Chapter 11
"All bets really are off," Henry said, confidently, staring me from close proximity, crowding my space.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"You're the one who said it," he said.
I grinned at him and giggled a little when I realized he was right. "I don't know what I mean by it. All bets are off. You know, like the phrase. I've just always wanted to say it. It sounds good, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it's fine, but surely you meant something," he said. His voice was deep, and I could hardly take in what he was saying because he was mesmerizing.
"I don't know what it means. I've just always wanted to say it."
"Okay, never mind."
My stomach flipped when he said that. "Never mind what?" I said.
"I thought you were giving me some kind of permission," he said, shaking his head and looking away.
His living room was inviting, and I leaned against the built-in bookshelf that lined one wall. "Permission for what?" I asked innocently.
Henry shrugged and shook his head, still looking away. We were both flirting even though we were being vague. "I just thought that all bets are off meant you were okay with mistakes being made," he said.
I squinted at him when he said that.
"What's that face for?" he asked.
"Because I wouldn't consider what I'm thinking to be a mistake."
He took a step closer to me, looking at me with an appraising stare. "Are we talking about the same thing?" he asked in a low tone.
I was nervous, but I gave him a casual shrug. "I don't know," I said. "You just said it would be a mistake for anything to happen with us."
"I didn't mean that," he said. "How about a movie?" he added with a little gesture toward the couch.
"I thought you'd never ask," I said, smiling and trying not to seem disappointed that we were changing the subject.
What was I hoping for? That he would kiss me?
Of course, that was what I thought was going to happen.
How could he so casually ask if I wanted to watch a movie?
I pretended that it was completely normal for us to watch a movie at that moment instead of kissing passionately.
He had a comfortable grey couch lining two walls in his small living room.
It was one of those you could nap on—one that was as deep as a twin bed with overstuffed pillows lining the back and sides.
Henry sat down first, and I sat down next to him.
I wasn't brave enough to touch him in any way, but I sat fairly close.
The couch was gigantic, and it would have been obvious if I had sat close enough to touch him.
I left a few inches between us. We faced each other and talked about starting an action movie from the nineties about bank robbers.
I did not care what we watched. I was in a strange place, having something more than normal feelings, and Henry's presence felt like an anchor.
I didn't care what movie was playing on the television, just so he was next to me.
I hardly heard any of the dialogue from the movie for all the thinking I was doing.
It was about thirty minutes in when Henry looked at me. I looked his way, and he paused the movie.
"Are you hungry?" he asked.
"Are you?"
"I could eat," he said with a nod.
"Me too."
"All I have here is simple stuff. Sandwich stuff or a few frozen things."
"I don't mind a sandwich."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"I could buy some other food if you want to eat out."
I repositioned next to him on the couch so I could get a better look at him as we spoke.
I kept my poker face, but it was difficult because I was caught off guard by all the attraction, and I wanted to mention how beautiful it was.
It was actually flawless, and I could easily get caught staring at him.
"I'm fine with a sandwich," I said, not wanting to leave the house.
"Let's go look in my fridge, and if you change your mind, we'll get some take-out."
Henry had plenty of things to make a turkey sandwich—complete with condiments and chips, which made for a perfect dinner.
I never had much of an appetite when I was traveling, anyway, so the light meal hit the spot.
We stood in the kitchen to eat, and we shared a good conversation about Donna that made me feel closure.
I was so happy that Henry was there and he was available to hang out.
I had wished for this sort of outcome with my trip, but I dared not hope it would actually happen.
I hadn't talked to him since my last trip, and this result was sort of a best-case scenario for me.
I liked Henry. I had myself worked up thinking he must've found someone by now, but it didn't seem that way.
He was looking at me in a certain type of way.
I was almost certain he wouldn't be doing that if he had someone else. I hoped he didn't.
He had some cookies, and we each ate one after dinner. His mom had overbaked for the funeral so that she could send some home with Henry. They were delicious chocolate cookies that I had the last time I was at her house.
"That was amazing, thank you, I'd rather have that meal than a restaurant right now."
"Yeah, it was good," he agreed.
"Do you want to finish the movie?" I asked.
He smiled and nodded at me, and we went back over to the couch.
Henry took up the whole corner of it, and I sat next to him, but again, not close enough to touch him.
The remote was resting on the arm of the couch, and he found it and played the movie.
I grabbed a pillow and snuggled into the back of the couch, being careful not to brush against him.
I was desperate to touch him, but I was way too stubborn and old-fashioned to make the first move.
Henry turned over his hand, holding his palm up, extended between us.
What was he doing? What was he offering me?
My eyes snapped up to meet his, and he grinned at me but didn't move his hand. "What's this?" I said.
"That's for you to hold."
I felt weak and wanton. My insides felt as if they were made of warm liquid as I reached out and put my hand in his.
His skin was warm and work-worn, and I felt all sorts of bodily sensations when I touched it.
I glanced up to meet his eyes again, and he smiled at me before adjusting the grasp he had on me, pulling me a little closer.
He was so casual and calm about touching me that I felt like it was natural.
I reclined next to him, getting situated with my hand in his.
For goodness sake, I was barely touching him, and my body was buzzing out of control.
