Chapter 8
Ms. Donna handed me a tissue, and then she pulled me close and held onto me while I rested my head on her shoulder and cried.
They stood and sang a song at the end of the service, and I cried so much that I could hardly sing along.
I just leaned into Donna's shoulder, and she sang with her arm around me.
I tried to make myself stop crying, but the lyrics applied to me now, and I would feel waves of happiness and gratitude that I couldn't contain.
I didn't look at Henry or the others in the congregation, and I didn't care what they thought about me. I was at maximum happiness, and no thoughts of being judged could make that falter or change.
Church dismissed after the last song, and Donna and Hazel both hugged me and talked to me about the decision I had made. They were so happy and supportive, and it was such a life-changing moment that I cried some more while we were standing there.
I dried my eyes and got myself together as we left, and we started talking to other people. Henry told them all that I was here from out of town, and I thanked them for having me.
It was a whirlwind, and I left there feeling like I was in an altered version of reality.
The sky was bluer, and the trees were more beautiful.
I could appreciate my surroundings as a creation and not a coincidence.
I talked to Donna and Henry as we got into the truck and tried to act normal.
Even those basic tasks seemed different.
My life was different, honestly. I actually felt like my eternal fate had changed, and it made life feel different.
My perspective had shifted. I was changed.
Donna and Henry said something about me coming back to church whenever I'm in town again.
Henry didn't tell her I was starring in a series or that I would be back in a few months for an extended trip.
I didn't tell her either. I was thankful to be in the backseat, where no one could see me, because I was content to contemplate while I looked out at the mountains in the background.
Mountains would never be the same to me again.
We pulled into Miss Donna's driveway, and Henry told her he needed to get me back to the ranch so his mom wouldn't worry about me.
I got out, and Ms. Donna handed me her Bible. It was the one that she had carried with her the whole time. It was worn out—barely fitting in a zippered pouch with pins and bookmarks sticking out. She had highlighter marks all over it. I had seen her open it during church, and it was well-used.
"You take this," she said.
"Oh, no, I couldn't. Thank you, though, Ms. Donna. This is yours. I'll buy one just like it."
"No, you take this one," she said, insisting and pushing it toward me. "I've got it all broken in for you."
I glanced at Henry, and he seemed a little surprised, but he gave me a smile.
"Listen, baby, I've got other Bibles in the house, and I can't take that with me. What would make me feel the best right now is if you take that and use it."
"I'm not sure I know how to use it," I said honestly.
"You just open it and read," Henry said.
"That's exactly right," Donna agreed. "That's what I was about it say. Open it and read it."
I hugged her and promised I'd come see her the next time I was in town, and the next thing I knew, I was in the passenger's seat of Henry's truck, heading back to Deer Lodge.
I had Donna's Bible in my lap.
We rode in silence for a couple of minutes when we first got onto the road. It was different than the silence on the way to Butte. This time, I wasn't scared that Henry was mad at me. This time, the silence wasn't awkward at all. My heart was full, and my mind was swimming with thoughts.
"What in the world will I tell my sister?" I asked, marveling at the thought.
"What do you mean?"
"About this. About me. I mean, I feel like a completely different person. What do I tell her?"
"The truth, probably." He was so matter-of-fact with his answer that I just sat there for a minute, thinking.
I stared out the window, absentmindedly gazing at the horizon line and thinking about eternity. "Should I tell her something happened?"
He shrugged. "That's up to you. I think it's different for everybody. Thank goodness," he added.
"Thank goodness what?" I asked.
"Thank goodness about everything. That you went to the barn, and with me to Butte. That Donna made you go to church."
I smiled when I realized what he was saying. "I know, thank goodness," I said, dazedly.
"I'm stunned about the Bible," he added, thoughtfully. "That's a precious gift."
I felt an ache in my chest at his words.
"Nooo," I said instantly. The book was on my lap, in my hands, and I extended my left arm with it, handing it back to him like it was a hot potato and I was going to drop it.
"Don't tell me that. I didn't want her to give me this.
I think it's her favorite one. She has marks all over it.
I think it was an impulse decision. I'm not taking it if it's precious. "
"It is precious to her," he said, nodding. "But I also know she wants you to have it."
"What about her kids?"
He shook his head and shrugged like he didn't quite know what to say. "All I know is that Donna is a smart lady. She said she had other Bibles, and I'm sure that's the truth. She's sharp. She knows what she did. If she regrets it, she'll tell me, and I'll get it back from you."
I had been holding it between us that whole time, and I pulled it back when he said that.
