Chapter 8
I finally fell asleep, and fifteen minutes later, I woke up again, feeling the same way.
I did that about four times before deciding to wake up for the day.
It was the day I would be confronted with the option to kiss Sam. It was our first rehearsal for the egg scene, and Alex and some of the crew were going to be with us as we rehearsed.
I knew there was a kiss at the end of this scene, and Alex had already mentioned that Natalie would be on set today.
I was also supposed to get with her about hair and wardrobe so we could match exactly.
Cameron had sent me a text last night that said it wouldn’t be a big deal for rehearsal today, but that we had to be exact for the scene tomorrow.
I didn't think I was stressed about the whole thing, but apparently, I was because I woke up with my body full of unwanted anxiety symptoms.
I tried to concentrate on other things, but my mind kept going back to the egg scene.
I remembered the lines, and I imagined how it would all play out.
I knew the scene was important to Alex, and I had the lines and instructions fully committed to memory.
I had imagined Sam standing behind me while we said our lines to each other.
I had audio recordings of us reading it, so I even knew how long it would take us to deliver each line.
But it was impossible to know what it would feel like once we were standing next to each other.
I had imagined it a dozen different ways.
I thought I was excited about it and looking forward to it, which was why I was surprised that I woke up feeling full of panic.
My sister was still sleeping, and I tried to concentrate on my lines.
But the underlying feelings of dread kept making me think of things that could go wrong.
I did not look forward to telling them I could do the kissing scene after they had already made other arrangements. I also didn't want the other girl to kiss Sam. I wouldn't normally obsess about things like this but my body was in this chaotic state, and it made everything seem worrisome.
"What are you doing up?" my sister said.
"Thinking about that scene today," I answered. I glanced at her. "You're up before your alarm," I said.
"You're up before me," she said like that was the more amazing fact, which it was.
I sat up. "I was about to go for a walk."
"A walk?" she said, since that wasn't like me, especially early in the morning. "Are you nervous about that scene?"
"Yes, but I'm not scared to do it—I wasn't yesterday. I'm prepared. I know my lines."
"I know, you did so good when I read it with you last night."
"Yeah, but you were standing a foot away from me, and I have no idea what Sam's going to do—how it's going to feel."
"That's what rehearsals are for," she said.
I nodded. "I know. Technically, I know. My body just woke me up feeling nervous. I want to go for a walk to see if I can shake it off."
"I understand," she said sweetly.
"Do you want me to pray for you?"
"Sure."
"Do you want to come over here?' she asked.
"Do I have to? Can't you just pray in your mind? Do I have to be involved?"
"No, you don't. I just thought since you were nervous or whatever, you might want me to pray while you're listening."
"I'm good," I said, feeling antsy and disconnected with what she was saying. My body was acting up again, and I hated that it was happening. I thought I had my emotions under control going into filming this scene.
We had two days. We were supposed to rehearse and iron out any kinks today, and then we would film tomorrow.
Cameron had sent a message to everyone last night, listing the people who were supposed to report to work today at noon.
I had too much on my mind to think about praying.
I was thankful my sister wanted to do it for me, but I would leave that to her.
I got dressed and went outside for some fresh air.
"Samuel Allison," I said the instant I opened the door.
"Tylissa Banks," he said, not skipping a beat about calling me the wrong name. "What are you doing?" he added.
I easily responded with the truth. "I'm going on a walk."
"Where to?"
"Back to the creek," I said. "Do you want to come?"
"Will you come by the kitchen tent to get food and coffee with me first?"
I nodded, and Sam and I fell into stride next to each other. We walked for a few long seconds in silence, and then he was the first to speak. "How are you feeling about today?" he asked.
"Good. Nervous, but good. I know the scene's important to Alex, so I've been over it five hundred times."
He nodded. "Me too, I've worked on it a lot."
"It's the cooking that's going to be a challenge."
"Are you not confident with cooking eggs?"
"I am… I mean… I've made eggs before, and I practiced at home for this scene. I just want to look natural doing it, or like Chloe would do it, at least. I'm hoping I can concentrate on doing that and saying my lines."
"We'll be fine," he said.
"I'm helping you stir for some of it." He paused and looked at me as we walked.
I smiled at him, and my heart raced.
"I heard you're going back to L.A. next week," I said.
He nodded. "Promotional stuff for that movie."
"Do you have to do interviews and stuff?"
"No. It's not quite time for that yet. And I don't know if I'll be involved with that stuff, even when it happens. This is just a photoshoot for a bunch of promotional materials—posters and everything.
"You're going to be on a movie poster?"
"You probably will, too, for this."
"Really? Do we get a poster for a series? Where does that poster go?"
He smiled at me. "I don't actually know if we'll do a poster for this or not. I'm sure we'll do some promo photos, though. Everything's got to have a cover."
