28. Penn
Chapter 28
Penn
"Daisy?" My whisper tumbles down over her prone form.
It's 3:36 a.m., and Daisy is fast asleep on my couch. I was asleep until two minutes ago, until I woke from the dream I have often, where I'm lying in dark water, the stars above me melting, until it's water all around me. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, other times I wake myself up before that happens. This time, I knew where I was the second I opened my eyes. Daisy's spiced plum smell was solace from the dream, a comfort I wish I could always have.
That only lasted about half a second because I saw Daisy and immediately understood that we had both fallen asleep. On the heels of that panicked feeling was the memory of Daisy standing in my kitchen, wearing only her leggings and a bra, looking beautiful and vulnerable, sexier than anything I've ever seen, blowing my mind in the very best way.
Duke and I have an agreement.
What did that mean? An agreement? What kind of a man would allow another man to feast on Daisy, to memorize her curves, enjoy her body?
The memory of me stopping us, and the hurt in her eyes that followed, taints what should otherwise be a blissful remembrance.
"Daisy?" I say again, gently smoothing her messy hair back from her face. She looks like an angel, deep and even breath streaming through slightly parted lips. Daisy blinks a few times in rapid succession, dragging in a deep breath and letting it out. She sits up suddenly, realizing where she is.
"Peter," she half-shouts, gaze swinging around wildly. "What time is it?"
"Middle of the night," I say, attempting to soothe her panic with a soft voice.
Her eyes slice to mine. "Did you fall asleep, too?"
I nod, raking a hand over my face. I know what I have to do. What I have to say. Because I saw what Daisy was thinking when I stopped her last night, and it wasn't good. The last thing I want her thinking is that me not wanting to sleep with her has anything to do with her. I'm a decent guy under most circumstances, but my reason has nothing to do with her fiancé, either.
If I am lucky enough to get to experience Daisy's heart, and her body, it won't be as Peter. And after seeing Daisy interact with Duke, and given what she told me last night about some kind of agreement , it solidified what I already knew.
Daisy belongs with Penn. And she deserves to know that's who she's making love with. Selfishly, I don't want Peter to have her. She's mine, and she always was. I may have left her, but she never left me. True love. Daisy might not believe it anymore, but the more time I spend around her, the more I understand very, very clearly that true love does exist.
The first step in restoring her belief in it, is for me to tell her who I really am.
So I take her hand, tugging lightly to make sure I have her attention. Gazes locked, I say, "Sunshine, there's something I need to tell you."
A blush blooms over Daisy's cheeks. "If it has anything to do with last night, I don't want to hear about it."
My heart pinches. "I've done a lot of hard things, but none of them compare to the strength it took to let you go last night."
Daisy blinks up at me, eyes searching mine. "Then, why? Is it Duke?"
"No, but at some point I'm going to need to hear more about this agreement ." I can't help the way I say it, the disdain that accompanies the word.
"Then, why ?" She stresses the word.
I take a deep breath. This is it. Looking back, I should have done this that first night at Summerhill, been honest from day one. Once the lie was established, hooks set, it grew, became a living, breathing thing.
Taking her hand, skin so soft in mine, I press it to my chest and clutch it with both hands. "It's me, Penn."
The muscles in Daisy's face go slack. She blinks four times in rapid succession. "Penn?" A disbelieving whisper. Immediately followed by a wobbling of her chin. Her eyes find my tattoo. Daisies for Daisy.
I nod, watching every emotion in her eyes, every micro movement of her face. She's grappling with what I've said, reversing back into her memory and looking for missed clues.
"Penn," she whispers again, her free hand reaching out for my face, faltering. I gaze in earnest back at her, and her shaky touch lands tentatively on my cheek. Her fingertips graze my cheek, sweep over my jaw. Her lower lip quivers.
Devastation forms in her eyes. Tears gather, breaking free and tumbling down her face. It rips me in half to see her crying, and the compulsion to hold her overwhelms me, but I want her to have this moment. Need her to feel what comes naturally to her.
Her hand drops away from my face, and I feel the loss like a torn limb. Her touch belongs on me.
Teary eyes dart over my face. "H-how?"
"I'm sorry, so sorry.” My thumb rubs over the top of her hand I still have pressed to my chest. "I want you to know that."
"For what?" she asks, her tone hardening, growing claws. "Tricking me this time, or tricking me last time?"
"For everything," I answer, "but I didn't trick you when we were kids, Daisy."
"You had to have, because friends don't abandon each other the way you abandoned me." Hurt rises in her eyes, a tide, a swell that could drown me. This woman has no idea what she does to me. To my heart.
A heavy sigh heaves my chest. "You don't know what was going on at the time."
"Right," she nods, yanking her hand away. "Because you didn't confide in me."
She's right. I didn't. Because I couldn't. How do you tell someone their father paid you to leave town, even arranged a place for you to live? How do you tell them that despite it being something you're ashamed of, it's also probably what saved your life?
