22. Carmelo “Slim” Hawkins
Anguilla. That’s where they were sending me
“It’s warm and it’s one of the safest islands in the Caribbean,” Nairobi said. She made it seem like I was going on vacation instead of me hiding from a psychopath. Everyone had come back to the safe house to be briefed on how this great escape was supposed to go.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I prayed no one had heard it. I wasn’t supposed to be using it to talk to anyone except the crew and Nana.
But I’d texted Drea from this number. I just needed to see her one last time before I fell off the face of the earth. I needed to feel like I had control over one final thing.
“Shit, I’d love to be in Anguilla,” Jelani said, trying to lighten the mood. “Beaches, good food, good weather. You lucked up, bruh. Could’ve been somewhere in Europe. At least you not finna be halfway across the world.”
“Feel free to change places with me,” I grumbled.
I’d spent the whole week beating myself up for being so careless.
For letting Sasha be a distraction when I knew what I really wanted.
All that time wasted entertaining something that was never going anywhere, especially another man’s wife.
I wasn’t proud of it, and I damn sure wasn’t mourning her.
Cold, but it’s the truth. I cared for her the way you care for someone when you’re both caught up in the same situation, but I never loved her.
She knew that. And whatever feelings I had left were buried under the reality that her husband was now trying to kill me and possibly everyone I cared about because of the choices we both made.
I could’ve been putting that energy into Drea. But I saw how Nairobi leaving Fontaine crushed him and I wasn’t about to try and run a woman down who didn’t want me.
“I’ll pick up everything from Hana tomorrow,” Nairobi cut through my thoughts as my phone buzzed again. I could feel Cash’s eyes on me from across the room. We hadn’t spoken since the last time he was here, and the judgement in his glare said everything. This is what your mess cost us.
“I’m gonna stop by my grandmother’s tomorrow,” I said. “I know I won’t be able to talk to her, but can y’all just keep me updated, make sure I know she’s okay while I’m gone?”
“I’ll go with you,” Fontaine said.
I nodded and pretended to be engaged with whatever else they were talking about while my brain worked in the background. Drea would have to come here. I couldn’t risk going to her house, not knowing if Messiah’s people already had eyes on her—if he even tied her to me. Couldn’t go to her shop.
“Are you listening?” Cash snapped.
“My bad,” I said, lifting my hands. “This is my fault. I know. It’s just… a lot.” My throat tightened, pride fighting me even as I forced the words out. “And I’m sorry my fuck up dragged y’all into this. I’m grateful y’all ain’t tossed my ass to the wolves, ‘cause I know I deserve it.”
“Players fuck up every day, b,” Jelani said. “I mean, maybe not this badly, but no one here is without fault.”
“Yeah.”
I just needed to see Drea one more time. One more chance to say how I felt and then disappear like I was supposed to.
“I just need like twenty minutes tops,” I told Fontaine when he pulled up in front of Nana’s building.
He cut the engine and looked over at me. “I know everyone’s been on your ass, but don’t rush it with your grandma. I know how much she means to you.”
I nodded and got out the car. I inhaled deeply and made my way into the familiar building, nodding at the dudes outside.
The hallway smelled like my childhood—there was meat sauce simmering, grease from something fried.
I knocked and then used my key to let myself in.
“Nana!” I called out.
I heard some movement from the back of the apartment near her bedroom. She appeared a few moments later.
“What you doing here, Melo?” She looked me up and down like she already knew this wasn’t a social call. She was dressed with her purse in hand like she had somewhere to be.
“I need to talk to you right quick,” I said, eyeing her outfit. “Where you headed?”
“Me and Mavis from down the hall going to bingo tonight.” She beamed as she moved past me into the living room. She settled into her armchair. “Now what you need to talk to me about?”
I rubbed my hands together as I tried to find a version of the truth that wouldn’t crush her. I’d been rehearsing it the whole ride over and still didn’t have shit.
“I have to go away for a while,” I said.
Nana pursed her lips. “A while,” she repeated. “You going to prison?”
Not quite.
I swallowed. My tongue felt thick in my mouth. “It’s work.”
“Work, huh?”
I forced a half shrug, like my stomach wasn’t doing backflips. “I’ll be out of the state for a little bit.”
Nana leaned back in the chair and studied me the way she used to when I’d come home with too much money for a teenager to have.
“Come here,” she said.
I hesitated.
“Carmelo.” Her voice was sharper now. “Don’t make me get up.”
