Chapter 5
Olive
Iwipe down the counters in the galley now that the passengers have left the plane.
It was hard not to notice the two tall, handsome men at the gate when Cade and I walked up the other day. The electricity that zipped through me when my gaze met with the eyes of who I now know is Nate was shocking. I haven’t been attracted to a man that viscerally in my entire life.
When we were in LA, I kept hoping that I would run into him.
I never did, but that didn’t remove him from my mind.
I found myself wondering what he was doing and who he was with.
It was obvious Jenny was interested, and while he made an attempt to deflect her at the airport, who knows if that was just for show.
I’m annoyed at how sad that thought makes me.
It would be no surprise if Nate and his coworker, Ian, each found someone to spend time with while on the road.
Both men are very attractive, but in different ways.
Nate’s shaggy brown hair would give him a slightly wholesome look if it wasn’t for the defined masculine jawline that gives him an edge, even with it being clean-shaven.
Especially when it’s paired with his broad shoulders and muscular build.
He’s probably a little over six foot and is maybe two inches taller than Ian, and while Nate is muscular and fit, he’s nowhere near as bulky as his coworker.
Ian looks like he spends hours in the gym every week.
Nate looks like he spends maybe half as much time there.
Both times I’ve seen them, they’ve worn black pants and tight black t-shirts with a matching small logo.
I didn’t get a good look at it, but I assume it’s whatever bodyguard company they work for.
Correction, personal security company.
A shiver runs down my spine as I recall what it was like to be pressed against him when he caught me. He was solid and warm. And he smelled so good, like sandalwood, musk, something all man. I’m embarrassed by how turned on I still am by that encounter.
“Okay, so I know I said we would go out, but that will have to wait.” Cade’s statement pulls me from my memory.
“Yeah, that’s no problem. What do you have going on?” I busy myself by finishing cleaning so we can head to the hotel.
“Well, there’s this guy...” Cade trails off as he helps clean.
I laugh. “Say no more, my friend. I support you getting some.”
“Dang, I sure hope I do.” He closes the cabinet he’s putting something away in and turns to me. As he leans against the counter, there’s a smirk on his face. “Speaking of getting some…”
I know exactly what he’s going to say. “Don’t.”
He throws his hands up defensively. “What? I was just going to say, those two guys were really freaking hot. That one who caught you when you fell… What was his name?” He fans himself with his hand.
“Nate,” I mumble as I turn away from him to start collecting my belongings.
“Oh yes, that was his name. Nate and Ian. I wouldn’t mind being a bodyguard sandwich between those two hunks.”
Chuckling, I push his shoulder gently. “Have at it, buddy. They might be into you instead of me.”
He shakes his head emphatically. “No way, lovey. If looks could burn clothes off, you would be naked as the day you were born.”
“I don’t think that’s how that saying goes.” I try to deflect his comment. I don’t even want to fool myself that someone as hot as Nate would be interested in me.
“It does now. I think you should also try to get some.” He bumps my shoulder with his as we exit the plane.
As much as I would like that, it doesn’t seem like a great idea.
For multiple reasons. The first is that this tour is for multiple months, so if things got weird, it would make coming to work every day challenging.
I’m already stressed about working while worrying about Benny.
I don’t need to add worrying about the post-hookup awkwardness, especially if he doesn’t enjoy it and wants to pretend it never happened.
My already shaky ego couldn’t take that.
We climb into the waiting SUV with the rest of the flight crew. I’m thankful when Cade lets the topic of my nonexistent hookup go. By the time we check in and get to our rooms, it’s almost two in the afternoon, and I’m anxious to call Benny.
The phone rings three times before he answers, his voice filled with sleep. “Hello?”
“Hi, it’s me. I just got to my room, so I wanted to call and see how you’re doing.”
I hear rustling in the background. It isn’t unusual for him to stay up all night and sleep well into the afternoon.
He’s been trying to get on a more regular sleep schedule, but sometimes, his body won’t cooperate.
“I’m fine. Couldn’t sleep last night. I’m glad you called and woke me up. I wanted to go to a meeting tonight.”
The worry weighing me down lightens a little.
Benny is proactively going to a meeting without me badgering him to do it, which is progress.
“I’m glad to hear that. I can let you go.
I just wanted to call. Let me know if you need anything.
I think I’ll eat dinner at the hotel tonight, so I’ll be available. ”
“Thanks, Oli. Have a good night.”
I lie back on the bed when we hang up. I’ve spent most of my life preparing for the next crisis.
I always have a plan A, B, C, D, and E. My brother’s health is one thing that I’ve never been able to plan for.
As much as I’ve tried desperately over the years, no plan is ever good enough.
It doesn’t stop me from trying, but the anxiety that comes from always having to pivot keeps my nervous system in overdrive.
I remember when I first realized his partying had become something much more serious.
We had been living on our own for two years.
He was twenty, and I was twenty-five. I had already become a flight attendant and was doing everything possible to provide for us.
One night, I came home exhausted from an international flight and found him strung out on the couch.
Some unknown man passed out in my bed. I lost it.
I was screaming at both of them, and the man ran from our apartment.
Unfortunately for Benny, he had to sit and listen to me for the next hour.
I wasn’t even sure how much of that he remembered later.
He was still high from whatever drug combo they had consumed the night before.
After washing all my sheets and blankets and letting Benny sleep off his intoxication, we had a long conversation about his drug usage.
He admitted this was far from an isolated event.
I was shocked to learn that he was spending almost the entire time I was gone on a flight, high as a kite.
I didn’t have the money to send him to an official rehab, but he started attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings, which is where he first met his sponsor, James.
Not that it mattered when I finally had the money, because even when I was able to send him to either outpatient or inpatient rehab, it was never long before he relapsed again.
I think the longest he’s gone is nine months.
I can still remember the elation and hopefulness I felt after about three months.
I hadn’t felt that in maybe forever. I really thought everything was going to turn around for us.
Our life, and selfishly, my life, was going to blossom into something that I could only dream of until that point.
And then it all blew up in my face. And we were right back where we started.
I’m hesitant to admit that he appears to be coping better this time than he has in the past after he left inpatient care.
He’s more confident, determined, and optimistic than I’ve probably ever seen him.
But I keep telling myself not to get too optimistic because it hurts even more when things don’t work out like I want them to.
I sigh as I push myself up to sit. I have no control, so I need to not dwell on the unknown future and try to keep my spirits up.
I could use a distraction.
Not in the form that Cade might suggest. Well, part of me wouldn’t be totally opposed. But I can’t handle that right now. At the very least, I need to eat dinner outside of my room. With people.
Dinner in the hotel bar seems like the best option tonight.
Maybe I can find some good conversation to keep my mind occupied.