Journal Entries from Sophomore Year
Dear Journal,
Today was a fairly normal day (minus part of it... we’ll get to that).
Now that we’re in high school, we get to buy roses for people during the week of Valentine’s Day, which get delivered on the holiday. It’s kind of stupid, but I still might have bought a rose for Shawn.
I’ve had a sort of crush on him since elementary school, and then Grace dared me to buy him a flower, and she never dares me to do anything, so I did it. So that’s kind of crazy.
They also have dumb things like we did in middle school. Today was Hug a Friend day. Like, okay, I guess we’ll all just hug each other. But Shawn did give me a hug (and Grace and Libby) so I guess it isn’t completely stupid.
We still ride the bus since we’re all freshmen and can’t drive yet. Me and Nathan usually ride the bus home with Tucker and Grace, who live just down the street from us.
So we’re talking about the school day and how we hugged when Tucker shared that he hasn’t hugged anyone yet.
Grace freaked out cause, like, it’s Hug a Friend day, and apparently she’s really into school spirit now?
We get off the bus, and he hugs me!!
It was super quick and over before I even realized it was happening. But… Tucker hugged me!
Then… a little later, we were texting… and I’m just gonna write out the convo cause I kind of want to remember it… It started around 7:30 pm, just as I was finishing up at the studio.
Tucker: Hey.
Me: Hi.
T: How are you?
Me: Good. You?
T: I’m good.
Me: That’s good.
This is how a lot of our convos start… even though we text all the time. IDK why we don’t just continue our old conversations. IDK why we say hi every time. Like, we already have a text thread… anyway.
T: So… tell me something random.
Me: Like what?
T: Anything.
Me: Ummm…
Me: I passed my math test today.
T: That’s kind of lame. I mean, not that you passed, but that that’s what you told me.
Me: You said to say something random. That’s random. :)
T: True, true.
Me: You tell me something then, if mine was so boring.
T: …
Me: What??
T: I have a secret.
Me: Okay, now you have to tell me .
T: I like you.
My heart was beating crazy fast. I wasn’t expecting that, like, at all. Sure, we flirted sometimes, but nothing to make me think he would actually say that. And then I said this (can I just hide forever?)
Me: I like you too… I think…
T: You think? :(
Me: I mean... I do.
T: But??
Me: I sent Shawn a flower.
T: Oh.
Me: Yeah. But I do like you.
T: Cool. :)
Me: Yeah. :)
So. There’s that.
Now I’m going to go to bed and figure out what all of this means in the morning.
Love, Rosie
June 3
Dear Journal,
I went on my very first date tonight. Not with Tucker.
I still like him. I still think he likes me. But… after our conversation (the one I wrote about last time), I told him that I couldn’t date him or anything because of dance. I told him I thought it would be better if we stayed just friends for now.
He agreed, or at least he said he did… so now we’re just friends.
We sometimes flirt still, but he’s my friend.
He ha ngs out with us a lot, me and Grace and Nathan, and he really does fit into our group.
He and I eat lunch a lot together cause Grace is with her other friends and Nathan usually eats with some of the other drama kids.
We sit at the end of the B-wing hallway, which is usually pretty empty.
Tucker makes me laugh every single day. He’s always showing me new songs that we listen to by sharing his headphones.
They’re always country, which I didn’t think I liked before now… but I guess I kind of do.
Anyway.
I went on a date tonight.
It was fine for a first date (Grace thinks it was lame).
There was a group of us (three couples, six people) and we ate dinner at some tiny little place I’d never even heard of.
It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great.
Then we went and watched some Avengers movie at one of the guys’ houses.
I don’t know which one it was, I honestly had no clue what was going on the entire time.
My date’s name is Ryan. The whole time, one of the girls (who I don’t know) kept saying how cute it was that his name is Ryan and my name is Rosie. I think she might have been jealous. I’m not sure.
But I went on a date.
Mom was thrilled.
Yes. You read that right. She was thrilled I went on a date with someone who isn’t Tucker, even though I’m only 14, and she is always talking about how that’s too young to be dating.
She’s also convinced that Tucker is gonna wreck my life because of reasons she won’t share with me, but she’s made it very, very clear that I’m not allowed to date boys—especially not him.
But she was really, really happy when Ryan picked me up tonight. I don’t think we’ll go out again, though, because I’m pretty sure he likes that girl who kept talking about our names since he watched her most of our date. So. Yup.
Are first dates always like this? Weird, awkward, and a little uncomfortable? Or just for me? Grace has been on dates with Leo before, but they always sound so fun …
I went on a date, but not with Tucker. I don’t know why I keep writing that or why that matters. Okay.
For real going to bed now, before Mom peeks in and wants to talk about my date…
Love, Rosie
June 17
Dear Journal,
I’ve only heard bits and pieces about what happened between Tucker and his dad, but today, he told me more of the story.
I guess growing up, he was always going to big shows that his dad was doing whenever he went on tour. This was before he started school, so he got to go more often. He idolized his dad. I mean, if my dad was a famous singer, I’d probably think the world of him, too.
But then, when Tucker was 7, his dad left for a tour and never came back. His mom told him that it wasn’t his fault (he had been very worried about that) and that his dad just needed to figure some stuff out.
By this point, he was already taking guitar lessons because he loved music.
As he got older, it got harder to live in Nashville because his dad was still there, too, even if he never actually saw him. He performed at some smaller gigs in the summer, and then he got the call about a record deal.
Until then, I don’t think he had ever really voiced how much he wanted to follow in his dad’s footsteps and make it big. He was young and really humble (okay, he still is and I’m also making this sound like this was like 5 years ago, but it was just a few months before he moved here).
So he went to the studio. He started sharing his songs with the producer, and then his dad walked in! The producer jumped up and talked to his dad about how happy he was to be able to snag up Tucker Bensen this young, and kept saying thanks to his dad.
That’s when he stormed out, furious. But I guess word got around and that’s how Murphy became his manager and got him out to LA, but then that record deal fell through.
He really wants to do this whole music thing on his own. Even if his dad is famous, not many people know that yet and he doesn’t really want them to.
And I can kinda see now why he really doesn’t like his dad. After so many years of just being gone, he decides to swoop in and help Tucker’s music career take off, just because he can. What a jerk.
I hope Tucker does get his dreams. I hope he can get whatever he wants, without the help of his lame father.
Love, Rosie