Chapter 16 #2
“You did look like a deer caught in headlights at the gala,” I confess. “But I can understand where you’re coming from. There’s a lot of fear associated with confrontations. Never knowing how the other person will react, and how it will impact your life moving forward. So I get it.”
“I hate it,” Jamie blurts out, seemingly surprised at his own words.
“It’s kind of dishonest. I don’t like playing a role.
I hate feeling like I need to be perfect.
Like the team depends on me, and a leader can’t be a human being who makes mistakes.
The stupid shit they’re making me do because of the coach’s niece Saturday night is frustrating. ”
“What do you mean? What are they making you do?”
He exhales in frustration. “Media stuff. I got roped into coaching a peewee football team for the summer, and attending more events than I’d been tasked with for the summer. Personally escorting VIPs. Stupid stuff.”
“All because a woman had too much to drink and caused a scene?” I ask, flabbergasted.
“Yup. Evidently, I was supposed to control her every move, including policing every drop of liquid she put into her mouth. I was basically forced into taking her, and now I’m forced into all kinds of other shit because of her behavior.”
“That’s absurd!” I shout, and Flash barks in agreement. “If you hate my parents, can I hate your coaches?”
“Sure,” he says with a chuckle.
“I can’t believe you’re being penalized for someone else’s decisions. It’s one thing to try and teach a child this way, but grown adults? It makes me assume your date —”
“Not my date.” Jamie’s interruption is quick, and I bite my lip to keep from smiling. “I see that grin trying to pop out, Doc. It’s okay. You can be excited or relieved that it was absolutely not a date.”
I grin. “It’s not like I have a claim on you, so if it was a date, I wouldn’t have any reason to be truly upset.”
“While we may not have discussed logistics of our situation yet, I feel like maybe we should have a few ground rules,” he says, his face serious.
“Alright.” I stare at him, waiting for him to start, while he seems to be waiting for me. “Jamie, I don’t know what rules we should set up. My dating history is pretty sparse, so I think you have to take the lead here.”
His eyes widen. “Oh. I wasn’t insinuating — I mean, I didn’t think — crap.”
I drop my hands into my lap, turning my napkin until a sharp point forms, and I rub it against the pads of my fingers.
It’s a weird stim I started in high school, and it helps to calm me.
Right now, my nerves are through the roof.
I’m debating on how I need to go about asking him some questions, when he suddenly blurts out, “I don’t fucking share. ”
“What?” I ask with a laugh.
“Exclusivity. That’s what I mean. If we’re dating, then it’s just us. I don’t want to hear or see you with someone else.”
“Well, I’m fine with that, because I did see you with someone else, and it really sucked. So I’m fine with being exclusive. What’s next?” I’m absolutely delighted by the first rule. “Oh. Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?”
He smiles. “Yeah, Aud. It means I’m your boyfriend.”
I’m giddy with happiness as I reply, “I’m glad. Next rule?”
Jamie’s brow furrows with concentration.
I can see the wheels turning as he attempts to work out what he wants to say, and I patiently wait.
Everything he’s said leads me to believe he’s very nervous about saying the wrong thing in all aspects of his life, and until he’s feeling more confident to say whatever he wants in my presence, I’ll give him the space he needs.
“As our relationship becomes more physical,” he finally says, clearing his throat as his eyes dance between the wall behind me and the floor under our feet, “I think we should both commit to being honest with each other. If we’re uncomfortable with something, we need to have a safe space for that.”
“I don’t like kissing after oral. For either of us. It’s just … gross,” I confess with a grimace. My sexual history is nothing to write home about, but I’ve had sex. Kissing a man after he’s had his mouth on my vagina is such a turn off.
“Honestly, I don’t like it either,” Jamie says with a lighthearted laugh. His eyes meet mine, and I see a confident sparkle in them. “I have a problem with eye contact.”
“In that you want me to keep my eyes closed?”
“No, I want them open. It helps to ground me, believe it or not. I want to be in every moment with you, and know you’re feeling the same as me. I need to know that you feel it all.”
The temperature in the room seems to have risen a good ten degrees. “I ca — I can do that. You may have to remind me to keep them open on occasion, though. I imagine I’ll close them when something feels really good. Or if I’m about to … to …”
“To come?” he supplies, his eyes suddenly hooded. “How do you feel about dirty talk? Or any conversation at all during sex?”
Holy hell. “I’ve never experienced it, so I don’t know if I’m for or against it.”
“If I were to experiment with some things, do you promise you’ll tell me if you don’t like it?” he asks, and I nod eagerly. “Good girl.”
