Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
AIDAN
“It’s good to see you,” my agent, Carson Kaplan, says as he reaches across his desk to shake my hand before taking a seat and gesturing that I should do the same on the opposite side of his desk.
I sit, quietly studying him as he folds his hands on his desk in front of him. His short auburn beard ripples as he says, “How is everything going with the Rebels?”
“Hard to say,” I tell him, “since we haven’t practiced yet.”
“But you’ve seen your teammates, right?” There’s concern in his voice, like he’s worried about how I’ll settle back in with the team.
“Yeah, I had a meeting with AJ, and McCabe, Colt, and Walsh were all there. I’m going out with a bunch of them tonight,” I say, thinking about how confusing it was when I was added to a group chat called Rebels Fam, and it took me about twenty texts to figure out who the three unknown numbers were.
Turns out it was Drew Jenkins, Zach Reid, and Luke Hartmann—all of whom I’ll be meeting for the first time tonight.
“Good. I suspect you know that the key to successfully transitioning back onto the team this season is highly dependent on reestablishing ties after going dark for the past year. That’s what AJ is going to be looking at—as much as your game—when she decides whether or not to renew your contract.
You do still want to stay in Boston, right?
That hasn’t changed since we last talked? ”
“I definitely want to stay.” The thought of starting over again feels a lot more daunting in my mid-thirties than it did in my twenties. I’m settled here. Boston is my hometown, and getting to play here until I retire is the dream.
“All right. It’ll be well into the season before she’s ready to talk about contracts, so I think the key here is for you to put your head down and focus on being the best player and teammate you can be.”
Obviously. “She wants me to take the alternate captain position now that Ledderman is retiring.”
Carson’s bushy auburn eyebrows lift in a way that reminds me of Morgan when she looks surprised. Their faces are very different, but she has some of her dad’s coloring and expressions.
Sometimes it feels like the universe is trying to fuck me, and this is one of those times.
Of all the people staying in Bermuda that weekend, I had to sleep with the one who was about to be my stepsister, works for my team, and is my agent’s daughter?
The first two things are minor hiccups compared to the last. Carson is not a man to be fucked with, and if there’s one thing I know without needing evidence, it’s that he’s overprotective of his daughter.
“Are you going to accept?”
“I don’t know. I’m a bit confused about her rationale.
She said my name had been brought up for the position before.
But it seems kind of weird to start the conversation by telling me that the team has changed a lot over the last year, and end it by offering me a leadership position when I’m coming back to a team with different dynamics than when I left. ”
“Why do you think she’s offering it?”
“I suspect she’s looking for ways to keep me in line. To make sure I fight less—”
Carson’s loud bark of a laugh interrupts me. “That’s kind of what you’re known for.”
“Yeah, well I don’t think it’s what she’s looking for anymore.”
“Makes sense, with the way the Rebels’ style of play is changing. You know the stats, I’m sure.”
“I do. AJ mentioned the Rebels had the least amount of time in the penalty box last season . . . when I wasn’t around.” It’s hard to know whether she meant that it was because I wasn’t around, or if it was simply reflective of a shifting approach to winning.
“Honestly, she’s probably also looking for ways to protect her investment. You’re no good to that team if you hurt your hand again.” Carson pauses, then says, “I think you should take the alternate captain position. Show her that you’re coming back more committed than ever.”
I nod. “I know. I just can’t stop thinking that this feels a bit like a setup. Like she’s giving me enough leeway to mess up, because if I take the position and end up in a few fights on the ice, she’ll have reason enough not to keep me.”
“Even if you don’t take the offer, that could be a reason for her not to keep you.
If you do take it, it could be extra motivation for you to clean up your act and demonstrate some leadership skills you’ve had no need to tap into in the NHL.
You were the captain of a D1 team in college, so it’s not like you lack the skills. ”
I shake my head, and unclench my fists like I often have to force myself to do when I’m extra tense. “College was an entirely different game.”
“Sure,” Carson says with a shrug. “But the skills needed to be a leader on any hockey team are pretty consistent.”
I glance out the window of his office high above Copley Square, taking in the view of brownstone rooftops lined up on the few blocks between here and the Charles River.