We were only holding hands. And yet waves of heat and desire raced through me like a wildfire at the feel of his skin on mine.
Paying attention to the movie came second to noticing the how he made me feel.
Heck, the movie was way down on the list. Was there even a movie playing?
Henry's hand was big and perfect, and holding it gave me all sorts of feelings.
It was warm in his house, but it was February, and I was prone to shiver. I did my best to control a set of shivers that came over me at the thought of being cold and nervous at the same time.
"Are you cold? Grab a blanket," he said. He let go of my hand and gestured to a white throw blanket that was on the couch next to me. I leaned away from him so that I could reach it, and I spread it over my legs and chest when I got settled again.
Henry didn't hold my hand this time. Instead, he put his arm all the way around me, pulling me to him, holding me closer. I wasn't surprised by it. I wanted it to happen. I made it easy on him, leaning into him comfortably, resting next to him.
We finished that movie and then decided to put on another one. I got up to use the restroom and get something to drink while Henry chose a second movie.
He met me in the kitchen when we finished. He offered me a can of ginger ale that was in the fridge, and I opened it and took a sip of it.
"Do you want some?" I asked, holding it out to him. He took it from me and drained a third of the can in one sip, causing me to smile when he handed it back to me. I set it down, and he came to stand in front of me.
"What did you pick?" I asked, staring at his chest and wishing with all my might that he would kiss me.
"James Bond, but we can put on something else if you want. I just picked anything. I don't really care what we watch."
"I don't either," I said. "I’m spacing out, just being comfortable being next to you. It's the best ending I could think of for this day."
"I could think of something that could go better," he said.
"Me too, but I'm afraid if that happens, it'll be over."
"You think if it happens, it's over?" he said, sounding confused.
I nodded, and he squinted at me.
"Are we thinking about the same thing?"
I shrugged. "I hope we are. That's twice I've wondered if we're thinking the same thing. We keep talking about some mysterious event that never actually happens."
He kissed me.
We were standing in the kitchen, and without another word, Henry leaned in and placed his mouth on mine.
I whimpered instantly. I had been wanting him to do it so badly that the sound was involuntary.
He let his lips soften on mine, and then his mouth was open, and I felt the wetness of his tongue.
I leaned into him, holding onto him, taking handfuls of his t-shirt in my fists. I desperately wanted him closer.
A few minutes passed, and new passion was clearly given from both sides. Henry held me tightly and kissed me thoroughly. He left me breathless. I whimpered again when he pulled away. We were both breathing heavily. He wiped the edge of his mouth, and I did the same.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"For what?"
"I should have gone slower."
"I never said that," I said.
He paused and stared at me. It was a thoughtful pause, and he was still touching me, his big arms wrapped around me. "Do you want to watch the movie?" he asked.
"Or we can just have the movie on in the background."
He grinned mischievously at me. "While what?"
I shrugged. "While we hang out."
Henry took off, heading toward the couch and pulling me along with him. He held onto my hand, and I smiled and felt sharp pangs of anticipation as I followed him.
The movie was playing, but it was turned down low enough that I had no clue what they were saying.
I did not care about that movie. It could have been anything on the television.
I was oblivious. All I saw from it was the moving light as it changed across Henry's face.
I was half way on his lap and he held onto me.
I went to him. relishing in the fact that he was in a hurry to get closer to me.
I situated myself comfortably next to him.
I was holding him, and he was holding me, and it was quite honestly the most lovely, natural position my body had ever been in.
I felt alive with all sorts of sensations I had never felt before.
We talked some, but within minutes, we were kissing deeply again.
He held onto me and kissed me with tender passion that made me feel like I wanted to melt.
The kiss kept changing. It would go from light to deep, from torturously soft to demanding.
All of it was glorious and gut-wrenching.
I let Henry control those moments, and before I knew it the movie was over, and he was pulling back and resituating.
The credits were rolling, and he turned it off with the remote.
I resituated, coming to my senses, straightening my hair, and taking a deep, calming breath. How had so much time passed? It had felt like seconds.
"You're beautiful," he said.
I reached out for his hand, and he pulled me in and kissed me again.
His mouth was on mine, and it was soft and playful this time. He was smiling. He had been kissing me for two hours, and it was so magical and new that this one right now felt like the first time it had ever happened. I smiled and touched his face, loving the feel of his lips—the taste of them.
"You're beautiful," I said to him.
He reached up and touched the hair that was near my temple. "This time you really are coming back in a couple of months," he said. "Alex promised. No surprises. He told me the money's in the bank, so nothing can go wrong."
"Yeah, it seems like we're all set for starting in May."
"That's just a few months," he said again, as if to assure himself.
"Yeah, two and a half. I'll be back really soon."
"I still feel like that's a long time. I think I might miss you."
I loved that it felt long to him. "I think I might miss you, too," I said, trying to play it cool.
Henry and I held onto each other tightly, like neither of us could bear to let the other one go.
We were up until the middle of the night, talking and kissing and holding onto each other. In those moments, it felt real, what we had. It felt like love. I knew it was early to say that, but it really did feel like love.
It was one of the best nights of my whole life.