we’re just dating . We’re not…” Fear sluices through me, making me shiver. “I don’t know how to be a mom!”
“I didn’t either. No one does…until she becomes one.” Harper tilts her head to the side. “Tell me this for real. Do you love him or not?”
I stare at her, then back at the test, then back at her. “I’m getting there.”
This is a lie. I’m embarrassed to admit aloud that I already love Quinn. After years of his teasing, I feel like love shouldn’t have come so quickly. But it did. I love him. I’ve just been holding out on saying the words.
“You like being with him? Being his girlfriend?”
“I do. A lot.”
“And you want this baby?”
“Totally.”
She pulls me into her arms.
“I’m happy for you, Parker. I’m so excited for Wren to grow up with Tanner’s baby and your baby. Three cousins growing up together in Skagway! Oh my god! And one day Hunter and Sawyer will have kids. And Reeve, too! It’s so wonderful, I swear, I could cry.”
My eyes well with tears, too. So I close them, leaning my head against my big sister’s shoulder, feeling equal measures of wonder, gratitude, and apprehension.
***