Chapter 3 #3
Patch stood on the porch a beat longer than necessary, staring out at the river as the water lazily drifted south with the current.
McGuire had moved to one of the chairs at the end of the old wooden dock and tossed a fishing line out.
Patch and McGuire had been through some shit over the years, but the one thing that had tested their friendship the most had been Savvy.
Not so much that Patch had dated her, but that Patch had not only kept it secret but walked away when his best friend thought he should have popped the question.
McGuire had never really been too angry over Patch and Savvy keeping their relationship private at first. There were a million reasons why they should’ve continued to do so, namely Savvy’s high-ranking position.
However, the biggest reason Savvy had strained their friendship was simply Patch’s inability to stay.
That wasn’t entirely on him, but he’d take responsibility.
Patch rubbed the back of his neck and let the last thirty or so hours roll off his body like a snake shedding its skin.
He fixated his gaze on the swamp as if it could answer the question she hadn’t asked.
He wasn’t sure if it was the exhaustion on her face, the tremor in her fingers when she touched his arm, or the fact that after all this time, she still looked at him like she expected him to catch her if she fell.
Every time.
He hadn’t even hesitated.
He blew out a breath and made his way down to the dock.
His entire life had been a tightrope between easy…
and hard. His career was damn hard. Green Beret Combat Medic wasn’t for the faint of heart.
He’d killed men… and he’d put men back together.
And he’d done so by being able to set aside his humanity.
He had to. You couldn’t look at the torn-up bodies that lined the battlefield as people with families back home.
If you did that, you’d never make it past your first tour.
No, they were rag dolls he tried to stuff and stitch.
The ones who didn’t make it, he’d cry and mourn for when he returned Stateside.
Those that did, he celebrated by moving on to the next and staying focused on not being the reason someone died unless they were the enemy.
However, when he came home, his life was flipping easy.
He knew how to separate the two worlds, and he did so…
until he couldn’t. Eventually, the demons caught up to him and his world blurred.
It had become increasingly difficult to compartmentalize.
His military life bled into his other life, and that made him a little crazy.
If he were being honest, it was in part why he ran so fast from Savvy.
She was from both worlds, and he couldn’t have her in the part of his life that was filled with calm and joy, especially when her world was filled with bullets and chaos.
McGuire glanced over his shoulder as he cast out another line.
He didn’t smile. He wasn’t that best friend waiting to shoot the shit.
This was the older brother, ready to fight, looking at the man who still had feelings for his kid sister but had walked away because things got a little too real.
Because things hit a little too close to home.
The air outside was thick, buzzing with insects and early-evening heat. Fog rolled over the swamp like breath, curling between the cypress roots.
Patch didn’t bother with pleasantries. “She tell you what really happened?”
McGuire nodded once. “Enough and what she didn’t say, the silence filled in for me.”
Patch leaned against the dock post, arms crossed, grateful McGuire allowed this conversation over the other. “That mission wasn’t meant to succeed.”
“No. It wasn’t.”
A long stillness stretched between them, filled only by the groan of wood and the distant cry of something in the reeds.
McGuire shifted first. “What’s your gut tell you about West? Do you think he’s clean?”
“I do,” Patch said. “If he wanted her gone, he wouldn’t have sent her in with a team. He would’ve sent a bullet on a busy street, masking it as something else. You know that’s what we would’ve done.”
McGuire nodded. “Still. Someone signed off on the false intel. Someone knew she’d take the bait. Someone high up, and not many people knew what was going down, like Vance.”
“I struggle with him too, but we’ve got to look into both of them without making waves or setting off alarms.” Patch’s jaw flexed. “She’s not just on the run. She’s in someone’s crosshairs.”
“I’m worried about doing too much digging. I’m afraid we’ll bring trouble right to our doors, and not only do we need to protect my sister, but we need to protect this organization. We need to protect Shadow Hounds.”
“I hear you.” Patch nodded. “Has Remy contacted Darius Ford in the Colorado branch? Booker told me he’s like a magician when it comes to all things tech. If anyone can figure out some of this without leaving tiny breadcrumbs, it’s him.”
“Remy said Darius would be in touch,” McGuire said. “His wife is also ex-FBI. She’s got some interesting contacts. Corbin Rivers over in the Yellowstone branch, his wife is ex-MI6. She’s going to look for chatter on foreign channels about this.”
“That’s casting a big net.” Patch sighed. “All the more reason to keep Savvy out here with me. If I need to, we can disappear up these waterways and only you and the team would know how to find us.”
McGuire waved his hand toward the door. “You still care about her.” It wasn’t framed as a question. It was an absolute statement.
“So, we are going to have this conversation,” Patch mumbled.
It had been years since they had it and it amazed Patch they'd successfully avoided it when the shit hit the fan with Riven. He wasn’t sure how it would go this time because nothing had changed.
Not one goddamn thing. Except maybe he was even more damaged.
“Yeah, we are,” McGuire said.
“Caring about Savvy is the easy part. I’ll never stop, but I can’t ever be with her. Not like you want me to be. Not like I wish I could be, especially not since Hannah or what went down with Langley. Those two things changed everything.”
That hung out in the mosquito-infested swamp for a hot second.
