68. Chapter 68
I’ve been a nervous wreck for the past week.
Patch has been somewhat distant, but I think, or at least I hope, it’s because something is coming. I can feel it and I’m scared of what might happen.
We got lucky last Saturday and in the light of day we saw the fire didn’t damage too much of the clubhouse. Unfortunately, Timber did have to wait a few days for the snow to stop falling before he could start in on the repairs. The help from the extra guys from Junction Creek definitely sped up the repairs. Two days ago, Reaper, Razor, Punisher, Odin, and Mama Astrid went back home, but Devil, Beast, Python, and Doc stayed. Later that afternoon, Loki, Smithy, Canon, and Atlas came down to continue offering support.
I was saddened when Mama Astrid announced that she and Odin had to head back home, but I also got it. They’d been away from home for a while, and Odin needed to get back in the garage to help finish up some orders. The others needed to get back to their jobs as well, but now that I think about it, Reaper was rather distracted the last few days he was here. However, I don’t know if it was because of what’s going on here or something else.
On top of all of that, I’ve read snippets the past couple of days in the news and gossip websites that people are speculating that Abuelo (Grandpa) is retiring, and I’m wondering if this is their plan to lure Diego out. There’s been no word from him, at least that I’ve heard anyway, since the note last week after my doctor’s appointment.
Shaking my head, I look back down at my kindle, trying to focus on the words in front of me, but I can’t. Something is strung tight in me and it feels like it’s about to snap.
“You look like you’re deep in thought.”
I jump in surprise, not having heard anyone approaching and when Mae sits down on the couch next to me, I can’t help my sigh.
“Did you feel like this before they found you know who?” I ask quietly, not wanting to name any names, but she nods, knowing who I’m referring to.
“Yeah, I did. I hated the fact that Levi was privy to those details, but after I thought on it more, I also realized I could never do what she does and be a full member. I don’t have what it takes to do that. It was a sobering moment when I realized that, and it helped me step back a bit and look at things from a different light. They’ll tell you more when they can, but ultimately, they’re trying to protect you, too.”
“But did Timber ever become distant with you?”
Understanding lights in her eyes and she nods. “Yeah, and it almost cost me him as well. Don’t do what I did and wait. Talk to him instead and let him know how you are feeling. He might not even realize he’s pulling away from you. My guess is it’s because they’re planning something big, which is taking up most of his time and energy. And use your journals. It helps to get it all out, even if it’s just on paper.”
Gnawing on my lip, I nod and my gaze goes over her to the closed Church door. Resolve fills me, and I decide that tonight, I’m confronting him.
Snapping my kindle case shut, I nudge her shoulder. “Come on. I’m finally feeling good enough that I think I can manage sitting on the kitchen barstools. Let’s break out my cookbooks and plan a meal.”
Mae’s face lights up and she helps me get up off the couch. We’ve both been pouring over my cookbooks ever since I got them and trying to figure out which ones we want to try first.
I follow behind Mae in my chair to the kitchen. In two-and-a-half weeks, I have my next doctor’s appointment and I hope like hell that I can get this cast off and graduate to a walking boot. I’m tired of having my ass in this chair. Not to mention, I also miss running around after my kids and playing with them. I can’t even go out and build a snowman with them. Well, if we were allowed to play outside, that is. We’re still on semi-lockdown and have been since they caught Stephan.
“Okay, Spanish or Greek?” Mae asks and I shake my head to clear my thoughts as I refocus.
“I need some comfort food, so Greek.” I’m still learning the Spanish recipes in de mi abuela (my grandma’s) cookbook, so today, I’d like to just get lost in the familiar food that I know.
We end up choosing to make some Greek chicken gyros with yogurt sauce, a moussaka, and salad so that there’s a couple of options for the guys. Another plus is that we have all the ingredients on hand. It takes a lot to feed all of these large men, and we often go three or four times a week to the grocery stores around town. I swear the local businesses are racking in big bucks from us food-wise with how much we buy. Especially when I hit up the mom-and-pop specialty stores where I get most of my Greek and unique Spanish ingredients from.
We get to work prepping everything and the first is to marinade the chicken for the gyros since that needs to sit for a while. I prefer to do a marinade overnight, but we’ve got enough time to do a three-hour marinade, which is the bare minimum that I would do.
Time passes as Mae and I work, and as my hands work through the familiar steps, my mind wanders to Patch. I really hope the distance between us is about them planning everything and that it’s nothing to be worried or concerned about.
Right as we finish prepping the other ingredients and are about to start cooking, the door to Church opens and the guys all file out. My brows dip in confusion when they start to head outside. Mae and I share a look and we head out into the main room.
Patch spots us and a guilty look crosses his face that immediately has my eyes narrowing at him. Next to him Timber and a few others stop as well, and Timber has a similar, though not as guilty look on his face.
“Where are you guys all going? We were just about to start cooking dinner.”
Gone is any light heartedness in my voice. Something’s up and I’m pissed we weren’t told what’s going on.
“They didn’t tell you?” Levi asks and my eyes narrow even more at Patch.
“No.”
Levi gives them a look that has both Patch’s and Timber’s faces paling.
“We’re going out tonight. We’re not going to be here for supper.”
“That would have been nice to know so that we wouldn’t have just wasted two hours prepping dinner for everyone.”