The day is burned into my memory. Daisy's dad showing up unannounced, my embarrassment at the state of our home. The way he stood across from my mom, helping her understand how much trouble I was in. Revealing a path to health for her, and a better way for me. It's best for everyone , he'd said, shoulders hunched as if he carried a heavy weight.
I can't tell Daisy the truth about her dad, not when she's preparing to lose her mom. He's all she'll have left.
"Daisy, I?—"
"No," she shouts, standing up. The blanket thing she wears swallows her frame. "You let me ask questions about you. You let me wonder how Penn was doing. You danced around questions of him." Her eyes are ablaze, and I'm pretty happy there isn't a door stop anywhere near by, because I'm certain it would be sailing at my head right now. "You told me"—her voice breaks, words dying off into a whisper—"he never mentioned me." Her arms wrap around herself, like she's seeking comfort. It fucking kills me to know I'm the reason for her pain.
"Why are you really here?" she asks, voice hoarse.
"I came back to deal with my house."
"Because of your mom?" she asks, momentarily softening. "Or was that a lie, too?"
"That was the truth. Daisy, I have told you the truth as many times as I could. I promise."
"Why lie to me at all?"
"It's complicated."
She crosses her arms. "Make it make sense."
I don't want to make it make sense. I want to grab her, hold her, kiss her until our lips bruise. Because even with her looking at me like she'd take a machete to me if one were available, I feel the biggest sense of relief at having this weight lifted from my chest. I was so fucking sick of carrying that lie around, but I didn't realize just how much until I put it down.
"I didn't want to bring chaos into your life. I wanted to slip into town, deal with my house, and be on my way. I thought it would be easier for you if I left you alone."
"Oh, so you were being altruistic."
"Not so much. I've been in excruciating pain since the moment I showed up and saw you teetering across the grass at Summerhill."
"So much for leaving me alone."
"Have you noticed how often we're thrust together? I had ideas to avoid you. Plans! Hugo told me you?—"
"Hugo." His name is a snarl. "I'll be having a conversation with him."
Did I sign my best friend's death warrant just now? It's looking like yes .
"For what it's worth, he advised against it. Told me I was a dumbass."
"All this time," Daisy murmurs, shaking her head. "Hugo knew it was you, but I was walking around like an idiot, trying to understand why you felt familiar. Why I was drawn to you. The way I immediately felt comfortable around you confused me, but I brushed it off because some people click in that inexplicable way."
I get up from the couch and start for her, but she sticks her hands out, stopping me. "Don't touch me."
I stay put, and say, "I was drawn to you, too, from that first night. I was on my way to Summerhill because I arrived in town ahead of schedule and I wanted a place to hide out until it was dark and I'd be less likely to run into you. Little did I know I was heading straight for you."
Daisy shakes her head, and her messy topknot tips precariously one way, then the other. "I don't know what to say Pet—" She sends me a death glare. " Penn . I need space." She fans her face. "I'm hot. I need air."
"We can go sit out on the back porch."
"No." She shakes her head. "I want to be alone. I'm going to go."
"Let me walk you to your car."
"Optics."
"If anybody sees you leave at this time in the early morning, optics are the least of your problems." Which reminds me. "You and Duke have an agreement?"
"Now is not the time. We"—she motions between us—"are not chatting, I'm not confiding. You did a bad thing, and you're spinning it like you did it for a good reason, and I'm really fucking confused right now. I need time to process this. And I'm also going to figure out something creative to get Hugo back for being your accomplice."
"He was unwilling."
"And yet."
I walk her as far as I can, which turns out to be the front door. "Daisy, you have every right to be furious with me. But please know I've been struggling with keeping this from you. And—" I hesitate, looking for signs she'll be receptive to what I'm about to say. There's a fifty/fifty chance she'll haul off and kick me in the balls. "The plan has been for me to be here long enough to figure out my house, and admittedly, my time back in town has been lengthened by this play I was coerced into participating in."
"You barely protested."
"I was basically held at gunpoint."
"Pshh."
"Agree to disagree. The point is, I don't know how much longer I'll be in Olive Township." Internally, I wince at the words. Now that she knows who I am, I want to stay here forever. Except that would mean I'd see Daisy become Mrs. Hampton, and that's not something I can subject myself to. Not after getting to know Daisy as a woman, the fantastic person she is now. If I can't have her, I won't stay and watch her be somebody else's. "I propose we hash it out, you let me have it at a volume that doesn't wake the neighbors, and we figure out how to move forward as friends."
"Does 'hashing it out' include you telling me why you really left in the first place?"
If it wouldn't destroy her to know, I'd tell her everything as fast as I could make my lips move. The truth is acidic and sour, setting a burn to my chest. She takes my silence for what it is. My answer.
"That's what I thought." She turns the doorknob and looks over her shoulder. "You made a bed of lies, and now you get to lie in it."