“Interesting that you’re bringing up two things that had nothing to do with you walking away from my sister five years ago.” McGuire tilted his head. “Those events were—”
“Yeah, twelve or so months ago, and the catalyst to what brought us here,” Patch said. “Your sister’s life is out there.” He waved his hand wildly. “Doing things and mine is… well… here. Doing this.”
“You’re not the same man you used to be.” McGuire gave a slow nod. “She’s not the same girl you knew back then.”
“I know, but all the more reason this conversation doesn’t even need to happen.”
“She doesn’t trust as easily. And she sure as hell doesn’t break easily.”
“I’ve always known that about her,” Patch said.
“But I did wound her when I walked away. I know that she can’t admit it.
I wish things were different. That I was different.
But even if I was the kind of man who could be with a woman for the long haul, Savvy wasn’t ready for that man five years ago.
If I hadn’t left when I did, because of the job that we all never speak of, she would have drop-kicked my ass out the door and don’t you try to tell me something different. ”
“You never gave her the chance to tell you otherwise.” McGuire shot his hand up.
“I understand why you broke up with Savvy. I also know she let you, but come on, you didn’t give her much of a choice.
You all but told her that you didn’t love her and were incapable of that kind of love.
Meanest thing I’ve ever seen you do. You’re damn lucky I forgave you. ”
“The only reason you did is because you didn’t believe I loved her.”
McGuire laughed. “No. I know you loved her. Probably still do. I forgave you because you were right about one thing.” He held up his finger.
“Savvy was twitchy about love back then. She was moving up the ranks in shadow covert ops—a man’s world—and she always felt like she had something to prove.
She thought being with you back then meant changing her career.
” McGuire pulled in his line, set his fishing pole down, and met Patch’s gaze dead-on.
“You never told her the details about that last mission before you dumped her. About those women and children who died.”
Patch closed his eyes, willing the memories to stay in the background.
That op had been cursed from the start. The carnage left behind had been the worst of Patch’s career.
It hadn’t just been the men who’d died while he’d tried like hell to save them, only to bring them home in body bags to their families.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the first time he’d done that—nor the last. But it had been the loss of civilian life that had him reeling.
The babies in the street… bleeding out… crying for their mamas.
He still had nightmares about them. It had fundamentally changed who he’d been.
It had taken a bite out of his humanity in such a way that giving himself to a woman… to Savvy… had become impossible.
Hannah’s death had only sealed that deal.
“Telling her would have only made her try to change how I viewed what happened,” Patch said softly. “It was too raw, and in some ways, it still is.”
“It changed all of us.” McGuire leaned forward. “But I never meant for you to give up on yourself, on my sister, or on the two of you together. You’re my best friend and she’s my sister. I love you both. What I worry about now is how that will affect you going forward.”
“It won’t. If anything, it will make me sharper because I’d die before I’d let anything happen to her.” Patch arched a brow. “If I weren’t in South America already, you would’ve begged Remy to send me, and don’t deny it.”
“I won’t.” McGuire scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “We need to find out who Jenkins was protecting—or who was using him. And we need to know who’s watching West.”
“Savvy’s not gonna sit still,” Patch said after a moment. “She’ll want to dig. She always does.”
“I’m counting on it,” McGuire said. “But I’m also counting on you keeping her in check, making sure she doesn’t go off the rails, trying to go it alone, or keeping me out of the loop. She’s done that before.”
Patch looked out over the water. The fog was rising now, thick and low, swallowing the dock.
“She can be sneaky. I’ve seen her do it.
Her job deals with things we don’t know about.
Secret agencies inside the agency, that we’ve worked for, but never admitted.
Now that we’re in this shadowy world the Brotherhood Protectors created, we’ve got our own network that might touch the fringes of that world, but even then, we have no idea what rogue operatives we’re dealing with and who’s behind it. ”
McGuire huffed. “I bet my sister knows more than she’s offered, and I hate to admit it, but you’re the only one she might confide in.”
They fell into silence again, watching the dark creep in.
Patch finally stood. “I’ll take good care of your sister. You know that.”
“I want to say something I shouldn’t.”
Patch snorted, glancing back at the cabin.
“Just because I care doesn’t mean I’m gonna go and do something crazy like act on it.
I’ll protect her. I’ll keep her alive. I’ll help you and everyone else find the mole who set her and her team up inside the CIA.
But what I won’t do is hurt your sister again. I’m not that man.”
McGuire stood and clapped a hand to his shoulder as he passed.
“I will hold you to that statement because when all is said and done, my little sister is going back to her life. She’s not living on the fringe, being a shadow, or a ghost, like we did for a year.
It killed me to cut ties, and it almost destroyed my relationship with Drew.
That’s still on shaky ground. Drew and Savvy don’t speak, but they weren’t speaking much before that.
The other men, they struggle too. Maybe a little less, but it wasn’t easy.
” McGuire held up his hand. “You might think you’re thriving out here, but the reality is you’re teetering somewhere between existence and being erased.
Sadly, I think you like it that way, and it breaks my heart.
But I won’t let you pull my sister into that hell. Savvy wouldn’t survive.”
Patch didn’t respond. He only hoped he could keep his promise because whatever Savvy wanted from him… he’d give her. He was too weak a man not to.