Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When Jessica hung up the phone, she had tears sliding down her cheeks.
She’d told her parents all about the situation with Hilton, and they’d been very upset.
Her mother had cried; her father had been silent and then angry.
She couldn’t blame them, but it made her feel powerless to be in another state with only a phone connecting them.
She wanted to be there with them, to be able to embrace them, feel their love through a soft touch, and hear it in their words. It was hard being so far away.
And the things they’d said had made her anxiety rise again.
Her father told her that there was a good chance Hilton would get away with what he’d done, that he would get out and do it again, that she needed to take better care of herself.
Then he asked her about Tyler. They didn’t know anything about him—he might be just as bad as Hilton.
She shouldn’t be letting him into her house, into her life. She needed to be more careful.
She pressed her face into the pillow on her bed and sobbed.
She didn’t know what to do. She was a trusting person, always letting people into her life with an open heart.
But maybe she’d been doing it all wrong.
Her father was right — she should be more careful.
Look what’d happened with her last boyfriend.
She’d been convinced that he was a good man, and she couldn’t have been more wrong.
It was Saturday, and she’d stayed in bed all morning watching TV. The kitten had disappeared about an hour ago. Before that, Moon had lain on top of the covers with her, all stretched out and her little eyes shut. Every now and then she’d flex a paw, letting her claws glint in the morning sun.
But when Jessica called her parents, the cat jumped down from the bed and padded from the room. Jessica got up and pulled on her bathrobe, cinching it around her waist, then headed downstairs to the kitchen to see if she could find her kitten.
Moon was crouched beside her food bowl, eating.
“Good girl,” Jessica said, squatting to pet the cat’s soft head. “You could hear the yelling, huh? It was a bit much for me too.”
With a sigh, she washed up for breakfast, then poured herself a bowl of instant oatmeal and heated it up in the microwave.
While she waited, she leaned against the counter and patted the tears on her cheeks dry with a tissue.
What should she do? Was she really ready to dive into another relationship?
Tyler seemed to want to get serious. He was talking about next Christmas together.
He was calling her everyday now and wanted to see her several times a week.
And she’d thought it was great — she really liked him.
He was warm, fun, kind…all the things she was looking for in a man.
He wasn’t her usual type — she’d gone for bookish, nerdy guys in the past. But he was athletic, muscular, and not particularly interested in discussing the latest book club pick.
Did it matter? They were opposites in so many ways.
Would that tear them apart, or bring them together? She didn’t know.
But what if he wasn’t who she thought he was?
What if her judgment had let her down again?
They were moving too fast. She didn’t know him well enough.
She should pull back, give herself some time to recover from the Hilton mess.
And who knew—maybe she’d even have to move again if Hilton was released from prison without being sentenced, as her dad seemed to think was possible.
Would she have to change her name this time?
The whole idea was overwhelming. She’d have to cut ties with Tyler then anyway, so maybe she should just do it now, to be safe.
After she’d showered and dressed, she heard a knock at the door. Her heart rate accelerated. It was Tyler. They’d planned on spending the day together, and she’d have to talk to him about how she was feeling. She didn’t want to—she would much prefer to avoid any difficult conversation.
When she opened the door, she smiled at him and he caught her up in his arms, kissing her and spinning her around.
She laughed. “What was that for?”
“You’re just perfect,” he said, setting her down. “How was your morning? Ready to do something fun?”
“It was fine. I’m feeling a little tired, though. Maybe we could sit down and talk for a minute.”
He followed her to the living room, and they sat on the couch. She moved away from him and turned to face him. “I feel like I hardly know anything about you.”
His eyes narrowed. “I guess I’m not much of a talker. What do you want to know?”
“I don’t know. Anything, really. What was your childhood like?”
He sat back, resting his arms along the top of the couch.
“Where should I start? My dad died about ten years ago. Actually, I think it’s eleven or twelve now.
I’ve lost count. But before that, there were four of us — Mom, Dad, Sophie, and me.
We were really close. We grew up in the lake house where Mom lives now.
It belonged to my grandparents and we were raised by them too, in a way.
Mom has a café, so she and Dad both worked a lot.
My grandparents were there to watch us, so it was very much an extended family type of situation. ”
“That sounds really nice,” Jessica said.
“At the time, I kind of took it for granted, but looking back now, I can see how great it was. I miss my grandparents and my dad. Mom has done really well keeping going since then. I know losing the three of them close together was hard on her, especially since she also lost her sister before that. She’s been through so much grief.
I’m pretty protective of her these days. ”
“Wow, your poor mom. That must’ve been hard on her.”
“Yeah, she’s suffered emotionally, but also with her health. She was working all the time and didn’t really take care of herself. Last year she had a cancer scare, but she’s in remission now.”