"Will you? You promise? You should even tell her I'd be happy to borrow it for a week and give it right back to her. I can just leave it with your mom… or mail it back, overnight."
He glanced at me when I said that. He seemed thankful that I would be sweet to Donna.
He took up for her, and that made him even more attractive.
(If that was even possible.) The guy looked like a male model, for goodness sake.
He was a rough-natured cowboy with the face of the men I saw on billboards and ads back home in California.
"How is a college student able to have a dog? I guess you don't live in the dorms."
"No, we don't. Our dad bought a house. It's a duplex.
There are two apartments upstairs, but Ty and I have the lower part.
And PJ, of course. It's in San Francisco, so our yard's not huge, but we do have some grass.
There's a gorgeous park near our house, and the weather's always nice in San Francisco.
I take him on walks, and there's a playground where we go and do training… similar to the place I'd like to open."
"How much time do you get to spend with him?"
"I'm at school full-time, but the house is near campus, and I get to come home between classes. We spend a ton of time together, actually. And he's only two, so he has a lot of energy. That's how we found Disc Dog."
"Is that just training him to catch a frisbee?"
"Yeah, but it's got certain tricks—jumps and turns. People find it entertaining. We have whole routines that are choreographed. I know that probably sounds cheesy."
"No," he said, sweetly. "What's he look like? I know you said he had short hair. What's his coloring?"
"Blue merle tri. He's tri-colored, brown, and white, but the third color is blue merle. That's all over his back. Can you picture it?" I asked when he tilted his head.
"Merle is blue and black speckled, right?"
"Yes," I agreed.
"So, he's got four colors."
"Yes, he's a four-colored tri," I said, laughing at the irony. "He's as blotchy and speckly as they come, too—even covering his face. I tell him all the time that he's too much of a party animal and he needs to tone it down and get his markings under control."
"I bet he's pretty."
"He really is," I agreed longingly. "I miss him.
We spend a ton of time together. His fur's really short for an Aussie.
His parents were both full Aussies, supposedly, but he and his littermate both came out with short hair.
I'm convinced they were mixed. I have a photo.
" I had my phone in my pocket, and I flashed the background screen to him.
He wasn't speeding, and the road was deserted, so he glanced with no problem.
"He's a great-looking dog," Henry said. He wasn't the type of guy to flatter, and the genuine compliment made me blush.
I continued the conversation with Henry. I was saying things I would normally say, but I felt different. I was relatively sure I still wanted to work with dogs and go on with my life as planned, but I was occupied with other thoughts.
We talked more about my school and his horses.
We asked each other questions and shared training philosophies and approaches.
We talked about chess a little, too, but that conversation got cut short because we arrived suddenly back at the ranch.
Henry took a back way onto the property, and Josh was standing by the barn, waving at us, waiting for us.
Henry rolled down his window to talk to him.
"Hey, I'll be back. I'm going to drop Amelia off with my mom."
"I'm supposed to do that," Josh said. "I'll take her from here. Your mom left a note. She said she tried to text you."
"I haven't looked at my phone," Henry said.
Josh made a face at that, but I didn't think much of it. I was simply relieved that he was no longer mad at me, and I could come back here in a few months and have good connections and relationships.
"Where's my sister?" I asked, looking at Josh since he seemed to know.
"The long barn. She's with the new mama cows. Mrs. Sutter's over there with her. I'll take you over."
"Is there any chance we get to ride the horses over there?" I asked, hopefully.
Josh flinched thoughtfully, like he wasn't expecting me to ask that. "I hadn't thought about…" He glanced at Henry, who gave him a little nod. "Yeah, I was going to take you in the Gator, but we can saddle up Sunday and Snowball," he said.
"You can let her take Elanor," Henry said.
I beamed at them and reached to open the door of the truck. I had been occupied with other things, and it took a second for me to get back to the reality of this being our last full day on the ranch.
My poor sister was doing the experience without me.
And now, I was adding a horseback ride to the list of things I was doing without her.
Not that she would want to do it. Either way, I felt a wave of guilt.
There was nothing I could do now since I had already asked about it.
I wasn't going to say 'never mind about taking the horses'.
I might as well enjoy it. I told myself to relax and enjoy God's creation.
I started to get out, but I paused and looked at Henry.
"Thank you," I said.
"Thank… you," he said in a tone that was hesitant and sincere.
"Can I leave this on your desk and come back for it when I'm done later? I won't go to the stalls." I was holding the Bible, and nudged toward him, but he didn't look at it. He just held eye contact with me.
"Of course," he said.
I smiled and closed the door, going with Josh to meet my sister.