“So?” he says. “You going to do it?”
“I need to think about it more . . . get out on the ice with my teammates and see if it feels right.”
“Keep me posted,” he says, and I think we’re done here. But as I set my hands on the arms of the chair, ready to stand, he adds, “By the way, my daughter mentioned interviewing you for some social media and PR about your return to the team.”
I give him a nod that I hope hides my shock. I hadn’t thought she’d mention us knowing each other. Then again, he’d obviously know his daughter is working for the team, so of course we’d meet eventually. As long as she didn’t tell him about Bermuda, there’s no harm in him knowing we work together.
“Morgan’s got ambition and a work ethic to match.
But she also has a strong need to help people, especially an underdog.
And I would never want to see her taken advantage of,” he says, eyeing me up and down.
“I’m sure this goes without saying but I’m going to say it anyway.
No distractions, Aidan . . . just like we talked about this summer.
That especially goes for women, and most especially the young woman I raised. ”
“Understood,” I say. The word is calm and reassuring, nothing like the chaos I’m feeling inside. I need him on my side as we enter contract negotiations this season, and he’s telling me point-blank to stay away from his daughter.
If he knew what had already happened between us, I’d have a broken nose and be looking for a new agent.
“So I can trust you to make responsible choices this season?” Carson asks, his eyes narrowing on me. The man is shrewd, I’ll give him that.
“For sure.” I look him dead in the eye when I say this, because despite what’s already happened between Morgan and me, I’m committing here and now to not allowing it to happen again.
It doesn’t matter that I haven’t stopped thinking about her since that first night together in Bermuda, or that every time I jerk off I’m picturing her. It doesn’t matter that if the circumstances were different, I’d want more than just those days in Bermuda with her.
Because none of that can happen again . . . every time I consider it, the universe throws another obstacle in the way. I’ll just have to figure out how to be around her without wanting to be with her. There’s no other option now.
“Ican’t believe Ledderman is going out like that,” Drew says, shaking his head as he sets his glass on the table.
“Not like he can play with a pulled groin,” Colt says. “And thirteen years on the team . . . at some point you just have to admit that your body can’t take it anymore.”
Hartmann turns toward Colt, and runs a hand through his hair. “You trying to tell us something?” The kid looks a bit nervous, and after the way he choked last season, I’m not surprised.
“Nah, you’re stuck with me until the end of the season.” I’m a little surprised Colt doesn’t come back with a barb about not being able to retire because he doesn’t have a reliable backup goalie—something I heard him say to our other goalie, who Luke replaced. Even Colt seems more chill now.
“Unless AJ finds you standing on another chair,” Drew says.
My eyebrows dip in confusion as everyone else laughs. I have no idea what they’re talking about. McCabe must notice, because he says, “You had to be there.”
Then Walsh says, “Just imagine Colt standing on a chair, trying to hang a mobile on a ceiling above a crib, while he’s still in PT for his knee, and AJ walking in and telling him to get his ass off the chair or she’ll put him back on IR.”
“Whose crib was this?” I ask, trying to figure out if Colt has a baby I don’t know about. Pretty sure he and his agent’s little sister Jules just got engaged a few months ago, so I don’t think she had his baby.
“Gigi’s,” Luke says. “We were getting the nursery ready.”
“And AJ was there, because . . . ?” I’m trying to wrap my mind around AJ spending time with any of her players outside of official team activities. It’s not like her at all.
“Because I was there,” McCabe practically growls at me, like how dare I question our boss hanging out with the people who work for her.
“We were all there,” Zach says, “and our girlfriends had just come from throwing Eva a baby shower.”
I nod my head like this all makes sense, but mentally I’m trying to reconcile how everything feels so different now. Everyone is so settled, and I’m . . . the same as I’ve always been.
Images of Morgan flash through my mind. Not just the chemistry we had in Bermuda, but the way we laughed together and how it was so easy to talk to her that I started divulging things I don’t normally discuss, like my dad’s addiction or Max’s Stepford brides.
But I push the thoughts of Morgan away because I promised myself, and her dad, that I wouldn’t go after her.
Though, if Colt’s best friend and agent could forgive him secretly dating his baby sister, could Carson ever be okay with Morgan and me?