I whimper, and he smiles wolfishly. Only moments ago, Jamie couldn’t look me in the eyes while we started this discussion, and now he’s done a complete one-eighty. Confidence in spades, and he’s exuding alpha male energy. “This is not what I expected from dinner.”
“From dinner, or from me?” he asks.
“Both, I guess? You seemed to flip a switch a few minutes ago, and it surprised me a little.”
Jamie scoots his chair closer to me, so my legs are between his.
He squeezes his knees together, effectively trapping me, and puts both hands on my thighs.
I’m glad I’m wearing jeans, because goosebumps are erupting up and down my legs.
“There’s a lot in life that I’m not comfortable doing, Doc.
I don’t like talking in front of crowds, and I hate when people I don’t know try to hug me.
I know what I’m doing in bed, and I’m not afraid to tell you that.
Maybe that makes me a cocky motherfucker, but I doubt you’ll complain about it after I make you come a few times. ”
“Jesus,” I breathe. This is so completely unexpected, but I’m not complaining.
With only his hands on my legs, I’m more turned on now than I think I’ve ever been.
But I’m also overwhelmed, self-conscious, and unsure.
“This is a lot for me to process. I’m not sure if I’m ready for all of that just yet. ”
“I’d never expect you to do something you aren’t completely ready for, but I’m really glad you know you can trust me enough to tell me when you’re feeling overwhelmed. I like to take the lead in the bedroom, but I also know this is a partnership. I always want you to feel comfortable.”
“Okay,” I whisper, my head dropping as I look at his hands. I watch as he lifts one to grab my chin between his thumb and forefinger, raising it up so he can see my eyes again.
“Is it alright if I kiss you?” he asks quietly, and I nod. He gives me a relieved smile as he pulls me closer, pressing his lips gently to mine. It’s soft and sweet, and very unlike our first kiss. It’s romantic, but I can tell he’s holding back, as if he’s scared I might get spooked.
Our first kiss rocked me to my core. It was passion personified, and I didn’t feel like I could get close enough to him.
I wanted to wrap myself around Jamie’s body.
Cover him in my scent. Make him forget that any other woman ever existed before me.
While tonight’s kiss is sweet, it doesn’t feel like Jamie.
The collected and calculated quarterback isn’t the Jamie I’m falling for, and I want to experience him losing a little bit more control.
While his lips move carefully over mine, I rest my hands on his knees, pushing to a standing position. Jamie breaks off the kiss to look up at me. “What are you doing?”
With Jamie still sitting, I’m not that much taller than him, but I revel in the feeling of him looking up at me. I let a hand drift through his hair, allowing my fingernails to scratch along his scalp, and his eyes flutter closed.
“Eyes on me,” I command, though my voice waivers slightly. His eyes pop open, pupils blown out with lust, as he watches me through hooded lids. “I — I think I need eye contact too.”
Jamie’s hands find my waist, sliding around to cup my ass, as he pulls me closer to his body. “Absolutely love that, baby.”
Oh my. I’ve never been called baby before.
I had a brief boyfriend in college who called me babe, and a guy I dated after vet school who called me hun.
I hated both nicknames, but, like Jamie, I was never comfortable with confrontation, and didn’t tell either man my feelings.
But baby? I’m so here for this. Somehow, it gives me a boost of confidence to say what I’m thinking. “Kiss me like you really mean it.”
He gives me a confused look, shaking his head. “What do you mean? I did kiss you like I meant it.”
“No, you kissed me how you thought I wanted to be kissed. You figured I was overwhelmed, so you dialed it down a bunch. I don’t want quarterback Jamie, the one who says what everyone expects, and does what everyone wants. I want my Jamie.”
“Fuck me,” he says hoarsely, yanking me against his body as he crashes his lips to mine.
As he thrusts his tongue into my mouth, he stands, unexpectedly picking me up, and I shriek against him.
He manhandles me so my legs are wrapped around his waist, then sets off down the hall and into my bedroom.
I’m tossed unceremoniously onto my bed with Jamie following me a split second later.
I gasp when his length hits my core perfectly, then immediately moan when he reaches a hand up to wind my hair around his fist, pulling it at just the right amount of tension.
He breaks off the kiss to slide his tongue down my neck, briefly nibbling on my collarbone, before sucking on my pulse point. “You’re so fucking sexy, Audrey.”
I’m about to reciprocate the compliment, when multiple things happen simultaneously: Jamie’s phone rings, Flash begins to bark incessantly, and my quintuplet of guinea pigs screech horrifyingly loudly.
Jamie raises his head to look at me, a look of disbelief on his gorgeous face.
“Can’t say I’ve ever been cockblocked by a guinea pig before, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. ”