19 | Samaj #2
Her eyebrows lifted. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not getting into anything serious. My head’s somewhere else. My heart too. I’m okay being… heartless for now.”
She nodded slowly, taking that in. “You’re honest. I can appreciate that. I’m not looking for anything serious right now either. My last relationship drained me.” She held up her drink, “Cheers to enjoying life. No strings attached.”
I didn’t drink so my glass was filled with sprite, but I clinked glasses with her anyway. From there, we hit another spot letting the night move the way it wanted.
The Jazz Café was small but had a nice vibe.
Low amber lights glowed against exposed brick walls, casting soft shadows that danced with the music.
Small, round tables were scattered throughout the room, each topped with flickering candles.
A live band played near the corner. Something about the way the saxophone player and the singer were performing like the rent was due had me bobbing my head.
Vanessa was fun in her own way, but she wasn’t Simone.
And I felt that throughout the night. Her fun was loud and carefree whereas Simone’s vibe was easygoing with a quiet curiosity.
Vanessa loved and craved attention; Simone attracted it without ever trying.
I found myself silently comparing the two women and I hated myself a little for it.
Vanessa didn’t deserve to be compared to anyone. No woman did.
I tried to block Simone from my mind, but truth was, Simone was sitting right there with us—uninvited and impossible to ignore.
“You’re quiet.” She said, smirking.
“Long day.” I lied.
“You sure? You, good?”
“Yeah, " I said, forcing a smile. “I’m straight, you ready to get out of here?”
“Yes.”
Later that night, after parting ways with Vanessa, I showered and got settled in when my phone rang.
Kadeem.
I hadn’t heard from him in a minute.
“Ay, city boy,” he joked the second I picked up. “Union Heights turned you into a hiker yet?”
I chuckled. “Man, go on somewhere.”
“Nah, for real. How are you holding up out there? You good?” I sank onto the couch, exhaustion catching up with me. “Actually… yeah. Been trying new things.
Hit up a run club and met some people. I even went to a concert, but it was a Christian Hip Hop Artist. Not gonna lie, it was lit.”
“Oh, so you trying to get fit and saved. Cool.” He teased.
“Chill out,” I said, laughing. “I’m just trying to live life instead of letting life pass me by.”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with that. What’s up with the women up there since you're single and all.”
I hesitated. Then I shrugged, like he could see me. “There’s someone I met through one of the guys from the run club. Vanessa. She’s cool. Might be a distraction I need right now.”
“Distraction, huh?”
“Yeah, I told her straight up I’m not looking for anything serious, and she seems to be cool with it.”
“Tread lightly, bro. Women say they don’t want something serious until they catch feelings. Then suddenly, you’re the villain.”
“I know. I’m not promising her anything though.”
“Just be smart. The last thing you need is drama in a city you barely know.”
I nodded “I hear you.”
After a quiet moment, I asked, “How’s everything on your end?”
Kadeem sighed. “It’s an adjustment. Navigating this new world. Working with my people, staying low. Way different than my carefree college life. I understand loyalty is loyalty though. My family needs me right now.”
“As long as you don’t completely lose yourself in the process.”
“No doubt.” Silence lingered between us for a moment. “Anyways. Why don’t you ask me the question you really want to ask me?” Kadeem snickered.
I sucked my teeth annoyed at how easy it was for him to read me even over the phone.
“If you were a real friend, you would tell me about Simone without me asking.” He paused, then said, “You told me not to tell you about her, or did you forget?”
“Man, why you tell me to ask the question if you not gon answer it?” I grumbled.
When I first got to Union Heights, I asked Kadeem how’d it go when he gave Simone the Christmas gift and once he told me how sad she looked I advised him not to give me any other updates.
What she was doing or getting into and who she was seeing.
I didn’t want a constant reminder of how things ended for us.
I had replayed that night and the initial fall out too many times to count.
I even allowed my thoughts to run wild one night and imagined her going back out with that guy Ryan who I saw her out with and I’m ashamed to admit that a small part of me became jealous of something that may never even happen. And if it did happen I couldn’t be mad at anyone but myself.
“I just… I can’t get that girl out of my head to save my life.” I confessed. He exhaled, like he already knew.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “I figured. You know Simone is a smart, beautiful, and ambitious woman. She may be down now, but she won’t be for long. Any man would be happy to lock her down.”
“If you’re trying to make me feel better, you’re doing a horrible job.” I said feeling my heart rate increasing.
“I’m being a friend and telling you the real whether you like it or not. You’re not together anymore so focus on yourself and let her do the same. If you change your mind and you want to be on some Love Jones type of stuff, then do that and go get your girl.”
“Love Jones huh? Sounds like I’m not the only one in my feelings.” I murmured in amusement.
“A Romance movie is about the closest Ima get to real love.” He replied.
“I’m no better than you. If you think I’ve got a chance at love, then so do you. You’re not dating anyone right now?” I wondered.
“Naw, you know me. I kick it with a shorty for a little while and have a good time and then move on to the next.”
“Don’t go around breaking hearts and don’t slip up and get no one pregnant either.” I said seriously.
“Naw never that. I just gotta get it out of my system so when the time is right and I want to settle down I’ll be all in.”
I shook my head. “If that’s what you choose to believe I'll let you have it. I wonder what Emaree thinks about that.” I hit him back with the one name I knew would have as much of an effect on him as Simone had on me.
It doesn’t matter “We’re just friends. We have an understanding.”
“Right. I don’t know friends who look at each other the way ya’ll do. I really think ya’ll could be good together.” I heard him heave a sigh. “We can’t be together. I would end up hurting her beyond repair.”
I had no clue what he meant by that but the situation between those two never really made sense to me anyway. Before I could question him, he changed the subject to a lighter topic.
And when the call ended, the apartment felt too quiet again.
Vanessa was a distraction.
Union Heights was a reset.
But Simone? Simone was still the one thing I couldn’t outrun.