Chapter 7
Chicago rehearsals were like nothing I had ever experienced.
It was more than just learning lines. I was getting to know eighty new people.
There was choreography, staging scenes, blocking, and notes.
There were costumes, set pieces, and other things I had to help with that weren't part of my character's role.
Every time we got together to rehearse, it was like I went through a small tornado of overwhelming movement and information, and then got spit out on the other side feeling exhausted but slightly more prepared for the show to happen.
For the most part, everyone was great to be around. There were a few people who I was pretty sure talked about me behind my back, but really, there wasn't much of that, considering that it was perceived by some to be a competitive environment.
I was too busy and in over my head to let other people affect me.
That was another good thing about my decision to put Luna and ultimately God before me in life.
I gave less and less thought to the actions and reactions of those around me.
I was able to be myself, and mostly everyone at the theater was kind and welcoming to me even though I was literally the only person in the cast who had never done a show.
Rehearsals were somewhat open. There had been different people in and out in the past weeks, watching us and talking to the crew.
I ran it past Collin to see if my sister and Alex could come by since they weren't sure if they would make it back to town for the show.
Collin and I got along great, and he easily agreed to them coming, just like I knew he would.
Josie and Alex had sat through the whole thing.
We were rehearsing in the gymnasium of that same high school, and they sat in the bleachers the whole time.
I was happy that we got to rehearse the scene I was in.
It didn't always happen that way, and I was thankful that Collin had it on the schedule for the day.
Josie and Alex drove their rental car because they weren't sure if they would stay the whole time.
I met up with them in the lobby, and we talked about eating dinner somewhere before we went home.
Collin overheard us and invited himself.
He was a cool guy and a great director, so I felt honored by his self-invitation, and I eagerly agreed that he should join us.
We went to a brick oven pizza restaurant.
I tried not to bother him with talking too much about the play, but we ended up talking about it quite a bit at dinner.
My sister and Alex were both impressed by the rehearsal, and they had their fair share of questions for him as well.
Collin was an interesting guy, and he and Alex got along famously.
We ended up talking about seeing Ash's band at Pub Station, and Collin came with us. Ash had left my name at the door along with Alex and Josie's. But Collin knew a couple of people who worked there, and he made one phone call from the pizza place and got his name added to the list.
We went back to my house for a little while before heading to the venue.
Collin came with us for all of it. He was fun and easy to be around, and he was a talented actor, so he and Alex had a lot to talk about.
From the outside, the whole thing looked a bit like a double date, but it wasn't like that.
Alex and Josie were on a single date, and Collin and I were just two humans who happened to be hanging out with them.
We arrived at the venue at eight-thirty because the show started at nine.
But there was an opening band, and Ash's band wouldn't go on until ten.
I had been up since five in the morning, and I had been working hard all day and doing things that required my thought and attention.
It was a full, exhausting day, and I was a bit delirious that evening.
I drank a cup of coffee when we got to the venue at eight-thirty and learned there would be an opener.
I was feeling more awake by the time they were halfway through their set.
There weren't a whole lot of people when we arrived, but by nine-thirty the place was packed.
It was standing room only on the dance floor, but there were rows of tables against each wall, and the four of us were sitting at one of them.
I had been able to see the stage just fine from our spot at first, but now there were hundreds of people between us and the stage, and suddenly my view was obstructed.
I wished I was on the first row. If I was going to take the time to be there, at least I wanted to have a good view of the stage and Ash.
I was a front row type of girl, and it was hard to sit back at the table when I knew I could be standing so much closer.
But at the same time, I was exhausted from the day and I felt comfortable looking out at the room with my back to a wall.
"I'm going to use the restroom," I said while the opening band was wrapping up their set.
Josie said she was going to come with me, and the two of us made our way across the room.
It was crowded, and I realized they had all come to see Ash.
Some were there for the opening band, but the majority of the crowd had come to see Ash's band.
I tried not to have feelings about that or feelings for Ash in general, but it was difficult.
I was an art lover from way back. The main reason I had tried out for Chicago was that I loved and respected the art of performance so much.
Ash was basically my kryptonite—gorgeous and musically talented.
Maybe that was every girl's kryptonite. Judging from the crowd, I wasn't alone.
There were plenty of females in the crowd who had on t-shirts with the name of Ash's band.
I was delirious from my day, and crossing the crowd with all those facts and all the emotions was surreal.
