Chapter 15
“What’s happening?” Grace asks over speakerphone.
I’m alone for the first time today and in my hospital room.
I told my family to go get some food from the cafeteria because even though I can’t eat, Mom was getting crabby.
I’ll be getting prepped for my surgery in a few minutes, so I don’t have a ton of time.
But I came up with the perfect excuse for Grace and Tucker, without having to tell them about the tumor.
“Just an emergency surgery,” I say into the phone. “My stomach was hurting earlier so we came in, and it’s my appendix.” The words don’t sound forced or rehearsed, and I hope they don’t sound like a lie.
“But you’re going to be okay?” Tucker asks and my stomach clenches at the worry in his voice.
It hurts more every passing day to lie to him, but no one can find out.
I could lose my spot at the Paris Ballet Academy, if they are even going to give it to me.
But I won’t risk it. I don’t want anyone to know that I have a tumor.
“I’m going to be totally fine,” I say. “I promise.”
“And you’ll call us as soon as you're done and awake?” Grace asks.
“I’ll call as soon as I’m awake and not groggy anymore.
Nathan already promised to send you both updates.
But this surgery happens all the time, the doctor says it’s going to be fine.
” This part—well, most of it—is actually true.
From the scans, Doctor Barker said that as of right now, the tumor doesn’t seem to be attached to any major organs, it’s just growing in there and it should be an easy removal; then, I’ll be cancer-free again.
“Okay,” he says, unconvinced. Why did I think I could lie to him? But it’s too late now.
“I’m fine, I promise,” I repeat. “Okay, well I’m in a little pain, but that’s better now that they gave me some meds, and I am going to be fine.
It’s all going to be fine.” I might throw up because of all this lying, but that will be worth it when I make it into the Paris Academy and all of this is behind me.
Maybe someday I’ll sit Tucker down and tell him the truth, but for now, this is easier for everyone.
There’s a knock on my door and I’m surprised to see Lucy standing there. I hold up a finger. “The doctor is back,” I say, the lie slipping easily from my mouth. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“We love you,” Grace says.
Tucker adds, “We’ll be thinking about you.”
“Love you both,” I say and then press end.
Lucy enters the room. She’s wearing a hospital gown that has purple flowers all over it.
“Your gown is nicer than mine,” I say, glancing down at the blue hospital-issued gown I have to wear until I can go home.
“Perks of living at the hospital full-time,” she says cheerily. “Anyway, I remembered that you had your surgery today, and I finally got it out of my nurse which room you were staying in, so I wanted to come say hi.”
“Hi,” I say, setting my phone on the bed next to me and feeling a little awkward.
“Hi,” she says, looking around my room. “I’ll have my nurse bring over some pictures my little sister has drawn. My walls are really covered, but yours could use some brightening. ”
“Uh, thanks,” I say. I’ve had only one other group therapy meeting—when I mentioned that my surgery was today—but other than that, Lucy and I didn’t talk much last session. She sits on the edge of my bed.
“Are you feeling nervous?”
My heart feels like it’s beating in my throat. I’ve been pretending with everyone else that I’m completely fine about my surgery and everything that’s about to happen today. But I really am terrified that something will go wrong and that I won’t be able to dance again.
I nod.
She reaches for my hand and I let her take it, even though it’s slightly pulling on my IV which is uncomfortable, but I don’t let go.
“I promise it’ll be okay. From what you said, the surgery should be quick and easy and over soon.
Plus, I’d think that recovery will be much easier than brain surgery. ”
I smile at this, because she’s probably right.
“I really wish I didn’t have to wait a whole month before I can dance again,” I complain. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. Lucy lives in the hospital for months on end, and I’ll only miss one month of dance. I can do that. But Lucy doesn’t seem bothered by my comment.
“It’ll go fast,” she assures me.
“I do get to go to the Valentine’s Dance with my boyfriend,” I say and her eyebrows shoot up.
“Wait, with Tucker, right? That’s the boy who kissed you?”
I nod, happy that she remembered.
“It’s next week, so I’ll still have to take it easy, but he knows I’m having surgery today.”
“So you told him?” Lucy asks.
I glance away, my face going warm. I look down at my hands. “Not exactly. I told him and my best friend this morning that I was having some stomach pain and that I have to get my appendix out. ”
“Won’t they know that’s not true when there’s not a scar on your stomach?” Lucy asks. There’s no judgement in her voice, just an honest question.
“I wasn’t planning on showing them my scar, even if I had an appendix surgery. I’m not really that kind of person…” I trail off.
Lucy nods. “I get it,” she says. There’s a moment of silence, then, “I mean, the not telling them part. I do think you should tell them, but I understand why you want to keep it to yourself.”
“You’d be the only one,” I mumble.
She nods again. “It’s like everyone else who does know just wants the world to know, so they don’t have to be the only ones watching you, waiting for you to break.”
“Exactly.” I sit up a little straighter. “I don’t want to be the girl with cancer again, I just want to dance and enjoy my life.”
Lucy looks sad for a moment, so I rush to add, “Not that being the girl with cancer is a bad thing.”
“I knew what you meant,” she says, and her smile comes back. “It is hard, when you just want to go on living a normal life. It’s easier to pretend when not as many people know.”
“Right,” I say, and the door to my room opens again. My parents and Nathan enter the room.
“Hi.” Lucy waves at them and wastes no time introducing herself.
“I’m a friend of Rosie’s and just wanted to wish her luck before her surgery.
” My parents and Nathan look at Lucy, then at me, the question, ‘You made a friend?’ on all of their faces.
I roll my eyes. Do they really think I don’t know how to make friends?
“We met at group therapy,” I say. Dad grins and shakes Lucy’s hand. Mom gives her a tight hug and looks like she might cry. Nathan simply eyes me curiously. I haven’t told him about Lucy.
“Well, I’ll let you all have some time together.” Lucy starts toward the door. “I’ll come visit once you’re done?” she asks and I nod; she’s not a bad friend to keep around. In fact, I think I really like her. But I do wish I knew why she was so happy all the time.
“I’ll see you later, or tomorrow, whenever I can fully wake up from the anesthesia,” I say, and Lucy laughs before heading out the door and back to her own room.
“She seems nice,” Dad says, taking Lucy’s spot at the edge of the bed and rubbing my foot through the blanket.
“She really is,” I tell him. “And somehow more optimistically hopeful than Grace.”
Nathan barks out a laugh. “Is that even possible?” He sits on one of the hard chairs in the room, pulling out his phone.
“I didn’t think anyone could love life more than Grace, but then I met Lucy.” Just then, Doctor Barker comes into the room with another doctor.
“This is Doctor Lisben, she’ll be assisting me today and is here to get you prepped for surgery.” Doctor Barker turns to my parents. “You’re welcome to wait in here or in the waiting area. We’ll be taking Rosie now and be done in a few hours.”
Mom nods and Dad moves to give me a hug. Nathan also hugs me tightly and says, “I’m praying for you.”
I hug him a little tighter. If this were reversed, I would be in hysterics if he were getting rolled back to surgery, but he’s surprisingly calm.
I force myself to smile at Nathan as he pulls away. I will be brave. I will not cry. This is going to be simple, and once I wake up, all of this will be over and I can go back to my normal life.