Journal Entries from Freshman Year
Dear Journal,
Okay. Wow. I’ve never actually written that before. I guess I’m not sure how to start a new journal, even though I’ve done it a million times.
This one, though, is just in a random notebook that looks like all of my school notebooks so Mom won’t think to look at it. I think.
She’s nosy and reads my other journal. She pretends she doesn’t, but she knows things I only write in there... and that’s annoying and makes me mad. I asked her about it once, but she denied it. Anyway. Not the point of why I’m writing today.
Tonight, Grace threw a party.
I can’t believe we’re finally freshmen and she’s already throwing parties.
And that people actually came!
Her party was for her cousin, Tucker, who just moved to town. I guess he’s some singer or something and wanted to come here to be closer to LA. I think she said he had a record deal (is that even what it’s called?) but I was too nervous to ask him about it. Not that I even talked to him much.
Me and Nathan went to Grace’s early after she sent a text saying she was baking.
BAKING!! Like, can you imagine her baking anything?
Grace is a great writer who loves all things Disney and Disneyland related (she’d really love to be Mulan in all the parades and stuff one day) but she is NOT a baker.
We got there right as she dumped a cup of sugar into the bowl.
She just laughed and said she didn’t know she actually needed to use the recipe.
Typical Grace.
But the cupcakes were saved, thanks to me and Nathan.
Grace kept talking about her cousin, who I guess at that point was just hiding in his room—she said he was unpacking, but I think he was hiding.
Grace can be intense sometimes. I love her, but still, she’ll smother you with love.
I was curious though. I may have stalked him on Instagram to see if I could find out more about him.
The most recent picture Grace had was a picture from when they were seven.
IG wasn’t super helpful though; his profile picture is just a shadow of him and he mostly posts pictures of his guitar.
Why do I feel like I need to share my entire life story up to this point before I go on? Like, yes, it’s a new journal, but who exactly do I think will be reading this???? NO ONE, HOPEFULLY.
Anyway. I’m a dancer. A good dancer. I’ve been working so, so hard. Which is why Mom has a rule about no boys.
And I’m 14. It really hasn’t been a problem before. I’ve had crushes, but nothing major.
Then I saw Tucker tonight.
I didn’t even really meet him. Gosh, I think I’m blushing just writing about it. I’m so embarrassed. WHY AM I WRITING ABOUT THIS?? It’s not even a big deal.
We didn’t even say HELLO!
After we finished making the cupcakes, I went downstairs to where a Disney movie was playing (when is one not playing at Grace’s house?) and listened to my competition routine music on my headphones for a while, until people started showing up .
Grace came down with the cupcakes, then Nathan came down with a few of his friends. I have the two of them, they’re my two best friends (and Nathan is my twin sooo…) but I sometimes forget that in the real world, when it’s not just us, I just have dance, but they are friends with a lot of people.
Wow, I keep going off on tangents. I am way too tired for this. Anyway. Do I say anyway a lot? Anyway (ugh), Nathan brought me a cupcake, and I’d just taken a freakishly huge bite when Tucker appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
I knew it was him immediately because he looks just like Grace’s mom, which makes sense, since she and his mom are twins… (how is it that I’m a twin and my best friend’s mom is a twin? Do most people in real life know that many twins?) (focus Rosie)
Tucker is tall, way taller than I expected. Probably close to six feet. He’s got blue eyes and I think blondish, brownish hair; it was hard to tell since he was wearing a gray baseball cap, backwards.
Grace was making the rounds with him and introducing him to everyone. Before they could get to me, her mom yelled from upstairs about a batch of cookies burning, so Grace ran up the stairs.
He sat on the couch opposite me, talking with Nathan. Then he looked up at me.
His eyes were (are) so blue, like the ocean on a clear morning. I love that color so much, and they were just looking at me.
I think I gave a sort of smile. Then, I shoved the rest of the cupcake in my mouth. WHY AM I LIKE THIS?
Once I swallowed (finally) I looked up, and Tucker was still looking at me. Super embarrassing.
But wanna know what’s even more embarrassing (whoever this imaginary person is that I’m writing to…)
When we got home, I followed him on Instagram. I mean, his account isn’t private and he doesn’t have that many followers, but I still followed him. Then I deleted the app before I could change my mind.
I have no idea why I am the way I am. I didn’t even talk to the guy and I still feel so awkward. I’m so glad tomorrow is the rehearsal for our Christmas concert in a few weeks, so I can just dance all day and not think about him.
And how blue his eyes are.
Or how he watched me stuff my face with a cupcake (why couldn’t I just take normal bites like a normal person?????)
Okay.
I’m going to bed.
I will not redownload Instagram. I will not. I will not. I will not.
Love, Rosie