“I’m sorry, Mary. I forgot to tell you.” He gives me a small smile, but it does nothing to ease how I’m feeling, and I can’t help the huff that escapes.
“Forgot or just conveniently ignored me like you have been for the past week?” I seethe and at least he has the decency to look guilty.
“I’m sorry, Mary. We’ve been planning a huge takedown that needs to happen tonight before Mateo’s brought on as the next Don.”
I rear back like I’ve been slapped. “And who all is invited to the ceremony?” Or at least I’m assuming it’s some sort of ceremony. I have no idea how a succession is done in our family.
Somehow, Patch’s face pales even further and Levi gives me a sympathetic look but all that does is fuel my anger.
“Is the rest of my family going to be there except for me? Am I the only one who doesn’t get to witness my own uncle stepping up and becoming the next leader of the family? You all are going to be there and I can’t be there to support my own family?”
Silence meets my words, and it’s more than I can take.
Backing up my chair, I turn around and head to the lift. Mae can put the food away and we’ll cook it tomorrow. Maybe we’ll just order a pizza tonight or something. Right now, I just need to get away from Patch and the others before I say something I’m going to regret.
I thought they cared. That they saw me as family, like I did them, but maybe it was all an act.
My mind is whirling as I press the button on the lift for the third floor. Swallowing down my tears, I try to box up my emotions. To appear calm and in control, but then I catch my reflection in the lift walls. I look like shit and I doubt I’ll fool anyone.
When the door opens, I head down the hallway toward the room we’re using as the playroom until the repairs on the other one are finished.
The sound of engines starting has my chest tightening and my eyes burn as the emotions roll over me again. Opening the door to the playroom, Elvira gives me a startled look, but I wave her off, plastering a smile on my face that I hope the kids won’t see through.
It doesn’t work.
All four of them, Lindsey included, look up at me with worry, but I wave it off, saying it’s just the stress of everything that’s getting to me.
A few minutes later, Mae comes up and joins me, but I can’t look at her. I feel like I’m a fake. That I’m an outsider. That when they come back, they’ll tell me to get out and take my kids with me.
Biting back another sob, I force myself to take comfort in the feeling of my kids cuddled up next to me and watch the movie with them.
As the night wears on, the men don’t return and I start to get nervous.
Despite how they left, I’m still worried about them and I don’t want them to get hurt. Patch mentioned they were planning something big. Did something go wrong?
Suddenly I feel like I’m being watched and I look out the window, but I don’t see anything.
When bedtime rolls around, the kids ask to do another sleepover with Elvira and Lindsey, and since I don’t know if we’ll still be here tomorrow, I allow it even though I’d rather be snuggled up in bed with them.
Heading to Patch’s room here in the clubhouse, I go about my nightly routine to get ready and slip under the covers. I had thought about finding an empty room to sleep, but I want to talk to him when he comes back. To find out why he cut me out like he has.
I close my eyes, but sleep doesn’t come to me and I toss and turn all night.
For the umpteenth time, I look at the clock on the nightstand. It’s 2 am. Only ten minutes from when I last checked it.
I huff out a breath and rub my grainy eyes. I can’t believe how used to sleeping in Patch’s arms I’ve become. The clubhouse is quiet tonight since there’s only a skeleton crew here and the bunnies were told to stay in their rooms. Every creak of the clubhouse or the hoot of an owl has me jerking back awake thinking that the guys are coming back.
Another creak outside the door has me pausing, but when I don’t hear any other noises, I realize it must have just been the building settling as the night grows colder. With another huff, I snag Patch’s pillow and bury my face in it, hoping his scent will help me relax.
That thought has me biting back another sob. I’ll probably need to start getting used to sleeping alone again, but tonight I’m going to take the comfort. With my face buried in the pillow, I ignore another creek somewhere in the clubhouse and groan as I will myself to sleep.
It must work at some point because the sound of voices has me slowly blinking out of my sleep. My head pounds and I groan. What happened? My eyes are crusty from falling asleep as I was crying, and I move to wipe them, but I realize I can’t move my arms and my eyes fly open.
I’m not in Luke’s bed.
Or the bed at our condo.
In front of me are cinderblock walls and I can feel the rough texture of cement chaffing my bare skin and my body through Luke’s shirt that I’d slipped on last night.
Slamming my eyes shut again, I try to slow down my breathing as I listen, but the voices are too muted to be able to tell who it is.
Even though it makes the pounding worse, I try to remember what happened. The fight with Luke, which I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget. Watching movies with the kids. Then trying to fall asleep, but not being able to. That I kept hearing numerous creaks last night, which I thought was just like the sounds an old house makes when it settles with age.
Shit.
What if all that creaking was Diego’s men creeping around the clubhouse?
Voices once again draw closer and black dots dance behind my eyes as I try to force my body to calm down.
A door opens and a cry escapes me when a pointy boot nails me in the side. The same side that’s still healing from when Stephan kicked me.
I roll away, trying to protect my sore side and belly, but I don’t get too far because something metal is attached to my ankle. I squint as I try to see better since I don’t have my glasses, and I swallow down bile when I realized I’m chained to a wall.
The sound of boots on the concrete has me looking toward the sound, but without my glasses, it’s all a blur. However, I think they’re women’s boots since they kind of sound like high heels. The person crouches down and my eyes widen when I can finally see who’s in front of me.
“Hello, Pet.”
Oh, shit.