I don’t even know where that thought comes from. I don’t want a relationship, and she sure as shit doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me after our conversation the other day. But somehow, thinking about her always leads me to wonder if something more serious could develop between us.
The guys are all looking at me like they’re waiting for me to respond, and I’m not sure what they want me to say. “Uhhh, so when was your daughter born?” I ask Luke.
“A few weeks ago, but she and Eva were in the hospital for a while, so they just came home on Labor Day.”
The same day Morgan and I both flew home from Bermuda, separately.
She mentioned Eva being one of her best friends, and I wonder if she headed straight there to visit them.
It seems like something she’d do—she strikes me as fiercely loyal, and the kind of person who’s always making sure everyone else is okay.
“And you got married over the summer?” I ask.
“Yeah, we eloped in Vegas,” Luke says. So he secretly married his coach’s daughter and lived to tell the tale. If I remember correctly from the social media posts I saw, they were lifelong friends before that, so it’s a very different situation than me and Morgan.
Stop thinking about Morgan, I have to remind myself.
“Surprised the shit out of all of us,” Drew says.
“Nah,” Zach adds. “I wasn’t surprised in the least. We all knew you had it bad for her. Just didn’t know how bad, I guess.”
“Like I said before,” Luke says, and clears his throat. “Game 7 really put some stuff into perspective for me.” I wait for them to give him shit, to say something like Is ‘perspective’ code for you need to practice more? But they don’t, and Luke adds, “This season will be different. I’ll be ready.”
Colt looks at Hartmann and says, “You already are.”
I wouldn’t want the pressure of stepping into Colt’s position, since he’s the best goalie in the league, but do they honestly believe Hartmann’s ready to replace him, after the way Game 7 went down?
Hartmann just nods, his jaw tight and his light brown hair flopping forward over his forehead.
Drew flips his phone over on the table, chuckles, and says, “Uh oh, I think my fiancée is a little tipsy.”
“Why do you think that?” Zach asks.
“Don’t ask,” Colt groans and presses his thumb and forefinger across his brows.
McCabe chuckles like he knows where this is going.
“Audrey sends very . . . flirtatious text messages when she’s had more than a single drink,” Drew says with a sly smile. “I think I’m going to go get her and take her home. You guys want to come?”
I’m sitting here wondering why we’d want to go collect his drunk fiancée with him, but the other guys are nodding in agreement and downing the rest of their drinks. That’s when I remember that Audrey is with the rest of their girlfriends, which means these guys all want to get back to their women.
And that’s when it hits me that Morgan said these women were her best friends. Suddenly, I’m setting my glass on the table and shrugging. “Why not?”
As we stand to leave, McCabe says he’s going to get home to AJ and Abby, and Walsh says he’s headed home to his family too. But Walsh falls into step next to me as we head down the brick sidewalk in Beacon Hill toward the Boston Common.
“Did AJ talk to you about the alternate captain position?” Walsh asks quietly.
My brows wrinkle together. “Yeah, did she talk to you about it?”
“Yeah. I told her I thought it was a great idea.”
“Why’s that?” If there’s anyone on the team who shouldn’t want me to take that leadership role and potentially move back up to the first line, it’s our other alternate captain Patrick Walsh, who spent last season in my old position.
“Because AJ wouldn’t make that offer if she didn’t think you’d develop into a good leader on this team.
Whatever she sees in you, focus on developing that.
She doesn’t try to change players, just wants them to be better versions of themselves—whether that’s how they play, or how they act. Usually both.”
No one is a bigger shit talker on the ice than Walsh, which is pretty ironic because he’s such a stand-up guy. But he almost never gets in fights, no matter how much he chirps at other players. It’s like it’s part of his charm. But when I shit-talk people on the ice, they start throwing punches.
“Hmmm.” I let the sound rattle around in my throat as I give him a nod. He could easily come across as condescending in this conversation, but that’s not Walsh’s style. “And what if I take your spot on the first line? You still going to feel that way?”
“If you take that spot, it’ll mean you’ve earned it. I want what’s best for the team.” He claps his hand on my shoulder and gives it a squeeze before saying, “Have a good night guys. I’m headed home!”