We reached the kitchen tent, and Sam held the door open for me. There were four other people inside, and we talked to them while we made our breakfast and coffee. Cameron walked into the tent a few minutes later, and she was all business, crossing to me instantly.
"Judd and I timed it with the dialogue, and you'll have to cook with the flame on the lowest setting. We might even make some kind of extender under the pot to hold it away from the flame so you guys can take your time."
"I practiced with a cast-iron skillet on low at my house," I said to her.
She nodded. "You'll be fine, and we'll figure it out." Cameron looked me over, lost in thought. She asked what socks I was wearing tomorrow with my costume, and Sam tugged on my shirt, pulling me away from her as she spoke.
"What? Where are you guys going?" she said, noticing us moving.
"For a walk," he said. "We were heading out before you came in. If you don't need anything else, we'll see you at rehearsal in a few hours."
She waved at us, and I followed Sam outside.
"How are you so brave?" I said to him.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, you just sort of backed away as she was talking. I would've stood there and taken notes all morning."
"Cam knows I love her. That's what rehearsal is for. We'll be taking notes from her all afternoon."
I was holding a paper cup full of coffee, and I followed Sam. He took a protein bar out of his pocket and offered it to me. I put my hand on it, but then I looked at him.
"What are you going to eat if I eat this?"
"I have another one of those in my pocket," he said. "And an Uncrustable."
I laughed as I took the bar from him and unwrapped it carefully while still holding my coffee. He did the same thing with the little round PB&J that was in his pocket, nimbly opening it and eating a third of it in one bite.
There was a lot to behold on the ranch, and we didn’t say much to each other during that first couple of minutes on the path. He had eaten the sandwich and most of the protein bar by the time I was finishing mine.
"Are you going for a run this morning?" I asked since I had seen him jogging before.
"No, Henry's dad has a little weight room in one of the cow barns."
"I've seen it," I said.
"I was going to stop by there, but I'm not in a hurry. I thought I'd walk with you a little if you're up for it."
"Yeah, that'd be great." I walked a few strides with him, feeling reluctant to say what was really on my mind. "Are you okay talking about the scene we're doing later?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Because you told Cameron we'd talk about it later."
"No, I'm fine talking about it. I just knew Cameron would keep us there all morning."
"Okay, well, I was wondering… when you come in the kitchen, you say, 'That's not how she makes the eggs'."
He nodded, agreeing with me.
"Then you say, 'they need to be scrambled.
' My question is, I'm imagining you sort of coming up behind me in that time.
I wasn't sure if you were going to help me start scrambling at that point.
I was thinking about it, and maybe it would be more believable if you help me scramble them a little bit before you say that next line.
I don't know. I might be overthinking it. "
"Yeah, Alex will tell us what to do, but I see what you're saying. I'm sure I'll say the line by the time I move up behind you and start helping you, but we'll figure it out."
"Yeah, I'm just trying to imagine it, the pacing, the timing."
"Once we start rolling with that dialogue, the whole exchange should only take a few minutes.
I'll come close to kissing you, and then we'll get interrupted by little Katherine, and we break apart.
Then I have that dialogue with her, and she and I leave the room.
That's when they'll cut, and you leave so I can kiss Natalie. "
I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to kiss Natalie.
I wanted to say that I could do that scene.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him.
But the words got stuck in my mouth. It was like my jaw turned to stone.
I was nervous and wound up, and there was just nothing I could do to make myself share that vulnerable piece of information.
I just nodded dumbly, pretending that I was thinking about the scene and agreeing with him.
"Yeah, it'll be good," I agreed vaguely. "Thanks for helping me out."
"Do you mean by kissing someone else?"
"Y-yeah, no, I was talking about helping me in general, but yeah, thanks for that. Thanks for being so understanding. I hope it's not weird for you." I clamped my mouth shut because I didn't know what I was saying or why I couldn't just come right out and admit that I could kiss him now.
I was in the middle of an internal debate, deciding if I wanted to tell him, and he said, "It's not awkward with Natalie. I like her. We did some practicing last night."
My head whipped around, and I choked when he said that. I took an unexpected gasp of air when I still had a bit of coffee in my mouth, and it went down the wrong pipe. Thankfully, I was able to clear my throat with a few coughs.
"I'm sorry," I said before clearing my throat again.
"I didn't mean to make you choke," he said.
"No, it wasn't you," I lied, glancing at him. "That was just coffee in my throat."
"I was just messing with you, anyway."
"Oh, you were messing with me? About rehearsing with the other girl? You were joking?" I tried to seem nonchalant, but I wasn't sure if it was working.
"Yes. I was joking. I've talked to her, but we haven't rehearsed anything."
I really wanted to tell him that I could film the scene, but I couldn't make myself say it. I was always an open and honest communicator, and it was odd that I couldn't just come out and say the words to him. Maybe it was because admitting it felt like admitting I wanted to kiss him, which I did.