Paths Crossing, Ep. Three: Sam & Ty

Chapter 1

Trinity "Ty" Banks

~

San Francisco, California

April

"I'll be right back," I said with a fake smile aimed at the woman who was following me through the house.

"I have to take a quick call," I added. I held up my phone as if it was ringing, which it wasn't. I could see her stop in her tracks, and as soon as I had my back to her again, I pressed the numbers to call Jacob.

I was nauseous before I ever went there.

I had woken up not feeling right. But now my heart was pounding, and my head was light.

I felt overwhelmed and confused, and there was a sense of underlying dread.

I felt like my nervous system was going haywire, like this was representative of something bad happening in my body, something that would ultimately lead to my death.

My body felt like it was actually dying currently.

I held my phone to my ear weakly, feeling short of breath and praying that he would pick up. My back ached.

I kept walking, stepping outside onto the back porch.

The muscles of my back were tight, and so was my chest. The side of my neck was sore and tingling, like I could feel the hot blood rushing through my arteries.

I was not okay. Things were not right with my body.

This could end in a trip to the hospital.

If I went to the hospital, at least they could monitor me and make sure my heart was still working.

But it was my stomach, too. It could be an ulcer, and I heard if an ulcer got too bad, it might eat a hole right through my…

"Hello?"

He answered the phone, thank goodness.

"Hey, Jacob. What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm with Eddie. You knew that. We're going to get those shoes that just dropped. What's up?"

"I just need you to talk to me for a second. I wish I had some ice to put on the back of my neck. I'm at the luncheon, and I'm not feeling good right now."

He let out a breath of disappointment. "You were fine two hours ago, Ty."

"I know, but now they're asking me to say a few words about where the chapter's heading next year, and I wasn't expecting to…

I'm not prepared for that, Jacob. I've got my own stuff coming up, and I'm not thinking about where the chapter's heading.

People are here. People I need to impress.

If I fail, then… I don't know what. But, I don't know what to say, and at this point, I don't even feel well enough to do it.

I might actually need to go get checked out. "

I had absentmindedly gone to my car, and I sat down, starting it and turning the air conditioning on full blast, letting the cold air hit my face. I was sweating, and my mouth was so dry that I could hardly swallow.

"And my back hurts," I added. "You're over my speakers now. I'm in my car. Jacob? Are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," he said, sounding none too pleased.

"You sound mad."

"I'm not mad, I'm just… I have no idea what you're telling me."

"I'm panicking."

"I get that."

"I need your help."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I’m in the car with Eddie. I thought you were going to your big meeting. You were fine when I saw you two hours ago."

"I know that, Jacob, but when I arrived, Mrs. Lancaster told me that I was supposed to make some sort of speech about next year, and…

I don't know what to say. I came here thinking I didn't have responsibility, and now I'm…

my body feels like it's breaking. I don't know if I'd even be able to talk. "

"You're talking to me now."

"Barely," I said, feeling like it was the truth.

He let out a little laugh, and I imagined he thought I was being dramatic. "Your body's not breaking," he said in a frustrated tone.

"It feels like it is."

"What's breaking? What hurts?"

"My heart, and my stomach. My back and my neck. And my… I don't know… my nervous system? Something's not right in here."

"Listen to yourself, Ty."

"I am. It's bad."

"No, it's not. You can't even decide what hurts."

"It all hurts," I said. "You have no idea what I'm feeling like right now." Tears welled in my eyes, and I adjusted the air conditioning vents to aim at my face. "You're just mad at me about the series."

"No, I'm not. See? You're making that up. That has nothing to do with this."

"I can just tell you're frustrated."

"No, I'm not, Ty. You're the one calling me like this. I'm sitting here with Eddie in the parking lot of… You can just go in, dude. I'm going to be a minute."

"See? I can tell by the way you're talking to him that you're frustrated."

"I was not frustrated, Ty. I'm the one who answered my phone. I'm the one who's sitting in here talking to you right now instead of going inside with my friend."

"See! You're mad," I said because his tone was direct and serious.

"I’m not mad. You make that up when you're like this."

"I'm not like anything. My body is panicking, but my mind is fine. I can hear you, and I can tell that you don't want to be helping me out right now."

"What am I supposed to do?" he said, in a helpless, agitated tone.

"Nothing. I don't need anything. Just tell me I'm going to make it—that my body's going to live through this."

"You know you are. There's nothing wrong with your body, Ty. We've already been through this same thing twenty times."

His tone was unfriendly, and there were a few curse words to emphasize his growing impatience. He was obviously disappointed that I interrupted his day. I was not feeling well, and I wished he could feel what it was like inside my body. I was mad at him for not caring more.

But I felt my panic lifting somewhat. His words had soothed something inside of me.

Ultimately, he was right. I had been through this twenty times already.

And every time, I lived. Most of the time, I was as right as rain by the following day.

I assured myself that these bodily sensations, although extreme, were temporary.

"Why do you even get yourself in situations like this if you can't take it, Ty? I'm sorry, but you'd better think twice about going to Montana for that acting gig if you can't even handle saying a few words in front of some sorority women," he said.