I sighed heavily and crossed the room, standing in front of her. She reached up and took my hand, rubbing her thumb across my palm like she was checking for something.
“How long?” she asked.
“Not sure yet.”
“What did you do?”
“Nothing.” The lie came out too fast.
Nana narrowed her eyes. “Boy…”
My shoulders sagged, gaze dropping to the carpet. “I just gotta lay low for a minute, Nana.”
“After all these years,” she said, and I could hear the disappointment in her voice. “All these years of me praying over you, begging you to leave this mess alone…”
I didn’t even bother explaining. She didn’t need a breakdown of how I fucked everything up. “Nana, Cash and ‘em gonna check in on you, I’m not sure how often I can call you. But they got you.”
“Lord, son.” She pulled me down until I was face level with her. “You know I been worrying about you since the day your parents died. Then you got roped in with Ricardo and his boys. I’ve just accepted that worrying is part of the package when it comes to you.”
My throat burned. I didn’t trust myself to say anything without falling apart at her feet.
“I just need to know if you’re coming back to me,” she said, quietly.
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m coming back.”
She held my gaze for a long moment, like she was deciding whether to accept it or not.
“I don’t like this,” she whispered. “But all I can do is pray like I always do.”
She kissed my forehead. “May God always cover you, my baby. And may whatever foolishness you’re caught up in pass and bring you back to me in one piece.”
My eyes burned.
Nana released my hands, and cleared her throat, like she wasn’t trying to get emotional too. “Now—since you wanna show up and ruin my evening—help me with my coat.”
I stood, grateful for the change in topic, and went to grab it from the closet.
“Alright,” Nana said as I helped her slip it on. “Walk me to Mavis’ unit.”
It was close to midnight when Drea arrived.
At this point, the Law and Order marathon was watching me, not the other way around. After I left Nana’s, Fontaine and I swung past my place so I could grab the rest of my stuff. I handed him the keys to my cars and told him to sell them and put the money in Nana’s account.
Even though I was expecting Drea, my heart still jumped when the headlights swept across the front window.
I cracked the door and waited.
Drea sat in the driver’s seat, staring at the house like she was seriously debating throwing it in reverse and going back home. She fussed with her hair before finally killing the engine and climbed out.
Her sandy brown hair was up in her infamous messy ponytail, a few loose curls framing her face. Her hazel eyes assessed her surroundings, like she knew she was about to walk into some bullshit.
“Why are you all out in the cut?” she asked, peering past me and into the house. “Whose house is this?”
“Come in,” I said and stepped aside.
She crossed the threshold and clocked the bags by the door. Her gaze lingered on them for a moment too long before she turned back to me, folding her arms across her chest.
“So what’s up?” she asked, a scowl already forming. “You going somewhere?”
“Yeah,” I locked the door behind her. “I’m leaving for a bit.”
Something moved across Drea’s face that she quickly tried to shut down before I could catch it.
“You called me here just to tell me that?”
“I shouldn’t even be telling you,” I confessed. “But I needed to see you.”
Her arms dropped to her sides. “Melo… what happened?”
My mouth went dry. I’d rather take another round of Nana’s questions than have Drea look at me like this, already bracing for the worst. I ran a hand over my head and blew out a breath.
“I fucked shit up, D. Real bad. Shit’s hot right now and I have to get out of the city.” I looked at her straight on. “I didn’t want you thinking I just disappeared on you.”
Drea’s eyes narrowed, searching my face. “I don’t understand. Fontaine?—”
“Just me. I’m the only one leaving.”
She tipped her head back and I watched her jaw tighten as she fought back a scream. “And you wonder why I never let you talk me into being with you,” she said with a bitter laugh. “This. This is exactly why, Carmelo.”
“No.” I closed the distance before she could put up a wall and shut me out.
“Don’t do that.” I brushed a loose curl from her face.
“Don’t act like I never tried to give you something real.
Like you didn’t always keep me at arm’s length with this back-and-forth bullshit.
” I stroked her cheek, feeling the warmth of skin under my thumb.
“I’m not blaming you for my mess. But if you’d stopped being so stubborn and let me be your man for real, this wouldn’t even be happening.
You should already know I’m coming back. ”
“Okay,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Nah, not ‘okay,’ Dre,” I pulled her into me, my arms wrapping around her until I could feel her heartbeat knocking against my chest just as hard as mine. “When I get back, we’re doing this for real. No more games.”
She looked up at me. “Doing what?”