“That’s good news.”
“I don’t know what I would’ve done without her.
And I was still in the military, so I couldn’t see her very often.
It’s one of the reasons I got out. I didn’t tell her that, of course.
But I hated that she was so far away and there was nothing I could do to help.
I wanted to come home and be nearby. I don’t know how long I’ll have with her, but I want to be around. You know?”
Jessica’s throat tightened as he spoke. His words were calm, gentle, loving. He was genuine—she could tell it wasn’t for show. He loved his mother. It was a good sign.
“That makes a lot of sense. I’m already homesick for my family, and it’s only been a few months.”
“You’ll get used to it,” he said. “Oh, and by the way, I got you this pepper spray. I promised to get it for you a while back.”
He handed it to her and she turned it over, then set it down on the table. “Thanks, I’ll keep it with me.”
“Good idea. And I decided to get a German Shepherd pup for myself. I’ve never been able to get one because I was in the military, but I’ve always wanted to.”
“I think that’s a great idea. Dogs can be good company.”
“Just what I need.” His smile faded, and he looked nervous. “Since we’re opening up, there’s something I have to tell you.”
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
He cleared his throat. “We’ve been dating for a little while now, but I’ve been keeping something to myself. And if we’re going to be in a relationship, I think you need to know.”
He was starting to scare her. Was he married? An ex-con? Part of the Mafia? He looked so serious, she was worried about what he might say. Her heart thudded against her rib cage.
“Okay . . .?” She swallowed.
He inhaled a quick breath. “I have a daughter. Her name is Cici.”
“Oh… okay.” Her mind struggled to take in what he was saying. A daughter? With who? Where was she? Why hadn’t he said anything before now?
“It’s new. I mean, she’s not new, she’s four, but her mother kept her from me.
I only found out about her last year. I’ve been getting to know her.
I’m not really sure how all this works — dating as a single dad because I’ve never really been a single dad before.
Anyway, that’s what I am now, I guess. And… what do you think about all that?”
She tipped her head to one side and peered at him closely. His blue eyes were darker than usual and fixed resolutely on hers. “I wish you’d told me sooner.”
She wasn’t sure what else to say. But it suddenly came rushing back — Hilton’s lies, the way he’d kept the truth of who he was hidden for so long.
She couldn’t do this again, couldn’t build a life with someone who kept things from her — important things like a child. A wave of panic rushed over her.
She stood and paced across the room, then back again. “I’ve been so stressed about everything that happened with Hilton. And one of the things that keeps going through my mind is that I don’t trust myself any longer.”
He nodded slowly. “I can understand that.”
“I don’t think I can live this way. I’m sorry. It’s a lot to deal with, and I don’t want to hurt you. I thought I could do it, but then he showed up and now you’ve been hiding something huge, and I don’t know what to think.”
“I wasn’t sure when to tell you. We’ve been getting to know one another and I really like you, but this whole thing with fatherhood is so new to me. I’m just trying to figure it out. And I should’ve said something sooner. Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I feel like the ground has shifted under my feet.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I can’t be in a relationship. I’m sorry. I’m not ready. Not after everything.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
He looked blindsided and she felt bad for her reaction, but she couldn’t do it, couldn’t trust him in that moment. And trust was something easy to scuttle and difficult to restore. “Yeah… me too.”
He was already so much different from Hilton, who would’ve clung on to her and begged her not to leave. Hilton never gave her any breathing room, and she was beginning to feel a little better knowing that Tyler wasn’t going to flip out over this conversation.
“I’m gonna head off and give you some space. Call me if you want to talk more. Okay?”
“Okay,” she replied, surprised.
She walked him to the door and waved goodbye as his truck reversed out of the driveway. Then she padded back to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of coffee. The kitten followed her every move, mewing for milk. She filled Moon’s bowl with milk, then sipped her coffee as she watched the kitten drink.
She liked Tyler. He seemed like a good man.
What would he be like as a father? She tried to picture him with a daughter and the image came to her readily, him pushing a little girl on a swing.
She might have his blue eyes, and easy smile.
She’d be cute and serious sometimes, but fun and full of mischief at other times, just like Tyler.
Cici was a sweet name. It must’ve been hard for him to discover he had a daughter who was already four years old — so much time missed together, so many milestones he’d never witness.
Could she be with a man who had a child with someone else?
She’d never much considered it. She loved kids.
All her life she’d dreamed of the day she would become a mother.
But never, in all those daydream scenarios, had she pictured herself as a step mother.
Even the word sounded scary. Could she do it?
She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that in this moment, she wasn’t ready for a commitment, and especially not to someone who’d very easily kept such a big secret from her for months. She might never be ready.