My sister was waiting for me near the sinks when I got finished in the bathroom stall. She was standing against the wall, scrolling on her phone.
"Alex said to check your phone," she said to me. The words were simple and in plain English, and I still blinked and stuttered and didn't comprehend. "Wh-what? Me?"
"Yeah, Alex texted me, and it says, 'tell Audrey to check her phone'."
I quickly finished washing and drying my hands and pulled my phone out of my purse, all the while wearing a slightly worried expression, wondering what could possibly be the matter. Obviously, I thought of Luna.
I opened my phone to see that I had four texts, and three of them were from the same person. Ash.
Ash:
Hey, are you here? Come backstage.
Then fifteen minutes later…
Ash:
Hey, I can see you! Thanks for coming. Come to the back!!
Then, two minutes ago, a third one came in.
Ash:
If I don't get to see you before the show, please stay and see me after.
It was an hour ago when the first text came in, and I felt terrible that I was just seeing them.
I typed back immediately, but I figured it was too late. I apologized for not seeing the texts sooner and told him good luck with the show.
He did not need it.
Ash was an artist, and performing music was his medium.
The lyrics and vocals were mesmerizing. He was vulnerable and emboldened in equal measures, and as an audience member, you felt something when watching him.
I wasn't alone in that. The audience was collectively wrapped around his finger.
He sang about love and loss and all sorts of other things.
If my mother were here, she would say that Ash could sing the names in a phone book and it would sound good.
He worked the microphone, and he worked the stage, and hundreds of women clamored for him and cheered when each song ended.
I had heard them all before. I had listened to every album he had available, and I knew them all.
His band members were talented, too. The whole experience was remarkable. I had seen him perform folk songs, but this was different with the lights and the bass. The vocals were different, too. The show was captivating, and the four of us sitting at the table hardly talked to each other at all.
Ash announced that they had a couple more songs for us, and the crowd made noises of disapproval like they didn't want it to be over.
The next song he sang was one I didn't recognize.
It was a ballad, and the lyrics of the chorus said something about pulling him like gravity and how this woman had her own little moon.
I was sensitive to the word moon because of Luna's name, and the first time he sang it, I tuned in to the lyrics and started really listening.
It was vague and poetic, but there was a woman in the song, and I could easily put myself in her place.
I gazed at him and dreamed that the lyrics were about me and the song was for me.
It was easy to do with the line about the little moon.
Maybe every woman could imagine herself in the lyrics of his songs.
But I had a little moon of my own, so I was especially hot and bothered as he sang this one.
His voice was raspy and sweet, and my chest ached with the feeling of wishing it was written for me.
The crowd applauded when he finished, and I was glad no one was looking at me because my eyes were watering.
There was no reason for me to cry—I was simply touched by the music, and it was impossible to hold back the tears.
I yelled out, a call of approval as I cheered.
It was something I had done several times already during their set, so my sister didn’t think twice about it.
Cheering just gave me an excuse to do something besides cry.
I dug in my purse for gum after that, and Ash started talking.
"Thank you so much," he said into the mic.
I still dug in my purse.
"That one was brand new. I can't believe some of you were singing it with me. You guys are amazing."
"We love you!" someone yelled in the crowd.
Of course, it was a woman.
"I love you, too," Ash said, smiling and causing the crowd to cheer again.
Goodness. I was overheating. I needed to fan my face. I casually tugged on my shirt a few times, looking around, smiling, and hoping my sister didn't notice.
The band played another song, and then Ash thanked everyone for coming out. They went backstage, but the crowd cheered so loudly that they played an encore.
It was past midnight when they finished, and I was completely spent, but I hardly felt it. The thrill and adrenaline from being there and watching the show were still present within me.
"Ash had said something about sticking around to talk to him, but I know he'll be busy, so I might just go ahead and leave."
I was nearly yelling at my sister, even though the music had stopped. There was still some music coming over the speakers, and there was a lot of noise around us, but mostly I spoke loudly because my ears were ringing.
"We can all go back there if you want," Collin said, looking confident as he glanced toward the stage. "Allie's working back there tonight. She can get us back there if you want to see your friend."
I glanced at the stage. A lot of people were leaving, but there was still a big group in that area. The drummer and a few other people were on stage, starting to tear down equipment.
"It's okay," I said, shaking my head. "They're busy, and it's late. Let me just text Ash before we go and tell him good job."
I took out my phone, and I tried to contain a smile when I realized I had another text from him.