I felt hot anger flood my body, an unwanted wave of it crashing over me. "That's the opposite of what I need to hear right now, Jacob," I said, trying to sound calmer than I felt.

"It's true, though. If the idea of saying a few words makes you this sick, just let someone else step up and be vice-president—just quit doing stuff like this where you have to get up in front of people."

My blood hummed, and hot waves of what felt like poison flooded my body.

My heart was pounding, and beads of sweat gathered on my forehead.

My body was short-circuiting. My nervous system was signaling my brain that something was on red alert.

I was coming apart at the seams, and his advice was to tell me to quit.

I wanted to go back to the part where he was telling me I would live and that I had done this before.

"You're so mean," I said, tears gathering in my eyes.

"What?" he asked in disbelief, like I had it all backwards.

"I don't need to hear that I should just give up on things, Jacob.

I'm already hurting as it is. I'm already having to do my best to pick myself up and go back in there and do this.

I don't need you to tell me I should give up.

I need the opposite of that. I need you to boost me up and tell me I can do it. "

"I already said that," he said defensively.

"You mean when I asked you to?" I said harshly.

"It's not that big of a deal to stand in front of those people and say a few words, Ty. That's what you wanted when you got yourself into leadership."

"It's like you keep blaming me instead of encouraging me," I said.

"How is this coming back to me and something I did wrong?" he said. "You're the one who called me. I was chillin' with Eddie."

"You were mad at me last night."

"No, I wasn't, Ty, you get like this when you're having your period.

You need to look at a calendar. I wasn't mad at you, I just said I didn't want you making out with that guy in a movie.

You told me there wasn't gonna be any making out when you agreed to this, and now he's grabbing your waist and making out. "

I felt a wave of nausea hit me again, and it was accompanied by anger. How could he be so selfish when I was dying and needing him over here? And then I replayed his words. You've been through this twenty times. You've been through this twenty times.

I glanced toward the house and saw my sorority sister peer out of the door and look around. I knew she was looking for me.

"Hey, I'll let you go. There's Anne Marie right here."

"Oh, so you can perk up now that your friend's right there," he said, sounding injured.

I let out a breath. My body was still buzzing with the feeling of panic, but it helped me to remember that I had been through all this before.

"I’m going back in there," I said, mustering up all my strength and trying to sound like a normal human being.

"Okay…" he said in a hesitant tone.

"What?" I said.

"Nothing, it's just that one minute you call me dying, and the next minute, you're fine."

"Jacob, I'm doing my best over here," I said, my body humming.

I couldn’t find the patience to reassure him when it was all I could do to keep myself from falling apart.

I hung up with Jacob and checked myself in the mirror so that I could head inside.

I felt angry and hurt. I resented the fact that I had called him for reassurance, and then I hung up feeling like he was mad at me.

In some way, though, his belittling my anxiety was what I needed.

It was silly of me to let this feeling stop me from taking care of things and living my life.

I took a deep breath, letting the air conditioner hit my face for another few seconds as I patted my forehead with a napkin that was in my console.

"You've done this twenty times," I said out loud, talking to myself as my body was going haywire inwardly.

I opened my car door, and it beeped at me, making me realize I hadn't turned off the ignition. Clumsily, I went through the motions of turning off my car and getting out of it.

"You've got this. Just improvise something.

No one expects you to say anything profound.

You're not wasting anyone's time. Who else would do it?

They obviously need you to do it, because no one else will.

" I mumbled all of these things out loud to myself as I made my way to the door.

I knew Anne Marie would be standing on the other side because she had seen me get out of my car, and she waved at me.

"Where were you?" she asked as soon as I opened the door.

"I had to take a phone call," I said, ignoring the buzzing, urgent feeling in my body. I knew it wasn't medical. I knew this feeling came upon me when the lady asked me to speak. But my back was aching so much, and so was my stomach.

"I told Mrs. Lancaster where I was going," I said to Anne Marie, trying to act normal.

"I know, but we're ready to get started in there, and they were waiting for you."

"I'm good," I said, even though she didn't ask that.

I walked with a determined stride. "I'm grabbing my purse, I'll meet you in the living room," I said, parting ways with her as we passed the entrance to the kitchen.

I wanted to have my purse near me. My thoughts were scattered.

I was consumed with noticing my medical state, but I knew I had to think of what I was going to say once it was my turn to speak.

I thought of a few events we had planned for the upcoming year, and I began to mentally organize ways to present details.

My body was not okay, but I was too stubborn to let anyone see that.

I sat down in my chair, looking as normal as I could manage.

I listened to what the others were saying, and I told myself they needed me. No one else at the meeting was saying anything of great substance. It all seemed like extra or unnecessary information, and I felt a certain duty to inform them of some of the things I knew were on the horizon.

Talking to the group ended up not being a big deal.

Ultimately, it felt like I was the best person in the room for the job.

I was clearer and more direct than our president, who was a senior and spoke for a long time about the dwindling supply budget for the social next month.

I left there feeling a lot better than I did when I called Jacob.