Chapter 23 #2
I don’t know if it’s the way the sun’s hitting his face or the comfortable stupor I’ve been feeling up here, but he looks so innocent at this moment. So perfectly sculpted and beautiful.
“What about you? You okay? You got quiet,” he says leaning against one of the pillars.
I sigh. “I am. I think a lot and that tends to make me quiet. I’m not a thinking out loud type of person.”
“Hmm, you should try it, it’s great.”
“Just saying the first thought that pops into your mind without thinking about it for hours on end? Sounds terrifying.”
A low chuckle escapes him. “Let’s try it.” He crosses his arms over his chest, and I internally curse at myself for the feeling that builds in my lower stomach.
“I don’t know.”
“Come on, Dem.” His head tilts and there’s a teasing spark in his eyes.
“Fine. What do you want me to do?”
He pulls himself from the pillar and takes a step closer to me.
“I’ll say a word and you tell me the first word that comes to mind.”
“I’ve seen this exercise before.”
“Okay, good.” He puts both hands in his pockets and leans slightly closer to me. “Ready?”
I nod, placing my hands on my hips as my hair blows into my face. Liam doesn’t hesitate when he gently reaches forward and brushes it back away from my eyes.
“Family,” he begins.
“Love.”
“Holidays.”
I scoff. “Stressful.”
“Work.”
“Good.”
“To be happy.”
I open my mouth to answer, but realize it’s so much more than a one-word answer. It’s like an essay. A whole full-length novel. I associate that word with so many different things from different parts of my life—there’s not one word that encompasses all of it.
“Multiple avenues,” I say, after scrambling my thoughts.
His brow twists in confusion but he doesn’t ask me to elaborate and just continues with the game.
“To dance.”
“Couples.”
“Eat.”
“Cookies.”
He chuckles at that before continuing.
“Me.”
My eyes dart to meet his. He’s staring at me so wholly, like he’s seeing so much of me right now, and I don’t find myself wanting to shield anything. While at the same time feeling so exposed and unsure.
I pause and let myself take a step closer to him, very aware that another step from either of us would have us touching.
“Safe.” I relax my shoulders as he stands in front of me.
I’m safe with him. I’m considered. I’m seen.
God, why do I have the urge to kiss him? Or let him kiss me? Why can’t I stop staring at his face and his mouth and his Adam’s apple? It goes against everything I stand for when it comes to professionalism in the workplace.
But Liam Evans looks really kissable right now.
No. I’m stronger than my urges. I’m totally unfazed. Unbothered.
I’ll just repeat that in my head three hundred times until I’m convinced that’s actually the case.
He swallows, and I notice his fingers flex as he makes a fist and opens his hand, repeating that motion a couple of times. It’s like he’s holding himself back from something—from doing something.
His gaze sharpens, and I replay the last hour we’ve had together in addition to the last five years.
I’m the chase for him. He’s competitive by nature. He’s a thrill-seeker. Don’t give in.
I shout the words at myself internally. I can’t let his sweet smiles and pretty eyes paired with kind words and gestures cloud my judgment.
I feel myself breathing heavily, taking long inhales and calm exhales. All those things about Liam may be true, but I can’t shake this feeling with him—that he’s genuine, that I can rely on him.
He drags his eyes over me, and unlike previous times I’ve noticed him do this, I feel more heat in his gaze than before. More want. More desire. More resistance.
“You’re always safe with me.” He reaches a hand toward me, but doesn’t actually make contact. Yet somehow, I can feel him.
I retreat the tiniest bit. “You’re a piece of work, you know that, Twelve?” I say with a heaviness in my voice. “You do all these things and say the right words. You make me feel—” I stop, shaking my head.
“Make you feel what?”
I shake my head, staring down at my sneakers.
It’s time to go. I have to leave before I do something stupid. And right now, I feel like Liam has the capability to make me do something very stupid.
“Dem?” His voice forces me to look up at him.
Part of me wants to question whether this is just an itch. An itch that needs to be scratched to make the feeling go away. But there’s another feeling gnawing at my chest—the fear that I’ll catch feelings if I let myself open up to him.
“I’m not just blowing smoke,” he says, inching closer, and I bring my arms over my chest.
“I think I wish you were,” I whisper.
I hate telling him that, but it’s the truth. I wish I knew with 100 percent certainty that this was a game for him. A box to check. It would be so much easier.
He brings his hand close to my face. “May I?” he asks, and I slowly nod.
My body sinks the moment his hand cups my cheek, his thumb lightly running across my cheekbone. My stomach swirls at the feeling of his touch—so warm and protective—and I let my eyes close as we stand facing each other for a brief moment before taking a step back just out of reach.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out.
“I’m not.”
“It’s just my body reacting.”
“Is it?” he challenges, reaching one hand behind his neck.
“Y-yes, it’s a reaction to human contact, that’s all.”
“Really, Dem?” He sighs. “I wish you’d stop acting like you can’t stand me.” His tone is almost sarcastic, but his face shows something softer. “When we both know that’s not the case.”
“Liam.” I settle a shaky breath on his name.
“You’re fighting it, and I can’t really figure out why. I mean, I have my assumptions for your reasons. But if any of your reasons were actually good, you wouldn’t still be standing here.”
Is he right? There’s such a heaviness in the air between us. He’s pulling and I’m pushing, and I just want so badly to meet in the middle.
“I like our working relationship.”
“I do too,” he agrees.
He leans closer, and it causes me to back into the wall near the door. We’re hanging onto threads of daylight as the sun is about to set.
All I can do is stare at him. Study him. I shouldn’t want anything to happen between us, but I can’t stop wondering.
“Are you curious where I stand at this exact moment? My intentions? Because I’ll tell you.”
I only shrug.
“I want to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you every moment since the first day I met you. I’m pathetically hanging on your every word, all the time, because all I want to do is kiss you. But I will not touch you without knowing it’s what you want.”
I lower my hands to my sides.
“It could mess up what we have at work. And as friends.” I chuckle, but there’s no humor in it as I pull my shoulders back firmly.
This feels like a surefire way to make my life more difficult, but what if I just need to get it out of my system? Ease the burning, annoying itch and be done with it?
“But I can’t stop thinking of your face and your silly grin. And how wonderful you are and—” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know, maybe we just need to have a moment so we can move on. Fulfill a lifelong dream of yours and a momentary urge of mine?” I try to smile teasingly and he laughs.
“A lifelong dream, huh?”
I swallow, feeling my heart rate pick up but I do my best to mask how flushed I’m feeling.
“Exactly. One and done. I mean, we should just get it out of the way so we can go back to being coworkers and neighbors.”
His eyes narrow as he tips his head down with a sly smirk and he clears his throat softly. I catch the heat in his eyes as our gazes meet.
Liam’s thumb gently pulls at my bottom lip and he cradles my chin with his index finger.
We’ve both been playing with fire recently, and I’m tired of the constant battle I’m having over what’s right and what’s wrong. Tomorrow I can pretend this never happened and he can go back to being just another athlete I work with.
I slowly lean forward, letting him lead as his hand lands on the curve of my hip. His breath skims the shell of my ear as he gets closer.
“Tell me now if you want me to stop,” he whispers.
But I’m sure as I reach my hand up to his shoulder and he pulls me closer. His grip on my waist tightens, and I feel my stomach drop at his commanding touch.
Liam’s lips collide into mine in the most delicious motion. I feel the high immediately—the spark, the dizziness, the butterflies.
The absolute magic that is Liam Evans hums throughout my entire body.
And in that instant, I know I’m royally fucked.